Somehow though, I managed to flip my cup on the second try, earning a jostling from the short haired ladybug girl beside me as she cheered dramatically.
“Rematch!” the large guy at the head of the table declared. Everyone refilled their cups and the match began again. I played five times before the amount of alcohol I had so quickly consumed caught up with me.
“Okay, I’m out,” I laughed after the fifth match, shaking my head when Kyle raised his brow at me in question.
He grinned and quickly walked around the table. “Let’s dance,” he said into my ear, his words almost slurring. He led me out to the dance floor.
I was drunker than I had ever been, but I felt surprisingly good. It was nice having Kyle’s undivided attention on me, nice knowing that at least Kyle didn’t think I was uninteresting. My ego had taken a hit from Grayson’s multiple rejections, and from Zoe and Kaylee tearing me down behind my back.
Despite what I had overheard in the bathroom, Kyle was into me. I could tell by the way his hands roamed my body as I moved my hips against him to “Promiscuous” by Nelly Furtado and Timbaland. The fervor in his eyes made me feel both powerful and terrified. His attention felt like a healing balm on an open wound.
Kyle spun me around so I was facing him. A slower song was now playing. “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder blasted through the speakers. Couples lined the dance floor, swaying to the almost lethargic beat.
In that moment, hearing the lyrics as Austin Winkler’s voice washed over me, all I could picture was Grayson’s face outside of the school as he tenderly wiped my tears away.
“I’m so glad you came,” Kyle said into my ear, his voice low and his breath hot on my earlobe. He pulled me towards him, guiding me with my hips. Then he lowered his lips to mine, hungrily kissing me.
Kissing Kyle wasn’t unpleasant, but it didn’t evoke the same feelings that kissing Grayson had. Kyle didn’t set my blood on fire, he didn’t make me want to fall into him and never come up for air. It was a little too sloppy, a little too rushed, and I was sad to see that there was no eruption of desire like the notable one that was present every time Grayson came near me.
Still, I was drunk. My foolish thought process had me believing that if I kept kissing Kyle, I would eventually feel something…and maybe I would even push Grayson out of my heart.
I wasn’t sure how long we stood there, Kyle kissing me and me responding almost mechanically, but suddenly, I was jostled from behind. Cold, wet liquid hit my back as someone’s drink spilled over me. I turned around, blinking to clear the fog of my vision.
Zoe stood there, looking quite content with herself.
“Oops. Sorry, Everly,” she sneered. “Your poor dress…Oh well, looks like you needed to cool off anyway.”
“Thanks,” I muttered sarcastically, dropping my gaze. “I’ll be back,” I told Kyle, pushing away from him.
“What the fuck, Zoe?” Kyle demanded as I quickly walked away.
I needed space, some time to think and process what I was feeling. I searched for a bathroom, but it took me some time to finally find one. I locked the door before turning to assess the damage of Zoe’s drink.
My thin white dress was ruined, a dark stain spread from the middle of my back downward. There was no getting that out. I knew that Zoe had spilled her drink on me intentionally, and I knew why.
I rested my palms against the cold marble of the countertop as I stared at the mirror, shaking. My cheeks were flushed; my hair was a mess from Kyle’s hands. Ashamed, I ran my fingers through it, trying to tame the tangles.
I didn’t know why I felt so guilty, or why I couldn’t stop thinking about Grayson…even when Kyle’s lips were on mine. I felt dirty, somehow. I wanted to go home, but I couldn’t see a way out of this party that didn’t involve calling Julia for help. I did not need to give her any dirt that she could possibly use against me.
A knock on the door awoke me from my haze. “Hang on,” I said, my voice shaking. I opened the door, the breath whooshing from my lungs. Grayson stood on the other side, his fist raised to knock again. He hadn’t bothered to dress up for the party. He was wearing black cargo pants and a black band t-shirt underneath his dark gray Metal Mulisha sweater.
He didn’t seem surprised to see me, as if he’d been searching for me all along. He studied my face, assessing me for damage. I dropped my eyes, unable to handle the scrutiny behind his gaze.
“Are you okay?” he asked. I nodded, drawing in a shaky breath. Grayson’s eyes continued to bore into me. “Come with me,” he said, turning around. He began to walk down the hallway, towards the back door. I followed almost without wanting to, as if my body had no choice but to go where he led me.
He brought me around the house and toward his green truck. He opened the passenger door, keeping one hand on the side of the door as he waited for me to climb inside.
“Where are we going?” I asked, pausing by the side of his truck.
“Away from here,” Grayson replied shortly, his jaw clenched. He was angry and avoiding eye contact.
“Why?”
Grayson sighed heavily. He dropped his hand, stepping towards me purposefully. “Because I need to keep you from making any more bad decisions tonight.”
“What makes you think you need to keep me from making bad decisions?” I frowned, my words slow, clogged with alcohol. He raised a brow, and I flushed with shame as I thought about my behavior. I crossed my arms, narrowing my eyes at him. “And you’re somehow the better decision?” I asked hotly.
Grayson grinned mischievously as he stepped toward me. My heart jumped in response to his sudden nearness. He raised his hand, catching a long strand of my hair as the wind gently blew it about my face. “In this case, I am,” he replied. His voice was low with hidden meaning. Desire laced his words.
My eyes fluttered as his face came closer to mine, his hand snaking around the back of my neck, his grip tightening on my hair ever so slightly. Not enough to cause pain, but enough to keep me rooted.
It was Grayson who kissed me this time. His lips gently pressing against mine, the cold hardness of metal was a startling contrast against the warmth and softness of him.
My lips parted in response, and Grayson let out a primitive growl that made the blood surge in my veins. His body boxed me against the side of his truck, and I moaned as his tongue sought entrance.
I gave it to him willingly. Kissing Grayson was explosive, intense, and everything that kissing Kyle hadn’t even managed to come close to. Grayson made me forget all my insecurities. Kissing him made me want all the things that I feared. He had a power over my mind, heart, and body…and I knew that it was unbreakable.
Only Grayson didn’t want me. At least, not completely. I could feel his desire against my lower abdomen, but the words he’d said time and time again rattled around in my brain. I can’t feel that for you. I’m not boyfriend material. I can’t be what you want me to be.
Still, my body responded to his as if I didn’t have a choice. I wanted to go with him, wherever he wanted to take me…for however long. It was better than the silence; better than not being with him at all.
“Let’s get out of here, please,” I whispered, shivering from the cold and his touch. I didn’t want to go back to the party, back to Kyle. Grayson nodded, pressing his lips to my forehead before he released me.
Chapter Six
I DIDN’T QUESTION Grayson as to where we were headed; I didn’t want to break the magical spell of just being with him. Pulling into an over-grown pathway, he drove down until the road faded from view. I wanted to ask where we were, but I didn’t care enough to. I knew I was safe with him, wherever we were. He stopped the truck, still on the beaten path, and put it in park. After he killed the ignition, he finally turned his head to look at me. His face was illuminated by the moonlight overhead, filtering through the tree tops.
I had never seen such an unguarded, broken expression on his face before. I crawled towards him, filling the space betwe
en us with my body as I reached out for him. I kissed him, trying to translate everything I felt for him into that one, vulnerable gesture. Now that he’d let his guard down, now that he’d finally kissed me first, I was afraid to let him disappear behind his stoic mask. I needed to get through to him, and this was the only way I knew how.
I gripped his jacket collar, pulling him down on top of me as my lips pleaded with him to open up and let go.
He did. It was as if he thought we only had this one night together, so he had dropped all the walls he built around himself. I could feel it, the undeniable shift between us as he kissed me with unrestrained desire. I responded without thought or question¸ without any reservations at all.
I couldn’t hold back and I didn’t want to. I could feel every inch of him through the thin material of my dress, and I knew he could feel me. I pulled his jacket down his arms and fumbled with the button of his jeans. I’d never wanted anything more than I wanted him, and I didn’t care if we were in the cab of his truck in the middle of the woods. There was no better place to be than with him.
Grayson inhaled sharply as my hand wrapped around his length, his eyes fluttering as if he struggled against closing them. He looked at me, searching my eyes with hesitation.
“I want it to be you,” I whispered. I didn’t give him a chance to argue; I silenced his protests by pressing my lips against his and gently pumped my fist. Grayson let out a breath, his control completely slipping away.
His hands traveled up my legs, underneath the thin dress without breaking our kiss. He gently pulled my underwear off, and I moaned into his mouth as his fingers gently entered me. Grayson took his time, pleasuring me with his fingers and his mouth, making sure I was completely and undeniably ready before he gave in to me.
The moonlight illuminated our faces; Grayson’s eyes were hooded with desire and longing as he slid a condom onto his length with quiet expertise.
He slowly entered me, exhaling as I tightened against the intrusion. I drew in a pained breath, my body not used to the sensation. He froze, peering down at me with a look of concern.
The look of pleasure in his eyes made my stomach clench. “Everly,” he murmured, his eyelids closing briefly when I clenched again. He started to move slowly within me. Grayson was gentle and patient, and my body responded willingly to his. He knew just how to touch, just how to move within me so that any pain and discomfort evaporated into pure bliss.
My head fell back against the bench seat and I moaned as he started to move faster and deeper. He traced kisses along my collarbone, using his arm to draw me closer.
I lost track of time, lost in the sensation of having him in me, of feeling his lips against mine.
Grayson moaned against my ear as he climaxed. He remained on top of me for a moment, catching his breath. Then he hoisted himself up, pulling out and removing the condom in a quick motion. He rolled down his window to throw the used condom out. As he rolled it back up, he noticed me shivering.
He slowly lowered his body back onto mine to keep the chill away from my skin. He looked down at me with an unreadable expression, and I bit my lip.
“What are you thinking?” I asked, feeling self-conscious. Grayson smiled, bringing his hand up to gently push my hair from my face.
“That you’re incredible, and you felt amazing,” he answered, surprising me. He swallowed hard, his eyes still on my face as his brow furrowed. My heart sank.
“You’re regretting it?”
“It’s not that.” He shook his head, his warm body still over of me. His eyes searched mine; I could see that he was struggling to find the words. “I wish I could give you what you want…I wish I could be what you want.”
“It’s you I want. It’s always been you,” I told him, a single tear escaping down my cheek. Grayson watched it, a tormented look on his face as he brushed it away.
“I’ll fall short every time,” he whispered, pained. “I’ll disappoint you. I’ll break you.”
“Not possible,” I told him, my eyes wet with tears. “The only way you’d disappoint me is if you didn’t try, and the surest way to break me is to show me I’m not worth trying for.”
“You’re worth it.” Grayson’s voice was husky as his lips found mine again.
* * *
When the warmth of Grayson’s body against mine was no longer able to combat the cold outside of the truck, he mumbled that he should get me home. I was shivering in my flimsy dress so much that my teeth were chattering. Grayson turned on his truck, blasting the heat, and offered me his sweater.
I checked my phone for the time; it was nearly 3 a.m. I had several missed calls from Aubrey, Alicia, Lindsay and even Kyle and Marcus. The last text from Aubrey read: We had to head back to Lindsay’s, the cops showed up. You better message me soon so I know you’re okay!
“Shit,” I muttered, quickly texting Aubrey that I was safe and with Grayson. I knew Aubrey would keep my secret until I told her it was okay to tell the others. She would make something up; probably tell them I’d gone home or something.
“What?” Grayson asked, pulling his shirt on.
“The cops showed up at Zoe’s…” I trailed off. “Aubrey, Alicia and Lindsay are back at Lindsay’s now.”
“I could give you a ride,” Grayson offered. I looked at him, sarcastically raising an eyebrow. He grinned at the expression on my face.
“I’d rather stay right here,” I said. Grayson stiffened against my words, hesitating again. I could see him desperately trying to build the walls back up, but I refused to let that happen. I crawled on top of his lap, letting my body do the talking. He responded, his hands griping my hips as I rolled them against him, reminding him that I was his…if he wanted me.
His lips turned up in half a smile as he looked up at me. My hair fell around our shoulders, curtaining us from the world around.
“You’ve been the only one to do that,” he whispered in awe as his eyes searched mine.
“To do what?” I asked, confused. I wasn’t completely naïve; I knew that I couldn’t possibly have been Grayson’s first…although he was mine. Grayson knew exactly what he was doing, but I got the impression he wasn’t talking about sex.
“To get through,” he whispered again, his hand coming up to cup my cheek.
“Why do you put up walls, Grayson?” I asked, needing to know.
He smiled tightly. “It’s a long story.”
“I want to hear it,” I told him, my hand rising up, my fingers gently wrapping around his wrist. I turned my face to the palm of his hand, waiting.
“Someday,” he promised, turning my face again so he could kiss me. I kissed him back, tasting him and moaning as he gently nibbled on my bottom lip.
* * *
When Grayson dropped me off at Lindsay’s house, it was nearly 4 a.m. I’d lost track of time again when he started kissing me, although he had known I was too tender for anything else.
Aubrey opened the sliding door, curiously looking at me as I came into the darkened room. Lindsay and Alicia were snoring on the sofa bed.
“What happened to you?” Aubrey asked, her eyes wide as she took in my disheveled state, and Grayson’s thick gray sweater.
What had transpired between Grayson and I was so intense and incredible that part of me wanted to keep it to myself. But Aubrey was my best friend and I felt like I had to tell her. I needed her to help me sort out what had happened and what it all meant.
We spoke in hushed whispers as I told her, and her eyes widened with surprise.
“So…are you together then?” she asked, confused.
I frowned. “I don’t know, exactly,” I answered. “We didn’t talk about that.”
Aubrey nodded, sighing deeply as she mulled everything over. “You probably should have figured that out…before.”
“What did Kyle do when I left?” I asked, ignoring her and purposely changing the subject. Besides, I felt guilty for abandoning the guy.
Aubrey gave a small, wiry smile
.”He entertained himself well enough.”
“What’s that mean?” I asked.
“Zoe,” Aubrey said, almost apologetically. “Guess it doesn’t really matter though…given what you were doing.”
“No, it doesn’t matter,” I agreed, although it did sting a little bit that Kyle had entertained himself with Zoe, the same girl who’d said such vile things about me and then purposely dumped her drink on my back.
“Well, at least you know Grayson cares now…I think,” Aubrey shrugged, hesitating. “Did it…did it hurt a lot?”
I blushed, embarrassed. “A little bit…but Grayson was…he knew what he was doing. I was expecting it to hurt a lot more and not be, you know…enjoyable, because Lindsay said the first several times weren’t.”
Lindsay was the only one in our group of friends who had experience in these matters, so naturally, we had listened with rapt attention to her every gory detail. I had been surprised to find that she wasn’t exactly right about everything.
She had made it seem like sex would be this terrible, horribly uncomfortable experience and that I would bleed a lot. That definitely hadn’t been my experience, and I had bled just a little bit afterwards. It was barely detectable.
Aubrey stared at me for a moment, then her eyes widened and she quickly clasped a hand to her mouth to stifle her laughter.
“What?”
“You lost your virginity tonight…” She snorted. I raised my eyebrows and shook my head, not understanding what was so funny about that. Aubrey started to laugh harder, wiping tears of amusement from her eyes. “Everly…you lost your virginity…in an angel costume.”
I raised my hand to the top of my head and started to laugh too. I had completely forgotten the ridiculous costume. Somewhere in Grayson’s truck, my halo lay discarded.
* * *
Damaged Goods Page 11