I was exhausted for the rest of the weekend, and found it nothing short of a miracle that I made it through my Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning shifts without burning my hand or screwing up too many orders. I had fallen into a deep sleep after getting home Sunday, completely out the moment my head hit my pillow. I hadn’t even bothered waking up for dinner.
On Monday morning, I finally felt rested enough to function. I showered and dressed, hungrily scarfing back a freshly baked breakfast biscuit as I affectionately petted Stella, making a mental note to take my poor, neglected dog out for a walk after school. I’d been so distracted that I was slacking in that department.
“Are you feeling okay, honey?” Mom asked, coming into the kitchen and catching me completely off guard. I jumped. I hadn’t even known she was home.
“Yeah, much better…” I trailed off, wondering if what I’d done that weekend was written on my face. Mom didn’t seem angry at me, just concerned.
She nodded, heading over to the counter to make a travel mug of coffee. She was dressed in her work scrubs. “I could give you a ride to school if you’d like.” She smiled.
I lowered my eyes, ducking my head away from her. “I’ll take the bus,” I told her. The idea of sitting in a car with her after the overwhelming amount of sinning I had done that weekend made me feel slightly nauseated. I wasn’t sure if I would crack under the pressure of her miss-nothing gaze. “Thanks, though!”
My parents weren’t overly religious, but they’d had many talks with Julia and me about saving ourselves for someone we really cared about…and being safe. I tried not to feel too bad about it. After all, I really did care about Grayson a lot, and we had been safe. But I still felt guilty, as if I’d disappointed them or let them down. Realistically, my mother was a nurse. She knew the statistics of teen sexual activity, and I knew she didn’t wear rose colored glasses when it came to us.
Feeling bad for refusing her offer for a ride, I threw on my jacket and grabbed my bag. I started to make a move for the door.
“Everly,” Mom said, stilling me. She came into the foyer with her travel mug and a gentle smile on her face. “I think it’s time we had the talk about getting you on birth control.”
“Excuse me?” I asked, my face going completely white.
“You’ve been hanging out with boys more than usual,” Mom explained patiently. “I just want to make sure that you’re covered, just in case.”
I couldn’t even form a sentence. My jaw was open so wide I was surprised it didn’t actually touch the floor. I couldn’t tell if she somehow had some kind of freaky mom-sense and just knew what I’d done, or if she was truly being careful. Prior to the last several weeks, I hadn’t hung out with boys as much. I suppose her worrying made sense…from a parent’s point of view.
Mom didn’t wait for me to reply; she took a sip of her coffee while smiling knowingly. “I’ll call the doctor today and book an appointment.”
I blinked after her retreating body, shaking my head in astonishment.
I almost ran into Grayson when I rushed out the front door. His hands came up to grasp my forearms, partly to prevent me from whacking my head against his chin, but also to slow me down.
The pleasant tingles of desire in my belly made themselves known as memories of our night together washed over me. The way his face had looked in the moonlight, full of desire and pleasure and unspeakable longing. I blinked, realizing that maybe Mom had a point about birth control.
He smiled at me, knowing that my thoughts had gone to Friday night. From the look in his intense eyes, his thoughts had gone there too.
“Good morning,” he said softly, his hands still on my arms.
“Morning,” I whispered, overcome with desire to feel his lips against mine again.
“Thought I’d offer you a ride to school…” he trailed off, his eyes drinking me in.
“Thanks,” I said. I was relieved to see him. When I hadn’t heard a whisper from him all weekend, I started to worry that he regretted what happened between us. Looking at him now though, I could tell that he didn’t regret anything. He was just apprehensive.
Grayson dropped his hands, shoving them into his pocket as he fell into step beside me. We walked to his truck, sharing secret, shy smiles. I slid into the passenger seat, placing my palms down on the seat and gently touching the halo. He must have found it under the seat and placed it there to give it to me. I glanced over at Grayson, and he was sharing the same look of remembered desire. He cleared his throat, smirking as he looked out the windshield. He turned over the ignition, backing the truck out of my driveway.
“What did you do for the rest of the weekend?” I asked as he drove.
Grayson sighed, rolling his neck. “I handled some stuff.”
“What stuff?” I asked. I didn’t understand why he was being vague.
“That’s part of the ‘someday’ story,” he said, glancing at me.
“Oh.”
We drove in silence the rest of the way, with Grayson waiting for me to say something else. It was always me that spoke first, only I was too choked up on my thoughts to say anything. I couldn’t help but think about Friday night, and about the one-sided conversation I’d had with my mom that morning.
We were almost at school when he realized I wasn’t going to speak.
“What did you do?” Grayson questioned, his eyes meeting mine again, urging my thoughts to shift aside. I pondered my answer as Grayson pulled into the school driveway. He searched out a parking spot near the back of the lot. I waited until he killed the engine and turned to face me. I wanted to see his expression when I answered him.
Somewhere over the weekend, I had decided that honesty was what I would and could give Grayson—and myself.
“Mostly I worked and slept. When I wasn’t working or sleeping, I was wondering if I’d ever hear from you again,” I answered, raising my eyes to meet his.
Grayson looked confused. “Why would you think you wouldn’t hear from me?”
“I thought that you had gotten your fix and wouldn’t want to see me again.” I shrugged, voicing my most insecure thought. He drew in a sharp breath as if I’d slapped him.
He filled the space between us, catching my chin in his hand. He tipped up my face, forcing my eyes to meet his. “I could never get my fix of you,” he said softly, his lips pressing against mine to prove it. He kissed me deeply and I kissed him back, forgetting myself and the place.
Honking and cheering snapped us out of it, and we looked out the window to see a couple of male students in an old Jeep giving us the thumbs up.
“Well, that’s awkward,” I muttered, shaking my head as I smiled. Grayson’s expression darkened and he pulled away. My smile faded from my lips in turn.
He didn’t reach for my hand as we walked into the school, but I didn’t expect him to; Grayson wasn’t the hand-holding type. I still wished that he would explain the reason behind his dark look. Was it something I said?
Grayson opened the door for me and I walked in ahead of him. The hallways were buzzing with conversation as I made my way to my usual meeting spot with my friends, conscious of his body close behind me. Aubrey, Lindsay, and Alicia were standing with Zoe and Kaylee. Both of Zoe and Kaylee’s eyes widened with slight surprise to see me with Grayson.
“I’ll be back,” he muttered, nodding toward the doors that led to the smokers pit. I watched as he disappeared, not having to wonder what he was going to do.
Zoe’s laughter drew my attention back. “Holy shit, I thought you got arrested,” she said, still laughing. “You disappeared! But I guess that makes sense now,” she added, studying Grayson’s retreating back with open interest. “He went missing, too. I wonder what Kyle has to say about that.”
“Guess you couldn’t have asked him with your tongue down his throat,” Lindsay shot back, sickly sweet. Zoe narrowed her eyes at Lindsay. Lindsay sent her a false smile, lacking apology. Alicia and Aubrey bit back laughter.
“What
ever,” she said, sneering again as she crossed her arms and stared at me. “Maybe he doesn’t care after all.”
I knew without a doubt from the way Zoe was staring at me that she knew I had overheard them in the bathroom that day. Surprisingly, I found that I no longer cared. Let her have Kyle; I didn’t want him. I was consumed by Grayson. I was practically giddy with thoughts of him; even Zoe’s sour expression couldn’t take that away from me.
“Is this supposed to upset me?” I asked, tilting my head and studying her. She looked almost stunned by the fact that her comment had no effect. I was nearly stunned. A few days ago, Zoe’s remarks would have gutted me. Now I was indifferent…and mildly curious. I wanted to find out why this girl I barely knew wanted to cause me pain.
“Whatever,” Zoe said again, dramatically rolling her eyes, displeased by my reaction or lack thereof. “Come on, Kaylee. Let’s go.”
“Okay, well, that was awkward and pointless.” Aubrey frowned, watching Zoe and Kaylee stalk off down the hallway.
“She just wanted to rub it in Everly’s face,” Lindsay said knowingly, looking at me with interest. She smiled. “But I don’t think Everly cares much. Do you?” She seemed proud. “Two guys at once? I’m impressed.”
“I’m not seeing two guys at once,” I argued.
“Such a man-eater.” Lindsay laughed, ignoring me. She glanced toward the cafeteria where Kyle, Cam and Marcus were all sitting. Kyle was grinning from ear to ear, waving his hands to embellish the story he was telling to his friends. They laughed along with him, shaking their heads as if they couldn’t believe how hilarious he was.
I took a moment to study Kyle as he pushed back his fair hair. He was cute—undeniably so. I bit my lip, remembering how mechanical kissing him had felt, and how very different it was to kiss Grayson. How it felt as if my blood was on fire, and how quickly all thoughts flew out of my head when I was alone with him.
Even now, when he wasn’t around, I was slowly burning for him. I felt nothing even remotely similar when I was with Kyle.
“He was pretty bummed out when you left,” Lindsay added, following my gaze.
“Bummed out? It’s not like he wasted any time,” Alicia said, correcting Lindsay. “Ten seconds after Everly disappeared, he was all up in Zoe’s business.”
“He was drunk.” Lindsay shrugged. “Kyle gets that way when he’s drunk. But he really likes you, Everly.”
It didn’t matter if Kyle liked me; I was irreversibly marked by Grayson now. After what had happened between us, I could no longer fool myself into “getting over” him. There was no getting over him.
Besides, being drunk didn’t give someone a free pass for making bad decisions. If he was interested in me, he wouldn’t have hooked up with Zoe…just like if I was interested in truly giving him a chance, I wouldn’t have hooked up with Grayson.
Before I could answer her, Kyle walked out of the cafeteria followed by Marcus and Cam.
“Hey,” he said, his face brightening even more as he looked at me. His light eyes practically sparkled. “Where did you go Friday night?”
“I felt sick. I had to leave…” I trailed off, not really answering his questions.
He nodded, seeming to understand, and let it go.”Well, you missed a hell of a show. The police showed up and forty people had to run out through the back door.”
“How is Zoe not in trouble?”
“She claimed that she only invited a few friends over and word got out and it got out of hand. She’s a good actress so they let her off with a warning.” Kyle shrugged, seeming uncomfortable with the current subject. I raised an eyebrow, considering him.
The bell rang, signaling the beginning of homeroom. Alicia and Aubrey separated, heading to their first period class while Lindsay, Marcus, Kyle and I made our way up to History. We sat down at our regular table, and my gaze swept over to Grayson’s empty chair.
“So, the fundraiser is coming up,” Kyle told me, drawing my attention back to him. He smiled his charismatic grin. “We’ve got practice again Wednesday night. Marcus and I have been writing the music to go along with the vocals to ‘Left Behind’. I think you’re going to like what we show you.”
“Yeah,” Marcus added, his face lighting up with excitement. “I heard back from Connor. We are set to go on second to last, before Mad Dutchman!”
“Isn’t that bad?” Lindsay asked, seeming unimpressed with this news.
“No, it’s good,” I told her. “I think.”
“It is good,” Kyle agreed, grinning. He leaned forward again, grasping my hands. “We’re seriously going to kill it, Everly.”
“Yeah,” I said, gently pulling my hands away from Kyle’s and tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. He smiled warmly at me, his eyes observing me with the same open interest he always held when looking at me.
“We have a lot to talk about this week,” Marcus said, pulling Kyle’s attention away from my face. “We’ve got to make up posters with the new name.”
“Wait, you guys are changing the name again?” Lindsay asked, rolling her eyes dramatically.
“Yeah, Frenzied Heat doesn’t exactly fit our new image,” Kyle answered, smiling at me.
“Everly’s presence and talent has definitely changed the band’s direction.” Marcus nodded.
This was all news to me. I hadn’t intended on changing the band’s direction with my input. “What do you mean?”
“You have a very soulful, almost folksy voice,” Kyle explained. “It’s beautiful.”
“You put the rest of our talents to shame,” Marcus added, his eyes glinting mischievously.
“You guys can’t change the band name because of me!” I argued, feeling almost panicked.
“Easy,” Kyle said with humor. “It’s not a done deal. It’s just a vote.”
“Well, I vote no,” I replied. I didn’t want to change a single thing about their band; not their name, not their sound—I didn’t want that pressure on me. I was uncomfortable with their praise, and didn’t particularly buy it, either. I didn’t think I was as good as they were insisting, but then and again, why would they lie about that?
The bell rang, and Grayson walked in. His eyes instantly came to rest on my face before he smiled and looked away. He walked over to his chair, sinking down into it as Mr. Richardson cleared his throat. I felt Grayson’s gaze for the entire class. His eyes lit all my senses on fire while memories of his touch consumed my thoughts. I couldn’t focus on anything but him.
After class, I hastily collected my notes. I felt hot, almost feverish. It had been impossible to concentrate with his eyes on me.
“Holy shit, you just spent all of History getting eye fucked,” Lindsay said as Grayson wordlessly left the classroom. She laughed with delight. Kyle frowned, scrutinizing me. I shot Lindsay a dirty look and stood up, intent on making it to my locker. She had no idea all that had actually transpired between Grayson and me; I shuddered to think what she would say if she found out. Aubrey was the only one who knew, and she was sworn to secrecy.
I could breathe a little easier in the hallway—for a moment, anyway. Until I realized that Grayson wasn’t waiting for me, as I assumed he would. He was stomping off towards the nearest exit, his hands in his pockets. My heart thudded as I crossed the hall to my locker, my hands shaking as I fiddled with the lock.
“What is up with that guy?” Kyle shook his head and frowned as he leaned against the locker beside mine. Grayson’s locker.
“What do you mean?” I asked, trying to keep my tone level.
Kyle was observing me intently. “He seems into you,” he remarked, his brow furrowing as if that bothered him.
“Zoe seems into you,” I retorted, my eyes narrowing.
Kyle sighed, scratching the back of his head with his hand. “I guess we need to talk,” he said, giving me an apologetic smile.
“About Zoe? There’s no need,” I told him, carefully averting my gaze. I grabbed my English binder out of my locker and carefull
y closed it, still looking anywhere but at him. I knew he was still staring at me.
“I wanted to apologize for that. I was drunk…and, well. There’s no excuse really…but you took off, and I still have no idea how you actually feel about me. I got insecure,” Kyle said, keeping pace with me as I started walking toward my next class.
“Hmm,” I mumbled, unsure of how to respond. That was a shitty excuse.
“How do you feel about me?” Kyle asked, spinning around so he was standing in front of me, blocking my path. I stopped walking and stared at him blankly. “I mean, what would you say if I were to ask you out? As in, ask you to be my girlfriend?”
“I…” I sputtered, completely thrown off by his question. I had never had a guy officially ask me out before.
“You don’t have to answer right now,” Kyle assured me, looking a little dejected. He tried to hide his disappointment with a charming smile. “Just…think about it, and let me know. I swear to you, I don’t like Zoe like that. You’re the one that I want. We’d be good together, you and me. Great, even.”
I felt the seconds ticking by slowly as I fought to think of a response. The second bell rang, saving me. “I have to go,” I muttered, brushing past him.
* * *
I had English with Alicia, but I wasn’t able to fill her in on what Kyle had said. Our English teacher, Mr. Warren, was making us read scenes out of Romeo & Juliet aloud.
I stumbled to find my place in the play when my name was called; my thoughts of my own confusing love life had me so scatterbrained.
I couldn’t help but watch the clock all throughout class, wondering where Grayson had taken off to and why he hadn’t waited for me. I also couldn’t stop worrying about what to do with Kyle.
After everything that happened with Grayson, I wasn’t interested in giving Kyle a chance anymore, but we had to work closely together with the band. I didn’t know how Grayson would feel about that…or what was even going on between us. Did he even have a right to be angry about it?
His actions were confusing. He hadn’t officially asked me out, and yet so much had happened between us. I didn’t know what to call us. During the brief moment I entertained the idea of saying yes to Kyle, I felt wrong, as if I was betraying Grayson.
Damaged Goods Page 12