Damaged Goods

by J. C. Hannigan

  I wasn’t going to say yes to Kyle, but I still felt like I needed to find Grayson to clarify things.

  I couldn’t wait for the bell to ring for lunch; I had to physically restrain myself from cheering when it finally did.

  “Seriously, what’s up with you?” Alicia questioned, observing my conflicted expression as we packed up and headed to our lockers.

  “Kyle asked me out,” I muttered, finally expelling that little piece of information as we came to a stop in front of Alicia’s locker.

  “Yuck.” Alicia made a face as she spun her lock open.

  “What’s that face for?”

  “Just…the way he was all over Zoe the moment you left. Like, you weren’t even out of the living room yet,” Alicia clarified, frowning. I could always count on Aubrey and Alicia to give all the facts, served straight up and cold. Lindsay was more likely to beat around the bush, to wait until the drama unfolded before her gleeful eyes.

  “Oh…well, he told me that he was insecure and didn’t know how I felt about him, but it doesn’t matter.” I shrugged.

  “No, I suppose it doesn’t.” Alicia smiled knowingly. I considered her, wondering what she meant by that. “I wasn’t sleeping when you came in,” she added, trying to hide her smile. “Besides, you and Aubrey were pretty freakin’ loud.”

  “Oh.” I blushed. “Does Lindsay know?”

  Alicia’s expression darkened slightly. “No, she was so wasted she didn’t remember anything that happened that night. By that point, she was completely dead to the world.”

  “Oh.” It made sense. If Lindsay knew, she would have made several comments. “Well, I’ll meet you guys in the cafeteria. I need to ditch my books and…find Grayson.”

  Alicia tilted her head, studying me. She sighed. “Just be careful.”

  “Why?” I asked, alarmed.

  “I just don’t want to see you hurt. I hope that Grayson is prepared.” Alicia bit her lip, looking as if she regretted the words.

  “Prepared for what?” I questioned, my eyes narrowing in defense.

  “You’ve been in love with him forever now.” Alicia twisted her hands nervously. “I think—I just worry that you feel more intensely for him than he does for you, and I really don’t want to see you in that position. It hurts.”

  I knew that Alicia was only trying to be helpful, but her assessment stung deeply. She was speaking from experience—about her deep feelings for Lindsay—but I couldn’t help but stubbornly feel that they were entirely different situations. I bit my tongue, holding back the sharp response that sat on the tip of it.

  “I’ll be careful,” I murmured instead, quickly walking away from Alicia. I trotted up the stairs to the second floor, weaving around all the bodies of students.

  Not a single part of me regretted sleeping with Grayson. The only thing I worried about was that maybe I’d given myself too freely to him. I worried that there was a lot of truth to Alicia’s words, and I think that was why I felt so defensive when she pointed it out. Even still, I knew that I would never regret what happened between us. At least I would have those memories.

  I got rid of my books and grabbed my jacket, not knowing if I was going to need it.

  Grayson didn’t hang out in the cafeteria generally, but he could usually be found in the smokers pit. I made my way outside, following the narrow beaten path.

  A large group of students hung out in the pit, puffs of nicotine and the warm condensation of their breath floating around their heads like miniature clouds. I had never really gone there before. I felt awkward and out of place—a little too preppy and conservative to be there.

  Right away, I noticed the bright blue of Katrina Underhill’s hair. She was standing with the group of people that Grayson usually hung out with: Michelle Corby, Aiden Cornwell, and Kenny Spencer. I released the breath I was holding, not seeing Grayson among them. I went to turn, but the sound of Katrina saying something to me made me halt.

  “Looking for someone?” She smirked, her eyes slitting as she glowered at me.

  I froze, caught off guard. “Yeah, I am. Have you seen Grayson?” I asked, my voice wavering slightly under Katrina’s scrutinizing gaze.

  “Oh yes.” She smiled slowly, showing her teeth. Her eyes had an almost predatory glint to them. “I’ve seen him a lot actually, and I’ll probably see him a lot more, if you know what I mean.”

  I knew what she was insinuating, and I paled, lowering my gaze. “Oh…okay…well, if you see him, tell him I was looking for him,” I muttered, my face heating up with embarrassment and disappointment. She laughed, tossing her head back in merriment.

  I spun around, stumbling over the uneven ground as I attempted to flee. I almost ran into Grayson in my haste to get away from Katrina.

  “Everly? What are you doing?” he asked as his hands came up to catch my arms and stop me.

  “I was…looking for you,” I muttered, lowering my eyes.

  He looked at me, his eyes taking in the expression on my face, then he looked up towards the smokers section where Katrina, Michelle, Aiden and Kenny were. His jaw tensed angrily. “What did they say to you?” he demanded in a low voice, his eyes trying to search mine for answers.

  “Nothing.” I said, still avoiding looking directly into his gaze. I knew if I did, I would spill every insecure thought that I was having about him and Katrina. Were they together the way she had insinuated? The way it looked?

  “Come on.” Grayson sighed, turning around and walking back the way he had come. I followed him, biting my lip as my muddled thoughts swirled. I thought about everything Grayson had told me, and about what Alicia had said in the hallway.

  She was right, I needed to be careful with my heart, but I couldn’t help but feel like it was too late for me.

  Grayson led me around the school, towards the parking lot and to his truck.

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “Somewhere away from all the noise.” Grayson shrugged, sending me a challenging grin. “Unless you don’t want to tarnish your perfect record?”

  “It’s already tarnished,” I answered, holding his gaze. He winced, then quickly schooled his features into perfect indifference. He thought that I was talking about the other night. “I’ve skipped before to go to the mall with Aubrey, Alicia and Lindsay,” I clarified, arching a brow at him.

  Grayson threw open his truck door and climbed inside, waiting for me to join him. I climbed in, my body vibrating with the pleasure I felt in just being in his company.

  “Are you mad at me?” I asked as he peeled out of the school parking lot.

  “No.” He looked amused at the thought.

  “What are you thinking?”

  Grayson didn’t answer at first. He drove until he reached Orono, then took the exit to Main Street, and turned left.

  “You have to talk to me, you know.” I sighed, growing impatient and a little angry. I knew that Grayson had secrets—that much was blatantly obvious—but I didn’t understand why he struggled to answer a simple question.

  “I’m not used to that,” Grayson admitted, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He pulled into the driveway of a beautiful modern house, and drove up to the detached double garage.

  “Used to what? Is this your house?” I asked, impressed.

  “You ask a lot of questions,” Grayson remarked, parking his truck and killing the ignition. He jumped out and started walking toward the large detached garage. I followed him, biting back more questions. I knew I asked a lot of questions, but he gave a lot of non-answers, and he always had.

  He led the way up the stairs to a door and produced his keys from his pocket. He unlocked the door and opened it, revealing a rather spacious, extremely tidy bachelor loft.

  The door opened into the small kitchen. There was a small apartment sized stove and refrigerator, and a few cupboards. The kitchen area gave way to the living room; Grayson had a large couch in the middle, in front of a TV. On the farthest wall was a king sized bed.
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br />   My heart beat increased at the sight of his bed. I bit my lip, trying to force my mind out of the gutter, as I gave Grayson an inquiring look.

  “Yes, this is my place,” he clarified before I could ask, smiling slightly with amusement. “My dad renovated it for me when I moved in. He wanted to give me a space away from…my sisters.”

  I looked at him curiously, raising a brow to encourage him without speaking.

  “He thought it would help with the transition of moving back here.” He shrugged. From our early conversations, I knew that his dad had remarried shortly after the divorce from his mom, and that he had two little girls with the new wife. It made sense that his dad wanted him to have his own space. It was probably difficult for them all.

  “So…why did you move back?” I asked the question that had been on my mind since the first day of school, when I saw him walking down the hallway with Katrina.

  “I had to.” There was something about the tone of his voice that gave the finality of his answer.

  I nodded, biting my lip as I eyed the bed nervously. “So…why did you bring me here?” I looked back at him, searching his face.

  “Why do you think?” Grayson asked, his eyes sparking dangerously as he stepped toward me, an irresistible smile playing on his lips.

  “I…” all thoughts flew out of my head, my heart rate jumping as he approached me. I was almost trembling.

  “Are you afraid of me?” he asked, tilting his head as he studied my face.

  I shook my head, trying to find my voice. He came to a stop barely a foot in front of me. His hand gently touched my cheek, brushing hair behind my ear. “Not of you, no,” I said breathlessly.

  “But you’re afraid?”

  I looked away, smiling as I bit back my words. Honesty was good, but there was such a thing as too much honesty, and Alicia was right: I had to be careful with my heart. Grayson was holding back, and if I opened up too much for him, I could lose him.

  Instead of responding, I focused on the feel of his fingers on my cheek. “You ask a lot of questions,” I repeated, smiling slightly as he laughed.

  “I had to get out of there.” Grayson shrugged, dropping his hand. He crossed over to the mini-fridge. “Are you thirsty?”

  I shook my head. “Why did you have to get out of there?”

  “A couple of reasons,” he answered evasively.

  Part of me wanted to stomp my foot in annoyance, but I took a deep breath. I could wait for Grayson’s life story, to find out why he shut himself off from the world. I could wait to learn all his secrets, but there were a few things I couldn’t wait to know, especially if I was going to continue whatever it was that we were doing. “What’s going on between you and Katrina?”

  My question surprised him. He looked up at me, his brow creasing with confusion as he studied me. “Nothing.”

  “Has anything gone on between the both of you…in the past?” My voice felt strange to me. I wasn’t afraid of hearing his answer; I sort of already knew it, and I knew that it was going to sting.

  “Yes,” he said carefully, frowning. “But that’s long over. It was a one-time thing.”

  “She doesn’t act like it,” I remarked, crossing my arms, holding myself together. I had expected Grayson’s answer, but I was surprised to feel that it stung. Which was absolutely ridiculous; I knew that he had a past.

  The left corner of his mouth perked up. “She’s still not over it, I guess. She knows where I stand.”

  I gnawed on my lip and looked away, nodding once. Too bad I don’t, I thought, holding back my response.

  Grayson filled the space between us, tipping my chin up so he could look at me. “There’s nothing going on between Katrina and me. Or anyone else. It’s just…you,” he hesitated, unsure of the words.

  His lips pressed possessively against mine, claiming me. Kissing him sent flames licking against my skin, igniting my entire body. My hands rose to tangle in his hair, mussing it, as his traveled down the length of my waist and gripped my hips. He pulled me towards him, pressing me to his body.

  I turned my head, breaking the kiss so I could breathe, and laughed into his shoulder.

  “What’s so funny?” he asked.

  “I have no control when I’m around you,” I whispered.

  “Why do you need control?” he questioned.

  I looked up at him, studying the soft curve of his lips as he smiled. His eyes were full of heat and passion. “I guess I don’t,” I said, smiling before I pressed my lips to his again.

  Chapter Seven

  AFTER THE LAST CLASS of the day, Aubrey found me at my locker, pulling out my backpack and stuffing it full of the binders I needed for homework.

  “Where did you disappear to? You missed Gym,” Aubrey asked as she crossed her arms and leaned against Grayson’s locker.

  I bit my lip, looking around to make sure nobody would overhear. “I skipped.” I shrugged. “With Grayson.”

  “Why?” Aubrey raised her eyebrows with surprise. I wasn’t one to skip class. Even skipping that one day with her, Lindsay, and Alicia I had been paranoid the entire time.

  “I don’t know,” I answered, lying a little. I did know: I wanted to be alone with Grayson.

  Aubrey studied me quietly for a moment then sighed, smiling as she shook her head at my behavior. “You’re bad,” she joked, shoving me gently with her hip.

  I rolled my eyes. “It was just Gym class.”

  “This time,” she pointed out. “But I bet if he asked you to skip all your exams, you would.”

  I frowned, resenting her assessment of me. “No, I wouldn’t, thank you.” We started walking down the stairs, following the traffic heading to the buses.

  “Sorry,” Aubrey said, sensing that she had hurt my feelings. She threw her arm around me and grinned. “So, what did you guys do?”

  I blushed, thinking about how we had spent the entire time kissing on his couch. Neither of us took it any further, even though we both wanted to. Grayson held back, sensing my apprehension. Without any alcohol in my system, I couldn’t easily forget how confusing our relationship status was, and I hesitated on giving him more of me.

  Rather foolish, and a little too late at that, considering he had all of me already.

  “You really are bad,” she joked, shaking her head and smiling.

  “What did I miss?” I asked as the row of buses coming into view.

  “I’ll fill you in later,” she promised as we parted ways. She hopped on to her bus first, waving goodbye to me, and I continued walking toward mine.

  Grayson was already gone; he hadn’t stuck around after dropping me back at school. He said he had things to do, and it wasn’t that I had expected him to give me a ride home, but still. Taking the over-crowded bus was going to suck.

  “Everly, Wait!” I turned my head, seeing Kyle standing outside of his car, the driver’s door wide open as he cupped his hands to call for me. He grinned. “Want a ride?”

  Kyle was alone; no Marcus or Cam in the back seat.

  “Another time maybe…I have a lot to do tonight,” I told him, shrugging apologetically.

  His smile didn’t waver. “You’ll get home quicker if I give you a ride,” he pointed out. I hesitated, the cold wind whipping at my face.

  Kyle was my friend…sort of, and there wasn’t realistically anything wrong with accepting a ride from a friend. Still, I felt conflicted. I knew that Kyle’s intentions weren’t just friendly, that he wanted more from me…particularly a response to his earlier unanswered question. He’ll need an answer sooner, rather than later, I thought, begrudgingly walking toward him.

  He grinned, ecstatic that I had changed my mind. I slid into the passenger seat, giving Kyle a small smile. Silence filled the car as we awkwardly waited for the buses to leave and free up the driveway. Kyle tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, sending me the occasional glance and smile. He didn’t bring up his question, and neither did I. I didn’t exactly know how to word it. I w
atched quietly as the last bus drove off, and the students waiting in their cars started to merge out of the parking lot onto the highway.

  “So, are you joining us on Wednesday for band practice?” Kyle asked, finally breaking the silence between us.

  “Yeah,” I answered. “We’ve got a lot of work to do.”

  “We do,” Kyle agreed, sending me half a grin. “I didn’t see you at lunch.”

  I took a deep breath, trying to figure out how I was going to word everything. “Grayson took me out for lunch,” I replied. It was sort of the truth. We had left the school at lunch, although we’d both forgotten to eat. I cleared my throat, covering up the sound of my stomach growling.

  “Grayson Dixon? Really?” Kyle’s smile faded and he looked at me, frowning as he turned his attention back to the road. “Why?”

  I didn’t know how to respond to that. I bit my lip, figuring it was best that I just get it over with. “There’s something between us,” I told him.

  Kyle did not look happy with that admission. His fists gripped tighter to the steering wheel, and he pursed his lips as he considered my words. “I guess that’s why you didn’t answer me,” he said after a long moment of silence. Thankfully, we were nearing my house. “Are you with him with him?” He came to a stop in front of my house and turned to look at me, his expression almost hopeful.

  “Look, Kyle…” I trailed off, feeling as if I owed him an explanation. “There’s a lot of history between Grayson and me. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on between us, but it wouldn’t be fair to any one of us if I said yes to you, knowing how I feel about him.”

  He didn’t respond; he just nodded once, his lips slack. I unbuckled my seatbelt, feeling guilty and awkward and just…terrible inside. I felt as if I had led Kyle on and then stomped on his heart. I suppose I had sort of led him on, but I hadn’t known how he truly felt about me. After all, he only just asked me out that morning, and he was a flirt with everyone.

  I hadn’t meant to hurt anybody, and I hoped that Kyle would see that and maybe respect my honesty. After all, who wanted to start a relationship with someone who wasn’t able to fully commit because they were so hung up on someone else?