“I apologize, my love.” He gathers me close to his chest and lays my head in the hollow space between his neck and shoulder. “I did not wish to cause you any pain. You know that all I wish is to make you happy. I thought I was tired or…I am not certain.”
I shift away from, him so I can make sense of my thoughts. So I was wrong. Damarian did feel that something was off, but he didn’t want to hurt me. Just like I didn’t want to hurt him. If either of us would have said something earlier, maybe we could have fixed this. Whatever it is.
When I glance back at Damarian, I see nothing but pain and bewilderment on his face. He doesn’t look pale, though. I don’t know how long we have until he has to go back into the ocean.
When I’m once again sitting right before him, I say, “We were fine the morning we left for the ocean. We were fine the whole day. We were fine before we left. Things seemed to have gone wrong when we got to the merpeople colony.”
Damarian nods slowly. “Yes. That must mean that something occurred during the travel from land to sea.”
I tap my chin as I wrack my brain. I know we had fun—hunting fish because we hadn’t done it in a while, Damarian not being able to keep his hands off me…
Then it hits me. “The coral.”
“Pardon?”
“My fish fell to the bottom of the sea, remember? There was beautiful coral there, black with green glitter.”
“Yes, I recall. What of it?”
I hold out my arm. “I rubbed up across it. It cut my arm.”
Understanding enters his eyes. “Yes, you were injured! Are you stating you believe…that somehow the coral is the cause of the lack of passion between us?”
“Maybe it made me sick.” I glance down at my arm, but there’s nothing there other than my peachy skin.
“I do not know, my love. As a fry, all I did was brush up against the coral. As did my brothers and sisters, and all the other children of the sea. We did not fall ill.”
“It’s the only explanation. You’ve never seen that specific species of coral before, have you?”
He shakes his head.
“It must be rare. It probably has some sort of poison.”
“But do you feel ill?” He touches my forehead and my cheeks. Merpeople don’t really get sick in the ocean, so it warms my heart to see him care for me in a human way. But of course I don’t feel it as much as I did in the past.
“I’m fine,” I say. “But this is an aquatic disease. Who knows what kind of symptoms I have?”
“But if you are correct and have taken ill due to the coral, why am I affected?”
He has a good point. I puff out my cheeks.
Then it hits me. “Because we’re mated. I feel what you feel and you feel what I feel.”
“Yes, but you have fallen slightly ill a few times since we have mated, acquiring a human disease. I had not fallen ill.”
“Because that was a human illness,” I say. “Like I said before, I contracted an aquatic disease and we have no idea what the effects are. Maybe it’s contagious through mates.” I cover my mouth. “Or maybe it’s contagious to all the merpeople. Damarian, I might have gotten you all sick. Just like with the sea serpent poison.”
Damarian’s hand flies to his forehead and he sways a little.
I grab his arm. “Damarian?”
“I feel a bit ill.”
“I did get you sick.”
He shakes his head as his eyes snap shut. “No, this feeling is quite familiar. I fear I have been on land for too long and require sea water.”
I jump to my feet. “We have to get you back in the ocean.”
Clutching his head and with his gills straining to open and close, he says, “I do not wish to leave you. I cannot leave you.”
“But you have to. Not only because your body needs sea water, but because you need to go back home and tell your family about the coral. You all might be affected.”
He starts to release those awful sounds, like a whale crying out in pain.
I take hold of his arm. “Please get back in the ocean, Damarian.”
It looks as though he wants to argue, but he’s too weak. With my help, we drag his body into the water, until he’s fully submerged. A second later, his head pops up. “Are you able to enter the sea?” he calls. “I wish to hold you in my arms.
“Of course.”
I strip out of my shirt and pants, remaining in my bikini. I put it on before I left for the beach because I anticipated I would have to go into the ocean. I walk to the edge of the water, feeling the cold water swallow my ankles. Like I expected, I don’t change. I keep walking until every part of my body, except my head and neck, is underwater.
Damarian reaches for me and tugs me into his arms.
“I don’t feel you,” I say, swallowing a fresh batch of tears. The little hope I had inside me is gone.
He tucks some hair behind my ear. “I know. I will return to our home in the sea and learn all that I can. Fret not, my love. I will return to you with only good news. I promise.”
“Don’t promise, Damarian. I don’t think you can keep it.”
He presses his forehead to mine. “I have confidence that I can. And that I will.” His lips skid across my cheek until they meet mine. I open my mouth to welcome him, but once again feel like I’m kissing a shower door.
I miss how good he made me feel. I miss how good I made him feel. I miss him.
“I shall meet you tomorrow night,” he says, his lips moving to various parts of my face. Even though I don’t feel anything, the act itself makes me feel loved.
“It feels like we’ve gone back in time, to two years ago when we first met.”
“After tomorrow, it will no longer be that way. I promise.”
I shake my head. “Another one you can’t keep.”
He puts his finger on my mouth. “Another one I am confident I shall keep.”
I can’t look into his eyes. I don’t want to say goodbye. Who knows what Damarian will learn when he speaks to his family and the other merpeople? What if I’m dying? Or worse, what if I once again poisoned all the merpeople? True many—if not all—of them will most likely never yearn to be a human and come to land, but there could be other effects of the poison. Maybe in a few months’ time, they’d all be wiped out.
“No.” He softly wipes my eyes. “I may not be able to sense you, but I know the thoughts you have in your head. Please do not think such thoughts. All will be well.”
I want to believe him, but I don’t think I can.
He squeezes me tightly to his chest. “I have so much love for you, my sweet Cassie. My heart bursts with it. Never forget that.”
“I won’t.”
He reluctantly frees me and turns around, to where Fiske emerges out of the water. He nods to me, and from the look in his eyes, I know he’s trying to tell me something.
“I can’t communicate with him,” I say. “Or to any creature of the sea.”
“He is only reassuring you that all will be well. He does not wish for you to worry.”
“Thanks, Fiske. I’ll try to stay positive.”
Damarian once again envelops me in his arms. “Parting with you is so difficult. I miss you so much.”
“Me, too.”
“But I must go if I am to find answers. Please do not be sad. It causes me such pain when you are hurting.”
I touch his cheek. “As long as I’m apart from you, I’ll hurt. There’s nothing anyone can do about that.”
“Then I shall return to you with only good news.”
We break apart, but our hands are still clutched. Damarian moves further away, our hands drawing further apart. When they’re both stretched to the limit, he lets go and disappears under the water. I stare at the waves, watching them go from volatile to calm. Then I turn around, stuff my clothes into the bag of essentials, and trek home, my vision blurry from my tears.
Chapter Eleven
“Thanks so much for spending the afternoon wi
th the kids,” Mom says as she bends to sweep a few toys off the floor. “Ruthie! What did I tell you about putting your toys away?” She shakes her head with a small smile. “That child…”
Louis comes downstairs, dressed in a casual shirt and shorts. “Allen and Meg said they’ll meet us at the club in twenty minutes.” He looks her up and down, taking in her short skirt and heels. “You’re wearing that to golf?”
Mom lowers the toys into the large bin near the wall of the living room, which Ruthie has turned into a pseudo-playroom. “I have no idea what to wear! I’ve never been golfing before.” She kicks off her shoes. “Your friends are going to think I’m a complete idiot…” she mutters as she goes to her room.
Louis grins to me. “I find it so adorable how nervous your mother gets when she meets my friends and family. Have I ever told you how I had to practically drag her into my parents’ home when she met them for the first time? Yeah, I must have told you that already.” He chuckles.
I manage a small smile.
“You okay, Cassie?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry. I was just thinking about something.”
He takes a step closer. “Are you having problems with the…” His eyes dip to my legs.
“What? No, everything’s fine with the, um, stuff,” I lie.
“Oh, okay. I was just wondering because you haven’t spoken much. Are you and Damarian doing all right?”
It’s so liberating that Louis knows Damarian’s true identity. When Mom first broke the news to him, he thought he hit his head and imagined the whole thing.
“Everything is fine,” I lie again. “Thanks for asking and being so cool about it. I know it must still make you feel weird.”
He smiles again. “I love how it keeps life interesting. I’m really looking forward to the wedding. Can’t wait to meet some of the merpeople. Well, I met them by your anniversary but I didn’t know they were mythical creatures. My whole mindset is different.”
My throat feels like it’s stuffed with cotton balls. Will there even be a wedding?
“Are you sure you’re okay, honey?”
I put on a fake smile. “Yeah. Just nervous about the wedding.”
He wraps an arm around me. “I know what you mean. But just remember that your wedding day marks the day you will be giving yourself over to your soulmate. And he’s giving himself over to you. Just look into his eyes the whole time. Trust me, nothing else will matter.”
“Thanks.”
He glances at his watch. “Now if only your mother would get dressed a little faster.”
I laugh. “No chance of that happening.”
Ruthie runs into the room, her Build a Bear bunny held securely in her arms. “Hi, Cassie!”
“Hey!” I take her in my arms and spin around. “Where have you been hiding? I’ve been here for like ten minutes.”
“Bobby’s in the middle of playing Crypt Madness. Could you believe he made it to level 50?”
“There goes my hope of actually having a conversation with him this afternoon,” I mutter.
She sticks the bear in my face. “Bunny says hi!”
I smile as I stroke the top of her head. “Hi, Bunny. Ooh, I see your friend Ruthie bought you a new dress and matching shoes. You look so pretty.”
“It’s mom’s favorite color. She always loved to wear purple.” She turns to my stepfather. “Can I have another ride, Louis? Please, please?”
He makes a face as though granting her request is such a chore.
She puts her hands on her hips. “Stop fooling around and give me a ride!”
He makes a monster sound and scoops her off the floor, throwing her over his shoulder. Ruthie shrieks in delight.
It’s so hard for me to be happy along with them when I have this huge weight on my mind and heart, but I need to be. I don’t want to miss out on sharing great times with my family. I need to believe that everything will work out and that we’ll soon put this behind us.
Once Ruthie is back on the floor, she says, “Now do it to Cassie!”
“No way!”
“I think your sister is a little too old for my shoulder.” Louis pinches her cheek.
“Ugh! I hate when you do that.”
“But your cheeks are so squishy.”
“Stop! Joanie! Your husband’s abusing me!”
Mom comes out of her room, dressed in appropriate golf clothes. “Louis, stop abusing Ruthie.” She does a little spin. “Better?”
“Much.” Louis takes hold of her arms and draws her in for a sweet kiss on the lips.
“Gross!” Ruthie covers her face with Bunny.
I ruffle her hair. “It’ll only be a few more years until you no longer find that gross.”
She makes a face. “Never.”
As soon as Mom and Louis leave, I scoop Ruthie into my arms and balance her on my hip. “So what’s the plan for today?”
“Eat junk food and watch PG-13 movies?”
“Do you really want to stay home all day? Let’s go to the park or to the beach. No, forget the beach.”
“What’s wrong with the beach?”
I want to have fun with my siblings and not be constantly reminded of the turmoil going on in my heart. “I taught there this morning and am a little sick of it.”
Her eyes bug out. “You’re bored of the beach?” She puts her hand on her forehead. “The world is coming to an end.”
I laugh and tickle her.
“Immune!”
“No, you’re not.”
“Okay!” she says as she tries to avoid my hand. “Okay, I’m not immune! Ooh, let’s go to the aquarium and see Damian’s whale show.”
And there goes the turmoil. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Ruthie. He told me one of the whales is not feeling well. I think they canceled the shows for today.” I hate lying to my siblings.
She frowns. “Oh okay. So can we stay in and watch Pg-13 movies? Please, please, please?”
Why do kids have the power to win you over with their begging eyes?
“How about we keep the movies PG?” I say.
She raises a fist in the air. “Hooray!”
“But only if your brother agrees to join us, too.”
“Good luck with that.”
Ruthie and I enter his room and find him at his desk, his eyes glued to his computer screen.
“Oh look, he breathes,” I say. “For a second there, I thought he was a zombie.”
Ruthie giggles.
“Shut up,” he mumbles.
“Come on.” I put my hands on his shoulders. “It’s not every day your awesome big sister comes to babysit. Your wish is my command. At least for today.”
“Then my wish is to play this game all night. I need to beat Timmy.”
“Cassie promised we’d watch PG-13 movies and eat junk food all night, Bobby!”
“I said PG movies.”
She gives me a face like she knows she’ll get her way. Which she probably will.
“Not interested,” Bobby says.
“We won’t choose any girly ones. Promise.”
He sighs and exits the game. “Fine.”
I ruffle his hair again as we leave his room. “I love spending time with you, Bobby.”
His shoulders hunch. “I know. Sorry.”
He’s still dealing with his parents’ deaths, though he has come such a long way and I’m so proud of him. It’s a little easier for Ruthie, since she was much younger and doesn’t fully understand what losing someone means. For now, she’s content in knowing that her parents are always with her and watching over her. I’m not sure how she’ll feel when she’s older, but I’ll do whatever I can to make her happy.
“Bobby chooses this time,” I say as he crouches before the DVD cabinet in the living room.
“And you can choose PG-13!” Ruthie hops onto the couch.
“Ruthie…”
“What? Just make sure it doesn’t have nakedness and too many swear words.”
I ca
n’t help it but laugh.
“Okay.” Bobby gets up from the floor. “I choose this.”
I read the label. They rated this movie PG-13 because of scary images. I’m always hesitant about this sort of thing because of what the kids have been through with their parent’s deaths.
“Are you sure you guys will be okay with this?” I ask.
“Yes!”
“Okay, because if you have nightmares tonight and want to sleep with my mom, don’t put the blame on me.”
“I’ll microwave popcorn,” Bobby says.
“Bring cookies, potato chips, and soda, too!”
As we settle down to watch the movie, images start to play in my head, of a future I can have. If Damarian and I decide to have kids and they turn out to be humans, they’ll be part of Ruthie and Bobby’s lives. But if they turn out to be merkids, they won’t get to know their aunt and uncle. I still have no idea when I plan on telling them about me and Damarian being merpeople, but it seems like it’ll be a long time down the road. I wish my kids can live in both land and sea, but I can’t see how that’s possible.
I guess Damarian and I will just have to figure it out once we get there. Assuming we get there. No, Damarian will give me answers tonight and we’ll find a solution and then we’ll go back to living happily ever after.
I’m sure of it.
Chapter Twelve
Once again, I’m feeling déjà vu.
I pace around the beach, kicking some sand and watching the grains tumble in the air. Two years ago when I waited for Damarian in the same manner, I didn’t know if he and I would have a future together. And now I’m worrying over the same thing.
I swear the universe has a sick sense of humor.
Falling to my knees near the tide, I stick my hands into the sand. “Please come back to me, Damarian,” I say. “I need you.” I have no idea how far he is and whether he can hear me, but I can no longer bear this waiting.
The wet grains feel good in my palms, but not as good as it feels when I’m a mermaid. The same with the ocean water as it hits my face or lands on my lips. As a mermaid, I yearned for it, needed it. As a human, it just feels good.
“Damarian,” I say. “Just come already. Please. I can’t take it anymore.”
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