by Jae
The jets of the fountain greeted her as she crossed the street.
She was half an hour early, but she hadn’t been able to stay in her apartment for a minute longer.
Because of the dragon boat races, Waterfront Park was unusually busy for a Sunday morning. People headed toward the Hawthorne Bridge to watch the races, and a group of women with T-shirts bearing the Canadian flag carried big coolers.
Shit. This wasn’t a great setting for a heartfelt conversation. She hadn’t thought this through at all.
Despite the nervous energy buzzing through her body, she steered toward one of the benches surrounding the fountain. She didn’t want to draw attention to herself by pacing in circles while she waited.
After two steps toward the bench, she stumbled to a stop and stared.
Denny sat on the bench she was heading toward. She wasn’t sprawled out comfortably, enjoying the early-June sun. Her posture was rigid, with her shoulders drawn up as if expecting someone to slap her.
No, not someone. You. A wave of nausea rolled through Eliza. God, she was making a mess of things.
Their gazes found each other immediately, and Denny watched her cross the last few yards with wide eyes.
“It’s not bad,” Eliza blurted out as soon as she reached her. “What I have to tell you. At least I hope it’s not.”
“Oh.” Denny’s drawn-up shoulders lowered but only about an inch. “So I didn’t…? I haven’t, um, done anything to upset you?”
“No! God, no, Denny! Why would you think that?”
Denny scraped her shoe across the ground, and Eliza noticed she was wearing sneakers too. “I dunno.”
Eliza sank onto the bench next to her. Since an elderly woman occupied the other end of the bench, they had to sit close. Their shoulders and thighs brushed, and a rush of warmth suffused her body.
What she was about to do might feel surreal, but there couldn’t be any doubt that this—the way she reacted to Denny—was very real.
Denny peeked at her out of the corner of her eye. “If it’s not me, what did you want to tell me?”
Eliza’s gaze darted to the elderly woman who wasn’t even trying to hide her eavesdropping. “Uh, could we walk a little?”
Denny jumped up as if sitting still was taxing for her too.
While they walked south and crossed beneath the Hawthorne Bridge, Denny kept throwing her questioning looks.
Sweat broke out along Eliza’s back. Why hadn’t she practiced what she wanted to say? Tell her! Can’t you see how anxious you’re making her?
Just as she opened her mouth to blurt out the first thing that came to mind, cheers rose, and four boats with brightly decorated dragon heads shot toward the nearby finish line with its bobbing orange buoys. The fast-paced drum beats matched the rhythm of Eliza’s heart.
“Come on,” Denny yelled over the excited voice of the announcer booming through loudspeakers. “Let’s walk a bit farther.”
They followed the dirt path parallel to the river, past the announcer booth and the busy area where the teams were lining up to check in. Their hilarious chants rose over the noise of the onlookers, distracting Eliza for a moment.
Once they had passed the dock where the dragon boats were loading and unloading, the drums and the announcer’s voice faded into the distance, and it got quieter.
But instead of calming, Eliza’s heart beat faster. She knew she had to tell her, yet had no idea how.
Denny stuffed her hands into her pockets and threw her sidelong glances but didn’t hurry her along.
As if by an unspoken agreement, they veered away from the river and strolled along several artificial ponds in South Waterfront Garden, where they had more privacy.
Denny bent, picked something up, and held it out to Eliza.
It was a rock.
When she took it, their fingers brushed, and a thrill rippled up Eliza’s arm. She tried to ignore it by studying the stone. With its smooth surface and round shape, it was perfect for rock painting. Aww. Even during the tensest moment between them, Denny had thought to pick up a rock for her. Eliza had never in her life considered the perfect person for her might be a woman, but here it was: that special connection she’d been looking for.
She had to take a risk and tell her. The ability to walk and talk at the same time escaped her, so she stopped in midstride.
Denny paused too. Her hazel eyes darkened with something like panic.
Eliza clutched the stone in her damp hand. She peeked from the yellow sneakers that had started it all to Denny. Okay, it was now or never. She opened her mouth without the faintest idea of what she would say.
Watching Eliza struggle with whatever she was about to say made a pang of anxiety flutter down Denny’s spine. God, she wanted so much to take her hand to comfort her. But it would probably make things worse. She clenched her fists in her pockets and tried to give her a reassuring look—which wasn’t easy since her panic was growing.
Eliza opened her mouth. Her jaw worked, but no words came out. She stomped her sneaker-covered foot as if giving herself a mental pep talk. Finally, she blurted, “You’re a great friend.”
Denny frowned. Telling her that wasn’t what had made Eliza look close to a panic attack, was it? “Um, thanks. You’re a wonderful friend too.”
“I’ve never connected with anyone like this before.” Eliza waved her hand back and forth between them. “Especially not this fast.”
Warmth spread through Denny’s chest. But before she could assure her she felt the same, Eliza held up her hand.
“Ugh. That isn’t what I’m trying to say. I mean, it’s all true, and I value our friendship a lot, but…”
Denny studied her intensely. She still wasn’t sure where Eliza was going with this. “Um, this is starting to sound like a breakup. Well, a friendship breakup.” She let out a nervous giggle. Shit. Since when did she giggle? “As if you’re trying to say: I really like you, but I don’t think we should be friends anymore.”
“No!” Eliza rubbed her face with both hands and groaned. “No, no, that’s not it at all. Quite the opposite. I think I like you…as more than a friend.”
Denny stopped breathing. A weird buzzing sounded in her ears. “You…” She sucked a breath into her oxygen-starved lungs. “You didn’t just say what I think you said, did you?”
Eliza nodded several times as if words escaped her.
Denny opened her mouth, but all that came out was a soft little “oh.” Her brain felt like scrambled eggs and was incapable of formulating a clear thought. Emotions washed over her too fast to identify them all. Eliza liked her as more than a friend! She wanted to jump up and down, pull Eliza against her, and kiss her with all the pent-up feelings that had been growing inside her for a while.
Another part of her wanted to turn on her heel and run. She’d heard stories like that a thousand times, and each of them ended with the lesbian partner being heartbroken.
“Say something, please. W-what do you think?” Eliza asked quietly. Her dark brown eyes were wide.
Denny shoved her glasses higher up on her nose with her right hand, then adjusted them with her left. “I…” There wasn’t enough air in her lungs.
“Oh God.” Eliza covered her face with her hands again. “I shouldn’t have assumed… Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you’re attracted to me.”
“I am!” Denny finally found her voice. “I’m so attracted to you, it’s getting hard to think of anything else when you’re in the same room—even if you aren’t in the same room, to be honest. I just didn’t think you would ever feel the same.”
The tiniest of smiles tugged on Eliza’s lips. “I didn’t think I would either.”
“But you do?”
“Yeah.”
Eliza hadn’t said I think so. Even though this was new to her, she sounded as if she had given it a lot of thought and was sure of what she felt.
“Wow.” Denny gestured toward a nearby bench. “Can we go over there? I nee
d to sit down.”
A quiet chuckle escaped Eliza. “Yeah, I feel like I’m about to fall over too.”
Side by side, they walked to the bench and took a seat. Denny made sure she gave Eliza plenty of space, but Eliza didn’t seem to want it. She sat close enough for Denny to feel her warmth.
Both were silent for a while.
Finally, Eliza said, “If you’re attracted to me, why do you look so…I don’t know…not exactly overjoyed?”
“Did you see the person hanging off the front of each dragon boat earlier?” Denny gestured toward the river. “The ones who were supposed to grab the flag to win the race for their team?”
Eliza nodded.
“That’s kind of how I feel,” Denny said. “Totally eager and feeling like I’m inches away from the best prize of my life, but also like I’m too damn close to falling overboard and getting hurt.”
“That’s the last thing I want to do. Hurt you, I mean.” Eliza slid closer and grabbed her hand. Then she froze.
Denny held her hand loosely, letting her make the decision as to whether she wanted to pull away. Her heart beat so rapidly that she was sure Eliza felt it through her fingertips.
After a moment, Eliza linked their fingers and squeezed.
A lungful of air whooshed from Denny’s chest. She returned the gentle pressure, and only now could she enjoy the feeling of holding Eliza’s hand. She’d had hot kisses and even great sex several times in her life, but right now, she was convinced this was the most wonderful sensation she had ever experienced. She studied their intertwined fingers. While they were about the same height, Eliza’s hand was more delicate than hers, and Denny cradled it gently.
Eliza cleared her throat. “That’s why I haven’t said anything so far—to avoid hurting you.” Her voice sounded hoarse, as if she wasn’t unaffected by the feel of Denny’s hand either. “I wanted to make sure it wasn’t a fluke.”
Denny blinked as she processed that information. “So you’ve felt this way for some time?” she rasped out. When Eliza nodded, she asked, “How long?”
A hint of pink dusted Eliza’s cheeks and made her look even more beautiful. “Pretty much from the first time we met in person. Maybe even before that. But when you hugged me hello that day at the festival, I think part of me knew then; I just didn’t understand what I was feeling.” She looked Denny in the eyes, and Denny was blown away by how honest she was and how vulnerable she was making herself. “You?”
Denny mentally went over all the little moments and snippets of conversation they had shared, some in person, some on the phone, and some via text. In hindsight, her feelings had left the friendship zone very quickly. “I think it was when you sent me a picture of you in a skirt and these.” She gently nudged Eliza’s sneaker with her foot. Even that little touch made her body tingle.
Eliza’s eyes widened, then she laughed. “Uh, Denny, that was on the very first day, in the very first text I sent you.”
Denny shrugged. “Yep. That’s when it all started.”
Eliza waggled her feet back and forth and studied the canary-yellow sneakers. “I guess they really are lucky.”
Denny studied her face, her eyes, and that little smile playing around her sensuous lips. “You sound so calm, now that we’ve admitted our feelings. Isn’t this freaking you out?”
Eliza tilted her head as if she had to think about it before she answered, “Not really.”
Well, that makes one of us. Denny tightened her grip on Eliza’s hand. “Have you…have you felt like this before? For a woman?”
“No.” Eliza vehemently shook her head. “I mean, I always thought women were beautiful, but this surprised the hell out of me.” She opened her eyes almost comically wide. “I never considered that I could be anything but straight. But I come from a very liberal family, and I have LGBT+ friends, so it’s not like I’m worried about being damned to purgatory for all eternity if I kiss another woman.”
Did that mean Eliza wanted to kiss her? Denny’s gaze darted to Eliza’s lips. They looked so soft and— Stop it. Don’t scare her away by rushing this. She forced her gaze up to Eliza’s eyes. “That’s, uh, good. Really good.”
“I’m not saying I have this all figured out or that I won’t have a couple of freak-out moments. I have so many unanswered questions, and I don’t even know where to start.” Eliza pressed her free hand to her temple as if to push them back.
Denny gently trailed her thumb over Eliza’s index finger. “If I can answer any of them, let me know.”
“Thanks. I will.”
Silence fell, interrupted only by the wind rustling through the tall grasses surrounding them and the distant sounds of the dragon boat races.
Denny peered across the blooming garden at the Marquam Bridge, following its arc across the river. She tried hard not to put any pressure on Eliza, but she had to know. “So, where do we go from here?”
“I’m not sure exactly. I just know that I’m attracted to you, physically and emotionally, and I’m not going to let a label or my previous assumptions about myself stop me from exploring the possibility of having a relationship with you.”
Eliza talking so openly about being attracted to her filled Denny with happiness, but then the word exploring made her wince even though she tried to suppress it.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Eliza said quickly. “Please don’t think I’m looking at this like it’s some sort of experiment. I never want you to feel like that, okay? It’s just that this is all new to me, and I don’t want to pretend I know where it’ll go. I just know that I want to find out. But if that’s not something you can do, I understand.”
Denny’s yearning fought with her fears and finally wrestled them down. She knew they might raise their ugly heads again, but if Eliza could be brave for them, she was determined to risk it too. “I can do it,” she said, as much to herself as to Eliza.
The tangle of their hands tightened.
Eliza swiped a strand of her shiny chestnut hair behind one ear and smiled at her. “You said to tell you whenever I have a question you might be able to answer. I think I have one.”
Denny twisted on the bench to face her more fully. “You can ask me anything.”
Eliza took an audible breath. “Would you like to go out with me? Not an outing between friends. I’m talking about a date.”
Wow. Denny wasn’t sure what question she had expected, but not this.
“Um, is it okay to ask that?” Eliza asked when Denny didn’t answer immediately. “I know you said women usually expect you to take the lead because they see you as butch, but I thought maybe you don’t want to be the one to do all the work all the time and…”
Denny grinned.
“Uh, what?”
“You’re really cute when you start to ramble, did anyone ever tell you that?”
“No. You’re the first.”
Being the first woman Eliza had ever been attracted to still made Denny nervous, but maybe being the first for other things wasn’t a bad thing at all.
“So?” Eliza asked. “Are you going to answer my question?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, you’ll answer my question, or yes, you’ll go on a date with me?”
Denny laughed. “Yes to both.” She gentled her teasing grin. “I’d love to go on a date with you.”
“Good. I’ll think of something and let you know.”
Denny just nodded as her mind caught up with what was going on. They were doing this. They really were doing this! “And what now? I mean, now now.”
“Ice cream,” Eliza said decisively.
“Ice cream?”
“Yes. I think I saw some over there.” Eliza waved her hand in the direction of the RiverPlace Esplanade and the stores they had passed earlier.
Chuckling, Denny stood and pulled her up with her. Apparently, the past ease between them hadn’t completely vanished now they had confessed their mutual attraction. Her earlier tension fled from her shoulders. “All
right. Let’s get ice cream.”
Chapter 18
A few hours later, Denny still couldn’t shake that feeling of being asleep and having the most wonderful dream as she entered the house and tossed her keys onto a side table—at least, that was what she’d aimed for. She missed by several inches, and the keys rattled to the floor.
Salem looked up from where she was slicing an avocado. “Great timing. Bella and I are making grilled cheese sandwiches. How many do you want?”
Food was the last thing on Denny’s mind. Her stomach was still too jittery. “None for me, thanks. I’m not hungry.”
“Did you eat with Eliza?” Salem asked.
Just the mention of Eliza’s name made Denny’s heart beat faster. She picked up the keys and tried for nonchalance. “Yeah, we had ice cream.”
Bella abandoned the tomato she had been slicing and walked up to Denny. “Did you ask her about next weekend?”
“Next weekend?” Denny repeated, feeling as if her brain was working in slow motion.
“Yeah. You said you’d ask her if she can come over and teach me how to make a journal.”
“Oh da…darn.” Denny slapped her own thigh. “Sorry, Bella. I forgot. Next weekend probably won’t work for that anyway because, um, we might be going out on a date.”
Salem dropped the pit she had removed from another avocado. “Wait! You mean, Eliza is going on a date, and you have a date too. Not that you and she…?”
Denny knew she had the silliest grin on her face as she nodded. “We’re going on a date with each other.”
“I—told—you—so!” Salem pointed the tip of her knife at her and shook it with every word. “I told you the way she looks at you is”—she glanced at Bella—“not fit for underaged company.”
“Pleeeeaase.” Bella rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. “It’s not like I didn’t see it. I could totally tell.”
Seriously? Denny gazed back and forth between them. Why had everyone but her seen it coming, even her eleven-year-old niece?
Bella rushed to the stairs.
“Hey, where are you going?” Salem called. “You’re not done slicing the tomatoes!”