by Holly Jaymes
“Yeah, alright. Just a day or so though.”
He patted me on the back. “How can the guy who wrote All Night in London, the greatest party song of all time, be such an old fuddy-duddy?”
I shook my head. If he’d known that that song had started out as a ballad lamenting my stupidity with Victoria, he might have changed his mind.
Now I was driving east to Eden Lake. I’d never been there, but knew of it. It was a small mountain town that on occasion was a playground for the rich and famous. Lily told me Tucker McLean, quarterback of the Pacific Coast Sea Lions lived there. Of course, I followed another kind of football now, which Americans called soccer.
Another less famous person that lived there was my father. He’d been the sheriff there for nearly a decade now. In some ways, I thought I was like him. He preferred a quiet life away from the hustle and bustle of the city that my mother craved. Because Lily and I were raised by our mother, we didn’t see him much, although to his credit, he always figured out where we were on our birthdays and would show up. I was sure it was nice for him that Lily and I were twins, as he was able to cut down on travel.
Lily had been better at keeping in touch with him when we became adults. He stepped up when she needed refuge when that asswipe Trask Holloway ruined her reputation. That fucker had the nerve to ask if one of my songs could be used in a movie. That was a big no. There was no amount of money in the world that would cause me to betray my sister.
Victoria flashed in my mind. Fuck. She wasn’t money. And I had a hard time thinking of my being with her as a betrayal to Lily, but since that was how Lily felt, I had to respect that.
I rolled my window down, letting the cool air in. It was surprisingly colder out than when I’d left Los Angeles. The cold did nothing to blast away the memory of Victoria. I remembered the first time I saw her as a woman, and not just my sister’s friend. My mother had taken Lily and me to visit the Sinclairs in Malibu when Lily and I were seventeen. Victoria in a red bikini on the beach was a sight to see. Even today, that image was often the one of choice when I jacked off. The other was London, six years ago, when my fantasy of her became a reality. And just as fast, it became a nightmare.
The one saving grace was that Lily and Victoria were able to salvage their friendship, and Lily seemed to forgive me. Of course, it was easy because I never saw Victoria again. I walked out that morning, and didn’t return until I knew Victoria and Lily were gone. But now, I’d have to see her. A part of me thought I was nuts to be ruminating on this. It had been six years. I’d changed a lot since then. I’d been a fledgling songwriter, making most of my money busking on the streets. I didn’t need to make much because I lived in an apartment my mother owned.
Victoria had been making more than me as a social media influencer, but then she went off and started her own company. A part of me wondered if I’d given her the idea. Either way, I was proud of her. I hoped I’d be able to see her and tell her how much I admired her success. More than that, I hoped I’d grown out of my lust for her, and that she’d forgiven me my cowardice.
I arrived at the church and parked the car. I looked around the place, hoping there were no photographers or reporters. I’d done my damnedest to keep my visit quiet. This was Lily’s moment.
I got out of the car, shocked by the cold and hurried to the church door. I walked into the foyer and then to the sanctuary.
Immediately, I closed my eyes as the sight of Victoria stole my breath. How was it possible she could be even more beautiful than she had been six years ago? Her hair was still long, cascading in waves down her back. My fingers twitched at the memory of running through her long mane of hair, of wrapping it around my fist as I thrust inside her.
I swallowed and made my way up the aisle toward them, giving myself a pep talk to not say something idiotic.
Victoria had that million-kilowatt smile as she looked at Lily. “If that kid is a girl, you’ll name it Victoria, right?”
“And if it’s a boy, will it be Vic?” Inwardly I kicked myself. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to refer to the name she didn’t like as my first words to her. If I hadn’t fucked her six years ago, it would have been the perfect opening, but now it was stupid.
“Pax!” Lily threw her arms around me. “I’m so glad you came.”
“I wouldn’t miss it.” I hugged her. When I released her, I managed a smile. “Victoria.”
“Pax.” She smiled too, but it wasn’t that mega-brilliant one. “Lily, I’m going to check in with Sasha.”
I wondered if she was getting away from me or just giving me and Lily time together. Probably the latter. My guess was that Victoria never even thought about our one perfect day in London.
“Did you bring your guitar?” Lily interrupted my thoughts of Victoria.
“Ah…yeah. It’s in the car.”
“I want you to play the processional before the bridal march. Just like we talked about.”
I shook my head. I hadn’t wanted to play that song to begin with, but now that I was here with Victoria in the room, playing that song felt wrong. I’d come up with the tune during her visit six years ago and finished it later while I was feeling guilty for how things went down and for not standing up to Lily. Then again, maybe Victoria wouldn’t have wanted me to stand up to Lily. We’d both been in agreement that she wasn’t to know what had happened between us.
“Pax? Hey, Pax.”
“Sorry. Long day,” I said to explain my being distracted. “How about Canon in D? That’s the traditional song.”
She rolled her eyes. “I’ve got Pax Ryder playing at my wedding. I want a Pax Ryder song, especially one that’s never been recorded or played in public.”
What were the odds that Victoria would remember the tune? Probably null. “Okay. Let me get my guitar.”
I went out into the cold, grabbed my acoustic guitar and went back into the church. I joined Lily with a man I suspected was her fiancé and another older woman who was likely the minister.
“Pax, this is Wyatt. Wyatt, this is my rockstar brother, Pax.” Lily beamed as she looked at Wyatt.
I extended my hand. “Great to meet you. You sure you know what you’re getting into here?” I nodded toward my sister.
“It’s too late for him to change his mind. He knocked me up.”
Wyatt’s cheeks reddened. “I’m sure about her. Completely.” He looked at her in a way that convinced me he was sincere. This might have been a shotgun wedding, but I suspected there would have been a wedding eventually, baby or not.
“Oh, Dad, you made it,” Lily said, looking past me.
I turned to see my dad coming up the aisle. It had been a while since I’d seen him. He looked a little older, but still fit and strong.
“Pax, son, how are you?” He gave me a hug.
“Doing good, Dad, and you?”
“Good. Good. I’m glad you could make it to your sister’s wedding.” I wondered if that was a dig at me for never coming to visit him.
“Oh, there’s Mom,” Lily said.
“Pax, honey. Look at you.” My mother walked up the aisle much like a queen. She’d always had a poised regal demeanor. She and my father’s relationship didn’t make any sense because they were complete opposites, and yet, when they were together, it was easy to see that they still cared about each other. Their goals in life turned out to be more important than their relationship though.
“Hi, Mom.” I kissed her on the cheek.
“Look at you in a suit,” she said to my dad. “I was sort of hoping for the uniform.”
My dad blushed which was embarrassing so I went to tune my guitar while the minister and wedding coordinator told everyone else where they needed to go.
“Dad and Lily, you’re at the back of the sanctuary. Victoria, you go join them.” The wedding planner pointed to the back of the church. I glanced over as Victoria made her way up the aisle toward the back. She was wearing a navy dress that didn’t seem fancy, and yet on her, it looked lik
e a million bucks. “Wyatt, you're up here with Josh. Ms. LaCoeur, you can sit in the front pew over here, and Mr. and Mrs. Dalton over on this side,” the wedding planner ordered. “Pax, you’ll start by playing the processional and Victoria, you’ll come down the aisle. Now, when she reaches here,” the planner said, standing to one side of the minister, “Pax, you’ll change to the wedding march, and then Lily and Sheriff Maddox, you’ll come up.” The wedding planner continued to walk through the logistics and then it was time to practice.
I took a breath, and then began to play the tune that had come to me six years ago after a spectacular day with Victoria.
I’d played the first eight notes or so, when I looked toward Victoria. She was making her way down the aisle, but then she stalled and looked at me. There was confusion, then recognition. For a moment, I thought I saw pain and I was about to stop playing, but then her expression went blank and she focused straight ahead as she continued. I felt like shit. I was glad when she reached the front and I could change to the wedding march.
The rehearsal went well and then we all headed out to some resort where a dinner was set up. The place was rustic and out of the way, which according to Lily was why she chose it. It would be too easy for me to be recognized and cause a stir if I stayed at one of the main resorts.
There were several tables set up for the wedding party. I was at the one with Lily, Wyatt, his brother Josh, Josh’s wife, Allie, who I remembered from the summer at the beach years ago, and, of course, Victoria.
“So Pax, how does it feel to be back in California?” Allie asked while we were seated. She was next to Victoria who was directly across from me and I couldn’t stop staring at her.
“I’ve been back before, but that was work. It’s nice to be with family and old friends.”
Victoria’s jaw tightened.
“When was the last time you saw family or friends?” Wyatt asked me.
“I used to see Lily and my mom whenever they were in Europe.”
“Last time I saw you, I think you were still a kid,” Allie said. “But you saw Victoria since then, right?”
Victoria cast her a scathing glare. I wondered what that meant.
“Yes. It was her birthday,” I confirmed, wishing I had something stronger than wine in my glass.
“You remember that?” Allie asked.
“Is there more wine?” Victoria asked Wyatt who’s had the bottle in front of him. He handed it to her.
“I remember everything about that visit.”
Victoria’s gaze shot to mine and I hoped she could see that I felt like a jerk for how things were left six years ago. I didn’t get a chance to find out as my dad stood up to make a toast.
After the rehearsal dinner, I was directed to a cabin to spend the next two nights. I was glad for the solitude. I found the liquor cabinet and poured myself a drink, and sipped it as I looked out over the lake. The sky was clear and the moon hung like a pearl, casting an ethereal glow over the water.
I just needed to get through the wedding and then I could get away from this place. I was now glad that I’d made plans to go to Vegas. I had a good excuse to leave.
Finishing my drink, I went to bed and hoped for a dreamless night, but I knew that was too much to ask for. Victoria often haunted my dreams, so it was a done deal that she’d show up tonight. In my dreams she was fiery and sexy, and this night was no different. I woke early the next morning, hard as steel and frustrated as hell. Like I often did, I wondered what would have happened if I’d just told Lily the truth. That I cared for Victoria. That I liked being with her and wanted to see where it would go between us. I hadn’t done that, so my chance to be with the one woman who I couldn’t get out of my system had passed.
I got out of bed, showered, giving into the lust with a less-than-satisfying jerk session, and then put on my suit and worked to steel my nerves to deal with the guilt and Victoria’s cool aloofness. Then I was out of this place, heading to Vegas and leaving the angst behind. Leaving Victoria for good.
Chapter 3: Being Mature
Victoria
Seeing Pax was harder than I thought it would be, which was frustrating because after six years, it shouldn’t have been so difficult. I ignored how good he looked in his slacks and white shirt, his hair cropped shorter, and the groomed stubble on his face. Instead, I put on a brave face and made it through the rehearsal. I stood at the top of the aisle, ready to walk down it, then Pax started to play and my heart stopped when I recognized the tune. Victoria’s Song. Or that was what he called it five years ago when he wrote it. Had that just been a lie? Was it a song he normally played to get into a girl’s pants? Now he was playing for Lily’s wedding. It was stupid, but I couldn’t help but feel like she’d once again taken something from me. But Pax was never really mine. And that song, he’d probably forgotten what he’d told me about it.
So I sucked up my crazy emotions and did my job as Lily’s friend and maid of honor. I was pleasant during the dinner, although I wanted to skewer my sister for asking Pax about my visit to London years ago.
“I remember everything about that visit,” he’d said. Yeah right. He remembered the mistake.
I was glad when the dinner was over and I could get away from Pax. I returned to the cabin that Lily and I were sharing at Pine Rest, the resort she’d stayed at during her exile after the Trask Holloway scandal.
“Just so you know, this won’t be our last sleepover,” Lily said as she and I sat on the couch, looking out on the view of the lake. I was having a glass of wine while she had tea.
“Oh? You’re about to be married and have a baby. I understand you won’t have a lot of time for me.”
“I always will have time for you.” She leaned her head over on my shoulder. “You’re my best friend. You never doubted me with that whole Trask Holloway fiasco. You supported me when I didn’t know what was going on with me and Wyatt.”
“I’m a good friend,” I said matter-of-factly.
She laughed. “The best. Now we need to find you a man.”
“Oh God.” I rolled my eyes, and then drank my wine to hide my resentment that she’d interfered with the one man I’d been most interested in. After Pax, I dated other men, but none of them had the unique combination of sweetness, creativity, and sexiness that Pax did. Then again, none of them called me a mistake, so clearly something was wrong with my heart.
“Really. I wish you could be as happy as me,” Lily sighed.
“Hmm.”
“Do you think Pax is happy?”
I nearly choked on my wine. “I don’t know. He’s a rock star who has raving fans throwing their panties at him. I think that’s the definition of happy for a man.”
Lily snorted. “He does have that, but it’s not really who he is. I mean, you know him. Deep down he’s a quiet introvert. He’d rather read a book or play his guitar than have panties thrown at him.”
“Is there something about him that makes you think he’s sad? He looked alright to me.”
“I don’t know. I just want everyone to be as happy as me and neither you or him seem happy. Successful yes, but not blissful.”
“You’re drunk on love,” I quipped.
“Is it annoying?” She grinned up at me.
“Yes. Nearly intolerable.”
Her smile faltered slightly. “I haven’t always been as good of a friend to you as you have to me.”
“Oh?”
“I was a bitch to you for a time. If it makes you feel any better, I treated Pax like crap too for a while.”
I drank my wine and realized that my glass was now empty. I definitely needed a refill.
“I should have known that it wasn’t a real thing between you two. I mean…I get it. Two young, hot people with a few drinks in them, of course you’re going let nature take over. But I know you two. It wouldn’t have led to anything.”
“No.” I really needed another drink.
“I’m glad we all got through that,” she said.
I was glad when we went to bed as I needed the alone time to regroup. It was annoying how much Pax was still in my system when I’d tried so hard to get him out. But I only needed to get through tomorrow and then I’d be home free and away from him.
The next day, I was too involved in making sure Lily was calm and everything was going to plan to worry about Pax. When Victoria’s Song played, I kept my eyes forward as I walked down the aisle to my spot. I was actually proud of myself for not looking at Pax.
I let myself get lost in the love-filled romantic moment of my best friend. Yes, Lily and I had some tough moments, the worst of which was my interlude with Pax, but we’d butted heads before and always remained friends. Now, my best friend was getting married to a man who loved her beyond anything I’d seen, except for Josh’s love for Allie, of course. I remembered joking with Allie when she and Josh got together, asking if he had a brother. Josh’s brother Wyatt was a great guy and a hottie, but we never clicked beyond supporting our siblings’ love for each other. Too bad for me. The Dalton men were real catches.
Because of Lily, Pax and their mother’s celebrity, the reception was held back at the large room at Pine Rest. A ballroom at one of the resort hotels would have been fancier, but it also would have been harder to keep gawkers and paparazzi out.
Even so, the room was decorated like a winter wonderland with lovely white lights and white and silver décor. With the wedding out of the way, the party could begin and we could all relax. Josh made a hilarious yet loving toast to his big brother and my father made a toast reminding Wyatt that he was the sheriff in this town and he carried a gun.
Pax played another song during the first dance and the father-daughter dance, and then put his guitar away and let the band take over. He was very nice to the band, all of whom seemed a little starstruck to be playing with him.
At the request of Mr. and Mrs. Minor, the main owners of the resort and adopted grandparents of anyone who stayed there, the band played a few old standards, starting with Embraceable You.