Cherished

by Lauren Dane

  “Is this an ultimatum?” His eyes narrowed and she wanted to cry so much.

  “I guess it is. I don’t like them. I’ve never given one before. But I can’t see any other way to live with myself if I don’t ask for what I need and walk away if I can’t get it.”

  “I’m glad I got to know you, Daisy. But I don’t do ultimatums. I’m a big boy and I don’t need a boss.”

  He stepped back and she felt so very empty and sad.

  “All right. I can’t make you stay. I can love you and let you go. I do hope you have a lovely life.”

  And she stood there and watched him grab his coat, hat and gloves and walk out her door.

  Then she let the tears come.

  Chapter 15

  Mary walked in without knocking to find her huddled in her bed, watching Steel Magnolias with a big box of tissues and the nearly empty Ben & Jerry’s pint clutched in her hand.

  “Oh my god. I’ve never seen you eat ice cream for a man before. And Steel Magnolias? I’m crying already.” Mary shook her head. “I brought carbs. But you are getting out of bed and we’ll go to Jules’s place. Gillian will meet us there with a fistful of non-weepers to watch. And then we’re going out.”

  “I am not company ready. Or going-out ready, for that matter.”

  Mary stomped over, ripped the blankets off and glared. “This has gone on long enough, Daze. We gave you a week. You’re done. He’s not worth this. Snap out of it.”

  Cold now, she rolled from bed and shuffled to her room to find something to wear.

  “Shower first,” Mary called out.

  A very good idea given her current state of messy tears and clogged-up nose.

  When they arrived at Jules’s Gillian was already there. “You look like shit.” Jules hugged her tight. “You must really dig this guy to be this upset. I’m sorry. Gillian and I are thinking of heading into Seattle to kick his balls.”

  Daisy laughed for the first time in a week.

  “I’ll get over it. Right now I don’t know how, but I know I will.”

  Gillian took her hands. “There’s our girl. Adrian says he knows a ton of hot single dudes if you want to be fixed up.”

  “I found her with a nearly empty carton of Chunky Monkey. She was watching Steel Magnolias.” Mary shook her head. “That totally calls for some ball kicking.”

  They all nodded and she felt better. “It’ll hurt awhile, right? And then it will hurt less every day and then I’ll be over it.”

  “Exactly. Now, I say we skip this movie stuff and we all go shopping and then to dinner and drinks.” Gillian kissed Daisy’s cheek. “He’s a total idiot to not love you right back. A right prat.”

  So she allowed them to dress her up. She did her hair, a braid wrapped at her crown and put on makeup for the first time in a week.

  “You look fabulous.” Mary hugged her and they were all off for a day out.

  “Mind telling me just exactly why you’re being such a grumpy asshole?” Jonah asked him in an undertone as they milled around a cocktail party he allowed his mother to fix him up for.

  “I’m not being a grumpy asshole.”

  Jonah rolled his eyes. “Not that Carrie doesn’t appreciate all the girly-type presents you’ve sent over the last week, but maybe you should tell me why you’re not giving presents to Daisy and why you’re here with Dyan when you clearly don’t have a single romantic or sexual tingle for her.”

  “She’s a beautiful woman; why wouldn’t I be here with her?”

  “Um, because you have a girlfriend already.”

  “We broke up.”

  “I figured that out when you showed up to this event with Dyan and not Daisy. What’d you do?”

  “Why do you assume I did it?”

  His brother snorted. “I don’t question gravity either. It just is.”

  “She wanted more than I could give.” He shrugged.

  Dyan made her way back over, sliding her arm through his. But it wasn’t the way Daisy did it. When Daisy did it, she only saw him, let him lead and fit him perfectly. This woman wanted everyone in the room to see she was with him. She wanted everyone else to see him, though she didn’t necessarily see him at all.

  Jonah made small talk but when he caught sight of his date, his daughter who looked lovely and sweet as her grandfather escorted her through the crowd, Jonah put his glass on a passing tray and said his good-byes.

  Dyan spoke and he nodded, only halfway hearing what she was saying. He hadn’t laughed once the entire evening. Daisy would have not only made him laugh, but she’d have made a few friends here. Dyan waited for people to come to them.

  And he was sure his mother approved.

  “I’m sorry, Dyan, but I’m not feeling very well. Can we say our good-byes and I’ll take you home?”

  “You could stay over if you like. You can rest of course.”

  The memory of Daisy telling him she didn’t fuck on the first date hit him with so much force he physically longed for her.

  He’d move on. He had to of course. But he didn’t fuck on the first date and he was done fucking anyone he didn’t care about.

  “I appreciate your very fine offer, but I’m afraid I’d be horrible company.”

  She shrugged. “My mother is here, I can get a ride home from her. Give me a call this week and let me know how you’re feeling.” She kissed his cheek. She’d been aiming for his lips but he turned his head.

  And he went home.

  Two weeks passed and it hadn’t stopped hurting. Daisy thought the whole concept was utter balls. She wasn’t supposed to be thinking of him all the time anymore.

  She was oh-so-lucky enough to see a picture of him in the paper at some swanky affair. In a tux no less. Christ, how much was she supposed to take anyway?

  Still, she shoved it all into her work. May as well use it, her grandmother had said. So she’d been working every night past midnight and had completed two new pieces.

  “That’s some dark shit right there.” Mary looked the largest over. A painting in dark blues and purples.

  “I’m bruised. It sort of fits,” she mumbled as she held two different frame pieces up against it. “This one I think I want to put in the show. I sent Mark a picture of it and he’s excited. At least there’s something.”

  “I’m heading over to Tart. Come with me. Jules will be there and she and I both love your ideas.”

  “All right.” She cleaned up and headed out.

  “Thank God for you guys. I’d be wallowing in a pint of ice cream right now if I didn’t have you.”

  Jules put a mug of tea in front of her. “Have some tea. He doesn’t deserve your ice cream tears, baby.”

  “He totally doesn’t.”

  “So you know what I was thinking?” Jules sat across from them, Mary on the end of the little table. Tart was closed for the night so they had the place to themselves.

  “Do tell.”

  “If this place is going to be Mary’s home base as well as mine and there’ll be people in here in the evenings as well as the daytime, I need to spiff it up. Adult it up, I guess. So, I think we need art.” Jules looked at Daisy. “And you’re my connection.”

  “You want me to see what I can find? I can see if local artists want to have stuff up here? It can be on display for a certain period of time or until it gets sold. Good idea.”

  “No! I want your art on the walls. Look, I know the gallery is far off the beaten path. I get a lot of foot traffic so why not set up part of Tart as your gallery? Hell, I’ve got five times your current space.”

  “So this place could be Delicious central?” Mary grinned. “I love that.”

  “Tart makes a decent profit. But if we combined the space we would all benefit. If I can wrest some of those art people who sit and slug back coffee up the street, my business will improve and you’ll have customers in here looking at your stuff.”

  “We decided to do a minimal lunch like you suggested.” Mary perked up. “Something supe
r easy and limited, we don’t need a full menu. But if we start small with some bites and have them finish with tarts or pastry? And seduce them with your art? Unstoppable. And I think we should continue to call this place Tart. She thought we should change it.”

  “Oh don’t! Tart is a fabulous name. It’s fun and sexy and flirty.”

  They grinned and continued to plan and for the first time in two weeks her chest didn’t hurt.

  He didn’t want to get up. So he didn’t, calling in sick and trying to go back to sleep. Which of course was interrupted by his brother pulling the bedding off him an hour later and shaking him, hard.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” He tried to grab the blankets back but Jonah had pulled them totally from the bed.

  “This is the third time you’ve called in sick since you and Daisy broke up. So you’re just going to let everything go to shit? Really?”

  “You burst into my house to wake me up and yell at me? Fuck off, Jonah. Go home. It’s none of your business if I want to take a personal day. I have enough of them.”

  “Your work is suffering. Your writing is shit. Your attitude is shit. Your house is a pit and for what? A woman?”

  “Go. Home.”

  “No. What’s your damage, Levi? Fix this thing with her. You’re a miserable prick without her.”

  “She’s a twenty-four-year-old pinup, Lindy-Hopping artist with tattoos. Oh and she’s built like a brick shit house. I can totally see her at fund-raisers with Mother at her side. Do you know who her best friend is engaged to?”

  “Do tell.” Jonah tossed himself in a nearby chair.

  “Adrian Brown. Adrian Brown’s teenage son builds snowmen in her yard. Her friends are as funky as she is.”

  “So what? I mean, I like Adrian Brown’s music. Why is her knowing him a bad thing? Did she fuck him?”

  “What? No, he’s engaged to Daisy’s friend. Daisy wouldn’t ever do that. I just mean she knows rock stars. On top of everything else, she knows rock stars.”

  “Okay another thing in her favor. Does she have a drinking problem? Does she bang the neighbors while you’re at work? Because that’s what you had before. Though she looked pretty on your arm at parties. Is that all you want? So Daisy’s not that. You had a sad, mixed-up girl who drank because she had no idea who she was otherwise. And that worked out well, yes?”

  “Yes and I knew her at twenty-four! Only I was twenty-six.”

  “And she was a young twenty-four. Kelsey was spoiled. Petty. Fluffy. She didn’t think about anything difficult or sad and she treated you like shit.” Jonah straightened his cuffs. “You’re missing the point and I can’t tell if it’s deliberate or not. This Daisy of yours is not a young twenty-four. She’s got an emerging career with her art. She runs a gallery with her grandmother. By the way I own three of her grandmother’s paintings so again, knowing her has perks, right? You said she works with her friends and does marketing too?”

  “Why won’t you go away?”

  “Manners. Anyway, so to cap, she’s a beautiful, intelligent, ambitious, successful, sexy woman. And you broke up with her why?”

  Levi put the pillow over his head.

  “You should just tell me. You can never hold out longer than I can. Forty years you’ve been my brother so you know this is fact. So tell me and once we’ve figured out a way through it, I’ll take you to breakfast.”

  The only person who could ever hold out against their mother was Jonah. He was the most stubborn individual Levi had ever known.

  “She wanted more than I could give. It wasn’t about her. She’s not a bad person.”

  “That won’t even get you a cup of coffee.” Jonah studied his watch a moment. “If you can’t be honest with yourself, then you’re wrong.”

  “I already told you. She won’t fit in my world. She said she felt like I was hiding her and I guess I probably was. It’s shitty, but it’s true anyway.”

  “Are you kidding me? You? The guy who got expelled from school three times because he had issues with authority? You? The guy who shamed Park and Howe into finally naming more women partners? You can’t possibly really be worried that your hot young girlfriend won’t fit in at some stupid charity mixer. If you do, first I’m going to punch you in the balls. Then I’m going to punch you in the face for being a stupid bastard. That old-school crap Mother does isn’t a barrier to your seeing Daisy. You’re making stuff up to keep her away.”

  Levi watched his brother, who stared right back, not taking any excuses.

  “You’re textbook. You love this woman. She gets to you. And as long as she goes along you’re fine. But she pushes back and you realize how deep you’re in with her and you let that be your excuse to keep her away.”

  He sucked in a breath.

  “It’s not the tattoos, though yes, we both know Mother will swallow her tongue. But no one else who matters is going to think twice. Other than to think it’s hot. Which I do, by the way. You’re not a classist asshole. This two different worlds thing is a shtick. An excuse. You keep saying that and hating all the women in our circle you never have to fall in love again. Or risk yourself.

  “That’s what this is. You’re scared because the last time you did this dance, you ended up with a dead wife everyone pretends was a saint. Love can break your fucking heart. I get it, right? I have to look in my daughter’s face every day and see parts of the woman who ripped me up. But what’s life if you shut yourself off to anyone who makes you feel? I can tell you the Levi before, when Daisy was in his life, was far preferable to this one. So get your ass up and get ready to grovel.”

  “You act like it’s easy.”

  “Easier than being alone. That’s your choice. She’s your future. Don’t fuck it up because you’re afraid. If you weren’t afraid, it wouldn’t be a very bold choice would it?”

  Daisy balanced on the ladder as she drilled the hardware into the wall at Tart. Once they’d made the choice to operate the space together, things had come along quickly.

  Probably because she thought about Levi less if she was very busy.

  “You’re going to get dust all over those pants.”

  She halted, turning slowly to find Levi standing in the doorway. All the love she pretended not to feel anymore rushed up, nearly choking her. Why the hell did he come here? There were other places to get coffee and something sweet.

  Her chest hurt and she gripped the drill so tight she was afraid she’d break it.

  “Do you have a few minutes?”

  “For what?” She was afraid to say more. Afraid she’d cry.

  Gillian walked in, talking and laughing with Jules, who halted and gave a serious-menace-face to Levi. “You.”

  He held his hands up in surrender. “I’m here to talk to Daisy.”

  Daisy climbed down and Gillian took her aside. “You don’t have to. We can shoo him away.”

  “No. I have to.” She put the drill back in the case and the case in the utility closet. While back there she took a moment to get her breath and to smooth a hand over her hair and reapply her lipstick.

  Damn, she was glad she’d had an appointment before she came to Tart so she was dressed up and had makeup on. Levi needed to see just what he was missing. Ass.

  “Do you have a coat? I thought a walk would be nice.”

  He had really good manners. She’d forgotten that. No, no, she hadn’t. She didn’t get close enough to let him help her get her coat on and she again was glad for that earlier appointment because she had her cute gloves and shoes on too.

  “I’ll be back in a bit.”

  Jules gave Levi the eye for long moments before she leaned in to kiss Daisy’s cheek. “No matter what, you are special. You are awesome. If he can’t see it, there will be others who will.”

  “Love you guys,” she said quietly before turning to the door and going out while he held it open for her.

  “You look beautiful.” He shoved his hands in his pockets as they walked. It wasn’t a cold day, but
a brisk breeze had kicked up, sending her hair all over the place.

  “What do you want, Levi?”

  “I wanted to see you again.”

  “Why?”

  “You’re tough once you really get mad.”

  She stopped, really, truly mad. “You broke my heart, Levi. That’s not me being tough, that’s me trying to hold my shit together so I won’t cry.” Her bottom lip started to wobble and she had to look heavenward and blink fast before she actually did it.

  “You tear me apart. I swore I’d never give anyone that power over me again. But I never counted on you.” He said it quietly. Vehement. “All that stuff you said was true. I was hiding you. Sort of. Not for the reasons you think.”

  There was enough traffic up and down the sidewalk that they had to continually move out of the way. “My car is there.” He pointed. “We can sit out of the wind and talk.”

  She chewed her lip as she considered it.

  “Please?” He held his hand out but she didn’t take it. She did nod and cross with him, pausing as he opened her door. It smelled of him so strongly she nearly burst into tears. She didn’t want to hope. He could be there to talk to her about any number of things.

  She took her gloves off and laid them carefully in her lap as he got in.

  He got in and they sat there, silent for several moments. “I’m sorry.”

  She looked to him. “For what?”

  “For breaking your heart. For making you cry.” Anguish washed over his features and she had to wrestle back her need to touch him, to comfort.

  “You were right. Like I said. I let myself think Gwen was right. But she isn’t. It’s not that you and I are from two different worlds. Though we are. It’s that I didn’t want to imagine a world without you in it. And that freaked me out. You matter to me in a way I promised myself I’d never allow again. Only it’s different in that I never felt this sort of intensity before. Not with anyone. Which made me feel like an asshole. After all I was married to Kelsey, shouldn’t I have felt like if I didn’t see her or hear her voice, I’d simply waste away?”