Safe

by Jess Bryant

  “Need you.”

  “You’ve got me.”

  “Inside,” Cruz all but hissed. “Get your dick inside me where it belongs.”

  Trevor tried to smirk, but he was too far gone to know if he managed it. He loved those words. Loved that Cruz felt all of the same things he felt. That they belonged together. That they were always meant to be together like this. Joined. One.

  Trevor pushed up and guided his sheathed cock to Cruz’s hole. “You ready for me, baby?”

  “Yes. Yes, yes, yes.”

  “Then push…” Trevor began to shift his hips forward and felt Cruz do the same.

  They both groaned when the ring of muscle gave, and Trevor slipped inside. Sweat broke out on his brow. He tried to hold himself back. He tried not to simply drive as deep as he could get. But Cruz was still pushing, pulling him closer by his hips so hard Trevor thought he would have bruises there tomorrow.

  And he fucking loved that.

  He wanted to mark Cruz. Claim him. He wanted Cruz to do the same for him. Someday, he’d let him. But for now this was enough. Having Cruz. Fitting their bodies together in the only way that mattered. The same way their hearts fit together. It was more than enough.

  “More,” Cruz demanded when Trevor paused and drew back an inch before pressing in a little further. “Fuck me, Trevor. Don’t hold back. You won’t break me. Just let go.”

  Trevor met Cruz’s eyes and saw the honesty there. The passion. The love. More importantly, he saw the trust. Cruz trusted him. Not just with his body but with his heart and his soul.

  He belonged to Trevor.

  It broke him. The last threads of control splintered, and Trevor groaned as his hips punched forward. The hot, slick slide made his eyes roll back in his head, and he only vaguely heard Cruz call out his name when he bottomed out inside him.

  “You’re mine,” he growled as he pulled his hips back and slammed back in.

  “Yours,” Cruz agreed without hesitation. “Oh, fuck, Trev… I’m close again.”

  “Me too, baby. Me too.”

  Trevor pushed Cruz’s leg back, giving himself more space to work. Cruz knew what he wanted and wrapped an arm around his other leg, pulling it up and back as well. The movement squeezed Cruz’s hole even tighter around Trevor’s length, and he moaned as he did what Cruz asked and simply let go.

  He thrust and thrust and thrust again. He kissed Cruz everywhere. Traced his hands over his body. Held him down and levered himself into him again and again. He lost his mind, lost his sanity, lost his grip on his tightly wound control. He let go, and he found himself all at the same time.

  This was where he belonged. Cruz was right. This was the man he was meant to be. Always. Cruz’s man. His lover. His boyfriend. His everything. Everything else melted away in those moments, and all of his doubts and fears, all of his reasons for playing it safe and living a lie, they all paled in comparison to the life he could have if he simply gave in to what he wanted and what he needed.

  “Cruz.”

  “Mmm…”

  “Say it again. Say you’re mine.”

  Dark eyes pierced straight through him from beneath thick lashes. “Yours. You know I’m yours.”

  Trevor sucked in a gulp of air as his balls pulled up tight.

  “But that means you’re mine too.” Cruz surprised him when he spoke again, softly but no less of a demand, of a claim, than Trevor’s own.

  “Yours,” he agreed, and with that admission, with his complete and utter surrender, his body gave up the fight.

  He came so hard he blacked out. Somewhere in the back of his mind he heard Cruz say he was coming too. He felt the warm, hard, hot body beneath him shudder and shake. He heard Cruz’s shout and didn’t even care if their neighbors, their teammates, heard. He didn’t care about anything anymore.

  Only Cruz.

  Loving him. Being with him. Being good enough for him. And making sure they got to spend the rest of their lives together.

  Trevor collapsed on top of Cruz with a grunt. He was heavy, but he knew Cruz could take it. His friend, his lover, proved it when he didn’t complain at all. Cruz only wrapped his arms around Trevor’s back and held him close.

  Their bodies were slick with sweat. Their heavy breaths the only sound in the room other than the buzz of the AC unit in the corner. They were wrapped around each other, and neither of them was ready to let go. Not yet.

  Not ever, if Trevor had any say in the matter.

  He’d sworn he wasn’t ready when Trent pushed him. That he wasn’t ready to give up baseball. That he wasn’t ready to come out. That he wasn’t ready to deal with the fallout of coming clean for the lies he’d told throughout his career. But he’d been wrong, and he’d known it from the moment he first let himself touch Cruz.

  None of it mattered. Not if it meant he got to be with the man he loved. Finally, finally, Trevor understood what his brother had been saying. Anything that kept him from being with Cruz wasn’t worth it.

  “I love you,” he muttered against Cruz’s neck as he nuzzled his face into the crook there.

  He loved the smell of him there. Sweat and man and musk. Sex. He smelled like Trevor too. He let his tongue trace a small patch of skin and hummed happily.

  Cruz held him tight, held him close, and his voice was sleepy but sated when he spoke again. “If you’d told me when we met, we could’ve been together all this time.”

  Trevor snorted. “It wouldn’t have been love then, only lust.”

  Cruz pressed a kiss to the top of his head and sighed, a happy, contented sound. “Well then, I’m glad we waited.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah, because I love you too.”

  Chapter Seven

  CRUZ STARED AT a sleeping Trevor, thinking about pinching him but settling for tracing his fingers over the scruff on his jawline. It was rough but soothing, reassuring. He wasn’t dreaming. Trevor was really in bed with him, and they’d really made love. This was real.

  Trevor nuzzled his face into the touch, and Cruz bit his lip to stifle a smile. It didn’t work. He could feel the grin work its way up his face. There was no stopping it. He tucked his own face into the pillow, hiding even though Trevor was asleep and therefore couldn’t see it.

  Cruz smiled. He couldn’t stop smiling. He was happy. He couldn’t remember ever being so happy. Being with Trevor made him happier than he’d ever been in his life.

  “Awfully proud of yourself, huh?” A deep, rumbling voice slid over him, and he couldn’t contain a chuckle.

  “Your eyes aren’t even open.”

  “I don’t need my eyes to know when you’re grinning. I can feel it. In here.” Trevor’s blue eyes lazily drifted open, and he raised Cruz’s hand from where it rested between them and pressed it to his chest, just over his heart. “I feel you, here.”

  Cruz melted. He absolutely melted. He loved bossy, dominant, demanding Trevor, but he loved this Trevor too. This not exactly new side of him but new in this intimate way.

  He’d always known Trevor had a soft spot for him. He’d let him close, let him in, when he kept everyone else at arm’s length. But this was something different, something deeper, something sweet and special, just between the two of them.

  “I feel you too.” Cruz scooted closer, until their legs tangled, and they shared breath, their lips a millimeter apart. “I feel you everywhere.”

  “Mmm.” Trevor’s lips twitched against his. “I like hearing that.”

  “I like getting to say it.”

  Trevor kissed him, softly, slowly, and Cruz melted even further against him. Until they were wrapped around each other. Until there was no space between them. Until they were one person. Moving together. With each other. Just the way it was supposed to be.

  When Trevor finally pulled back, he did it with a groan, as if it pained him, and Cruz’s heart tripped in his chest. Those blue eyes met his, and he drowned in them, just like he always had. From the moment they’d met, he’d gotten lost
in those blue eyes, and he didn’t want to ever find his way out, to find himself on the other side of that icy reserve, not ever again.

  Trevor rubbed his thumb over Cruz’s bottom lip. “We should probably have that talk now.”

  Serious. So serious. Cruz wanted to shake his head. He wanted to distract Trevor with more kisses and touches. He wanted his turn to learn every inch of Trevor’s body, to stake his claim and make him squirm. But the seriousness in those dazzling blue eyes, the hint of sadness he suddenly detected in Trevor’s voice, made him nod instead.

  Whatever Trevor had to say, Cruz would figure out a way to make them work. Whatever the apprehension was in having this conversation, they could figure it out. They were together now. Right? Cruz swallowed hard and prayed he hadn’t completely misjudged this situation and this man.

  “You said you love me,” he whispered softly, reminding them both, and Trevor’s eyes softened even further.

  “I did. I do.” Trevor pressed their foreheads together. “I’m not breaking this off or breaking up with you or pushing you away or whatever the term is people use these days. I love you, Cruz.”

  “I love you too.”

  That made Trevor smile just a little. “You should know you’re the only man I’ve ever said that to, for starters. I don’t date. I can’t. I’m not out. I never even considered coming out, not since I was a kid, certainly not after I entered the league. Being gay wasn’t an option when I started out.”

  “I know.”

  “No. You don’t. You really don’t.”

  “Trev—”

  “No.” Trevor cut him off with a no-nonsense tone. “Let me talk first, Cruz. Let me explain, and then, if you still have questions, you can ask them then. But let me talk first, please, or I’m not sure I’ll get the words out.”

  Cruz bit his lip and nodded. He didn’t even want to argue. He wanted, needed, to hear everything Trevor had to say. He’d always wanted to know everything there was about him. He needed to know Trevor’s story, his past, so he could understand how he fit into his future.

  “When I was a teenager, my twin brother came out to our parents.” Trevor’s voice faltered momentarily, but he regained his composure and continued. “He expected me to support him, stand up for him, stand with him, because he knew as well as I did he wasn’t the only one that was into guys. But I didn’t.”

  Cruz slid a hand into Trevor’s and squeezed. Trevor squeezed in return. It was something. Cruz had a feeling this story was going to get worse before it got better. He knew enough to know the twins had only recently reconciled and reentered each other’s lives.

  “Our parents…our father…he was homophobic. Hell, he was a homophobic, racist, women-should-be-in-the-kitchen asshole. I hated him but…”

  “But he was your dad,” Cruz finished for him when Trevor blew out a rough breath.

  “Yeah, he was my dad and he was the one who had put me on the path towards baseball, the one thing in the world I loved most. I couldn’t…I wouldn’t…risk it. I didn’t want to lose my chance at a life doing what I loved, and as a teenager, that’s all I saw when I looked at a future where I was openly gay. A life that couldn’t be lived in locker rooms. One where I was an outcast. A freak.”

  Cruz winced at the harsh words but reminded himself it had been a different time. Trevor was older than him. Even now, being open about his sexuality wasn’t easy. There were teammates who made horribly inappropriate jokes. There were some who refused to change in the locker room with him. He was confident enough in his skill and who he was not to let it faze him too much, but Trevor hadn’t had the support system of an accepting family and friends like Cruz did.

  “I hid my sexuality and I cut Trent out of my life. Maybe he cut me out of his too. I don’t know, but we didn’t talk for almost a decade. Letting him back in my life after he came out publicly to the world, it hasn’t been easy, but… I couldn’t turn my back on him again. I wouldn’t. Not this time.”

  “I’m proud of you for that,” Cruz whispered though Trevor didn’t seem to hear him.

  “The thing is, ever since Trent came out and we started talking, he’s been on my ass to man up and own my own shit. Not just my sexuality but my truth.”

  “What’s your truth?”

  Trevor reached out and brushed his hair back softly, a flicker of a smile across his lips, “I’m in love with someone I shouldn’t be.”

  Cruz felt a lump form in his throat. “What?”

  “You’re on your way up, baby. You have your whole life ahead of you. You’re going to get called up soon. You know that right? You’ll be heading to the big show and leaving me and Texas and the Titans behind. The Skylines want you in Chicago. They’re just waiting for a spot in the line up to clear. Thomlin all but told me as much, Cruz. You’re going places. Big places. And I’m going the opposite direction.”

  “But…”

  “Don’t say it isn’t true.” Trevor gave him that stern look that froze him in place. “I had my chance. I didn’t make it. It’s fine. I’ve come to terms with it.”

  “But what’s that got to do with us?”

  “I don’t want to drag you down.”

  “You’re not. You won’t.” Cruz shook his head forcefully when Trevor looked less than convinced. “I don’t give a shit who you play for or if it’s in Fenway or the fucking North Forty Field. I’m in love with you. Not the jersey you wear.”

  “What if I don’t wear a jersey at all?”

  Cruz cocked his head. “What?”

  “My knee.” Trevor sighed heavily, as if just saying the words weighed heavy on him. “I’m done, Cruz. I can’t keep going like this. Some days when I squat behind the plate, I’m not sure I can get back up. My knee is going and Upton knows it. He’s been charitable letting me play this long, but…”

  “You’re retiring?” Cruz blinked in shock. “But you love baseball more than anyone I know.”

  “I do love baseball, but I love you more.”

  He simply stared at the handsome man in bed beside him. He still wasn’t sure what the two things had to do with each other. So they were at different points in their career. That didn’t matter to him. It wasn’t as if he was going to hit the big leagues and change who he was at his core or what he wanted.

  He wanted Trevor. Only Trevor. Forever.

  “If I give up baseball, I can come out of the closet.” Trevor finally gave him the puzzle piece to link it all together. “I can come out. I can be gay. Openly. But it doesn’t mean I have to be linked to you. It’s going to be a shitshow since I’ve lied for so long, and I don’t want to drag you into my mess. It isn’t fair to you.”

  Cruz softened, cupping Trevor’s cheek. “You silly, ridiculous man. I love you. If you come out, you’re damn sure going to be linked to me. I’m not giving anyone else a shot at you. You aren’t dragging me into anything. I’m walking in with my eyes wide open.”

  “You saw the shitshow Trent went through when he came out. He thought he was ready for it, but he wasn’t and Lance…”

  “They made it through. So will we.”

  Trevor stared at him for a long moment. Brows furrowed. Jaw tense. He slid his fingers through Cruz’s hair again and again. He cuddled closer, into the touch, trying to prove to this man he wasn’t going anywhere. Not now. Not ever.

  “We won’t be teammates anymore,” Trevor finally said.

  “I don’t care about that.”

  “Don’t dismiss it so lightly. It’ll change things. We won’t be on the same schedule. No more sharing rooms. Locker rooms or hotel rooms. No more sharing headphones on the bus or a plane. If we’re not teammates, we won’t be able to be together 24/7 like we’re used to.”

  Cruz felt his own brows furrow. Trevor was right. He hadn’t thought that far ahead.

  “We’ll figure it out.”

  “We’ll be in different states and—”

  “What if you came with me? To Chicago?” He cut Trevor off and then bit his lip. “
I mean, if you’re retiring then…why not? What’s stopping us from being together other than ourselves?”

  Trevor’s lip pursed again. “I’m not just going to follow you around like a lost puppy with no purpose.”

  “That’s not what I meant either… I mean, I can get you a job with the Skylines if they think that highly of me right? I can—”

  “Cruz.” There was a warning tone in Trevor’s tone, and Cruz instantly winced because he knew he was only making it worse.

  “Sorry. Shit. That sounded like—”

  “Like you want me to be your kept man.” Trevor grinned suddenly, laughter in his voice. “You’re usually better with words than this, baby.”

  Cruz chuckled in return. “You’re right. I am. But I’m also good with actions so… How about you let me show you how much I love you right now? I’ll show you why no matter where we go or what happens next, we’ll make it work because we’re right for each other.”

  Trevor bit his lip and groaned when Cruz slid a hand down his stomach and toyed with his cock. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. We were made for each other.”

  “Show me.” Trevor bucked his hips gently into Cruz’s touch. “Show me.”

  Cruz licked his lips and slid down the bed, kissing every inch of skin he could reach on his way down. Trevor’s skin. Warm and golden and perfect. And his, all his.

  Epilogue

  “FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.” Trevor ground his erection up against Cruz as he swerved his hips, pressing them together as they dry-humped in the front seat of the expensive car in the empty driveway of the large, fully lit house. “Gonna make me come.”

  “No coming.” Cruz bit his bottom lip, dragging it between his teeth to the point of pain before releasing him and lessening the pressure. “Not until we have time to be alone.”

  Trevor all but growled, “Fuckin’ tease.”

  “You know it.” Cruz chuckled as he trailed his lips down Trevor’s clean-shaven jaw. “I haven’t seen you in almost a month, and you choose to spend our night off having dinner with your family instead of fucking me into the mattress in our hotel room.”