Living Separate Lives

by Paulette Harper

  Candace responded slowly. “I know, and for me to call and dump all my junk on you didn’t help.” She took a sip of her drink.

  Kaylan shook her head in disagreement. “Girl, we go back to high school. You didn’t dump anything on me that I didn’t want to hear. I’m just glad you called.” Kaylan sighed. “We need each other.”

  Candace looked skeptical. “Kaylan, don’t anyone need me. People gave up on me long ago.” Tears welled up in Candace’s eyes. Kaylan reached into her purse, handed her some tissue, and placed the rest of it on the table. Kaylan looked intently at her.

  “That’s not true. I’m not one of those people who gave up on you. Don’t put me in that same boat. Why you feel that way?”

  Candace shrugged her shoulders. “All the stuff that has happened in my life, no one even bothered to reach out to me. Y’all living large and I’m living in misery.” Candace words cut Kaylan’s heart. Clearly, Candace had developed bitterness, and it showed in her speech. A moment passed before Kaylan spoke.

  “Wait a minute, Candace. I can only speak for myself. You are right. I should have tried harder to stay connected, but that goes both ways, correct? I don’t know what you mean by living large, but everything I have, I’ve earned with hard work,” Kaylan retorted. Kaylan was surprised at herself. She felt Candace’s pain, but didn’t want her to get away with not owning up to her own decisions in life. She realized that Candace had it hard, but she had the same opportunities presented to her; however, she chose to go in another direction.

  Candace’s eyes widened. “I know, Kaylan. I’m sorry. I’m in this condition because I made bad choices and those choices backfired.” The tension in Candace’s voice eased. “I can’t blame anyone else for where I am. I know I need to put my big-girl pants on and deal with where I am.”

  Kaylan sighed inwardly, and prayed that God would give her the words to say to give Candace some encouragement. She knew Candace was hurting, and she wanted God to use her to be a blessing to her friend. She would wait for God to tell her what to do. “Well, girlfriend, where you’re at, it is not permanent,” Kaylan said. “You have to first start with God. I know God can help you, and He’s willing to take the pieces of your life and put things in order.”

  Candace nodded her head. “You’re right. I know I need to re-dedicate my life to Christ.”

  Kaylan wasted no time in responding. “We can pray right here if you don’t mind.”

  Candace laughed. “Okay, let’s do this.” Kaylan extended her hand across the table, and opened her palms as an invitation for Candace to pray with her. Candace eagerly accepted. As they prayed, Kaylan could feel the presence of God. Candace’s voice began to shake as she repeated the words.

  Minutes later, they finished their prayer and released their hands from one another. When their eyes locked, both were filled with tears. They reached for the tissue on the table and cleaned their faces. Kaylan scooted out her chair and came around the table to give Candace a hug.

  “Thank you, Kaylan. This means a lot to me. It feels like a ton of weight was just lifted off my shoulders,” Candace said.

  “Praise God!” Kaylan said with a smile. “You don’t have to thank me; I’m so happy that I was here for you. From this moment forward, we are going to stay connected, all right?”

  Candace nodded. “That sounds like a plan. Love you, girlfriend.”

  “Love you, too, Candace. Well, since we got that cleared up, I can tell you about our girls’ weekend that I’m planning,” Kaylan said with excitement as she returned to her seat. She couldn’t wait to start filling Candace in on the plans. “Well, I’ve already spoken with Jordan and Tiffany, and they are in. I’m planning on having all of you come to my home in Napa the first weekend in April. Will you be able to come?”

  Candace grinned. “Yes. I don’t have anything on my calendar. Even if I did, I would make some adjustments. I don’t want to miss this. So everyone will be there, huh?”

  “Great,” Kaylan said. ”Yes, everyone will be there. I’ve contacted one of my friends who owns a day spa, and she’s willing to come give us massages. I’m going to have our weekend catered by one of the best companies in Napa County. You won’t need to bring anything except some clothes and toiletries. April is a perfect month to do this. The weather is going to be fabulous.” Candace sat and looked amazed as Kaylan gave all the details about their weekend retreat.

  “Girl, how big is your house, and what about Bryan? You kickin’ him out his own house?” They both laughed.

  “No,” Kaylan chuckled. She reached for her coffee. “We have a two-bedroom, in-law unit in the back of our home that has plenty of room. Since it will be in April, we will set up the massages outside next to the pool.”

  Candace eyes widened. “You have an in-law unit and a pool, huh? Wow, that’s nice. You have pictures of your house?”

  “I do.” Kaylan reached for her purse that was in the empty chair and took out her iPad. She placed the electronic device in front of her, turned it on, and waited for the menu options to appear. When the camera option came on the screen, she scooted her chair around the table and sat closer to Candace. “Here is my house,” Kaylan said. She moved the screen from left to right, showing Candace all the pictures of her property from the outside to the inside. Kaylan didn’t know how seeing her home made Candace feel, so she waited until Candace gave her the go ahead before showing her the in-law unit.

  “Kaylan, this is beautiful, and the decorations are off the chain. So where is the in-law unit?” Candace asked her friend. Kaylan scrolled through her iPad menu and located another file that had all her pictures of the in-law unit.

  “Here is the in-law unit.” Kaylan once again scrolled the pictures from one direction to another, showing Candace more of the vineyard. Candace peered at the pictures. She could see that Kaylan’s life had been blessed. She could only hope that from that day forward, maybe something great would come of her life. After the slide show, Kaylan stood up, grabbed her chair, and placed it back in its previous position, all the while securing her iPad back in her purse.

  As the ladies continued their conversation, Kaylan decided to talk about Candace’s relationship with Derrick. Although Candace tried to hold back her tears as she discussed it, Kaylan could feel her pain. “Candace, I’m sorry about Derrick. Do you have any pictures of him?”

  “No, we were a very private couple, and never took pictures together. But we were happy. He was trying to help me get myself together, and then the script flipped. But I will always cherish the moments we shared.”

  Hearing firsthand about Derrick and all that Candace was going through only made Kaylan want to bless her friend the more. Her friend had lost her man and had gotten laid off from her job, but was still standing. A scripture came to Kaylan’s mind as she reflected on her friend’s situation: “And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you [with abundant increase of favors] and make your name famous and distinguished, and you will be a blessing [dispensing good to others].” Kaylan leaned back in her chair and said, “Candace, I want to bless you. God has blessed me so I could be a blessing to others.”

  Candace cocked her head. “Kaylan, you don’t have to do any more. I didn’t call you to get anything from you other than our reconciliation.”

  Kaylan sighed. “I know, but this is something I’m led to do. Just receive what I want to do for my girlfriend, okay.”

  “Okay,” Candace retorted. She sat back in her chair and played with her fingers.

  Kaylan reached over and grabbed her purse. She pulled out her checkbook and wrote Candace a sizeable check.

  When Candace saw that the check was written out for two-thousand dollars, a feeling of guilt and shame came over her. Part of her wanted to tell Kaylan the truth about her former love relationship; yet the other side told her to shut up and take the money. And as she placed the money inside her cross body bad, Candace looked at her friend with a half-smile. Telling her the truth would just have to wa
it for another day; and she would just have to deal with her guilt later.

  Chapter 6

  Candace arrived home after her lunch with Kaylan and found it just as she had left it. She walked into her bedroom where she quickly removed her clothes and stepped into the shower. The falling water caused her to relax, enabling her to process what had just transpired.

  Her lunch meeting with Kaylan had her re-examining her life, which was filled with so many secrets, secrets that no one else knew, and secrets she’d take to her grave. The guilt would definitely eat her up before she shared with her best friends the double life she had been living.

  Her life went on a complete spiral after Derrick died. At least that’s the story she had been telling people for quite some time. Truth was, Derrick really wasn’t dead. He was very much alive, but his identity prevented Candace from sharing with others their love affair. After numerous disappointments in life, she fell into a deep depression, which led to drinking, smoking, and taking all kinds of prescription pills. When she wanted to finally give up on life, she met this incredible man named Derrick, who helped build her self-esteem again. In essence, Candace felt like this was the love of her life, her hero, the man that God sent to be with her.

  But even though she felt this way about him, Derrick was not able to fully commit to her as she wanted. He was married, and although he told her that his marriage was rocky and on the verge of divorce, he was still not ready to end it. This was something that Candace could not accept, so she broke it off with him, only to return to his warm embrace again after being lonely for a week. Derrick seemed to have a hold on her, one that she could not let go.

  Drinking, smoking, and sleeping around had no limits, where Candace was concerned. She wanted to stop, but the pull was too hard, and the struggle to quit never did win. She didn’t know he was married and had kids, nor did she know to whom he was married. That is until one night when she picked his pocket and found some pictures in his wallet of a beautiful family, a happy family, it seemed. That was the night her dreams ended and the charade began.

  As Candace sat in her room, she began to reflect on how they first met. It was a rainy night in December when she decided to grab a bite to eat at Jazzy’s restaurant. The holiday season was in full swing. It was a time for people to shop, eat, and enjoy their families. But not for Candace; she hated the holiday season because she had no one to spend that special time with. Trying to get out of an emotional funk, she grabbed her purse, keys, coat, and umbrella and headed out the door, all the while praying that her car would start.

  Happy with the sound of the engine running, she hoped her car would get her to the restaurant and back home safely. She put her car in drive, and after thirty minutes, she pulled into the parking lot. She drove around the lot twice before she found an empty parking stall. She unbuckled her seat belt and climbed out of the car. She grabbed her coat from the passenger seat and slid it on. Moments later, she walked into the restaurant.

  Just as she figured, Jazzy’s was filled with people, laughing and enjoying the casual atmosphere. Instead of waiting for a table, she decided to sit at the bar.

  “Why in the world did I do this?” she asked herself. “It is so crowded.” She gave the waitress her order, pulled her phone out of her purse, and checked her emails in her Facebook page. Her attention was turned to the groups of people throughout the restaurant who were enjoying each other’s company. Her eyes met the eyes of one of the men sitting at the bar. When she saw him looking at her, she immediately re-focused her attention on her phone.

  She could feel him staring at her as she tried to concentrate on other things. Each time she looked up, she could see him peering at her. Made uncomfortable by his actions, she glanced at the time on her phone and wondered how long it would be before her meal arrived.

  “Excuse me.” She looked up at the tall, dark-skinned man who stood before her. It was the man from the opposite end of the bar. “I apologize for interrupting you,” he said. “Is the seat next to you taken?” The gentleman stood over her with his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. She took a good whiff of his cologne, which was intoxicating.

  She answered slowly, “No. It’s not.”

  “Do you mind if I sit next to you?” he asked cautiously. Before she answered, the waitress arrived with her meal. The waitress placed her chicken salad on the table in front of her and refilled Candace’s soda.

  “Sure you can,” Candace answered as she began to taste her meal selection.

  “Would you like to order now, Derrick?” the waitress asked the gentleman sitting next to Candace. Derrick gave the waitress his dinner order. He must come here a lot; the waitress knows his name, Candace thought.

  “How’s your meal?” He paused for her to respond. She took a deep breath before answering.

  “It’s good,” she replied.

  “I’m sorry, I haven’t properly introduced myself. My name is Derrick.” Candace used the linen napkin on her lap to wipe her mouth. She turned and faced Derrick.

  “Nice to meet you, Derrick. You must come her quite often; the waitress knows your name.” He winked and laughed out loud but didn’t answer.

  I’m Candace,” she chuckled. She thought about how stupid she must have looked and wished she could have changed her response. She felt like a teenager just meeting a boy for the first time. Derrick extended his left hand to meet Candace’s. Her eyes lowered to see if a ring was on his finger, but there was none. His grip was firm, yet gentle. She looked at him and wondered why he was being so friendly to her. She didn’t come into the restaurant with any intentions of picking up anyone. She had done many things in her life, but picking up men was not one of them. However, after their initial meeting, Candace spent as much time with Derrick as she possibly could. For Candace, meeting Derrick was the best thing to happen to her. No wonder she was in love.

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  What a complete mess she’d made of her life. How could she look her friends in the face without feeling the guilt? And how could she attend the retreat and hold her head up high? Those questions raced through her mind, but she didn’t have any answers. She knew her past had finally caught up with her and she couldn’t hide her sins from the world anymore. She had to accept the consequences of her actions and the possibility of losing the people who mattered most to her, beside Derrick. Candace was emotionally torn in two directions—should she tell the truth about everything and lose everyone, or continue deceiving herself and others?

  She emerged from the shower and slid on her over-sized tee shirt and sweats. She walked into her kitchen and filled her tea kettle with water. While her water was boiling, she looked through the mail that was on the kitchen table to only find bills. Minutes later, the teapot sounded. She took a cup from the cabinet and poured herself a cup.

  Candace took a sip and headed for the living room. She sat on her brown sofa and placed her tea on the table located next to her, before turning on the television. She popped in one of her favorite DVDs from her Tyler Perry collection. Just like those films, Candace felt like her life was filled with a lot of drama. And with all the lies, she began to wonder what part of her life had any truth to it.

  Chapter 7

  The day that Jordan discovered the text message, she slid on a jogging suit and a white, long-sleeve shirt, and hurried out the house in an effort to escape the pain she had experienced. She called Tiffany to let her know she was on her way over. She got into her car and gripped the steering wheel as tightly as she could. She pulled out of the garage and headed towards Tiffany’s house to relieve some stress. Driving down the road, she could only pray that God would give her the strength to face Eric and make the necessary decisions that needed her attention.

  Her eyes filled with tears as the honks of other cars managed to interrupt her thoughts of the trauma she was now in. She weaved in and out of the traffic, not knowing what direction her car was taking her. The whispers in her ears kept speaking louder and louder the more she drov
e. She steered her car until the weeping became so bad that she could not drive anymore. She pulled her car into the nearest lot and parked in the first available stall. Her body was shaking. She prayed that she would make it to Tiffany’s house in one piece.

  She reached into the glove compartment and found some tissue to clean herself. Who was this woman Eric was seeing behind her back? She couldn’t imagine being married all this time and not knowing the double life her husband was living. She felt like a complete fool.

  How did we get here? The question echoed through her head. As far as she was concerned, her life was going well. She had a great job and a great husband, so she thought. She had a good church, wonderful friends and two beautiful kids. Now, with a snap of a finger, in a moment’s time, her life had changed.

  The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to explode. Her cheeks were flushed as the blood inside her began to boil. Thoughts of revenge bombarded her mind. Maybe one of those stories on Lifetime could give her an idea of how to get even. She wished she could poison his food or hit him with a bat and get away with it, but she knew she couldn’t, because her convictions would not let her. Her brain was telling her one thing and her heart the complete opposite. A vision of the movie, Waiting to Exhale, flashed in her mind, especially the scene when Angela Bassett sets her husband’s clothes on fire. That seemed like a great way to release some of her anger. She wanted to show Eric just how she really felt. But in her heart of hearts, she knew she couldn’t do that either.

  “Why can’t I get even, Lord?” she yelled. Although she asked this question, within herself she knew the answer.

  A still small voice replied, “Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.”

  “Okay, Lord; but I still want to know who she is.” How could she find out who his mistress was? What would she do when, or if, she found out? Would she have the guts to confront her? “I must be totally crazy. I am not in high school anymore. Confronting someone in these times is a sure way to get killed,” she said to herself.