by Emma Quinn
“Oh my God.” Once we were both done, we collapsed onto the bed next to each other, panting desperately. “Angelo, that was…” I felt drunk, but not from booze, from him. He was everything.
He burst into giggles which caused me to do the same. I wasn’t sure why but it suddenly felt really funny. There had been something building for a while, and now that it had I wasn’t sure what would happen next. How were we going to act around one another after this had happened?
Angelo turned onto one side and his eyes fluttered closed. For some reason, having sex had made me extra hyper and him very tired. I turned onto my side too, and I watched him drift into a peaceful sleep. He looked so angelic, so gorgeous, so lovely. I couldn’t help but like him.
What am I going to do? I thought desperately to myself. What if he doesn’t want me? What if this is just a one night stand type of thing?
It was possible, if I was totally honest. Angelo was known for sleeping around and not being faithful to anyone. What if I turned into just another notch on the bed post? That would be really awkward.
With an ice cold fear racing through me, I slid out of the bed and grabbed my clothing. I didn’t want to be next to Angelo in the morning if he didn’t want to know. I needed to at least keep some of my dignity intact. I didn’t want the humiliation of having ‘the talk’ tomorrow morning.
I couldn’t look at him as I got dressed, I sunk into my own little world of panic. What had seemed so fun before was now a real mess. Disastrously so. I couldn’t believe that I’d gotten carried away with myself, I definitely shouldn’t have done that.
This was a mistake… what the hell was I going to have to do now?
15
Angelo
W
aking up without Faye by my side was very strange, it was a feeling I didn’t like. It scared me that I’d done something wrong. As far as I was concerned, we’d had a really awesome night and finally our feelings had developed into something real… but it seemed that she didn’t feel the same at all. The fact that she’d run off in the middle of the night suggested that she only saw it as a one-night stand.
That, I understood, of course I was known for never committing to anyone ever, but Faye was different. She was the only person in the world that I might actually consider changing that for.
Maybe Simon came back and freaked her out, I tried to convince myself as I walked to practice. Maybe once I see her everything will be cleared up and fine… it’s possible, right?
The sinking feeling in my chest suggested that maybe not but I tried my hardest not to get too lost in that. It wasn’t like me to be so freaked. Maybe that was a sign that I needed to be brave and just speak to her then next time I got a chance. It wouldn’t be easy to be honest with my feelings, but I needed to. I would have to just confess that I liked her, that didn’t sound too difficult.
“Hey, mate!” Kevin’s voice interrupted me from my deep thoughts. “You headed to practice?”
“Erm…” I didn’t know why he was asking me that since he clearly knew. “Yeah, I am.”
“Oh good, that’s awesome.” He had too much of a bright smile on his face, it annoyed me, it suggested that there was more going on. He seemed to know something that I didn’t. I didn’t like being on the outside, it made me feel very uncomfortable. “Well, after practice I have my first meeting with Faye, and I’m very much looking forward to it, if you know what I mean?”
He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at me, showing exactly what he meant. There was something about his words that felt like a challenge. He was turning Faye into a competition, which I didn’t like one bit. The fact that I was winning and I didn’t brag about it, said absolutely everything.
“I didn’t know I was done with Faye,” I replied hollowly. “Don’t I have more time?”
I tried to count back over the weeks but everything had gotten so mixed up. With college work, drama rehearsals, and football stuff, I barely knew what was going on anymore. All I knew for sure was that I wasn’t anywhere near ready to give up on my alone time with Faye yet. How was I going to get her alone to speak to her about my feelings? That would be hard enough without making it worse.
Urgh, plus the thought of her being anywhere near Kevin killed me. It crushed my chest.
“Nope, Dimitri announced it today. It’s time for me to be in the spotlight for a while.”
I didn’t need the channel anymore really, it had done me good, but I still felt gutted. I could give up the spotlight without even a scrap of jealousy, but the girl, not so much. I was going to have to get Dimitri to one side to try and change his mind somehow… all without making him suspicious.
“Oh well…” I smiled thinly, trying to hide my feelings. “Good luck with that, buddy. Should be fun. I’m sure the YouTube channel will get you the attention you want.”
I tried to say that in a friendly way, but it seemed to come across a bit angry. I couldn’t seem to stop myself from lashing out despite the fact that it really wasn’t helpful at all. Kevin glared at me in retaliation, staring at me as if the Devil had crawled up my butt and was controlling me.
“We don’t all need the attention to get far in life like you do,” he snapped back angrily. “Some of us are smart and could do it on our own merits, thank you very much.”
A million and one retorts flew through my mind but I didn’t let any of them out. There wasn’t any point in me getting into a fight with Kevin, that would only encourage him to get back at me and since he’d turned Faye into a contest, I didn’t want her to get sucked into this mess.
I had to admit that the thought of how much Faye liked Kevin before haunted me. What if she still had feelings for him? What if she fell for him more as she spent time with him? What if she forgot all about me? I didn’t think I would be able to handle it, I would have to push my misgivings to one side and tell her right away. Then at least I would’ve given it my all. If she still rejected me and didn’t want me, then there wasn’t anything I could do about it. If I left it for too long, I would always blame myself.
As we reached the changing rooms, I allowed Kevin to go inside and I grabbed hold of Dimitri.
“Has something happened?” I asked him anxiously. “I’m not supposed to be done with Faye yet, am I? I thought we still had a lot longer to… to… get stuff done?”
“Oh, no I think it might be a bit sooner than I said, but your videos have already done so well, haven’t they? I just think if we keep pushing you the audience might get bored so it’s time to mix it up a bit.” He shrugged at me, not seeming to sense my inner pain at all. “Sometimes I have to make executive choices that aren’t always popular, but I’m doing it for the best of the team.”
He thought the same as Kevin, that I was upset because I was losing the lime light and the sad thing was I would have to continue letting him think that because I couldn’t be honest. It was too tragic for words, especially as I had the horrible feeling that I was about to be rejected.
“Okay, sure.” I grinned as brightly as I could. “I just wanted to check.”
I turned back to walk towards the changing rooms, but I didn’t quite get there before Dimitri dropped another bomb shell. “We’re having a celebration party tonight for Kevin, which will provide some good footage for the channel. Don’t forget to be there and tell the other boys too.”
I slid my eyes closed in distress. That was just freaking perfect!
“Yep, will do,” I replied through gritted teeth. “I’ll make sure everyone is there to celebrate Kevin.”
He was going to love this, he would lap up the attention like it was owed to him rather than something we all got. Because he liked Faye he had become something of an enemy and I hated him. I became acutely aware of every single one of his faults and they annoyed me.
I was angry at myself too, I was the one who told Faye to dress a bit more seductively for him, not knowing how that was going to affect me too. I had basically buttered her up and sent her to him on a platter.
I would have to hear about it too, Kevin wasn’t going to keep it quiet. He would definitely kiss and tell which would crush me. This was why I didn’t ever want to like anyone while I was at college. It was an incredibly unnecessary distraction that I would have done anything to get rid of.
My mood continued to sour throughout the day. My performance suffered so much I was glad I wasn’t the star of the show anymore. It was also a good thing that it wasn’t a game or I would have let everyone down. It was a disaster but I couldn’t keep my head focused. Images of Faye and Kevin kept tormenting me all day long. I liked her too damn much.
And now I had to go to a fucking party to watch it happening in front of me.
“What is up with you?” Simon asked with a chuckle. “You’ve been sitting with your head in your hands for ages now. If I didn’t know better, I’d think that it was girl problems…”
I scoffed, making an irritated noise at him. I didn’t want to get into the details of this right now while I felt so foul. It sucked and I didn’t need reminding that I probably deserved this since I was the one who usually spent a lot of time pushing people away. I shook my head dismissively.
“Just got to have a party tonight to celebrate Kevin for no good reason.”
“My God, you guys spend so much time partying, I’m surprised you get anything else done.”
“Tell me about it.” I rolled my eyes dramatically. “It’s a freaking mess. I think Dimitri gets lost in the promotion side of things much too often and he forgets that we’re just sports men.”
Simon nodded slowly and thoughtfully. I could tell he knew that there was so much more to my mood, but thankfully he didn’t push it. He knew me well enough to know that I couldn’t always talk.
I pushed myself off the bed and forced myself to do the one thing I didn’t feel ready to. I was more than ready to lie on the bed and sack it off, but eventually Simon would crack and drinking it away felt better than talking about it. Plus, if Faye would be there I wanted to talk to her before Kevin could.
“I suppose I better make an appearance,” I said gravely. “I shouldn’t be too late back. Unless you want to come?” If Simon was with me, maybe it wouldn’t be too bad…
“Nah, I’ve got too much to do here. I have work I need to get sorted tonight. Deadlines, you know?”
Urgh, sometimes he had it so much easier than me. I wished that I could be him, just for a short while. I would much rather have something else to focus on than what may or may not happen.
I left the room and walked towards the bar where Dimitri instructed me to go to. The whole time I felt like shit about myself, I didn’t want to be doing this at all. Each step felt like I was growing closer to my death. It was like being on Death Row, only much more frightening.
I sucked in a couple of deep breaths before I pushed the door open. I had no idea what was going to be on the other side, but it was sure to be a shit show. I braced myself and stepped inside… only to be stunned that Kevin wasn’t here yet, lapping up the attention. Nor was Faye, only the rest of the team. They were all drinking and having a laugh without a care in the world, it was only me in a panic.
What if they’re having sex? I thought desperately to myself. What if they are in love?
The idea made my pulse pump hard and my breaths come in ragged and short. This damn girl had made me a complete and utter mess, what the fuck was I going to do? We never should have slept together that was really dumb. Now I had to lie in the bed that my cock had made for me, and it didn’t feel good at all.
“Want a drink?” Daz called out to me. “You’re just in time for my round.”
“No,” I replied thickly. “No, not yet. I just need to get some fresh air. I’ll be back in a minute and I’ll get one then.”
With that I turned and I slammed the doors open once more, needing my escape. This was going to be even harder than I thought it would be, and I knew it wasn’t going to be easy.
16
Faye
M
y heart fluttered excitedly as I set the camera up on Kevin’s face. He was so handsome that it actually hurt, it gave my stomach such excitement that there was pain there too. Of course, it was mixed in with anxiety too, there was no denying that. How would I not feel all raw and messy when I’d just had very unwise sex with Kevin’s friend and team mate? It was so confusing. Of course, I didn’t expect everything to be changed around so soon afterwards, but here we were.
I knew that sleeping with Angelo wasn’t right, I’d sensed it right away, but I thought the worst part was being rejected by him, but now I could see it was him telling Kevin and putting him off me. After all, what I’d shared with Angelo was nothing more than a passing flirtation, a moment of indiscretion that went too far. Kevin was always the one I liked, he was the one I kissed before, he was the one I could actually see myself with. I just needed to forget about Angelo and hope he did me too.
“So, do you think maybe you could tell me more about yourself?” I asked nervously.
“What do you want to know?” he replied while purposely flexing his muscles. He pouted towards the camera which was unfortunate. It made him look dumb. Not that I was going to tell him that. Angelo did this much better because he was real and raw, he actually laid himself out on the line.
“Erm, well anything really. You could tell us about your daily routine, what makes you a good player? You could even talk about where you grew up… something like that.” I giggled inanely like an idiot. “Whatever you think the people who watch the channel would like to hear?”
“Oh well, I’m the best player because I’m strong.” He shrugged as if that statement was obvious. “And I’m smart too. I actually think about what I’m doing rather than some of the others who just get lucky.” He gave me a look, wanting me to ask who he meant which I wouldn’t. That sounded like bitchiness and I wouldn’t ever be party to that. Unfortunately, he didn’t need me to. “Like Angelo for example. He’s dumb as fuck, don’t you think? You just spent time with him.”
That felt like a challenge and it made me very uncomfortable. I tried to make it better by telling myself that maybe he was jealous of the friendship that me and Angelo had, but it didn’t work.
“This isn’t really my place to talk,” I shot back primly. “It’s all about you.”
“All about me? Well fine, maybe I’ll tell you what I think about all the other boys on the team? Will that work? Is that what people want to hear?” I shrugged, suddenly feeling a real sense of hollowness. “Fine, then I’ll start with Angelo and get onto the others afterwards…”
I tuned out as he talked, I could barely stand to listen to him bitch. I wasn’t sure how I would edit this to make it watchable, but I didn’t have any other choice. The mood that Kevin seemed to be in suggested that I wouldn’t be able to get anything else out of him. I would have to make the best of it.
“You know what? They’re holding a party for me in my honor.” Kevin suddenly talked louder to grab my focus. “We’re supposed to go anyway so you can get some footage of me, but do you want to go together?” He leaned back in his chair and winked at me. “Like as a date or something?”
Holy shit! This was what I’d been wanting for ages now, it was the final step to recovering from my past, but it felt a bit soon after me and Angelo. I really didn’t ever want to be that girl. But then again, if I didn’t say yes now would I lose out on my chance to do so?
I wanted to, I really did, but the idea of Angelo hating me for it was too much to bear.
“I, erm…” My voice felt sticky, like it didn’t quite want to get out of my throat. “I don’t know if I feel so good. Maybe I should just take a bit of footage and go back to my room.”
Kevin didn’t look put out by me rejecting him, if anything he looked even more pleased as if he liked the idea of a challenge. He nodded and extended out an arm to me for me to link it.
“I just need to pack up my equipment first,” I shot back rashly. “If I need to film you.”
I half expected him to help, but he didn’t. he simply shrugged and shoved his hands deep into his pocket. “Fine, whatever. Let’s do it quick though because I think we’re already late.”
I wanted to point out that was his fault for bitching on for such a long time but I didn’t. I sucked in a breath and gritted my teeth before getting on with it. Maybe this was just a funny moment, maybe Kevin was nervous to be on camera. I’d seen it before. Perhaps once he got used to it and he loosened up it would be okay. After all, I remembered when he kissed me all those months ago, and he was a really nice person back then. Sweet and kind. That version of him was still in there, I just needed to find it.
“Right, I’m ready, let’s get going,” I said in a bright tone of voice. “Let’s go and do this party.”
The nerves kicked in as we walked down the hall towards the party room. The fact that I hadn’t seen Angelo since we slept together weighed heavily on my mind. How was he going to react when he saw me? Maybe he was done with me now and he wouldn’t even look at me again.
That idea made me sad, I would really miss our friendship. It was unlikely and seemed to come from nowhere, but we had a good bond. I didn’t want that to go over one dumb mistake.
“Get the camera on,” Kevin snapped as we got close. “I want you to get my entrance.”
I rolled my eyes and did what he wanted already knowing this was going to be a disaster. Kevin acting like he was the most important person in the world wasn’t useful. No one would like that arrogance. But I couldn’t tell him, I just wouldn’t include it, that would be fine. I’d make up some reason why it really didn’t fit in to the rest the film. I could come up with a lie.