by Emma Quinn
“Hello, losers!” he yelled as he slammed the doors wide open. “I am finally here.”
No one cheered, they barely even looked at him. Whatever vision Kevin had in his mind for this, it had fallen flat on it’s ass. As the wind howled through the air I was relieved for the good excuse not to have this in the video. I really didn’t want something so cheesy associated with my work.
I moved into the corner of the room and filmed Kevin from afar. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be to keep the camera only on him because there was someone else I wanted to see too. I kept scanning my eyes everywhere, searching for him, but Angelo wasn’t anywhere to be found.
He isn’t here because he hates me, I thought sadly to myself. He can’t even stand to look at me.
I flicked the camera off and made my way over to Kevin. He barely managed to drag his eyes away from his buddy to look at me for a second. “I have to go,” I told him. “I need to do the edits.”
I needed to go to the library to use the equipment there, but I wanted to go and see my friends first. As far as I knew, Tia and Rhiannon were in our room watching movies together. I hadn’t wanted to go because I had the much more exciting task of hanging around with Kevin to deal with… but now I wanted nothing more than to be with them, forgetting that any of this had ever happened.
Exhaustion flooded me as I stepped into the room, so much so that I almost wept when I saw my two friends sitting under the duvet on Tia’s bed. I felt foolish and sad, I’d jumped head first into a world that I didn’t really understand. It chewed me up and spat me out quickly, leaving me with my heart shattered. I wasn’t the sort of girl who could sleep with Angelo and hang out with Kevin either.
“Are you okay?” Tia asked, patting the space next to her on the bed. “You look like the constant partying is getting to you now. I don’t think that you’re built for it, are you?”
“No,” I admitted while collapsing next to her. “I don’t think I am either.”
We remained in silence for a while, all of us staring at the screen. The girls were watching some chick flick movie that I really didn’t need to watch all the way through to know what was going on. Girl meets boy, girl doesn’t like boy, girl realizes boy isn’t as bad as she thought and they fall in love. Voila. Instant happy ever after. The directors never bothered to show the sucky bit in the middle where it really hurt and all the girl wanted to do was curl up into a ball to cry and sleep.
“How did it go with Kevin?” Rhiannon finally asked. “That’s some editing you won’t mind doing.”
“Urgh. I don’t know, I think he was nervous and he acted like a massive jerk. It’s not going to be easy.” I rolled my eyes and tried my hardest to keep the tears inside. “But I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“He’s probably doing that classic hair pulling in the playground thing that guys do. They never really grow out of being kids, do they?” Rhiannon replied as if she was all knowing. “He’s being like that because he likes you so much. He wants to be with you and that freaks him out, It’s classic. It’s pretty much exactly what happened in this film. You and Kevin will end up in love soon enough.”
“Hmm, maybe. Either that or he’s just a jerk who doesn’t deserve my affection. I don’t want to get hurt again, I don’t want to end up with another situation like Tyler. I can’t take it again.”
“Oh you won’t. Tyler is in your past and Kevin is your future. I’m sure of it.”
But as I lay there trying to get absorbed in the movie, it wasn’t Kevin that kept cropping up in my mind. It was Angelo. I wanted to know why he wasn’t at that party, if it was me that drove him off. If that was the case then why? Loads of girls had slept with him and he continued to hang out around them all the time. Nothing seemed to phase him normally, but maybe this had? Maybe, for some strange reason that I didn’t yet understand. I needed to talk to him at some point, to find out.
I couldn’t go to the library, not tonight. I would have to go in the morning. All I wanted to do tonight was sleep as much as possible. I needed to sleep off these emotions and start again fresh. Maybe then I could really focus on Kevin and making that work… or if not I could put more effort into my studies. I didn’t want my grades to subside because of all of this. I couldn’t lose everything or there would be no hope for me whatsoever.
17
Angelo
R
ing, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
I paced up and down the pathway while I waited for Maddie to answer. Smokers and other drunk people getting fresh air surrounded me, but I didn’t pay any attention to any of them. I needed to speak to my sister, I was desperate for her advice, and it didn’t matter what else was happening.
“Hello?” she answered sleepily. “Angelo, what’s going on? Are you okay?”
“No, I’m really not,” I replied desperately. “I think I’ve screwed things up with Faye, properly this time.” I tugged my fingers through my hair. “I don’t know what to do, Maddie. I’m freaked out.”
“Oh, Angelo.” I could just picture her shaking her head at me. “Why don’t you tell me what’s happened? And give me all the details, not just the ones that you think are important or I’ll never be able to work out the truth. Girls think differently than guys, remember that.”
I relayed everything, only being vague when it came to the details of that special night we shared. I didn’t mind telling Maddie that it happened, but I didn’t feel like she needed to know too much about it. As I spoke, she made some occasional noises but didn’t interrupt me throughout.
“Wow, that’s really something,” she said once I was done. “I can’t believe you’ve got yourself in such a mess. I did tell you to just talk to Faye, why didn’t you do that? This would be so much easier if you just communicated your feelings with her.” Maddie was exasperated with me, I could tell.
I slapped my palm across my forehead. “I thought I had, I mean I assumed she got it when we slept together, but then she ran away afterwards, so clearly not. Do you think she doesn’t like me?”
“I think she thought she was just another notch on your bed post, that’s what I think.” She paused for a moment to let that sink in. That was possible, but why couldn’t she tell that she was special? Didn’t I do anything to make her see that she meant more to me? I guess I sucked at romance. “Do you think she asked to be transferred to working with Kevin earlier to save any awkwardness?”
A golf ball of terror lodged in my throat. “Well, now I’m thinking that. Do you think so?”
“I don’t know. If you did something to upset her then it’s possible. She might want you to see that she’s just fine without you. Maybe she’s afraid of seeming like she has feelings for you.”
“Why wouldn’t she want me to know that? I want to know things like that.”
Maddie laughed a slightly nasty sounding noise. “This is your reputation coming back to bite you on the ass. It’s all well and good being free and not building any deep connections with anyone, but then it isn’t easy when you really want to. I’m afraid this is the bed you made. Now you can either lie in it or you climb the hell out and take some action. You can do something to better yourself.”
As she broke off I realized that my breaths were falling out of my mouth all raggedy and stressed. I didn’t want to hear this but at the same time I needed to. I needed Maddie and her no nonsense attitude to drag me out of my funk. “So, I should just confess all? What do I say though? How do I say it?”
“You really are over complicating this. Just go up to her and say, hey, Faye. I like you. A lot.”
“I think you might be over simplifying things, but I suppose I’ll give it a go.” I sighed deeply, trying to picture the scene. “I’ll just go up to her and tell her that I like her. Easy peasy.”
“And then we just hope that she says it back. Then everything will be hunky dory, right?”
I groaned loudly. I got so worked up with what I was going to say to Faye, that I didn’t e
ven consider what she would say as a reply. “Urgh, yeah I guess so, I suppose I’ll take it one step at a time.”
Me and Maddie said our goodbyes, then I took a seat on the nearest bench and I paused for a few moments to get myself together. I needed to sort my brain out, get rid of this worry, and see her. Maddie was right, I didn’t need to make this harder than it already was.
After a while, I couldn’t put it off and I had to go back to the party. She had to be there by now, filming Kevin and watching him make a real show of himself. It wasn’t a scene that I particularly wanted to see, but I needed to buckle up and stop being a freak if I wanted to get anywhere.
I stepped inside as discretely as I could and I flicked my eyes everywhere. I spotted Kevin right away, his voice was booming and filled with a sense of self importance, but I couldn’t see Faye.
“Dimitri,” I grabbed his attention. “Isn’t this whole party so Kevin can be filmed.”
“Oh, he has been,” he answered, sounding happy. “The girl’s gone now to do some editing.”
I didn’t even hesitate, I turned on my heels and I left the party behind to go and find her. Faye did her editing in the library so I knew exactly where I could find her. I ran across the campus and slid through the doors without pausing for breath. This was where we met, it was only fitting that we should have this important conversation here too. Excitement started to build as I thought about it.
I moved as rapidly as I could through the books until I got to the computer section. I just expected to find her there, I didn’t think I would see a row of black screens and nothing but empty chairs. My heart sunk, desperation circled me. I was so fired up to do this now, I needed to see her.
Maybe she’s in her room, I thought in a moment of neediness. I can go there, can’t I?
I knew it probably wasn’t the wisest choice but I had to go. Maybe I would disturb her roommate and she’d be annoyed at me, but I didn’t want that to put me off completely. There wasn’t a chance in hell that I’d get even a moment of sleep tonight if I didn’t at least try. My brain was wired, I felt all inflamed. Even if I was rejected I needed to get all of this out.
I tore through the hallways towards the door which I knew was Faye’s. Then I lifted my shaky hand up and I rapped it against the door, once then another time for luck. While I waited for someone to answer, my nerves got the better of me and I twisted my body as if to bolt, but I didn’t get a chance to because luckily – or unluckily depending how this night was going to go – the door swung open.
“Hello there…” a girl I didn’t recognize said while furrowing her brows at me. “And you are?”
“I’m Angelo… is Faye here? I need to speak to her about… something to, erm, do with YouTube.”
I didn’t like to lie but I couldn’t explain to her friend why I was here either. It’d sound incredibly dumb. Plus, I wanted the first person to know about my feelings, aside from Maddie who I’d only told as a confidant, was Faye. It didn’t seem right to share that information with anyone else.
“Erm, hold on.” She practically closed the door on me and I could hear mumbling from behind it. At least that proved to me without a shadow of a doubt that Faye was in there. Now it was only a question of whether or not she wanted to speak to me. God I hoped she did. “She’s coming.”
I stepped back and pressed my body up against the nearest wall while I waited for Faye to come outside. She took a long time which indicated to me that this wasn’t something she was keen to do. I hoped that I could change her mind once we started talking. I just needed to ensure that I said it right.
“What are you doing here?” Faye hissed as she stepped out. She wrapped her robe tightly around her, but it was clear she had her pajamas on underneath. I’d disturbed her from sleeping.
“I wanted to talk to you.” I felt awkward and a bit silly. “If you don’t mind? I have some stuff that I need to say and it just couldn’t wait. I haven’t seen you since… well, you know, and I…”
“We don’t need to talk about that do we?” she groaned, much to my disappointment. “I know you aren’t going to want me, I’m very aware that it was just a one-time thing.” As she folded her arms defensively across her chest, a crushing sensation got me. “Everyone knows that you aren’t the settling down type, I don’t need to be reminded of that. It’s okay, I get it, I don’t need the speech.”
That took me aback. Even though I knew she might feel that way, hearing the words come out of her mouth, and in such a cold way was a shock. I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times like a stunned fish. Everything that I’d planned to say simply fell away and something else came out instead. “I’m not actually the person you think I am. There’s much more to me.”
“Oh, really?” She raised one eyebrow disbelievingly at me. “I see, and that’s why you’ve slept with half the college? I think all the other girls that you’ve had sex with would assume that too.”
A red hot temper boiled and bubbled inside of me. I felt like she was using my history as an excuse not to spend time with me. It was clear that she’d used me for sex, maybe as a palate cleanser before she got to Kevin, the guy that she really liked, and now she was blaming me. If she didn’t like me, I would have a lot more respect for her if she’d just damn well be honest with me and say it.
“I don’t know why you’re acting like this is new information,” I ended up sneering back. “You knew exactly who I was and what I’m like before you jumped into bed with me. It didn’t stop you.”
As Faye took a step back, looking as if she’s been slapped, I felt bad. I didn’t want her to be upset, I only lashed out because I felt hurt. I wanted to reach out and hold her, but the damage looked done.
“Do you know what, Angelo? Fuck you,” she spat out. “I thought we had something… not something romantic, but a friendship. I actually believed that you were a good guy but now I can see you’re only nice until you get someone into bed.” Frustrated tears balled up in the corners of her eyes, making me feel dreadful. This wasn’t going well at all. “I thought we genuinely liked one another but now I don’t ever want to see you again. You just leave me alone.”
With that she swept away and she slammed the door loudly behind her, leaving me in shock. I’d come here to tell her that I liked her but had instead been called a slut and yelled at. Why did Maddie say it was so easy when clearly saying ‘I like you’ was one of the hardest things in the world?
Maybe I was right in the first place and romance had no place in college. Maybe I was better off without it. I started to think that I preferred the old me, before I met Faye. Life used to be so much easier.
18
Faye
“T
hat was a great rehearsal today guys,” Annie, the girl playing Juliet, declared as she flicked her hair over her shoulder. “I think this is going to be our best performance yet. I am loving the way that we are bringing Romeo and Juliet to life. The characters are taking great shape.”
I felt anxious every time I walked up onto the stage to practice playing the nurse, but since no one seemed particularly disappointed in me I had to assume that I was doing an okay job. I liked the feeling of performing, it gave me a glow that I didn’t even know my life was missing. Stepping into someone else’s shoes and becoming a character was a whole lot of fun, no wonder I used to love this.
For all the bad that Angelo did, and I still wasn’t talking to him, even a week after he showed up at my room to put the tin hat on what had already been the worst night of my life, I was still grateful to him for this. Yes, that was way back when he was still trying to charm me into getting in bed with him, which sucked because it meant it was all false, but at least it wasn’t all a waste. I liked being on this side of the camera and I felt like it was something I would do more of.
“Yeah I agree.” Romeo, or Iain, came up from behind me, making me blush. He was handsome, in a different way to the football guys, and he had a great charisma too. We didn’t share any che
mistry or anything, but I always ended up a little tongue tied around him. “We’re all working well together.”
I wanted to make an insightful comment too, I even parted my lips to do so, but before I could we were all distracted by a rumbling and yelling in the hallway. We all turned in confusion to see.
“Where’s Faye?” a familiar sounding voice finally burst into the room, making my heart sink. “I need to speak to her right now. I don’t care if you’re doing some dumb ass play. What, do you think acting is important? Do you think anyone cares about what you lot are doing? It’s all just pointless.”
That made me feel a bit ill. I had seen some of Kevin’s nasty side quite a few times now which put me off him completely. I couldn’t believe that I’d ever liked him to be honest, I must have been so into him that I didn’t see his very obvious faults. I really didn’t want any of his drama here.
“Kevin.” I raced away from the others, hoping and praying that they wouldn’t judge me for this. “Let’s get out of here so we can discuss… whatever you issue is today, somewhere more private.”
“Three hundred views!” he exploded, throwing his hands up in despair. “That’s nothing.”
“Erm…” I glanced behind me to see everyone staring. Of course they were, I would be too if I were them. “Three hundred views isn’t bad for the first day, you know? I don’t think you need to…”
“Oh, that’s good is it? What about Angelo? He’s got thousands.”
I cringed, knowing that there was no way that this conversation would end well. He had as much of an issue with Angelo as I did, but for a very different reason. He seemed to be incredibly jealous of him, which more often than not he took out on me. It was almost as if he knew that we’d slept together. Maybe he did, maybe my sexual conquest had been part of the locker room talk…