All I Ever Wanted

by Emma Quinn

  He plonked in the chair next to me and rested his chin on his hands. I narrowed my eyes curiously and watched him for a few moments, waiting for him speak out and explain himself. He was acting way out of character for himself and I didn’t like it one bit. It put me on edge.

  “Oh what’s wrong with you?” He nudged me playfully. “You’re acting all freaked out.”

  “I just don’t know what’s going on.” I let out a sound that was supposed to be a laugh, but it came out far too strangled for that. “You’re being so strange right now. You’re being all nice to me.”

  He tossed back his head and boomed out with loud laughter. His chest shook with the mirth as if I was being absolutely ridiculous. Everyone else in the canteen turned to stare at us which brought a bright redness to my cheeks. I’d never felt so embarrassed in my life, this was why I always preferred to blend into the background. It was different on the stage, this was something else.

  “Okay, okay, fair enough.” He leaned in close so only I could hear what he was saying. “Maybe I haven’t always been the best. Maybe I haven’t been the nicest guy in the world to you. I understand that, and I am sorry. But I can promise you that it won’t happen again. The Hulk version of me is gone. I’m only going to be Mr. Nice Guy from now on.” He shrugged and smirked. “You were very right with your advice. I can see that now. My latest video did really well and that’s all for you.”

  Ah, I could see now. His temperament was solely dependent on how well his damn videos did. I wasn’t keen on that, but it would be a whole lot easier to work with him if he was happy.

  “Okay, well I’m glad to hear it.” I replied slowly. “Did you want to do some more filming?”

  “Yes! I would love that.” He pursed his lips out to me. “Let’s do a proper intimate interview. It might not be easy for me to be open, but I’ll give it a go for you, since you know it all.”

  The way he looked at me made me feel a little strange. I wondered if the way he behaved was all a mask, a cover up to disguise his vulnerability. Maybe underneath it all he was a good person. The version I saw of him all those months back was real. I suppose it was possible…

  “Right, come on then. Let’s go now.” I pushed my chair back and stood up. “Oh, I just need to go to my room to get my equipment. The camera and lighting and stuff. I can meet you somewhere?”

  “No, no, I’ll come with you and help you. All that stuff is heavy, isn’t it?”

  The transformation was huge. It wasn’t that long ago he didn’t care about helping me at all. Of course I felt suspicious, I would be an idiot not to, but I had to just roll with it for now.

  We walked up to my room, with Kevin chatting away happily to me the entire time. It felt so nice to listen to him when he was in this mood, he was the friendliest, funniest person ever. If I could capture that on screen the videos would explode, I just knew it. People wanted this, they would much prefer to see this real side of Kevin than the douche bag he’d been previously. Maybe now that he wasn’t as challenging to get through to, I could actually make him see that.

  “Hey, Faye!” Tia called out, pausing only when she saw Kevin. “Oh, hi… Kevin?” She gave me a curious look, begging me for answers. “What are you two doing here?”

  “Just grabbing my equipment.” I tried to convey with my eyes that it was okay. “Then we’re going to film an interview. Probably in your room, right, Kevin? People will like that.”

  “Sure, whatever you say, Faye,” he replied compliantly. “You’re the expert after all.”

  He helped me scoop up all the equipment, acting like the perfect doting guy. Tia probably didn’t understand why I’d been complaining so much about him when he was being so nice right now. I would have to explain to her the sudden turn around later on when we were alone.

  “Right, okay,” I gave him a giant smile. “Let’s do this.”

  Kevin’s room was a mess. A real disgusting state. Whoever he roomed with had to be as much of a pig as he was or he wouldn’t ever put up with this. I was tempted to suggest that we go somewhere else but if I wanted to show the world the real him then this would have to do.

  “You take a seat wherever you feel comfortable, and we’ll get started.”

  “Before we do…” Kevin sidled closer to me which instantly made my heart leap into my throat. “I just want to get to know you a bit better.” He tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear which caused my back to stiffen in shock. Strangely this was what I’d always wanted in the past, but it felt odd. “You are really something, Faye. I think I like you more than I thought I would. You’re so very sweet.”

  “Erm…” There were many things that I needed to say at that moment, but they didn’t come out. My words got balled up along with my breath in my throat. I didn’t know what to do.

  “You like me too, don’t you?” He whispered against my cheek. “That’s what I heard anyway.”

  I did… once. I wasn’t sure that I did now. I couldn’t quite work it out. I needed to express that, but I couldn’t seem to find the way. I hadn’t ever found myself in a situation like this before and it scared the living hell out of me. I couldn’t even step back because my limbs were encased in lead.

  Ring, ring… ring, ring… ring, ring…

  Kevin’s phone blasted loudly, shaking the walls of the room. At first he seemed to be undeterred by the sound, but eventually he stepped backwards and muttered a curse word under his breath.

  “I just have to take this,” he snapped at me. “I’ll be back in a moment to do the interview.”

  He stepped out of his bedroom, presumably to get some privacy, but his voice was so loud I could still hear it in the bedroom. Needing to know more, I tiptoed over to the door and pressed my ear against it to hear every single word. I wasn’t sure why, but my instincts told me it was important.

  “Yeah mate… I’m just doing some filming now, it’s gonna be off the hook…”

  His arrogant tone was back, making me shudder violently. That side of him hadn’t gone, clearly.

  “I’m gonna make sure it’s amazing… of course I’m gonna bang Faye, who the hell do you think I am?... if Angelo likes her then this will crush him which is obviously what I want…”

  My blood ran cold as I heard him speak about me in such a degrading way. No wonder he was being sweet all of a sudden, he was just like Angelo who used his charm to get girls into bed. I didn’t care what Kevin said, I knew for a fact that he didn’t really like me. That was nothing.

  “Yeah, yeah, that’s true. She’s one of the only chicks that I haven’t fucked yet so that’s another advantage. I might even try and get the full set before I leave her. You think I can do it?”

  I didn’t want to hear what anyone’s response might be to that so I gathered up my stuff and prepared myself to leave. I wasn’t going to leave myself in such an uncomfortable position just to get this video done, it wasn’t fair. I didn’t want to put myself at risk, it wasn’t right. No one would expect me to.

  Just as I was done, the door swung back open and Kevin strolled back in. My eyes widened in panic, I wasn’t sure I would be able to get away quite as easily as I thought I might be able to.

  “What’s going on?” He ran his eyes up and down me curiously. “Are you leaving?”

  “Erm, yeah I feel a bit sick. It just came on and I don’t think I’m going to be able to do anything today. Is it alright if we postpone this and do it another time? I don’t want to throw up over you.”

  He narrowed his eyes at me and folded his arms across his chest. “That’s not true. You don’t look sick at all. There’s something else going on here.” His tone was aggressive. “What is it? Are you running back to Angelo who doesn’t even give a shit about you?” Hmm, that was the opposite to what he was saying on the phone not that long ago, but I didn’t want to get into that. “He’s got another chick now anyway. She’s called Sierra. So you’re better off staying here with me. I can really show you a good time.”

&nbs
p; Angelo has another girl? Maybe that shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did.

  “I am sick,” I gushed, feeling myself pale. The only good thing was that it probably made me look ill. “I just need to go and lie down, please just let me go, Kevin. If I feel better later I’ll come back.”

  I pushed myself forward and thankfully he stepped to one side. He was an asshole but thankfully not so much that he would block me in his room. Admittedly I feared he might.

  I ran from his room as fast as I could with all my heavy equipment and I got to the outside of the building. That was horrible, that sort of thing was the reason why I didn’t ever get myself involved in this popular crowd. It left me way out of my depth. I wasn’t the girl that could hack it. I needed to get back to my pre football life when no one even knew my name. I liked the shadows, it suited me, maybe I should always be behind the scenes. Maybe even Romeo and Juliet wasn’t for me.

  Almost as if I could sense him, I felt Angelo’s presence opposite me, standing outside another building. I almost bolted across to him to speak to him about the trouble I had in my heart, but before I could take a step I spotted a sight that made my blood run ice cold.

  A stunning girl, someone so beautiful she made me heart ache, wrapped her arms around him and hugged him in a familiar way. She seemed like she knew him very well, like she might be the girlfriend that Kevin mentioned. I was confused. How did he want to get one over on his mate who ‘liked me’ when he had someone? I thought he said the girlfriend bit to upset me but clearly not.

  Shit. I dragged my eyes away and made myself move. Now I felt even worse. The illness that I’d pretended to have was all too real. What the hell am I going to do now?

  21

  Angelo

  T

  he bar was packed, the music thumping, people from corner to corner, everyone was here to celebrate the team’s latest win, the one that took us to the finals which was fun. Well, for all of them, not for me. I played like shit, my head was all over the place, but thankfully it didn’t matter. The other guys all stepped up and made up for my mistakes. I was grateful, but I still didn’t like my own performance. I was still supposed to be on top form, especially when I wanted teams to look at me.

  This game would have been filmed by Faye, which meant it’d end up on the YouTube channel and the whole world could see it. Hopefully she hated me enough not to feature me at all.

  Urgh, I barely wanted to think about how Faye felt about me, she hadn’t spoken to me ever since we had that stupid row, and I was starting to think that she never would again.

  “Hey, there!” Sierra’s voice burst through the crowd and she grabbed onto my arm. “How’s it going, bestie?” I chuckled at her dumb nickname for me. Now that we’d decided to only be friends, she kept playing on it all the time. Not that I minded. It was kinda sweet really. “How was the game?”

  “You mean you weren’t there?” I asked in mock horror. “You didn’t come to see me?”

  “Nah, I can’t ever be bothered to watch football because I don’t get it,” she giggled. “I don’t understand the rules. And before you explain, I really don’t want to learn. I would rather not know.”

  I didn’t care, I didn’t want to talk about football either and actually it felt good to have someone in the room that didn’t know how much of a loser I was. Sierra hadn’t seen me fail so she wasn’t going to judge me like I was certain every single other person in the room was. Thank God.

  “Well if you aren’t interested in the game, then why are you out? You do realize that everyone is obsessed with it tonight? It’s all anyone will want to talk about. It’ll be boring for you.”

  “I came to see my new bestie,” she teased. “And also, I heard that Iain might be here tonight and I have a total crush on him.” She scanned her eyes everywhere. “Have you seen him anywhere?”

  “Who the hell is Iain?” I hadn’t heard that name at all. “Is he something to do with the team?”

  “No, he’s an actor. He’s in the new Romeo and Juliet play. How do you not know him?”

  The mention of Romeo and Juliet made my heart flutter. “I don’t know him but I do know someone in the play… maybe I can help you.” But then suddenly I remembered that Faye wasn’t talking to me. “Oh, well maybe. I forgot that my friend in the play hates me at the moment.”

  “Why?” Sierra asked me curiously. “What did you do? And yes, I’m blaming you.”

  I still wasn’t sure it was my fault but since I couldn’t be one hundred percent I couldn’t disagree. “I don’t know, if I’m totally honest I think feelings got in the way of our friendship.”

  “Oh dear… well, at least you won’t ever have to worry about that when it comes to us.”

  I laughed at Sierra, glad to hear that from her. “That’s true. You’ve somehow managed to be immune to my charms. I guess it makes sense for someone to not find me irresistible. Now, let’s go and find your Romeo. What did you say his name was, Iain?” She nodded. “Right, let’s find him.”

  We walked through the crowds and I continued to look about, pretending to know who I was looking for. I hadn’t seen anyone else in the play, so I had no idea who this guy was, but Sierra did. I hoped she would spot him soon enough because this was annoying. Someone would grab me soon enough to talk to me about the game and I really wasn’t in the mood. Maybe once this was done, I would go.

  “Who’s that?” Sierra grabbed me and caused me to spin around to see a commotion going on near the door. My heart sunk when I saw Kevin on film with Faye behind the camera. I knew that they both had to be here, but I’d manage to avoid them so far. “Is that one of the players?”

  “Oh yeah it is,” I answered morosely. “His name is Kevin. Please tell me you don’t like him.”

  She screwed up her nose as if she felt disgusted by the idea. “Ergh, no. Not a chance. He looks arrogant. The sort of person who loves himself more than he can ever love someone else.”

  It flooded me with relief to know that at least there was one other person who could see Kevin for who he really was. Thank God it wasn’t just me that could see what his façade was.

  “Trust me, he is.” I rolled my eyes. “He’s a good team player, but he does love himself.”

  “Who’s the girl filming him?” Sierra cocked her head to one side as she looked at the one person I really didn’t want to see. “She seems like a nice girl, I hope she doesn’t like him either.”

  I couldn’t speak, the words got balled up in my throat, I couldn’t say Faye’s name even if I wanted to. I couldn’t see what Sierra could, she looked good, like she wasn’t missing me at all. My heart had shattered in my chest and she was carrying on as normal. It hurt me a whole lot. I could barely stand it. Now that I’d looked at her I couldn’t drag my eyes away, however much I wished I could.

  “Angelo?” Sierra called out to me as she shook me. “Angelo, are you okay?”

  “I... I…” I gulped desperately. “I don’t know who… who she is.”

  “Is she the girl?” Sierra saw right through me. “Is that the one you got feelings for?” When I didn’t answer, she just knew. She could see my heart break. “Oh my God, I can totally see why but… what’s going on? You’re going to have to share the whole story with me so I can help you.”

  “Yeah, okay…” I parted my lips, ready to spill everything to the one person I really wanted some advice from, but before I could Kevin rose from his chair and he scooped up Faye in his arms. He dipped her down and crashed his lips against hers as if they belonged there. My lips were the ones which belonged there, I was the one who liked Faye, who’d been kissing her. Kevin probably didn’t even like her like that, she was just a game to him, a competition prize he could discard.

  I wanted to scream, there was a yell in my belly that wanted to break free, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t do anything to draw attention to myself when I was in such a messy state.

  “Okay, I think it’s time for us to go,” Sierra said decisive
ly next to me. “There’s no point in us hanging around here for that show, is there? It’s terrible, and Iain isn’t here anyway.”

  “No, it’s okay.” I rasped while grabbing onto her shoulder. “I don’t want you to have to leave because of me. That isn’t fair. You were having a good night.” I gulped back, trying to swallow all of my emotion down. I’d been doing it for ages, I could carry on now. “Let’s stay. It’ll be fine.”

  “What are you doing?” Sierra asked me desperately. “What’s going on here? Do you have a plan?”

  “I think maybe I should try and speak to her. My sister told me I should tell her my feelings. And she didn’t look into the kiss, did she? Kevin forced it on her right?” Desperation raced through me, I needed Sierra to understand. “I mean, you’re the one who said she doesn’t look like she likes him…”

  “I don’t know, Angelo, I wouldn’t want to make assumptions when I don’t even know what happened.” She pulled me to one side, dragging me into a corner. “Tell me what happened. Help me.”

  “We slept together,” I insisted as I tugged my fingers through my hair. “She was filming me for a while and we had a real connection. I know I didn’t just invent it. She likes me and I like her.”

  Sierra didn’t look as blown away by my revelation as I thought she would be. I actually thought there was a glimmer of pity in her eyes which crushed me. Was she looking at me like that because she thought I was usually the heart breaker? How many girls had been through these emotions over me? Had any? I’d always done what I could to be honest and upfront, but maybe it wasn’t enough.

  “I don’t know if tonight would be the right time to talk to her about it since you’re in a bar and a little bit drunk. Plus, she’s working and currently embroiled in the drama with Kevin. Maybe wait.”

  Sierra grabbed my hand and she dragged me towards the exit of the building. I didn’t know if I wanted to go, but I allowed her to take me all the same. Sierra wasn’t emotionally involved in this situation so whatever she said probably had at least some wisdom to it.