First Comes Love

by Heather Heyford

  “Sure.”

  * * *

  To Kerry’s chagrin, she arrived at her parents’ to find Ryan and Indra comfortably ensconced at the patio table.

  “I was cooking anyway,” said Mom. “The more, the merrier,”

  Ryan raised his glass to Kerry. “Let’s drink to summer’s last hurrah,” he said.

  Shay got out the bubble wand Grandma kept under the kitchen sink and ushered all the younger kids away from the table to blow bubbles in the gathering dusk.

  Kerry hadn’t planned on discussing her plans with Ryan, but time was running out. Besides, he would find out soon.

  “Shay sure has grown up over the summer. Look how she treats her sisters. She and Chloé always used to be sniping at each other,” said Mom.

  “I give Alex all the credit in the world,” said Kerry.

  “Alex Walker?” asked Ryan.

  By now, everyone in her family knew how the boxing lessons had opened a whole new world for Shay.

  “She says she wants to be a teacher,” Kerry said.

  “She’ll make a fine teacher,” said Indra, watching Shay show her littlest one how to dip the bubble wand in the soap solution and then wave it.

  “Walker shocked everyone when he took in the Pelletier boys. Chief Garrett above all. How’s that working out?” asked her father.

  “Alex was cut out to be a father.”

  “Father? Isn’t that putting the cart a little before the horse? Precedent shows that in most custody cases, the courts overwhelmingly favor reinstatement of family rights.”

  “There’s a hearing next week. I asked Alex—and the boys, assuming he still has them, which we have every reason to believe he will—to move in to the farmhouse.”

  Around the table, brows lifted.

  “You don’t waste time,” said Ryan.

  Indra frowned and said, “Ryan. Help me round up the kids. It’s getting late.”

  But Ryan didn’t budge. “What happened to Miss Independent?”

  “I’ve proven I can raise my family on my own. But there’s nothing wrong with wanting to share the load with a partner I trust. This will be good for both of us.”

  “I can tell Alex makes you happy,” said Mom. “But five children are a lot for any couple. Are you sure that’s what you want, honey?”

  “It was my idea. We talked about it, and it’s the right thing for us. I always wanted a big family of my own, just like the one I came from. Besides, it’s like Dad said. There’s no guarantee Alex will get to keep the kids. There’s a hearing next week. We’ll just have to wait and see. If he does get to maintain custody, whether it’s for six months, one year, or forever, I accept them as a complete package. The kids all get along like gangbusters. And like I said, when it comes to my girls, I couldn’t ask for a better role model than Alex.”

  “Have you picked a move-in date?” asked Dad.

  “The weekend before school starts. But Alex insists on coming to see you both beforehand. You’ll have plenty of chances to grill him then.”

  “Grill him?”

  “I understand you didn’t exactly pull any punches the first time I brought him here.”

  I will not let myself get worked up, thought Kerry. I’m a grown woman. I know what’s best for me and my kids.

  “That old house has seen plenty of laughter and tears,” said Mom. “It was a good house to raise my family in, and it’ll be good for you, too. I look forward to seeing you all there. It’ll remind me of when you and the boys were small. Do you remember? Tsk. All that commotion . . .”

  “That’s what I loved about growing up there. Thanks, Mom.” She went over to her mother’s chair and bestowed a hug on her. One down.

  Time to face her father. She hadn’t forgotten how he had reacted to her first two disastrous breakups. Rather, not reacted. In Dad’s day, men hid their true feelings, and her dad had been no exception. But Mom confided that for weeks afterward, he walked around with a cloud hanging over his head, burrowing in his study right after supper until bedtime.

  “You really think it’ll work this time?” asked Dad.

  “I love him, Daddy. And he loves me, and my girls. I can tell by the way he looks at us, the way he would do anything for us.”

  “Then if you’re happy, I’m happy,” Dad said with a hint of weary resignation.

  It wasn’t the response she’d been expecting. She waited for the inevitable contingencies, but all he did was light his cigar and blow smoke away from the table so it wouldn’t bother her or her mother.

  He’s mellowing, Kerry thought with a blend of gratitude and nostalgia.

  “When would you and Alex like to come over?” asked Mom.

  “Soon. This week or next.”

  “How about supper a week from tomorrow?”

  “Let me check Alex’s work schedule,” said Kerry, pulling out her phone. “Perfect. He’s off. You can count on us, then, unless something comes up.”

  “Let’s see. You and the girls are four, plus three. Seven for dinner. Oh, my.”

  “Don’t fuss. We’ll pick something up.”

  “That would be good. I’ll do dessert.”

  “I think this is going to work out well for everyone,” said Kerry.

  “Sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself,” muttered her brother, just as Maeve, his youngest, ran up to him crying over a stubbed toe, and he swooped her into his arms and carried her away from the table.

  Kerry watched him carry Maeve away, hiding her trace of apprehension. What if Ryan was right?

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  “Are you ready for tomorrow?” Kerry asked

  Alex, picking at the nubby fabric of her beach towel.

  They had taken the kids to the pool one last time before it closed for the summer.

  “I’m trying not to think about the hearing. What with moving and school starting at the same time, I’ve had plenty of other things to think about. Canceling my utilities, packing, and making sure I’m not forgetting anything for back to school.”

  “You got clothes, right?”

  “Check.”

  “Cell phone for Ty?”

  “Check.”

  “Pediatrician and school paperwork?”

  He sighed. “Double-check. Since there’re two of them, everything takes twice as long and is twice as expensive.”

  “I hate to say it, but I’d hate even more to see you get hurt. Don’t forget what Livvie said about getting your hopes up.”

  “In the same breath, she said compliance with the court-ordered counseling plan was imperative, and that the Pelletiers had fallen short,” he said irritably.

  He was counting on that to get him past this first hearing. After that, he would somehow get through the next, and then the next, until the day he could take permanent custody.

  “Don’t bite my head off. I’m on your side.”

  He swiped off his aviators and pinched the bridge of his nose. “From the first time I took them home, we were a family. It’s like I can’t even remember life before them. Who would have guessed I’d be so into being a father?”

  Kerry leaned against his arm. “I would have.”

  “I’m in my element with them, Ker. Not to brag, but all I’ve ever wanted to do was help people. It makes me feel needed, showing Ty and Trav new things, listening when they have something to say, giving them the attention they deserve—every kid deserves. I love giving them what I didn’t have. Tucking them in at night, going to sleep knowing they’re safe and protected . . . I’m not saying it’s easy, being a parent. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But if I had known before how rewarding it was . . .”

  Kerry smiled up at him, and he gave her a one-armed hug. “We have a great future to look forward to.”

  Alex looked out with paternal pride at where Travis dove off the board. He’d only had them a short time, but if he had to give them up, he didn’t know how he could do it.

  * * *

  School started.
Kerry deflated the pool and shook out the sleeping bags and hung them across the porch railing to air out before storing them in the attic for the winter.

  On the morning of the hearing Alex put the boys on the school bus, as usual. He casually mentioned that there was a hearing today. But he didn’t dwell on the possible results. No sense in worrying them needlessly. He couldn’t put them through the agony he was about to endure, waiting for the outcome.

  The hearing was held behind closed doors in the judge’s chambers. Livvie had promised to call him the minute she heard the outcome.

  Alex went about his day, jumping every time his phone rang.

  At lunchtime, Kerry texted to ask if there was news.

  “Not yet,” he wrote back.

  “Stay positive ,” she replied.

  Just as his shift was ending and he was headed to his car to go get the boys, Livvie called.

  “I know you’ve been sitting on the edge of your seat all day.”

  At the tone of her voice, his heart almost stopped. “Just tell me,” spat Alex. “Don’t keep me guessing.”

  “I’m sorry, Alex. This is the worst part of my job. They brought in a high-powered family attorney from Portland. You know how life goes. You win some, you lose some. This time, they won.”

  Standing there in the parking lot, Alex’s blood was pounding in his head so loud, it was all he could hear.

  “I assume the boys are at the Community Center?”

  “Yeah, but . . .” Surely they couldn’t take them away from him, just like that. Could they? It was cruel and inhumane for all three of them.

  “Someone from my office will pick them up.”

  “And then what?”

  “Deliver them to the Pelletiers.”

  He paced the macadam, frantically racking his brain for an alternative.

  “Can’t I get them myself? At least give me a chance to explain to them what happened.”

  “I’m afraid I can’t do that. You lost custody the moment the judge gave his decree.”

  “Livvie. Isn’t there something you can do? This is so wrong—” He was blind with disbelief. “So unfair. Tyler and Travis have already gotten attached to me. They’re going to hate this.”

  “I tried to prepare you for this outcome.”

  “I know, but this is going to tear their lives apart yet again.” Who was going to help Tyler with his book report? Make sure Travis wore his jacket to school in the cool mornings? Be there for him when he got his cast taken off?

  “I wish it had turned out differently as much as you do,” said Livvie.

  * * *

  When Kerry saw Alex standing in the doorway of her office, her heart sank. She closed the door behind them and led him to one of two visitors’ chairs.

  “I can’t believe it,” she said, lowering herself beside him without taking her eyes off him, her hand resting on his forearm. “I mean, I always knew there was a chance they’d get them back, but . . .”

  Alex dropped his head into his hands. “Is there no recourse? Nothing I can do?”

  She sighed and shook her head, her hands falling into her lap. “I don’t think so. I can try to find a good family attorney for you, but in my professional opinion, you’d be throwing your money away.”

  “What am I going to do, Ker?”

  She squeezed his hand. “I know how badly you’re hurting. But you still have me and the girls. You’re going to move in with us, as planned. And somehow, we’re going to get through this, together, one day at a time. You can’t see it now, but every day will get a little bit easier, until one day you’ll wake up and losing them won’t be the first thing that comes to your mind.”

  His head sagged. He was way stronger than she would be in his place, thought Kerry admiringly. If she lost her girls, she’d be out of her mind.

  “I was planning on taking the girls to the taqueria for supper. Want to come?”

  He rose slowly. “I think I just want to be alone tonight.”

  “You need to eat.”

  He edged toward the door. “No offense, but I’m not in the mood to . . .”

  To be around her tight-knit family.

  Before he left, she pulled him into her arms and hugged him tight. “I’ll give you space tonight to be with your feelings, and I’ll call you first thing tomorrow.”

  * * *

  The car was too quiet on the way to the taqueria.

  “I’m not hungry for tacos,” Kerry blurted. “Who wants to go to Ruddock’s instead?”

  “Me,” said Shay.

  In her rearview mirror, she saw Chloé raise her hand. “I do. Do you, Ellabella? Say ‘me.’ ”

  “Meeee,” said Ella, grinning as Chloé raised her hand for her.

  Midway through their meal, Kerry looked up from wiping Ella’s face to see a man standing next to the table.

  “Danny!”

  With his thickly layered head of hair, he was as handsome as ever. She recognized the shirt as coming from the same local men’s shop where her dad bought his clothes.

  “Kerry.”

  Danny reached for her hand, but instead of simply clasping it as she’d been expecting, he bent his head over it and kissed the tips of her fingers.

  Shay and Chloé’s eyes grew round.

  At the surrounding tables, the buzz of conversation abruptly ceased, bringing the low volume of Burt Bacharach’s recording of “This Guy’s in Love with You” to the forefront.

  “I just finished having dinner with my parents.” He gestured toward an approaching older couple. “Mom. Dad. Look who’s here.”

  Kerry pasted on a smile and fluttered her fingers.

  But Mrs. Wilson was having none of that. She came at Kerry with open arms. “Kerry O’Hearn. My heavens. How long has it been?”

  Ooof. Kerry reciprocated and was enveloped in a cloud of Chanel N° 5.

  Not to be outdone, Mr. Wilson had to have his hug, too.

  “Is this the little one I’ve heard so much about?” asked Danny.

  “This is Ella.”

  “Hi, Ella,” Danny said, cupping her chin as if she were ten rather than three. “Your Auntie Paige told me all about you. And you must be Chloé, because you have the prettiest blue eyes . . .”

  Red-faced, Chloé turned her chin and squirmed in her seat.

  Next in line was Shay, with her brittle ego.

  “Shay.” There was a wistful look in Danny’s eyes, and Kerry knew they were both recalling the day Danny had proposed to her when she was already pregnant.

  “Nice to meet you,” said Shay, for once using her manners.

  Kerry released a held breath. She should have known. Danny might be awkward around kids, but he had always had a way with women—of all ages. Hard to believe that, after all this time, he had never found someone else.

  “How do you like Newberry?”

  Shay shrugged. “I like it.”

  After a little more small talk, Mr. Wilson looked at his watch and mumbled something about a TV show that was starting soon.

  “Why don’t we go and let you and Kerry catch up?” asked Mrs. Wilson. She turned to Kerry. “We still live in the same house over on Seventh. Danny can easily walk home when he’s finished.”

  Danny had the grace to look conflicted. “Are you sure?” he asked his mother.

  She waved away his faux concern. “Yes, yes. We don’t mind, do we, Bill?” she said with a hand to her husband’s back, already edging him toward the door.

  Danny shrugged and made an apologetic face at Kerry. “Since I’m already here . . .” he said, scraping a fifth chair over from an unoccupied table.

  Around them, people shared satisfied looks and resumed eating and talking.

  And when the nosy waitress came over and asked if he’d changed his mind about dessert and maybe he’d like that piece of lingonberry pie after all, he looked inquiringly at Kerry, as if to ask her permission. At her feeble smile, he dazzled the waitress with his own broad grin and said, “I don’t mind
if I do.”

  They must have looked for all the world like the perfect little family when Kerry noticed the door to the bar open and saw Alex come walking in with Olivia Bartoli.

  * * *

  Alex didn’t recall driving home from Kerry’s office. All he remembered was walking straight to his wine cooler, pulling out the first bottle his hand landed on, and carrying it out back to the patio.

  But all he could see out there were the ghosts of the boys playing catch. All he could hear was their yells of discovery from the woods upon finding a squirrel’s nest or a cool rock. Several minutes later, he realized he hadn’t yet touched his glass.

  He wandered back inside, at a loss for what to do with himself. Maybe he should have taken Kerry up on her supper invitation, even though it wouldn’t have been easy, watching the authentic bond she had with her girls. No one could ever take them away from her.

  Now he was stuck here in self-imposed exile.

  He sat down on the edge of the couch and thought about Curtis Wallace, from the night they had met at the Turning Point and he’d told him about Kerry and Danny Whatshisname to the day Curtis had almost run him off his property, then fed him, until the day Alex found him having died the way he lived, by himself.

  He checked his watch. By now, Kerry and her gang had already eaten. But he could still go get something. It would do him good to get out of the house.

  He had parked and was walking toward the taqueria when he saw none other than Livvie walking toward him.

  “Alex.” She touched his arm and peered up at him.

  She had the kindest eyes, he realized. Deep brown with gold flecks, like tiger’s eye.

  “I won’t ask how you’re doing.”

  The salt of tears he’d been holding in all day stung his nasal cavity. He swallowed and managed a polite nod.

  “I’m just leaving work. I was going to grab some food to take home. Were you—” She gestured toward the door of the taqueria.

  When he didn’t answer, she squared her shoulders. “I have a better idea.” With a toss of her head in the opposite direction, she set off.

  Alex followed her, robotlike, to her car, and sat there, his hands helpless in his lap, feeling numb and useless.