Football Manager Stole My Life

by Iain Macintosh

  / No false No.9s here, thank you very much

  Paul: We’ve got a letter haven’t we from Electronic Arts?

  Miles: Yeah we’ve got a rejection letter from Electronic Arts with the tea stain where Ov left his tea.

  Paul: Do you know where that is by the way?

  Miles: Yeah, I know where we’ve got scans of it all, anyway. Duffy’s got them hidden. And the original user guide somewhere as well.

  Ov: I think I sent it to around 20 publishers, and only two or three replied I think. EA were saying, ‘There’s no graphics, it’s got to compete with these games, it’s not going to work, why don’t you advertise it in the back of a magazine?’ I mean, it’s fair enough, that was what their opinion was.

  Miles: At least they gave us advice.

  Paul: Yeah they did.

  Ov: Exactly. They didn’t just ignore it like most of them. I think then we’d had Domark interested, which of course became Eidos later on.

  Paul: Thalamus.

  Ov: And Thalamus. It was sort of a toss-up between the two, Thalamus seemed to be just run by one guy, a really nice bloke, he really helped us and made us a very fair offer, and Domark was the other one. We kind of, a little bit sneakily, played them off against each other in our naive way, thinking we were really clever.

  Paul: We ended up with a rubbish deal.

  Ov: Yeah, a crap deal.

  Miles: That was also before I was here.

  Paul: We presented it to them as a game called European Champions. Have you got the documents on that?

  Ov: It is somewhere, I think with the user guide yeah, a picture of Bryan Robson on the front in an England shirt celebrating. When was it, when they played Holland, it wasn’t in Holland.

  Paul: ‘88.

  Ov: The European Championships. Yeah ‘88.

  Paul: So that’s probably five years. Five years of varying degrees of intensity, kind of as and when. I think it’s fair to say that Oliver put a lot of time into his document and sending it around. I think you got the idea that this was something we could do with, because we just played it with our mates on Saturdays didn’t we? Just around the TV.

  FMSML: SO YOU GO WITH DOMARK, HAVE YOU LEFT HOME AT THIS STAGE OR ARE YOU STILL LIVING WITH YOUR FOLKS?

  Ov: You would have left home.

  Paul: I’d left home.

  Ov: I would have just come back from my year at Leeds Uni, so I would have been back at home.

  Paul: I’d been living in Liverpool, because I’d given up university by then.

  Ov: Yeah, when we went to meet Domark for the first time in London, you weren’t at home because we met at the station, Paddington or Euston or something. It was really exciting.

  Paul: I remember one time we went to see Domark in London and we drove back to Liverpool so fast in your little car, was it a Fiesta you had?

  Ov: Yeah.

  Paul: It felt like about an hour and a half or something like that, I’ll never forget that journey. He was a psycho driver when he was younger.

  Ov: Yeah. Not good.

  Paul: Don’t do it kids. Do you remember when we went to see Domark, and they sort of told us what they thought and then said, ‘Yeah, well, it’s a good idea – we’re just going to bolt some graphics onto it’.

  Ov: ‘Bolt some graphics onto it’. That’s right, yeah.

  FMSML: DID YOU HAVE TO BE QUITE PROTECTIVE OF WHAT YOU GUYS WANTED TO DO TO IT?

  Ov: We were very protective weren’t we?

  Paul: Not in the right way, but yeah.

  Ov: In terms of the game, not in terms of the important stuff. It didn’t even cross our mind, the name, the IP [intellectual property], the ownership or anything like that, would you agree with that Paul?

  Paul: Oh yeah, no it didn’t cross our mind. We didn’t have any idea whatsoever.

  Ov: We didn’t even know what IP was. They’re publishing it, we’re writing it, and they’re going to give us some money. What can go wrong?

  Paul: I mean if we’d have had Miles’s business sense when we were like 19 years old or whatever then fine, we might’ve done it quicker or better. But I don’t think that’s realistic is it, because you can’t be everything, and the people that make these games aren’t the type of people that can have this sort of foresight.

  Miles: We wouldn’t have been able to do any of this without that initial deal. So whilst we don’t talk about it ending, we have to still give props to the guys at Domark for giving the game a chance in the first place, and without the guys at Domark I wouldn’t have got involved either.

  THE WORLD

  ACCORDING

  TO FM

  One man’s journey inside

  the alternative reality of

  Champ Man 01/02

  Iain Macintosh’s instructions were simple: obtain a copy of Championship Manager 01/02. Start her up. Go on holiday. Observe. Report back. This is one man’s account of how things could have been if only real life was more like Champ Man

  Ah, there you are! Welcome to the Football Manager time machine! We’re pretty sketchy on the science, but we think that with a couple of AA batteries and those jump leads behind you, there’s just a chance we can take you back to a far simpler time. A time when the only games that Lionel Messi was dominating were the ones at his 14th birthday party. A time when the only oil money at Manchester City was in the catering budget and a time when Roman Abramovich had much better things to do with his cash. This is the time of Championship Manager 2001/02. Manchester United have just won their third consecutive title, but Sir Alex Ferguson plans to retire at the end of the season.

  In Italy, Roma rule the roost, In Spain, it’s Real Madrid who prosper while Barcelona are a shadow of their former selves. The Catalans only just qualified for the Champions League last season! Can they recover? Come on, step inside the pod, quickly now, cover your eyes. It gets a little bumpy. Oh, and don’t worry if some poo comes out, that’s perfectly normal…

  2002

  All hail Portugal and their golden generation! With goals from Luis Figo, Joao Pinto and Rui Costa, they topple Italy in the World Cup Final in Tokyo and set down the foundations for a new era of supremacy. England, by brutal contrast, are knocked out in the second round. By Germany. On penalties. Again.

  In the Premier League, Sir Alex Ferguson signs off with a bang, beating Roma to win the Champions League and sealing Manchester United’s record fourth successive title. Pausing only to shout at a passing cloud and ban a nearby journalist from the county of Lancashire, he retires to spend more time with his horses and is replaced by Leeds boss David O‘Leary. Fergie’s United finish 10 points ahead of Arsenal, largely due to new signing Ruud van Nistelrooy’s astonishing record of 42 goals in 54 games. Arsenal, whose season is derailed by the defection of Patrick Vieira to Barcelona in a £38m deal, console themselves with the FA Cup. To the surprise of absolutely no-one, Arsene Wenger opts to keep the Vieira windfall, claiming, “it’s for a rainy day.” Elsewhere, a young forward by the name of Tonton Zola Moukoko breaks into the Derby side, scoring seven goals in 12 games, Kenny Dalglish saves Charlton from the drop and Southampton are relegated.

  If Vieira left in search of a league title, he was disappointed. Despite Patrick Kluivert’s 32-goal season, Real Madrid, who snaffle Francesco Totti in a £37m deal in January, squeak home by a single point. In Italy, vanquished Champions League losers Roma do at least pip AC Milan to the Serie A title, thanks to 66 goals from Gabriel Batistuta and Vincenzo Montella. Meanwhile in Scotland, Celtic finish first and Rangers finish second.

  2003

  It is not a good day to be David O’Leary. But then it never is, is it? Having left Leeds for Manchester United, the Irishman can only watch in horror as Manchester United are comfortably beaten into second place by…erm…Leeds. His replacement Roy Hodgson, having prospered on the continent, finally proves himself in his home country, guiding the Yorkshire side to their first league title in 11 years. Chairman Peter Ridsdale tells journalists that he
feels like he is, “living the dream”, and does his best to ignore the threatening-looking envelopes on the doormat. Liverpool trot home in third and Fulham, now managed by Graham Rix since Jean Tigana took the France job, pick up the final Champions League place at the expense of Arsenal. Gunners fans, however, are too busy laughing at the relegation of Tottenham Hotspur to care. Shamed Spurs boss Glenn Hoddle angrily blames his players for sins committed in this and any other past lives and refuses to explain why he thought re-signing Ruel Fox was a good idea. Down in south-east London, a chap by the name of Cherno Samba is scoring goals at the rate of 1.1 a game for Millwall and elsewhere Southampton are relegated again, this time to the third flight.

  Roma are the undisputed power on the continent. Fabio Capello’s side, having lured in Luis Figo in the summer, leave their rivals in the dust in Serie A and wallop Barcelona 4–1 in the Champions League final. At the start of the season Barca spend £40m on Juventus pair Lilian Thuram and Gianluigi Buffon, but Real Madrid snap up Rui Costa and beat the Catalans to the title again. Patrick Vieira kicks the club cat. Meanwhile in Scotland, Celtic finish first and Rangers finish second.

  2004

  Revenge! In a replay of the 2002 World Cup Final, Italy turn the tables on Portugal in the European Championships and beat them 2-1 in Lisbon. It is a feat all the more spectacular when you learn that Italian manager Giovanni Trapattoni retired two days before the final and left his players to their own devices. Now that’s hands-off management. England, by brutal contrast, lose all three group games and Sven-Goran Eriksson is sacked.

  Still, it’s finally a good day to be David O’Leary! Never afraid to splash the cash, the Manchester United boss shells out for Jaap Stam, Zinedine Zidane and…er…Gary O’Neil. His spending spree pays off and he almost leads his team to an unprecedented domestic treble, winning the league and the FA Cup, but losing the League Cup to Louis van Gaal’s Newcastle. Liverpool finish second, despite the signings of Martin Keown, Gianluca Festa and Chris Perry, while Leeds and Arsenal finish third and fourth. Tottenham return to the Premier League at the first time of asking, led by bearded Australian David Mitchell whose madcap attacking 4–2–1–2–1 formation baffles the second flight into submission. Ruel Fox is crammed into a cardboard box and shipped to Miami. Cherno Samba is signed by Newcastle for £10m, while Ipswich lay out £5m for Tonton Zola Moukoko. Kenny Dalglish is sacked by Charlton, but pops up again at Aston Villa, while Southampton lose the play-off final and consign themselves to the third flight for a second season.

  Still, Patrick Vieira’s happy. Barcelona clean up, winning the Champions League, La Liga, the Spanish Cup and a prestigious Scrabble tournament in Minorca where Frank de Boer drops ‘quizzical’ over a triple word score. Javier Saviola and Patrick Kluivert hit 73 goals between them as Real Madrid are beaten into third place behind Valencia. In Italy, Roma nonchalantly pick up their fourth consecutive Serie A title with an asset-stripped Juventus slumping into 12th. Meanwhile in Scotland, Celtic finish first and Rangers finish second.

  2005

  Roma are back on top in Europe, snatching the Champions League from Barcelona’s tiny mitts and lifting it above their heads for the second time in three years. Fabio Capello’s side are making life very dull indeed in Italy. There they seal their fifth consecutive title having reversed the talent drain to Spain by buying Roberto Carlos and former Middlesbrough soul-glo poster boy Emerson, as well as Juan Sebastian Veron who takes his leave of Old Trafford after four glorious years.

  Veron’s departure does little to stem the flow of trophies. David O’Leary picks up his second title in a row and credits his success to, “all the children everywhere,“ because, as he sagely adds, “the children are our future.“ Man Utd beat off a determined challenge from Louis van Gaal’s Newcastle whose 4–5–1 is spearheaded by Cherno Samba to devastating effect. The former Millwall man scores 21 goals and makes his debut for new England manager…er…Dave Jones, scoring twice. Arsenal and Leeds make up the other Champions League places, Kenny Dalglish’s Aston Villa are relegated and poor old Southampton plummet into the fourth division. Tottenham, in a act of gross spitefulness, sack Mitchell after finishing 16th in their first season back in the Premier League. They replace him with Dalglish.

  In Spain, Barcelona win La Liga again, despite not signing anyone for two years. Real Madrid, who have exercised no such discretion in the transfer market having signed Alessandro Del Piero for £28m, are runners-up. Meanwhile in Scotland, Celtic finish first and Rangers finish second.

  2006

  The world dances to the sound of the samba beat as Brazil lift their fifth World Cup, this time in Berlin. Felipao, in his second spell as manager, utilises a very dull 4–4–2 with Ronaldo and Amoroso up front, and grinds his way to victory over Holland. England, by brutal contrast, are knocked out in the second round. By Brazil. On penalties. Again. Frankly, it’s hard to comprehend how a team manned by the likes of Chris Kirkland, Sam Sodje and former Crewe midfielder David Wright can fall so short on the big stage.

  It’s three titles in a row for David O’Leary at Old Trafford. Christian Vieri and Ruud van Nistelrooy score freely to hold off the challenge of Dalglish’s renewed and revitalised Tottenham. Spurs now boast the attacking talents of Carl Cort to support the deadly finishing of Steffen Iversen. What? What’s so funny? Arsenal finish third, Liverpool come fourth and Walter Smith’s Everton, who have just moved into a 55,000 all-seater, retractable-roofed stadium on King’s Docks, are relegated. Southampton, after a shaming season in the fourth division, are promoted into the third.

  The Roman Empire has fallen… and has been replaced by a different Roman Empire. Lazio, who snaffle Zidane on a Bosman after his two seasons with Man Utd, end Roma’s run of five consecutive titles, romping home eight points clear. Across Italy, there are street parties and carnivals, mopeds are tossed about in the air like children’s toys. Poor Roma even lose the Champions League final to Bayern Munich. Capello pushes a policeman over. In Spain, after 18 months of frugality, Barcelona finally spend some money, bringing in David Beckham for £14m, Albert Nadj for £5m and Mark Iuliano for £9m. They finish second to Real Madrid, who didn’t spend a penny. There is no logic. Meanwhile in Scotland, Celtic finish first and Rangers finish second.

  2007

  After 17 years of hurt, Liverpool are the English champions once again. Across Merseyside and the home counties, there are street-parties and carnivals, curly-haired, moustachioed men and women dance the night away and nine months from now there will be a boom of curly haired, moustachioed babies. It’s taken nine years of tinkering, but Gerard Houllier finally delivers and then goes on to win the FA Cup for good measure. Arsenal finish second, Newcastle, with Cherno Samba hitting 31 goals, finish third and Chelsea troop home in fourth under Rudi Voller. The German boss is building quite a side, snatching Tonton Zola Moukoko from Ipswich and adding him to an illustrious line-up that includes Marco Di Vaio, Roy Makaay and Michael Duberry.

  David O’Leary’s Man Utd, despite blowing £43m on Diego Tristan, Damiano Zenoni and Jens Nowotny tumble to eighth. Perhaps their downfall was caused by Roy Keane’s departure to Atalanta. Perhaps it was the loss of Jaap Stam to Dortmund. Or perhaps, just perhaps, it was the rash decision to sell indefatigable Wes Brown to Roma for £23m.

  Not that Brown’s recruitment helps Fabio Capello one iota, of course. Nor does his cunning plan to steal Pavel Nedved from Lazio. Roma slip to third while their rivals retain the title. Fabio Capello pushes a police horse over. Lazio, still powered by Zinedine Zidane and made potent by Andrey Shevchenko, snatch the title by a point from Juventus. They also win the Champions League, beating Bayern 2–1. In Spain, Barcelona spend big again, whacking £28m on Wilfried Bouma and another £11m on Sol Campbell. It works and the title is theirs. Patrick Kluivert, by the way, has now scored 221 goals in six seasons. Meanwhile in Scotland, Celtic finish first and Rangers finish second.

  2008

  Arrigo Sacchi’s Italy retain the European C
hampionships in Stockholm with a crushing 3–0 defeat of dark horses Romania. Luca Toni scores a hat-trick. England finally survive a summer tournament without getting knocked out on penalties. Instead, Dave Jones’ men are knocked out in normal time at the quarter-final stage by Ukraine.

  Ken Bates has ruled Chelsea since 1982 and finally, finally, finally, his team have won the title. A clearly emotional Bates reflects upon a phonecall he took from an unnamed Russian businessman in 2003, saying, “Do you know, I almost sold the club to that c**t. What was I thinking? He probably didn‘t have any money anyway…”

  Arsenal finish second again prompting a furious rant from Arsene Wenger who blames the referees, the Highbury pitch and the excess fluoride in the water. As quickly as it began, however, Liverpool’s reign is over. Gerard Houllier’s side win the League Cup, but finish outside the Champions League places in fifth. Joe Kinnear’s Blackburn come third while David O’Leary, clinging on to the United job by his fingernails, claims fourth. Southampton are relegated back to the basement with a whimper.

  Roma’s golden age is over as well. Even the acquisition of Italian hero Luca Toni can’t lift them from third and Lazio win the title again. You have to go back to 1999 to find the last time a team outside Rome won Serie A. Juventus, who hired Marco Tardelli after that awful 12th place finish in 2004, come second. In La Liga, Vicente Del Bosque’s static 4–4–2 isn’t working. Real Madrid slide into third, overtaken by Carlos Bianchi’s Valencia who use a 4–1–2–1–2 with John Carew and Salva up top to break up the duopoly. Barcelona, of course, win the title, their second in a row. Manager Charly Rexach has now won four leagues and nine cups. Meanwhile in Scotland, Celtic finish first and Rangers finish second

  2009

  Money may not buy you happiness, but it does make success in football a little easier. After burning through an eye-watering £74m and buying global luminaries Wes Brown, Harry Kewell, Igor Biscan and David Trezeguet, Inter Milan win the Champions League, beating Juventus 3–2. Sadly for new manager Giuseppe Pillon, Inter miss out on Serie A, losing a two-legged play-off to Lazio, who claim their fourth consecutive title under Alberto Zaccheroni.