Long Voyage Back

by Luke Rhinehart

  `Would you feel that way if we begin to run into fallout?'

  Òf course not,' Tony snapped back. Tut we should try to get back. Especially when the damn boat is getting smashed to pieces.'

  `Frank?' Neil asked quietly.

  `We should run before the storm and get back to land,' he said, again not looking up. Òlly?'

  `Whatever you want, Cap, is all right by me,' Captain 01ly replied promptly without even bothering to open his eyes. 'I like it out here, but if you feel we ought to go unload a few landlubbers it's okay by me.'

  Neil smiled and stood up.

  Ì'll go consult the others,' he said.

  Five minutes later he returned. 'Jim and Seth say they'd rather I decided,' Neil announced quietly as he resumed his seat opposite a now dozing Captain 01ly. 'I . .

  `What the fuck is this shit?' Tony exploded. 'You got everybody but me and Frank under your thumb?'

  Ì doubt it,' Neil replied. 'I'm sure that if Macklin here had the strength to comment he'd want to return to land.' `You're damn right,' Tony said. 'And what about Elaine?' `She was sleeping, but I'm sure she'd vote the way you do.' `You're damn right.'

  Ànd Jeanne?' Frank asked softly.

  Jeanne's vote would have been decisive for Neil, but fortunately - or unfortunately - she had been as ambivalent as Neil himself. She was miserable with her seasickness and that of Skip, and frightened of the crashes of the waves against the seemingly flimsy plywood of the hull, but she had at first joked by urging Neil to 'take me away from it all', and 'to take her some place where she could die in peace.' But just before he had left she had clutched his arm and said earnestly, `You've saved me and my children twice already. I'd be a fool to question how you plan to do it a third time.'

  `Jeanne essentially left it up to me also,' Neil finally answered Frank.

  `None of this proxy shit,' Tony persisted. 'The fact is that most of those with minds of their own know we ought to be getting back to the mainland.'

  `Frank votes your way and Jim and 01ly abstain,' Neil went on quietly. 'My personal decision . .

  Ì insist you consult those others,' Tony interrupted.

  `My personal decision,' Neil went on, 'is that we continue on a course to close with the mainland until the weather moderates or we encounter the danger of radioactive fallout.'

  Ìt's only fair that . . . What?' Tony said, taken aback by Neil's decision.

  `Frank, when you and Tony go on duty an hour from now,' Neil said, turning to his friend beside him, 'try the transistor radio every hour to pick up news about conditions along the North Carolina coast.'

  `Fine,' said Frank.

  `We're about a hundred miles off the coast now,' Neil continued. 'At this rate we'll close on the coast during the

  night. We've got to find out if the big navigational lights are in operation.'

  `They've got emergency generators,' Frank said.

  'I know. They should be working. However, I'd prefer not to sail on to the Hatteras or Lookout shoals to find out they're not.'

  `We're going back to the mainland?' Tony asked, still adjusting to his unexpected victory. Ìf the mainland will have us,' Neil replied, rising again. Ì'm going to check with the short wave to see if I can find out more about this storm. See you later.'

  After Neil had left, 01ly announced that he was going to take a nap and went forward to lie down. Frank poured himself and Tony a tiny amount of whisky in water and sat down again.

  `Well, we won that one,' Tony said.

  Startled, Frank looked up at him.

  Ì think Neil realizes,' Tony went on, 'that he can't run this boat without our support. He's made himself captain, but in effect we have veto power.'

  Frank sipped at his drink.

  Ànd I want you to know, Frank,' Tony went on, leaning forward and putting one of his hands on Frank's arm, 'that if push ever comes to shove, I'm behind you one hundred per cent. You understand?'

  Frank stared at his drink.

  Òne hundred per cent,' Tony repeated, standing up. 'As far as I'm concerned you already are the captain.' He paused, staring down at Frank, who didn't look up. When Vagabond surfed down a big wave Tony staggered forward, steadying himself against the wall behind Frank.

  Ì gotta take a piss,' he concluded, and left Frank alone. Frank stared at his drink another ten seconds, then, grimacing, tossed the rest of it off. The grimace continued until, looking sick and swearing irritably under his breath, he went hurriedly up the hatchway steps for fresh air.

  When Tony came out of the john Conrad Macklin was

  seated at the dinette and had poured himself a shot of whisky. Tony sat down opposite him.

  Ì thought you were too sick to drink,' Tony said.

  Ì'm only too sick to stand watch,' Macklin answered indifferently, looking coolly at Tony and pouring the other man a drink.

  `You hear what I said to Frank?' Tony asked, holding his plastic cup of whisky. Macklin nodded and took a short swig from his cup.

  `But you know, Tony,' he said after a short silence. 'Frank will never be captain of this ship.'

  `No?' said Tony, steadying the bottle after it slid a few inches from Vagabond's surfing along the face of a wave.

  `He'll be dead in a month,' said Macklin. 'And besides, he hasn't got the guts to be captain.'

  `Well, all I know is that Loken makes like a dictator.' Macklin nodded and sipped gingerly again at his drink, his

  round owlish face and eyes examining Tony without expression. `Sooner or later, Tony,'

  he went on softly, 'he's going to

  kick you and me off the boat.'

  Tony looked up quickly. 'You, maybe,' he cpuntered. Tut why me? I'm as good a sailor as he is, maybe better.'

  Macklin smiled and nodded meaningfully. 'That's exactly why he has to get rid of you,'

  he said to Tony. 'He knows you're the only other man aboard with captain potential.'

  Tony looked at Macklin uncertainly, the sway of the kerosene lantern creating shadows that made it difficult to decipher Macklin's expression.

  `Sooner or later,' Macklin went on softly, 'either you'll get kicked off . . . or you and I will have to take over the boat.' `No one's kicking me off anything,' Tony snapped back. `That's right, Tony,' Macklin replied, nodding. 'That's right.' Macklin held his half-filled cup towards Tony and, after a pause, Tony understood. The two men clicked their cups

  together and drank.

  When the rain began falling that afternoon Neil called out all hands that had strength to come up on deck to catch and store as much water as they could. Because the winds were gusting by then to over forty knots and the double-reefed mainsail couldn't be used as it normally could to channel rain water into buckets, Neil had his crew use instead a small jib and two nylon Bimini covers. They caught as much as they could in these, then channelled the water into buckets and at last into the main storage tanks and their large plastic containers. With the winds making their nylon collectors difficult to control and his crew never having tried the manoeuvre, there was much swearing and quite a bit of spilled rain water. However, Neil had also stopped up the drains holes in the cockpits to be scooped up later. By late afternoon they had gathered almost twenty gallons, more than half of it quite clear, and even that rescued from the cockpits was potable. Because they were at last headed back towards land and many were seasick, Tony and Elaine and a few others complained it was all an unnecessary game, but Neil kept them at it for two hours. By dusk, there were quite a few grumblers.

  For Jeanne the day seemed endless. The smell of vomit permeated her cabin, and though the horrifying blasts of the sea against her cabin wall had ended, Vagabond still seemed to be thrown around like a tiny dinghy. Elaine, although thoroughly frightened most of the morning, had been reassured by a solicitous Tony for over an hour in the early afternoon and emerged from their tete-a-tete quite cheerful, and as oblivious of the rolling and plunging of Vagabond as a globecircling sailor. Her daughter Rhoda was sick, but n
othing seemed to disturb the bland Elaine, who, unable to concentrate on anything' for more than a minute or two, was another source of misery for Jeanne.

  A delicate, wide-eyed blonde, Elaine let her child demand most of her time and was helpless at any job given to her. So exasperated had Jeanne become with her when she was sent to help in the galley that she and Lisa had decided to ask her to stay topside. Jeanne had offered Elaine and Rhoda the use of her berth and usually slot on the floor herself, but at night Elaine would wake her up sometimes to ask her to get Rhoda a cup of water since Jeanne 'was already up', namely on the floor. The child was cranky and slept poorly. Her toys and Elaine's clothes and toiletries could never be confined to the cubicles Jeanne asked her to use but ended up around the cabin as if sprayed there by a random explosion.

  Elaine was off somewhere with Tony now, - and while Skippy, somewhat recovered from his seasickness, played on the cabin floor a few feet away, Jeanne lay on her back staring at the ceiling and wishing she could express her fears to Neil and be reassured and comforted. She hated feeling so helpless, hated being unable to focus her thoughts on the war or on her feelings for Neil or on anything except the dizzying, nauseating motion of the ship.

  Frank came down three or four times to comfort her and see if there was anything he could do, but when he tried to clean up some of the vomit he himself became sick again and had to hasten topside.

  Neil appeared only twice, once to ask her opinion on their course - an opinion she was reluctant to give since her mind felt like mashed potatoes still being beaten in the blender-and a second time in the afternoon. He suggested she try to come up and assist in the rain catching.

  That time she had struggled out of her berth, stood weakly for about thirty seconds and then fallen woozily into his arms. He had to pick her up and lift her back into her berth. Ì hope you're not blaming the captain for this,' he finally said. Ì'm beyond blaming,' she replied wearily, realizing sadly that she wished he would go away and couldn't see her looking like a drowned cat. And smelling worse.

  `You'll be over it by tomorrow,' he suggested. 'Get some sleep.'

  Ì'll never be over it,' she moaned. 'I'll remember this moment as long as I live.'

  `Since it's so special I plan to try to see to it that you live a very long time,' Neil said. She looked over at him, tried to smile and feebly squeezed his hand. Ì'm sorry I'm letting you down,' she said.

  `Never,' he said. 'I just hoped the fresh air might help.' Neil released her hand and, with the edge of the sheet, wiped the perspiration from her face. Then he disappeared. Frank came twice more, but she didn't see Neil again until the next day. The final indignity for Jeanne came that evening as the storm seemed to be getting even worse. Elaine came cheerfully down into the cabin and told her that Jeanne could sleep in her berth that night, with little Rhoda. Elaine was going to be with Tony. So Jeanne, miserable, was left to babysit while Elainespent the night being 'comforted' by Tony. She was too sick to be angry. She barely had strength to wonder where the lovers had a chance to become lovers in the crowded boat. Some day she'd have to ask. They picked up the light at Cape Lookout at midnight. By two-thirty A.M. they had left it on their starboard beam while making for the Morehead City Inlet. The storm, Neil had concluded, must be coming directly at them. The winds, instead of becoming more northerly as he had expected if the storm were passing to seaward of them, were in fact becoming more southerly. The storm centre must be coming right up the coastline. In any case, the winds were still blowing at about forty-five knots with stronger gusts and the seas remained between eight and ten feet. To turn south now would be impossible. Fortunately the Morehead City Inlet was wide, deep, and well-buoyed. Moreover, immediate protection was available as soon as they got inside and turned west towards the turning basin. Neil had entered the channel on half a dozen occasions, and although he hated approaching land in a storm, he had no strong fears under the present conditions, not with a boat and a crew he had confidence in. As they neared the inlet it was Frank and Tony's watch. Lisa and Jim, who had just come off duty, remained on deck more out ofexcitement than necessity. Still sailing under storm jib and double-reefed main they had already picked up the white flashing sea-buoy that marked the beginning of the big ship channel when Neil turned on the transistor radio. He wanted to try again to pick up local news about conditions in the Morehead City area. The best he could do was a station from Charleston, South Carolina. A voice announced that they were going to repeat the President's address to the nation which had taken place at ten o'clock that evening - five hours before. With Frank handling the helm and the radio placed on the shelf to his left, the other three men and Lisa lined up along the front of the wheelhouse, peering through the plexiglas windows with their half-dozen bullet holes, out into the darkness, and listening to the President's voice.

  `Good evening, my fellow Americans,' the voice began, slow, sombre and sincere. 'It is my sad duty to speak to you on this fifth day of this horrible conflict. Our nation, a victim of the unprovoked attack by the Soviet Union, has suffered immense devastation. So many of our cities have been destroyed that, as you know, our communications with each other have been considerably reduced. The ability of your government to deal with the chaos and suffering which is occurring in many sections of our land is extremely limited. It

  is the task of our military forces to continue to wage war on the Soviet Union, not only to avenge the horror they have inflicted upon us, but in order to try to destroy their nation before the freedom of all peoples is removed from the earth.

  `Those of us who have survived the initial Soviet onslaught must keep always in our hearts that we are fighting on now both for our individual survival and for the survival of the very idea of freedom. Mankind is at a terrifying crossroads: whether we shall all fall to the slavery of communist dictatorship or live on with our principles of individualism and freedom. I urge you all to do everything in your power to contribute to this struggle. Ì have unleashed the power of all our military might against the Soviet Union. I am happy to report to you this morning that though more than half of our great nation lies in ruins, even more of the Soviet Union has been destroyed. We have received no further reports ofeffective enemy action in the last twenty-four hours. The Russian people, like you, are suffering for the evil of their attack.

  `However, despite our successes, I'm afraid that this morning I must issue a momentous warning and executive order. I have been advised by our best scientists working with the National Security Council that all Americans still living in certain areas in the northeastern part of our country must evacuate immediately. I am speaking now to the people of eastern Ohio, New York, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Maryland and Delaware. Within ten days to two weeks the radioactive fallout from the war will have accumulated to such a degree that its effects will make life in these areas almost impossible. Residents are to move as quickly as possible either to Canada or areas in the far north of the region, or south at least as far as North Carolina. United States military forces will provide all assistance at their disposal, but airplanes and vehicles are limited. In most cases you will have to provide your own transportation.

  `Do not be deceived if your area has not yet received significant radioactive fallout. All indications are that radioactivity and its effects will spread and become worse, causing not only direct death to humans, but contaminating water and food supplies, which will render life unsustainable. Thus, I hereby direct all citizens . . The President's voice went firmly on, reporting next on the • greatly reduced fighting in Europe caused by the high number of casualties on each side and indicating that he considered the stalemate as a victory for the forces of freedom, although the destruction of most of Europe was, of course, a great historical tragedy. He also indicated that he had sent a stern note to the governments of all thirteen nations of South America. He indicated grave consequences if they continued to declare strict neutrality in the world conflict. Although mos
t of these governments were fascist dictatorships, they still historically were part of the free peoples of the American continent and their refusal to permit United States military forces to use certain ports, air bases and oil depots for repairs and resupply was hampering the war effort. In particular, the decision of Venezuela and Trinidad-Tobago to cease selling oil to the US was an economic act of war and would not be tolerated. He also condemned the governments of Mexico, the Bahamas, and several unnamed South American countries for their unjust, shortsighted, and sometimes cruel treatment of American war refugees. He concluded his address with the announcement that with Congress unable to meet, he was using powers granted to him as Commander-in-Chief under martial law to order all Americans between the ages of 18 and 45 to report immediately for military service. His last words were an appeal to his fellow Americans tostand tall in this great crisis. When the President had finished speaking and a comentator began summarizing his address, Neil turned off the radio. When Jim and Tony went and sat down on .a settee behind

  where Frank remained at the wheel, Neil sat opposite them. They all became aware again of the sound of the wind and of Vagabond rushing down the seas in the darkness. Ìt all seems so impossible,' Frank finally said, still staring forward. 'The President talks about the evacuation of the whole northeast as if it were the abandoning of a small town because of a gas leak.'

  Ì wonder why the big cities got hit so bad,' Tony mused. 'I thought I read some place that Arizona and North Dakota were the places that were going to get clobbered. You know, our missile sites.'

  No one answered.

  Ì wonder what "standing tall" means?' Tony went on in a low voice. Ìt means we're all drafted,' Neil commented.

  Ìs that true?' Jim asked.

  Èxcept for Frank,' Neil replied. 'We're all in the military now.'

  Ì may not be drafted,' Frank commented from the wheel, `but there'll be things for me to do too. Our country needs us all now.'

  Again no one spoke. Vagabond surged and rollercoastered forward in the darkness, rolled and surged again. The three men behind Frank sat silently staring at the floor between them, swaying with the ship's swoops and swerves. Neil stood for a moment to stare forward and then sat down.