by Bella Jewel
Tanner glances at Tatum, who looks so damned guilty I know now my plan will work. Tatum thinks I have the whole story, I can tell by his expression, and that’s all I need. Is for him to think I know the entire truth.
“Don’t listen to this shit,” Tatum growls, shoving his chair back and standing. “She’s lost her fuckin’ marbles, she could have made those emails up. Let’s get out of here.”
“Sit down, Tatum,” Tanner says through gritted teeth. “Now.”
Tatum glances at Tanner, but he sits down, his big fists clenched. He knows he’s done for, but it’s about time he owned up to what he’s done.
“Finish your fuckin’ story,” Tanner says to me.
“Gladly.” I smile bitterly. “So, after reading those emails, I was even more determined to find out what happened to Celia. Because, regardless of what you think, I have thought about her every single day since that horrible night. I’ve wanted her justice more than you can possibly imagine. Without anyone on my side, that was damned hard, but finally I had a lead. I paid your dear mother a visit,” I say to Tatum.
He grits his teeth. “You fuckin’ ...”
“What?” I throw at him. “What could you possibly call me that wouldn’t be exactly what you are, too? A liar? A cheat? Manipulative? Sneaky? What, Tatum?”
He exhales angrily, panting with rage.
“Your mom,” I go on, my voice like a whip, “told me that Chase disappeared after Celia died, she had a great story as to why he doesn’t come and see her, but she did say that she still calls him. I stole his number from her phone. When you changed his name for him, Tatum, you should have probably thought that one through.”
“What the fuck are you talkin’ about?” Tanner growls.
“Your friend here helped Chase disappear. Why, you’re wondering? Well, it’s simple. He knows what his little brother did to your sister, and he knew you’d have his head for it, so he made him disappear and he let me take the blame. Haven’t you ever stopped to wonder why Chase hasn’t ever come back? Why he isn’t on Facebook? Why any trace of him has disappeared?”
Tanner’s eyes narrow as he takes it in, his mind clearly spinning a hundred miles an hour. He’s no doubt going over the last six years in his head, reliving all the moments where Chase hasn’t been around, and all the lies he’s been fed, all the stories as to why he hasn’t come home.
“I called Chase,” I go on. “I told him I knew what he did to Celia, and he confessed everything. But, when I told him he needed to go the police and tell the truth and he found out who I was, he hung up on me. He claimed he didn’t mean it to happen, and that it wasn’t his fault.”
Tanner looks confused, and he shakes his head a little, before looking to Tatum. “Is this true?”
My heart is racing. I’m so scared, so scared Tatum will call me out and ask what exactly it is Chase told me, and I’ll not have an answer for that, he’ll realize I only know half of it, and turn it around on me. It’s a likely scenario, I can only hope I’ve been convincing enough for him to confess.
I stare, my whole body on high alert, as Tatum looks at his best friend, and the two of them lock gazes, so much passing between them. Years of lies slowly unravelling before Tanner’s very eyes.
“Is it fuckin’ true, Tatum?” Tanner roars, slamming his fist down on the table so hard I jerk, skittering backward. Jo jumps behind me. Tatum flinches, and his eyes swing to me, feral and angry.
“Don’t you look at me like that,” I say, my voice low and angry. “You had no problem dragging me through hell to cover your tracks. You have no right to be angry at me for turning the tables back on you. No right at all. Revenge is sweet, isn’t it, Tatum?”
His jaw ticks, and he looks back to Tanner. “She doesn’t know the whole story and—”
“What happened to my sister?” Tanner whisper hisses, so low and angry even I scoot back a little.
“Tanner, let me explain and—”
“What the fuck happened to Celia?” Tanner bellows, launching over the table so quickly I can do nothing but shove my chair backward so hard I slam into Jo.
Tanner grabs Tatum and the two of them fall onto the floor, knocking chairs over, causing things to fly off the table and smash on the ground. Fists start flying and I don’t know what to do. I stare at the two of them, rolling around on the ground, punching each other so hard they’re going to leave marks. Garrett rushes over and tries to pull Tanner off, but his attempts are futile, he’s too angry.
“Stop!” Jo screams, but I grab her shoulder and pull her back when she goes to take a step forward.
“No,” I say, my voice scarily calm. “No, leave them be.”
The two of them fight until they’re panting, until blood is dripping, until the rage is only slightly satiated. Only then does Tanner get to his feet, staring down at his best friend with a look of betrayal. I won’t lie, my heart, deep down inside, feels a little achy watching the hurt in his eyes. I shake my head and shake the feelings away with it. Tanner Yates deserves this. So does Tatum.
They all do.
“I will ask you again, what happened to Celia?” Tanner pants, his fists clenched.
Tatum looks up at him, blood running down his cheek from a split under his eye.
“I don’t know the full story,” he rasps, his voice husky and low. “All I know is that Chase got himself into some trouble, some big trouble. Drugs. I tried to help him out of it, but he had already sunk himself too deep. Wasn’t takin’ them, but he was sellin’ them. He owed a lot of money. People wanted to make him suffer. They took him and Celia, wanted to teach him a lesson. They drugged him, and ...”
“And what?” Tanner growls, his voice low and throaty.
“They raped her. Eight of them. One after another. In front of Chase. He didn’t do anything, he couldn’t, he was drugged. Couldn’t move. He loved her, Tanner ...”
I feel sick.
My whole body feels like it’s going to crash onto the ground.
So many thoughts swirl through my mind.
My skin prickles.
My stomach turns.
But my heart, oh, god, my heart, it breaks. It shatters into a thousand tiny pieces.
Eight of them.
Eight.
I make a pained sound and grip my chest; it feels like my whole world is crashing down around me at the news. The horror that poor girl lived through makes me sick to my stomach. It makes me want to scream, just to stop the feelings tormenting me right now. How she even breathed a day after that, is beyond me. That poor girl, living through that with nobody on her side, nobody to protect her.
I see her face in my mind again, the broken eyes, the sympathetic smile she gave me. She didn’t want to die. She had no other choice. She would have sat alone, scared and sick, wondering how the hell she was ever going to get out of the nightmare she was reliving over and over. She would have thought that no matter what she did, she would never be happy again. She thought it was the end of her road.
The end of her story.
Tanner doesn’t move.
He doesn’t speak.
He just stands there, his hands by his sides, no doubt feeling the exact same things I’m feeling right now.
“She got HIV,” I whisper to myself, loud enough for Tatum’s eyes to swing to me. “She got HIV from them, not only did she go through the worst hell imaginable, she was going to have to live with it for the rest of her life. Her short life. Oh, Celia ...”
Tanner turns and looks at me, really looks at me. His eyes scan over me, and he murmurs, his voice low, “She stepped out in front of your car.”
It’s not a question.
More like he’s finally realizing that he was wrong. All this time.
He was wrong.
So fucking wrong.
“Yes,” I whisper. “Yes, she did.”
His eyes scan over my face, and then he murmurs low, “Are you happy now?”
His question stuns me.
Shocks
me.
Am I happy now?
I thought I would be. I thought bringing the truth to light would make me feel so much better.
But I don’t feel better.
I feel so much worse.
The truth is a dagger that’s just twisting our pain deeper.
“No,” I whisper.
“You went on about the kind of monster I am, for doing what I did. Guess what, Callie? You just became the same kind of monster.”
His words are like a knife to the heart.
A horrible truth I can’t bear to face.
My hands go over my chest, and clutch tightly, as if hanging on will keep my heart from leaping out and shattering.
He turns, walking past me and past Jo, straight out the front door. Everything in my body screams at me to go after him, to help him, to make it better, but I can’t. I can’t move. I can’t think. Tatum calls out after him, but Garrett steps in, glaring down at the man on the floor. “Leave him,” he growls, low. “Leave him be.”
Tatum stands, his face bloodied, his body trembling from rage, and shock and probably guilt and pain at what he’s just put his best friend through. Then his eyes swing to Jo. She’s looking at him, like she’s utterly heartbroken, like she truly didn’t see him for what he was until now.
“He’s my brother, Jo,” he whispers, his voice broken. “I had to help him.”
“You didn’t have to lie,” she says, her voice trembling. “You didn’t have to let my best friend go down for it. You didn’t have to encourage Tanner to torment her. You didn’t have to do anything you did, Tatum. You chose to. Now get out of my house. Get out. Please, get the hell out.”
“Jo ...”
“Get out!” she screams.
Tatum looks to me, and for the first time, I see true regret in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Callie.”
Then the two of them leave.
I turn to Jo, and a tear rolls down her cheek.
I rush over, pulling her into my arms.
“Celia,” she whispers.
I clench my eyes shut, fighting back the pain that bursts forth.
“Poor Celia,” she sobs.
Yeah.
Poor Celia.
She didn’t deserve any of this.
10
“ARE YOU SURE THIS IS a good idea?” Jo whispers as I pull on my coat.
“I have to go, Jo. I can’t...I just can’t not.”
“He’s angry right now. He’s broken. He’s damaged.”
I nod, zipping up my coat and grabbing my phone and purse. “I know he is, but I want to talk to him now it’s all out in the open. He called me a monster, and...I didn’t like it. Maybe he’s right. What I just did to him was brutal, and made me no better than him and his little plan. I never thought of that, and now it’s all I can think about.”
Jo shakes her head. “I think you’re playing with fire, honey. If you go to him, he’s going to say and do a lot of things you’re not willing to hear right now.”
“I’m going,” I say, reaching over and grabbing her shoulders, squeezing. “I’ll call you later.”
She exhales as I disappear out the front door, walking to my car. What happened tonight, it was brutal. In a way that I didn’t expect. I thought of a million different reasons why Celia stepped in front of my car, but none of them compared to the truth. I’ve been thinking about her ever since, feeling a sick emptiness in my chest as I try to imagine what it was she was going through.
Going through alone.
Then my mind goes to Tanner, and the blow he got dealt tonight. It was hard, and it was cruel. He just learned that everything he believed in, is an utter lie. That the story he’s hung onto for so long, isn’t real. That his best friend, in the whole wide world, who he has trusted with his life, betrayed him.
I know how that feels, and it’s not good.
I also keep thinking about what he said to me, about me being happy now. Over the last few weeks, I have thought about this moment, and thought it would be exhilarating and fulfilling to finally uncover the truth. It turns out, the truth most certainly does not always set you free. If anything, it made me feel worse, it widened my wounds until they were gaping. It did little to make me feel better, to make me feel like my life was coming together again.
It made me feel even worse to realize that I am indeed as big a monster as Tanner.
I drive to Tanner’s house, getting out of my car and walking to the front door. I bang on it, breathing through some serious nervous energy. A moment later, Andrea answers. For a few seconds, we just stare at each other. I’m guessing she now knows what went down. Her eyes lock onto mine, and she says in a tired, broken voice, “What are you doing here?”
“I guess you heard what happened?” I say, my voice taking on the same tone.
“Yeah,” she murmurs, “I heard.”
Silence falls between us for a few moments. I don’t know if I should speak first, or if I should let her. There is so much to say, so many things to get out. I’m let down by the lie she created for me, and yet I don’t feel much anger towards her. Maybe it’s because I know she was doubting what was going on, or maybe because regardless of it all, she was really kind to me. Either way, she got dealt some pretty bad news tonight, too.
I’m not cold enough to just overlook that.
“Listen, I’m sorry. For what you found out tonight about Celia. For whatever it’s worth, my heart is breaking for you and your family at such horrible news. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, not ever.”
Her face scrunches in pain, and she whispers, “I didn’t know she was in pain. How could I not notice?”
“You’re only human, Andrea. Sometimes we don’t always see what’s right in front of us, believe me, I should know.”
“You would know,” she says, her voice filling with regret. “I know what we did was wrong. I’m sorry, for whatever it’s worth. It means nothing, but I do mean it. I really do. You’re a good person, Callie. I know that. You’re a good worker and a kind friend. I’m sorry.”
It’s worth little at this point, but I appreciate it all the same. I nod, letting her know I’ve heard her, and then I get right to the point.
“I need to speak with Tanner.”
“He’s not here,” she says, “I’ve tried calling him, but he won’t answer.”
I didn’t figure he’d be here, but it was worth a shot.
“Do you have any idea where he might be?” I ask, crossing my arms.
“I can give you a name of a few local bars, where you might be able to find him. I can’t be sure, though. He’s in a bad way.”
I nod, “That would be great.”
She tells me a few places, and I thank her. We stand in some more dragged out silence, our eyes locked. I’m not sure what I’m going to do now. If I have a job. If I even want a job. If I’ll ever speak to Andrea again. All I know is it’s going to take me some time to get over this pain. Maybe it’s best if I don’t go near her for a while.
“I should probably find another job,” I say, my voice low.
She closes her eyes, exhaling. “You don’t have to do that, but I understand why you’d want to. However, the job is still yours if you need.”
I appreciate that, too.
“Thanks. I should go.”
I turn and walk away.
“Callie?” Andrea calls, when I’m half way down the front path.
I turn and glance at her.
“He’s not a bad person. He’s a broken person, in a lot of pain, but he’s not bad. Go easy on him, please.”
I hold her eyes, and then turn without another word.
I can’t promise something like that.
I just can’t.
I get in my car and drive to the first on the list of bars she gave me. He’s not at the first or the second, but finally, I find him at the third. He’s sitting at the end of the bar, in the shadows, head down, drink in front of him. He’s staring into the amber liquid, his shoulders slumped. I’m not a m
onster, seeing him like this bothers me. It hurts me.
I never realized just how much more pain I was going to cause tonight.
I feel horrible that I didn’t consider what hearing the news would do to him. I was so wrapped up in my own story, wanting to call them out for what they’d done, that I didn’t consider that my actions have consequences. That’s why I’m here, because he owes me to apologize at the very least for the bomb I dropped on him. Hearing what happened to Celia would have crushed him. Nobody deserves that.
I walk over and sit beside him. It takes him a few moments to look up at me, but when he does, his eyes harden. His jaw tightens and he glares at me like I’m the last person he’d ever want to see. “What the fuck are you doin’ here?”
I take in a deep breath through my nose, and say, “I’m here to talk to you.”
“Does it look like I want to talk to anyone?”
“Look, Tanner,” I begin, my voice monotone and emotionless, “I understand tonight was probably really hard for you and-”
He stands, his barstool skidding back so hard it slams into a table behind him. People stop and watch, their eyes wide. “You know what’s fuckin’ hard for me?” he roars, slamming his fist down on the bar, “Is knowin’ my sister got fuckin’ raped by eight men. That’s hard for me. Do not come in here and try to fuckin’ make this better. I fucked you over, or have you forgotten that already?”
“No, I haven’t.” I try, but he turns and starts walking out. “That’s not why I’m here, though.”
“Are you stupid?” he barks, panting with rage. “Why would you come after me? Why would you apologize for what I found out? Isn’t this what you wanted, Callie? To make me suffer for what I did to you? Isn’t this exactly how you wanted this to go?”
“No, Tanner, it isn’t. I didn’t think of what this would do to you, and I’m sorry for that. For the rest of it, well, I’m not okay...but...”
He laughs bitterly. “Stick with your plan. You went through with it, now you live with it. You made a choice. We’ve all made choices. I’m living with mine. Start fuckin’ living with yours.”
He turns and starts shoving past people to get out of the bar as quickly as he can.