by Bella Jewel
“Tanner!” I yell.
He looks back at me. “Go fuck yourself, Callie.”
Then he disappears out the front door.
Well.
This is going well.
“TANNER WAIT!” I CALL, rushing out the front door after him.
He turns and walks down an alley, completely ignoring me. I run as fast as I can to catch up, ducking into the darkness after him. I finally catch up to him mid-way down, and I grab his shoulder, stopping him. He spins around, panting with rage, and barks, “Give up. You’ve done what you came here to do. What more could you possibly fuckin’ want from me?”
“I want to tell you I’m sorry,” I pant. “Not about what happened, but about Celia. Nobody should ever have to find out someone they love so dearly has gone through something like that. I never meant to cause you any pain uncovering the truth about her. I didn’t know that...”
His eyes narrow and he crosses his big arms. “Didn’t know what?”
“I didn’t know that’s what happened to her,” I confess, my voice dropping low. “I knew she had gotten hurt, I knew Chase was involved, I knew Tatum helped him but I didn’t know exactly what it was that happened to her. I knew Tatum would admit it if I was clever, and he did.”
He gives me a feral smile, one made up of anger and rage. “Excellent little plan, Callie. It worked out well for you then, didn’t it? You got exactly what you wanted. You got your revenge on all of us. Fuck, you really are clever, aren’t you? Does it feel good? I know it made me feel good, for a time.”
“I never...”
“Don’t,” he growls. “Don’t you stand there and tell me you never meant for me to get hurt, because you damn well did. I know what I did to you, you know what I did to you. This is what you wanted. You wanted me to fuckin’ suffer.”
God, he’s not listening.
He’s just not listening.
It’s not even entirely about him. At least I’m here saying sorry for what I did. He hasn’t given me that pleasure yet. He is far too angry at me, to see that he started this damn war. Now he can’t handle how it has ended.
“Why is this all about you?” I cry. “I’m the one who killed your sister. I’m the one who went away for it. I’m the one who got tormented for months because of it. Don’t you dare fucking turn it all around on me. You’re right, I am a monster, but I learned from the very best.”
He bares his teeth, and leans in close, “Be very fuckin’ careful what your next words are.”
“Or what?” I say, stepping up to his face. “What are you going to do that you already haven’t done? You’ve made my life a living hell, you’ve hurt me in ways you couldn’t imagine, and all along I thought you were a good man. The best type. The kind I could trust.”
“Well, how fuckin’ wrong you were.”
“Yeah,” I say, my words coming out like acid. “How fuckin’ wrong I was.”
“You’ve had your fun, Callie. Go home.”
“I’m not done, Tanner. I want Chase. I want my name cleared. I’ve lived through enough, I don’t deserve to keep living through it. I’m going to find him. I won’t stop until I do.”
He just stares at me, his eyes blank. “Go home.”
“No,” I challenge. “No, I won’t.”
With a feral growl, he moves quickly, putting his hands on my shoulders and slamming my body up against the wall. He leans in close, hands moving to press against the cold brick either side of my head. “Do you want me to lose it, Callie? Is that what you want? You want me to fuckin’ break?”
“No,” I say, my breaths coming out in short, hard pants.
“What do you want then?”
“I want to be happy, that’s what I want. I want to live without Celia’s shadow being cast over me everywhere I go.”
“Then you shouldn’t have stolen that car and gone for a fuckin’ joyride that night.”
I slap him, hard. My hand stings mere seconds after contact, and his head whips to the side before coming back to face me. His eyes are full of fire as he growls, “Fuckin’ slap me again and-”
I raise a hand to slap him again, but he grabs it with his, slamming it down by my side. Then, in all the emotional glory, his lips smash against mine. His kiss is angry, and full of pain and hatred, but I’m hungry for it. So damned hungry for it. I kiss him back, shoving my body against his, wanting to make it hurt and yet not being able to get enough of him. He growls angrily against my mouth, his hand sliding down to grab my ass, hauling me up against him.
We shouldn’t be kissing.
We shouldn’t even be talking.
Yet here we are.
I want him, yet I hate him so heavily my whole body thrums with the vibrations it brings.
My hate.
My love.
My confusion.
My passion.
His lips tear away from mine and he growls, “Is this what you came for? You want me to fuck you against this wall? To make you hate me even fuckin’ more?”
“Yes,” I spit, my voice bitter.
His fingers curl into my ass, squeezing until I hiss in pain. Then slowly his hands move around to the front, rubbing up and down my pussy through my pants. He does this until I’m whimpering, until I’m desperate, until I’m arching into him, desperate for more. Then and only then does he let me go and step back.
I stare at him, panting, my cheeks flushed and my skin prickling.
He stares at me, panting too, and then slowly, he bows. His big body curls over as he goes down, his hand swinging out to the side. Then comes back up again, a bitter look in his eyes. “Congratulations, Callie, on a game well played.”
With that, he turns and walks off, disappearing into the darkness.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
11
“CALLIE,” JO SAYS, SHAKING me awake from my sleep.
I blink a few times, trying to clear my vision. What time is it? Why is Jo waking me? I didn’t end up going to sleep until probably three in the morning, and now she’s waking me up. Something must be wrong. I rub my eyes and, slowly, she comes into focus. The events of the night before wash back over me, the memories flooding my mind. Tanner finding out, me trying to chase after him.
I feel like I’ve been hit with a damned truck.
“What is it?” I ask croakily.
“You need to come out here.”
I shake my head, confused. “What?”
“Just come.”
I get up and she walks out of the room. I rub my eyes a few times, straighten my clothes, and sleepily walk out into the living area. I stop dead when I see that my living room is full of not one, not two, but three men. I stop in my tracks, my eyes falling on Tanner, who looks exhausted but determined. His jaw is tight, his arms are crossed, and he looks like he’s about to bust somebody.
“What ...” I begin, but he cuts me off.
“Get dressed.”
“Excuse me?”
He uncrosses his arms and looks right into my eyes. “Get dressed. You’re coming with us.”
“First of all, I’m not going with you anywhere, you made it very clear last night how you feel about me, and second—”
“Get. Dressed.”
I blink. “I’m sorry, but I don’t owe you a god damned thing, Tanner Yates.”
His eyes flare at my use of his full name.
I glance at Tatum and Garret, who are both quiet, both standing and staring at me. The tension in the room is huge. Out of this world. If everyone could unleash, there would be bloodshed, no doubt about it.
“You want your revenge, you want your justice, you want your happy fuckin’ ending? That’s what you told me last night, isn’t it? That you are sick of livin’ with this fuckin’ shadow of your perfect fuckin’ head? Then you’re comin’ with us. We’re going to get Chase, we’re goin’ to fuckin’ get our answers.”
I shake my head, confused. “You’re going to get Chase?”
�
�Fuckin’ yeah we’re goin’ to get Chase. We’re goin’ to make him fess up to what he fuckin’ did. Know you want in on that. You and Jo are comin’. Andrea is happy to give you time off. Jo can get time off, too. Now, get dressed, pack a bag, and get in the fuckin’ car. We’re goin’ to be gone for a while.”
I look to Jo, and her eyes meet mine. “You want in on this?”
She nods. “Yes, I do. I want justice for Celia, but mostly, I want him to fess up to what he allowed to happen to you. As for them, they’re dead to me, but I’ll go.”
She glares at the three men.
I look back at them, then my eyes move to Tatum. “Why him?”
Tanner’s shoulders tighten at the mention of his friend. A friend who let him down in the worst possible way. “He knows where Chase is, he’s the only one who Chase will trust, we gotta take him.”
“If you’re goin’, so am I.”
I swing my head around and see Ethan walking through my open front door. He crosses his arms and his eyes pin Tanner, angry and accusing. Does he know about what went down last night? If so, how does he know? Did Jo tell him? Tanner? Tatum? He’s here and he’s acting a whole lot like he’s in on this.
“Fuckin’ no way,” Tanner growls. “You’re not goin’ anywhere with us.”
Ethan steps in closer, not bothered by Tanner’s broodiness. “I’m comin’. If you’re takin’ Callie, you’re takin’ me. Not negotiable, Tanner. I don’t fuckin’ trust you, and I’m not letting anything else happen to her because of you.”
I look to Ethan, and his eyes finally move to mine. “That good with you?”
I cross my arms. “I don’t want to go anywhere, with any of you. But I’m going to, because I want Chase probably more than all of you combined. Jo is right, though. You are all dead to me, too. Know that I can’t stand you, and I wish I never met any of you.”
My voice is angry, and it’s hurt.
But it’s the truth.
Kind of.
There is still that part of me, deep down, that aches when I look at Tanner, when I see Ethan, and I hate it. I feel such a range of emotions when I look at them, when I think about them. I feel bad for what happened to Tanner, but that doesn’t mean I forgive him for what he did to me. He still made that choice, and he’s making it very clear he wants to be a prick about it. I can be a prick, too. No problems at all.
Tanner holds my eyes, long enough that I turn away, unable to look at him any longer.
“Whatever you want,” he mutters. “You ride with me; Tatum can ride with Jo. The other two can go wherever the fuck they want. As long as Tatum ain’t near me, I don’t give a fuck.”
Tatum looks like Tanner has punched him, but he nods and looks to Jo, who glares at him. “Pack up. We hit the road in ten.”
“What exactly do you plan on doing when you get Chase?” I ask Tanner.
Tanner crosses his arms and turns toward the door. “Right now, I’m trying to convince myself not to fuckin’ kill him. So, I can’t answer that question for you truthfully right now.”
Oh, boy.
Things are about to get ... messy.
TWO HOURS.
We’ve been on the road two hours, and it has been probably the worst two hours I’ve spent with someone in a while. The car is dead silent. The drive so quiet I can hear every rock we hit, every car that zooms past, every bird that squawks outside. Ethan is sitting in the back of Tanner’s truck, and Jo is riding with Tatum and Garrett. We’re going to be driving for at least five days, according to Tanner. Chase lives on the other side of the country—that’s one hell of a ride.
It could be longer. It depends on how far we get each day.
I really wish we could have afforded the flight, but too many of us wanted to come and, honestly, five days on the road is probably a good idea to simmer down Tanner’s anger. Right now, and for the last few hours, he has been driving, hands firmly planted on the wheel, gripping so tightly his knuckles are white, staring straight ahead. I know he has a lot going through his head right now.
I unleashed hell.
I am sorry for what I told him, for the pain it caused him. I’m not cruel enough to be that cold. It would have hurt, and that really sucks.
But I’m not sorry for bringing it to the surface, for bringing him down like he brought me down.
Maybe now he understands how it feels to be me.
I stare out the window at the passing trees and think of Celia. I think of the horror she must have endured. When I closed my eyes last night, she was all I could see. Even though I don’t know exactly what happened, moment for moment, I know that what she went through is probably one of the worst things a human could endure. At the hands of her boyfriend, in a sense. She paid for his choices.
Did she know he was into drugs?
Did it come as a shock to her?
Was she in on it too?
Did Tanner have any idea?
Did Tatum know before Chase asked for his help?
I have so many questions, but I’m not going to ask them.
I don’t even want to talk to Tanner, let alone ask him questions.
I glance at him out of the corner of my eye, and he turns and stares at me. “What?”
I look away quickly and he focuses on the road.
“Is that all it took?” he murmurs. “Is that how long you looked away from the road before you hit my sister?”
I grit my teeth, and growl.
I tried. I tried to not despise him for what he did, I even went after him to say sorry, but if he wants to treat me like a fucking criminal, and like I mean absolutely nothing, then I’ll return the favor.
“I owe you no explanations, Tanner. You haven’t been interested in my side of the story since it happened, don’t bother asking for details now.”
“Tell me what happened.”
I laugh, bitterly and look over to him. “You used me. You made me believe that I’d actually met a fucking decent human. You let me fall ...” I stop talking and look away, my eyes burning with unshed tears. “You don’t deserve to hear my side of the story now, when you didn’t care to hear it before.”
The car goes silent again, and I hear Ethan shuffle in the back seat, clearly wanting to say or do something, but completely unable to. We’re all stuck together, no matter what we do, we’re stuck in this car, on this road trip, together.
Chase is going to have to answer up to Tanner, which is probably worse than anything he could have imagined from me.
I’m finally going to get the justice Celia and I both deserve.
“She wasn’t depressed,” Tanner says, his voice low. “I didn’t ... I didn’t see it. She acted happy. She acted fine. I didn’t notice because I was in my own world. I didn’t believe it, when I heard what you were claiming. I was so fuckin’ angry at you ...”
I swallow, and stare out the window, my whole body on high alert, my heart aching, my chest tight. I’m not going to stop him from talking. No way. I want to hear what he has to say, I want to hear what’s swirling around in his head. I want to know everything, so I can finish this book and close it forever.
“I was havin’ a hard time, I didn’t notice. Because of me, because we all didn’t see what she was goin’ through. She’s gone. I’m not askin’ for your forgiveness, don’t fuckin’ care if you like me or not. I just want to know what happened that night. I want to know. I’m asking for the story, from your mouth.”
I clench my teeth together, trying to keep my emotions in check. It’s hard, really fucking hard. Partially because I want to tell him my side, I’ve wanted to tell her family my side for so long. The other part a little hurt that he doesn’t care how I feel toward him. Even though I know he’s a liar, and a cheat, and everything else bad in this world, there were moments I actually believed he liked me. Moments I actually believed he cared.
Was it all an act?
Every second of it?
“I’ll answer your question, but then you’ll answer one for me.
Honesty for honesty. Do we have a deal?” I ask, my voice hard even though inside I’m dying.
“Yeah,” he agrees.
“Okay,” I say, keeping my eyes on the road in front of us.
I can’t look at him when I tell him this.
I can’t.
“My friends and I were driving, like you heard. We were taking my mom’s car to the lake, we were young, crazy, we had no ill intentions. We just wanted to go for a swim. I wasn’t drinking, but you already know that. Whether you believed it or not is a different story. I wasn’t, though. We lost a can of alcohol on the floor, it seems stupid now, when I look back at it. I’ve thought about it a million times over, and no matter how many times I’ve relived it, it seems so ... stupid. Celia’s life ... for a can. But that’s how it was, a can of alcohol spilling all over my mom’s carpet in her car, and me, being a sixteen-year-old girl, freaking the hell out.”
I glance in the rearview mirror and see Ethan is watching me, his eyes intense. He’s heard this story a million times, of course, but he’s still listening like it’s the first time he’s heard it.
“Anyway, I reached back with one hand to feel around on the ground. I took my eyes off the road for a second, just a second, at least ... that’s how it felt. When I looked back up, I saw her. She was standing on the side of the road. I could tell you down to the finest detail what she was wearing, how her hair was, what color her eyes were. Everything after that seemed in slow motion. I met her eyes, she met mine, and she smiled. Almost as if to say she was sorry. Then she stepped out onto the road. I slammed the brakes, I tried to swerve, but I couldn’t. I hit her. You know the rest.”
“No,” Tanner growls, his voice throaty. “No. I want to know everything. What happened after that? What did it feel like? What did the car do?”
“Tanner ...”
“Fuckin’ answer the question, Callie.”
“It was horrible,” I whisper. “I’ve relived that moment every single second since. It was the worst feeling I could ever imagine, hitting a human being. I knew, I knew even before the car went off the road, that I had killed her. I knew from the way it sounded, from the way it felt. We went off the road, I don’t really remember much after that. There was a lot of screaming. A lot of pain. If it makes you feel any better, I’ve suffered every single second. I’m not trying to take the blame off myself, I took my eyes off the road, I just want people to know the truth. Celia deserves to have her family know that she wasn’t okay ...”