Degrees of Hope

by Catherine Winchester

  Her companion, Mary, looked a little uncomfortable, until Martha made her way over.

  “Dearest, how are you?” Martha asked.

  “Very well.” Mary too looked different, and she also had a very wide and genuine smile. “I have so much to tell you, Martha.”

  “Shall we move out of the way,” Lucien suggested since they were blocking the walkway slightly.

  James blushed and pulled away from Honoria, escorting her to the side of the dock where they wouldn't be in anyone's way. The others made their way to the side as well.

  “I'm so sorry,” James told Honoria, unable to wait until they were alone to apologise. “I didn't realise what you were trying to tell me. If I had-”

  “Hush,” Honoria said, smiling. “Even if you had guessed, there was nothing that you could have done for me. Besides, I'm fine now.”

  “And I can't tell you how well you look. I haven't seen you this happy in... well, a very long time.”

  “I haven't been this happy in a very long time, but I must say that you challenging Malcolm to a duel was possibly the most foolish thing that you have ever done!”

  “You know about that?” he sounded surprised. They had agreed not to tell her of recent events until she got home, only to tell her that Malcolm was dead.

  “Yes, your exploits even made the American newspapers, you foolish man. Mary kept them from me for fear that I would worry, but she showed them to me on our return voyage. I cannot believe that you would do anything so reckless!”

  Despite her harsh words, her tone was warm.

  “Yes, I have been acting out of character quite a bit recently.”

  “Well, I must say, it seems to suit you. You look quite relaxed.” Honoria smiled.

  James had been feeling good recently. He had taken over Mary's position at the school full time as the other governors had commitments at present. He enjoyed teaching the children and found them to be like sponges, eager to soak up new information. Now that Mary was back though, he supposed that he was surplus to requirements and his mood slipped slightly.

  Honoria's attention was then taken by Hope, then Martha, then Lucien, until she had greeted everyone in their party.

  “Now, you must both be tired after your journey,” Lucien began, “so what say we stop for a spot of afternoon tea and a sit down in The Adelphi, before we catch the train back to Marchwood? I'll arrange for your luggage to be taken to the station.”

  Everyone agreed with that plan and they hailed two hansom cabs to take them to the hotel.

  Mary and Honoria were both staying with the Beaumonts; Honoria because they feared the memories that her house might have for her and Mary, because her mother was now living with Maggie and Martha wasn't sure that she would want to stay on her own.

  Neither objected to the arrangement.

  Although MacDuff's splint had come off some weeks ago, he still often held one paw in the air, having realised that it elicited much sympathy for him, which often resulted in people petting him, or offering him tidbits. Since this worked better on people who were not used to his scheme, both Mary and Honoria were greeted by the limping dog.

  The first few days were a bit of a blur as everyone caught up on the others' news. Honoria and Mary wanted to know every detail of the duel and trial, Honoria because it involved her brother and Mary because she had been following the case in the papers, although they sadly left out many personal details, like how James had been coping.

  The Beaumonts in turn wanted to hear all about their journey to America and how they had found the country.

  Honoria and Mary seemed to have grown quite close during their trip and could often be found in conversation with each other, or taking walks together.

  “I had wondered if Honoria would be a bother to you,” Martha confessed to her sister as they took tea on the fourth day of the visit.

  “Oh no, quite the opposite. She was shy and quiet for a few days, I admit but she quickly came out of her shell, especially once we docked in New York. Something about being somewhere that she was unknown, seems to have given her the freedom to discover what she wants and likes.”

  “I must say, you seem different as well,” Martha noted. “Happier and more confident.”

  “Yes,” Mary grinned. “I think a new country had the same effect on me. Not to mention that the middle class clothes you gave me, made me feel like a new woman.”

  “I'm almost sorry that you had to come back,” Martha teased, but Mary didn't smile. “So, how was your visit with mother?”

  “Oh, she's fine. She says she understands why I did what I did, but Maggie wasn't nearly so forgiving.”

  “Oh, I'm sorry.”

  “Oh no, it's not your fault. I agreed, knowing full well what it would mean.”

  “So when is she moving back into the cottage?”

  “She isn't,” Mary admitted.

  “She wants to stay with Maggie then?”

  “She is settled, as it were.”

  Martha could tell she was hiding something, telling half-truths. “Mary, what is it? What's wrong?”

  “Nothing is wrong.” Mary hesitated for a moment, glanced at her sister then looked away before admitting. “I think I should like to go back.”

  “Really?”

  Martha didn't sound angry, so Mary gained the confidence to tell the truth.

  “Honoria and I spoke about the possibility of returning before we came home, and we both felt that we might like to. We wouldn't expect you to support us, obviously-”

  “Nonsense,” Martha interrupted her. “Whatever you need you shall have. I'm just trying to understand the appeal.”

  “It's hard to put into words,” Mary admitted. “It's an odd country, seemingly with little of our strict etiquette by comparison. Everyone is open and friendly and the people all have such spirit, as if they believe that anything is possible. I do realise that we haven't mixed with the upper echelons of society, nor the lowest, and things could be quite different for them but something about the people is infectious. It drew us both out of our shells, made us bolder and to be honest, we both like who we are when we are there, much more than the people we are over here.”

  “I'm not sure I understand?”

  “Over here, I'm Jim Dawley's daughter, the working class teacher, the girl who takes care of her mother and looks likely to never marry. Honoria is Lady Ashdown, now Mrs Arundell, member of the aristocracy, expected to be polite, gentle and well mannered. Over there though, we are simply Mary and Honiara, well Mary and Helen. No one has any expectations of us, no one makes any judgements on us based on what they think they know. I feel free for the first time in my life.”

  “I can understand how tempting that must be for you.” Martha smiled. “You must understand though, it is human nature to judge and once you settle in a community, they will develop expectations of you.”

  “Yes, but those expectation, will be based on what we do, not who they think we are.”

  Martha felt tears prick her eyes and she reached out and took Mary's hand. Of all her siblings, Mary was the one who was most like her, the only one who had actually wanted an education and to improve her station in life. The thought of losing the only sister that she felt close to, especially when she had only just got her back, was painful.

  “And Honoria feels the same way, you say?”

  “I believe so. Especially once she realised that details of her marriage had been told in court. She doesn't want to be seen as the abused wife of a tradesman. In fact, she doesn't want to be seen as anybody's wife, she would rather be her own person.”

  Martha nodded, “I do understand how you must both feel and if this is what you truly want, then you have my blessing.”

  “Thank you,” Mary smiled at her big sister.

  “So, what will you do over there?” Martha asked as she wiped her eyes and tried to think of happier things.

  “Well, we've fallen in love with Chicago, so I think we will return there. Fir
st we must find a house to rent, of course; we were still living in hotels when we got your last letter. As to something to occupy us, we have been talking of starting a catalogue.”

  “A catalogue?” Martha sounded surprised.

  “Yes. We realised soon after we got to America, that many people outside of the cities have a hard time getting certain things. For some people, the closest grocery shop is 50 miles away or more. Imagine how much further people on the frontier would have to travel for say, a furniture shop, or a clothes shop? The postal service however, is excellent. We thought that if we bought in a few items that people need or want, we could then post them to people who find acquiring such items difficult.”

  “Aren't the Americans very self-sufficient though?”

  “On the whole, very, but everyone likes a little luxury in their lives. Besides which, remote living is very difficult and many people simply don't have the time to make their own furniture or clothes. And even if they do, what about things like wool? Not everyone has the ability to turn fleece into wool, and where do women get their cotton thread and needles from? Not to mention, the material to make those clothes. And what happens if they should need a new saddle or bridle? Few people would have the skill to make such a thing. And what if they need a part for their well pump, or their watch breaks, or their shoes or boots wear out? ”

  “Yes, I can see how it might be difficult to acquire such things.”

  “So you like the idea?”

  “I do,” Martha smiled. “And I believe that I would be happy to back such a venture.”

  “Oh, no, we couldn't take any more money from you. Besides, Honoria has her inheritance now so we can use that.”

  “Of course you can but in my experience, relationships, even business ones, are always best if they are begun on equal footing. Besides, I have more than enough money for one lifetime.”

  “That doesn't make me entitled to it though.”

  “Why ever not, you are my sister, after all but even if you aren't entitled, that doesn't stop me from giving you a loan. Did you know that when we started Aldercott & Beaumont together, I had to loan Lucien the start-up costs?”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. They were asset rich, of course, but cash poor. Unfortunately Lucien's father had refused to sell land so that the railways might come to the town, which was very bad for the local economy. Some local businesses even moved their whole operations to towns with a railway, but those that stayed had to lower wages. With less money around, the farmers couldn't charge as much for their produce and then there were three poor harvests in a row, meaning that even the estate tenants had trouble paying their rent. The Beaumonts were actually surviving on bank loans by the time I came back to Marchwood.”

  Mary looked thoughtful.

  “I don't need an answer now, just promise that you'll think about it, Mary. You've spent your whole life caring for others, I think it's high time that you built something for yourself.”

  “I will, thank you. And please don't say anything to the others. Honoria wants to tell James in person but she's worried about hurting him.”

  “My lips are sealed.”

  Over the last few days, Honoria and James had spoken a lot about the past (mostly James apologising and Honoria assuring him that he had nothing to apologise for) but they had spoken little of the future.

  They were walking through the Beaumont's gardens and were resting on a bench by the fountain when James finally broached the subject.

  “Have you given any thought as to what you will do now?”

  “Lots,” she admitted, although she sounded slightly hesitant.

  “And did you reach any decisions?”

  Honoria didn't answer and when James turned to look at her, she wouldn't meet his gaze.

  “You fear my reaction,” he said with a sigh.

  “Not in the way you are thinking,” she said. “I do not fear your anger, but I do not want to hurt you.”

  James turned slightly and took her hands in his, giving her little option but to turn towards him, although she only met his gaze briefly.

  “Dearest, you are starting to worry me.”

  “That is not my intent. The thing is... well, I think that I would like to return to America.”

  James was silent for a few moments as he processed that, trying to make sense of it.

  “Have you met someone?” he asked.

  “No, not exactly.”

  “Not exactly?”

  Honoria finally looked into his eyes. “There is Mary, although I hardly think that is what you meant.”

  “Mary?” James hadn't conversed with Martha's sister much, except to thank her for going with his sister and keeping her safe.

  “Yes, she's a wonderful woman, so full of warmth and caring. She is also very intelligent and has taught me so much already, and encouraged me to read and learn more. She has become very special to me.”

  “And she wishes to return to America?”

  “She does, but so do I. You see, James, over here I am the wife who deserted Malcolm, and the daughter of a degenerate gambler, and the sister of the next great pastor but over there, I am just me. No one gives me odd looks when I go into town, no one talks about me and whether I was right or wrong to leave Malcolm. They have no expectations of me. In fact, they don't even know me as Honoria, to them I am just Helen Mallard.”

  “And what will you do with yourself over there?” James didn't quite know how he felt about this development and since he was floundering for something to say, he asked the first thing that came to him.

  “We have an idea for a business and together, I think that we can turn it into a success.”

  “But you know nothing of business.” He didn't mean to sound harsh, but he really didn't know how to react to such a statement.

  “That is true, but Mary is used to dealing with budgets for the school, and we can live very simply for a while if we have to. Oh please, James, do not be upset with me!”

  James finally realised how me must be coming across to her and forced a smile onto his lips. “I'm sorry, Hon, this is just a lot to take in and I'm not sure how I should react.”

  “You don't think that I'm making a mistake?” she asked.

  “Even if I did think that, it's not my place to try and stop you.”

  Honoria and Hope has spoken at length about the events that has transpired since Honoria left, but this was the first time that Honoria had seen for herself how much James had changed.

  She extricated her hands from his and stood up, holding one hand out for him to take as they continued their walk. James took the hand and fell into step beside her.

  “When will you leave?” James asked, feeling like a child who is about to lose his puppy.

  “Once the estate is settled. I had thought that I might give Arundell Hall to you,”

  “To me?” He looked shocked.

  “Yes,” she smiled. “Although I will make one condition; you must change its name.”

  “Wouldn’t you prefer it was razed to the ground?”

  “Bad things happened to me there but that doesn't make it a bad place. It's a beautiful building and built to the highest specifications, and I know you can turn it into a warm and welcoming home.”

  “You think that I want to remain in Marchwood?” he stated, wondering why that thought didn't seem to bother him.

  “Not at all, you are free to rent the house out, which will help to supplement your income but you seem very happy and settled here. In fact, I don't believe that you have ever seemed more content.”

  James thought about that for a few moments. She wasn't wrong, he did like it here, he liked teaching, he liked the Beaumonts, and he liked the estate.

  Just then the sound of hoof beats caught their ears and they turned to see Hope, Gus and Bart skirting a field around the garden, then jumping over the dividing fence and galloping off across the estate, Hope in the lead. MacDuff slipped under the fence, running flat out to keep u
p with his mistress.

  And of course, he liked Hope. More than liked, in fact but she wasn't interested in him in any other way than a friend. Could he stand that, to be her friend but never anything more?

  The look that came over his features wasn't lost on Honoria and she leaned into him and rested her head on his upper arm.

  “She is quite special, isn't she?” Honoria mused.

  “She is,” James agreed without thinking. He blushed when he realised what he had said.

  “I think she likes you,” Honoria encouraged.

  “You are mistaken,” he said, trying not to sound downhearted.

  “I don't think so.”

  “I... I have already asked for her hand, and have been rebuffed.” It might be painful to admit, but no more painful that false hope would be.

  “I know.” Honoria smiled.

  James turned to her, shocked.

  “Did you think I was blind to the events of that day?” Honoria asked, slightly teasing. “I know that you and Hope have not always got on very well, but I also know my friend and her feelings for you have changed.”

  “Do you honestly think that she likes me?”

  “More than likes,” Honoria agreed. “She told me that when she was bedridden, you were her lifeline, the only person who didn't press her to recover but allowed her to heal at her own pace.”

  James didn't reply but considered Honoria's words as they walked. He and Hope had been good friends for a while now, sharing and trusting each other with painful memories. He had just never stopped to think that their changed relationship might result in a different answer to his proposal.

  He smiled as hope blossomed within his heart again.

  Chapter Twenty Nine

  Since Malcolm's solicitor was in London, Honoria joined Hope and Martha when they journeyed to London on business, Honoria asked to go as well. She hoped to save the lawyer the trouble of another visit to Marchwood. She also convinced James and Mary to come along too and since it was quickly becoming a social occasion as well as work, Lucien arranged to visit the London shop at the same time.

  Hope had two clients to see, including Mrs Cooper, for whom she had a beautiful pair of gloves to deliver.