by R. J. Groves
“Em, come on. We’ve been together for almost three years. Why haven’t we done anything more?” He let go and ran both his hands through his hair.
“Because I’m not ready for it,” I said, my body shaking.
“Three years, Emma!” he replied louder, frustrated.
“Why are you so eager for more? Why can’t you respect me and my opinions? I’m not ready for anything more!” I crossed my arms.
“You’re never going to be ready until you try it,” he said. “Heck, Emma, you didn’t even let me kiss you for four months, and even then, you wouldn’t let me kiss you on the lips.”
I felt tears building up in my eyes and anger growing inside of me.
“Kane, I need to be able to trust you. I can’t trust you if you do stupid things like that,” I said. My voice was shaking uncontrollably now and tears were running down my face.
“Then maybe you shouldn’t trust me,” he replied irritably.
~x o x~
“So, when did you break up?” The deep voice brought me back to the present again.
“Sorry?” I replied, confused.
“Well, if you’re avoiding him, then you’re obviously not together anymore,” he replied, shrugging. “Or so I gathered, anyway.”
“Of course we broke up. You do know you’re a good guesser, right?” I replied.
“I use logic. When did you break up?” he repeated, demanding an answer.
I thought about it for a moment. It was actually longer than I thought it was, but shorter than it should have been compared to the amount that had happened in that time.
“Oh, umm… two weeks ago,” I replied, once again avoiding eye contact with him.
“Oh,” he replied, deep in thought. “Why?”
~x o x~
“Emma, we need to talk.”
I looked into the worried ocean-blue eyes that were studying my face.
“Of course,” I replied, slightly confused. “What do we need to talk about?”
He leant against the big tree in the park, and I stood in front of him, waiting for him to continue. His face looked worried, hesitant, regrettable.
“Is something wrong?” I asked, raising my eyebrow.
Kane nodded, and took a big breath.
I raised my other eyebrow now, urging him to tell me what it was.
“Emma, can we just be friends for now?” he said.
I took a step back, hundreds of thoughts running through my head. I was confused – I didn’t know what was happening. Why was he acting like this?
“What?” I asked, not wanting to hear it again, but knowing I couldn’t have heard it correctly the first time.
“It’s just that…” he started, hesitating for a moment. “I don’t think I can restrain myself any longer. It’s almost been three years and we’re not getting anywhere. You don’t want anything more, but I can’t keep going on like this, knowing that tomorrow it’s going to be the same. It’s frustrating, and driving me insane! Every time I try to do something different, you make me feel bad about it and… I don’t know, it just makes me feel like you don’t want me.”
I couldn’t make the words come out of my mouth. Of course I wanted him – I didn’t want anyone else.
“Kane, you’re being ridiculous. You don’t want to do this,” I replied, trying to stop my thoughts from becoming a reality.
“There’s no other choice, Emma,” he said. “I can’t be with you right now.”
“You can’t seriously be breaking up with me?” I gasped, unable to believe the moment I was stuck in.
“I’m sorry. We just can’t be together. It’s too much for me right now. But it was fun while it lasted,” he replied, taking my hand in his.
I pulled away, crossing my arms. I felt a small drop of rain fall on my shoulder.
“Why won’t you talk to me about it first?” I said, becoming frustrated with what was happening. “Ever since you came back from your dad’s last month, you’ve been acting strange, and now this? I thought we were happy together. Why are you doing this?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t. I just – I have to do this. I’m sorry, Emma,” he said, staring behind me.
I felt my body shaking. My heart was hurting; I couldn’t control my thoughts. My memories, thoughts, assumptions and conclusions all whirled around in my head in disarray. I didn’t know what I felt, what I thought. I didn’t even know if my heart was still there, or if I was breathing. It didn’t make any sense to me why he would break up with me.
“Can I at least know why?” I asked quietly, my body still shaking uncontrollably.
He was silent for a moment, staring at the ground, hesitant to reply to my question. Finally, he replied as quietly and controlled as he could manage.
“Because I can’t pretend that I still love you.”
~x o x~
I felt the tears welling up in my eyes as my freshest memory kept playing in the back of my mind. I thought about the handsome man sitting in front of me, wanting to know what happened, how he had reacted to everything I had already told him. I think he must have become used to my delays between replying. Or maybe he realised that I was actually having flashbacks about the very thing we were talking about. I knew that talking about it would hurt, but I had no choice. I had to do it.
I looked up into the dark green eyes, full of concern as he watched the single tear roll down my cheek. His eyes were still questioning.
“I honestly don’t know,” I replied as another tear rolled down my cheek.
Chapter 14
A route of evanescence.
It was Friday once again, and the week was still continuing to pass slowly. I still wasn’t really talking to anyone at school, with the exception of James, even though the amount we were talking had also lessened. Renée still hadn’t returned to school, which only made avoiding her easier. On the other hand, after spending a day alone, I would meet up with Fayne for coffee, which was becoming a bit of a habit. He even helped me with my assignments.
Throughout my week of solitude, I had developed a routine at school to keep me busy. I started going to the library in the breaks to work on assignments and homework. It not only kept me busy, but I was getting more work done and didn’t need to do as much at home. I was so relieved when it came to sport. It was back to just us girls this week for a game of netball. As usual, Aimee and I were on different teams, so we didn’t actually have to talk to each other. I did miss her – I could admit that. I just don’t know exactly where we stood with each other.
School was finally over for the week, and I hurriedly gathered my books from my locker and headed towards the carpark. Usually, I would meet Fayne at the café for coffee, but today he said he would pick me up from school. I scanned the carpark for his car and smiled when I finally found it. I started walking towards the car when James fell into step beside me.
“Hey, Emma,” he started.
Since when did he call me Emma? It was usually Surrey.
“The party is at my place again tonight. I’ll see you there?”
I was almost amazed at the first full sentence I’d heard James say all week that was actually directed at me.
“No, actually. You won’t, because I’m not going,” I replied without looking at him.
“But it won’t be the same without you,” he replied with an eyebrow raised.
“Sorry, James. I have plans with someone else,” I sighed.
“That’s okay. Bring her, too,” he said, excited at the idea of having more people at his party.
He just never gives up! I thought.
“Him,” I corrected.
I quickened my steps, opened the door of Fayne’s car and got in, glancing back at James. The look on his face was priceless – confused, puzzled, silent.
“Hey,” I said to Fayne as I closed the car door.
“Hey,” he replied, smiling his greeting. “How was school? People talking again?”
“No, not exactly. Just James. He was asking
me if I’ll be at his party tonight,” I admitted, figuring he noticed James talking with me.
“A party? Well, that’s something. Did you say no?” He laughed as he reversed out of the parking spot.
“I did. How did you guess?” I asked, still surprised at his good guessing skills.
“By the look on his face,” he replied, nodding towards where James was still standing.
I laughed, looking back as we drove past him. His face did seem to give it away. He looked defeated – the same look he had at his party last week when Aimee stole me away from our conversation. We drove for a few minutes in silence before Fayne took a turn that would lead us towards his house.
“Fayne–” I started.
“Listen,” he said. “I just need to go home for a sec – change out of my work clothes. Did you want to come inside or sit in the car until I’m done?”
“I’ll sit in the car,” I replied without hesitation.
He looked at me for a short moment, his eyes saddened.
“Still not talking?”
I shook my head in reply.
“You know,” he sighed, parking in front of his house. “I still don’t get you girls and why you’re not talking. It’s not going to do either of you much good, but whatever. I’ll only be a sec.”
΅ ΅ ΅
I was sitting on my bed, reading through some of the school work Aimee and Kane had brought me throughout the week so that I could catch up while I wasn’t at school. I had grown quite bored of being home all day, every day since I was sentenced to rest at home. Their visits – even if they were short – were a nice change and gave me something productive to do. They had even come together once this week already, which was a surprise for me.
I thought that if Emma hated Kane, then Aimee would too. But last time Aimee came by herself, she said that she and Emma weren’t talking. From my understanding, Emma and Aimee had been best friends for a long time. I wasn’t there, so I didn’t fully know why they weren’t talking now, but it was sad to watch from the sidelines. I’d been sending Emma a few messages each day throughout the week to try and get her to talk to me, but she never replied.
My ears perked up as I heard someone close the front door and start walking up the stairs. I climbed off my bed and walked slowly and steadily out my door to meet my brother at the top of the stairs.
“Hey, how was work?” I asked cheerfully.
He put his hand on my shoulder as he walked past me and towards his room.
“It was good. Everything okay?” he asked as he walked into his room and closed the door behind him to change.
I stood outside of his room, leaning against the doorframe to talk to him through the closed door.
“I’m fine,” I replied. “I’ve been bored as anything by myself, though. I’m so glad you’re finally home.”
“I’m not home,” he replied, opening his door and heading to the bathroom.
“What do you mean you’re not home?” I asked, following him.
“I’m going out.” He sprayed his cologne on.
“Going out? Fayne, you’ve been going out every day this week. We have barely spent any time together.” I sighed, now following him down the stairs and towards the front door.
“Yeah, well, I have things to do. I’ll talk to you later,” he replied, closing the stained-glass door behind him.
I sighed, walking towards the window to watch him go and leave me by myself again. I watched as he sat in his red car and backed out of the driveway, gasping when I saw the brunette sitting in the car next to him.
“Emma?” I whispered.
΅ ΅ ΅
We sat in the car in silence while Fayne drove to the corner café where we had been getting coffee together this week. He parked his car in front of the café and sighed.
“You know, Renée is going to find out that I’ve been with you all week,” he said as he turned to look at me.
“Did you tell her?” I asked, my eyes widening.
“No,” he laughed. “But she’s not stupid. She’s bound to figure it out.”
“Well, when she does,” I started. “Maybe she’ll realise that you were really the only one who was there for me.”
“I guess so.” He sighed again.
We both got out of the car, walked to our usual table and ordered coffee. I tried to keep the conversation off me. He told me about his day at work, his upcoming assignments for his law degree and his plans for the weekend. But, somehow, we still managed to end up talking about my problems and my week of solitude. As much as we tried to avoid it, I guess it was just a problem that still had to be resolved and would continue to be brought up until it was. Eventually, the topic of James’ offer arose.
“So, tell me about that guy – James, I think you said his name was?” he started.
“James? I’ve known him for years. We used to be good friends. Aimee, Kane, he and I used to be a quartet,” I replied, studying the coffee cup.
“A quartet? What, did you all sing together or something?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
I laughed at this.
“No. Well, we did when we were being silly. But I meant that we were four friends who were inseparable, indestructible – a quartet,” I explained, still laughing. I realised how we really weren’t as inseparable and indestructible as we’d thought.
“What happened?” Fayne asked, studying my face.
“We split, when Kane broke up with me. Aimee came with me, and–”
“James went with Kane,” he finished.
I lifted my eyes for a moment to study his face. His green eyes were sincere, knowledgeable. I nodded. We sat in silence for a moment before Fayne broke the silence.
“What was his party for?” he asked.
“The party? It’s just for the sake of having one. There’s one just about every week hosted by someone at our school,” I explained, studying my cup again. “The parties at his place are usually the best.”
“Come,” he said after a short moment, rising out of his chair.
“Where are we going?” I asked, confused. We started walking towards the car.
“To the party,” he said.
“Are you insane?” I said, my voice rising. “Fayne, we can’t go to that party.”
“Why not? He asked you to go, didn’t he?” he asked, getting into his car.
I climbed in the other side and continued my attempt to persuade him not to go.
“Yes, but no one is talking to me,” I said. It was a bad idea; I could feel it.
“Well, he obviously is,” he replied, starting the car engine. “Put your seatbelt on.”
“Fayne,” I whined, obeying his command.
“Emma, it’ll be fun. Trust me,” he said.
I sighed, leaning back in the seat after being unsuccessful in my attempt at persuasion. I wasn’t sure if he was just making sure I didn’t miss out on the party, or on a chance to reconcile with my ex-best friends, or if he just wanted to go. I wondered when the last time he went to a party was, then decided he probably has them all the time at university. We sat in silence as Fayne found his way to James’ house after extracting his address from me. He parked the car on the street, directly in front of James’ house. He took the key out of the ignition and paused to look at me.
“This isn’t a good idea,” I said quietly, avoiding looking at him.
“Just go in – just for a few minutes. Lead the way,” he said.
He got out of the car and opened my door to urge me on. I sighed and grudgingly got out and began walking towards James’ backyard through the gate. I slowly opened the gate and found James walking towards us.
“Sorry, Emma,” he started. “This is a private party.”
“James, you invited me,” I replied, confused.
“You can come in. He can’t,” he answered, turning his gaze to Fayne.
I couldn’t believe how James was acting. I don’t think I had ever seen James turn someone away from a party before. I trie
d to discern the look in his eyes. His usually relaxed look was firm, harsh. I could feel the tension cutting through the space between Fayne and him.
“Is there a problem?” Fayne asked, stepping in.
I put my hand on his arm to reassure him, hoping to avoid any confrontations.
“Fayne, it’s okay. Nothing’s wrong,” I said quietly.
“The problem is that you weren’t invited. Emma was,” James continued, brushing aside my comment and taking a step closer to Fayne.
“James, you said I could bring my friend. Fayne is my friend,” I replied defensively, stepping between them.
“That was before I knew your friend was a guy,” James replied, returning his gaze to mine instead of Fayne’s.
I looked at the party going on behind him, catching Aimee watching us. She didn’t smile or come over. I watched as Kane brought a drink over to her and turned to see what she was looking at, pausing when he saw it was us. Maybe they were hesitant and defiant because James was refusing us both to enter, or because I even showed up. Or maybe because I was with Renée’s brother.
I felt my body begin to shake, my head aching and the hurt inside me renewed. I blinked away unwanted tears as I turned and began to walk away, holding Fayne’s arm to bring him with me. We walked back to the car in silence, with James, Aimee and Kane watching us leave. My throat was burning from holding back the tears while we sat in the car once again.
“I trust you,” I whispered, as Fayne started the car.
“Emma, I’m sorry,” he said, his eyes apologetic as they studied my face.
He drove me back to my house, both of us sitting in silence the entire way.
Chapter 15
Kiss today goodbye.
I slowly made my way back upstairs and onto my bed, allowing my mind to wander. It made sense, Fayne and Emma hanging out together. I mean, she hadn’t been talking to me and, according to Aimee and Kane, she hadn’t talked to them either. And Fayne. I knew his daily schedule and he hadn’t been home when he was supposed to be this week. Or sometimes, like earlier, he would come home for a few minutes and leave again.
On Monday, when Emma left our house after she saw Kane here, Fayne followed her out. That’s why I thought he would still be with her when I rung him. I still think he was, but he refused to admit it. Even when he did come home this week, we haven’t been talking as much as usual and he certainly hadn’t said anything about Emma, let alone anything outside of work and study. There must be a reason why he’s not talking much.