by R. J. Groves
I wondered why he was with Emma now and refused to tell me about it. Is he hiding something from me? He can’t be. I’m supposed to be his best friend. He’s always told me everything, even if it was about a girl. I’ll admit, I do think about how he really feels about her. I mean, I thought I was just teasing him because he thought she was pretty, but I can’t help but wonder if there was anything more.
I know Aimee misses her, but she says she has nothing to apologise for. She told me that she’s over being the tag-along, and she didn’t think that Emma was putting her on the same level as herself. Aimee felt that Emma thought that she was better than her and took advantage of the fact that she would always be around.
Kane still hasn’t told me what happened between Emma and him; he just keeps asking if she’s okay and if I’ve seen or talked to her. I asked him once about what happened and he was silent before saying that it didn’t matter now, that it was in the past. Yes, it frustrated me not knowing, because I was a part of it now too. I waited every day this week for my brother to come home so that I could talk to someone away from the confusion and the drama. Now, I realise that the waiting was pointless, since he was also a part of it.
I don’t know how long I laid on my bed for. I seemed to have lost track of time through my thinking. My thoughts didn’t help, though. They only told me what I already knew and made my internal debate finish at the starting point once again.
I felt my phone vibrate next to me. I absently picked it up to read the message from Aimee.
Do E and F have a thing??
I raised my eyebrow, wondering how she came to this conclusion and how it managed to coincide with my previous thoughts.
Not sure. Why do you ask? I replied.
I waited less than a minute before I got her reply.
They just came to J’s party together, but they’re gone now. J told them F couldn’t come in.
΅ ΅ ΅
As usual, Fayne walked me to the front door when we arrived at my house. He had clearly grown up being taught the polite and proper thing to do and how to respect and treat a woman well, no matter her age. He did things like open doors for a woman, pull out chairs for her, serve her food or drinks before himself and walk her to her door. I thought it was sweet, especially now that he still walked me to my door even though we drove in silence.
We stopped at the door, still silent, and he waited next to me while I unlocked the door. I glanced at the empty driveway and sighed. My mum must be working still. I heard the lock click as I turned the key, and the door swung open.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you later,” Fayne said, knowing his cue.
I nodded, somehow feeling like I’d lost use of my voice.
“Again, Emma, I’m really sorry about the party,” he said.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said quietly, barely audible.
“I really am. I didn’t mean for it to go that way,” he said, before he started walking back to his car.
I watched him walk. It was still early and I knew he didn’t mean it. We could still hang out, do something or talk. I wasn’t angry at him. I was angry at James, for being like that, and Aimee, for not doing anything. I was definitely still angry at Kane. The way he watched us just made it worse. It was as though he took pleasure in seeing us being turned away.
I was already a step ahead of myself. Before I could even think about what I was going to say, my voice had already spoken.
“Fayne,” I said, just loud enough for him to hear.
He turned to face me, his green eyes responsive.
“Would–” I started, taking a breath. “Do you want to come inside?”
He started walking slowly back to where I was standing.
“It’s still early. We could watch a movie, or talk. Whatever you want,” I continued.
He came to where I was, standing just in front of me, our bodies almost touching. He looked into my eyes, searched them, and smiled.
“I’d like that,” he said, pushing the door open for me.
“Good,” I whispered, walking through the door and into the kitchen to get us drinks.
After shutting the door, Fayne followed me slowly, observing his surroundings as he walked through my house for the first time. It only occurred to me then how small and disorganised my house must seem compared to his. I got two glasses off the clean dish rack and got the juice out of the fridge.
“Sorry it’s not much,” I said awkwardly, pouring the juice into the glasses.
Fayne gave me a puzzled look.
“The house,” I explained. “It’s probably much smaller and messier than what you’re used to. But it’s liveable. Well, for me and Mum, at least.”
“It’s nice. I like it,” he said, taking a seat at our cluttered table after picking up his glass.
“Why don’t we drink it in the lounge room? We can start the movie,” I suggested, wondering how much cleaner the lounge room was than the kitchen.
“You don’t drink at the table?” he asked, surprised at my suggestion.
I shook my head and raised my eyebrow.
“Fayne, it’s just me and my mum who live here. We don’t really have rules or anything in our house,” I explained.
“Okay then,” he said after a short moment.
Fayne picked up his glass once more and followed me into the lounge room. I showed him my movie collection and waited while he pointed to each one and said that he’d seen it before. Eventually, he picked out one movie and started reading the back of the cover.
“I haven’t seen this one,” he said when he’d finished.
I took the movie from his hands and laughed when I saw what it was.
“You haven’t seen Titanic?” I teased. “Seriously?”
“Should I have?” he asked blankly.
“Yes, you should have!” I continued laughing. I took the disk out and threw the cover back to him as I put the disk in the DVD player.
“I guess that means we’re watching it,” he sighed as he sat on the sofa.
“You don’t seriously think I would let you leave this house until you’ve seen it, do you? It’s a movie everyone has to see. But it is a long movie,” I laughed, and sat next to him as the movie started playing.
“Well, that might not be a bad thing,” he replied quietly.
We’d been sitting in silence for the first half hour of the movie when I felt movement by my side. Fayne was repositioning himself, putting his arm around me and pulling me closer. For the remainder of the movie we sat quietly, Fayne’s arm around me and me leaning against him, resting my head on his shoulder.
I jarred awake from the echoing sound of a car door closing. The inevitable moment of confusion left me wondering where exactly I was. In front of me, the television displayed the DVD player’s screensaver. It was at this point I realised I was horizontal, which could only mean one thing. I had fallen asleep on the couch before the end of the movie. I jerked again, startled, as I felt movement beside me – behind me – as a gentle masculine hand moved from my waist to brush my hair away from my face.
“You’re awake,” the familiar voice whispered in my ear.
I turned to face the man who held me delicately in his arms while I was asleep.
“Mmm. The car door woke me up,” I whispered back. Car door. I bolted upright, a gasp escaping from my mouth. “Fayne, what time is it?”
“Oh, I don’t know. After ten, at least,” he replied wearily, propping himself up on his elbows.
After ten? That would mean–
We heard the front door click open and, before my mother walked through, we were both on our feet and headed towards the hallway.
“Emma,” she said, surprised to see that I wasn’t alone. “Who’s this?”
“Mum, this is–” I started, slightly hesitant.
“Fayne Clarkey,” he finished my sentence, extending his hand in greeting. “Pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Surrey.”
“Right,” she replied thoughtfully, ignori
ng his extended hand. She looked into the room she saw us come out of. “Watching a movie?”
I nodded.
“What movie?”
“Titanic, ma’am,” Fayne answered, probably because of my lack of words.
“Your pick?” She directed her questions to Fayne now, since he was the one answering them.
“Yes, ma’am,” he replied, almost nervously.
“And how old are you?”
“Twenty,” he said hesitantly.
“Oh.” My mother raised her eyebrow. She glanced at the screensaver on the television, then looked back and forth between Fayne and myself. “Well, Fayne, I think it’s time for you to leave.”
Fayne and I stood, shocked, for a moment. My mother was suspicious of us. And on top of that, her tone was cold. She had never been like this before. We exchanged a quick glance before he responded to my mother’s dismissal.
“Yes, ma’am. It was nice meeting you,” he replied as he started to leave, pausing at the door to send me one last smile for the night.
I returned the smile and, with that, he closed the door, and I was left standing under the intense gaze of my mother.
“Emma, a word,” she said without delay.
I sighed, following her into the kitchen.
“Twenty,” she started, placing her hands on the kitchen bench.
I sat hesitantly down at the table, stealing a glance at the living room where I had, only moments ago, woken up with his arms around me.
“Emma, he’s twenty,” she said, tapping her fingers on the bench, opening her mouth when she heard his car start. “And he has a car?”
“Yes, and twenty is only two years older than me,” I reminded her. “There’s hardly a difference.”
“Emma, you haven’t even finished school yet,” she said, her face stern. “What were you thinking?”
I didn’t reply, only stared at the coffee stains on the table, wishing I was somewhere else. Wishing I was back on the couch with Fayne’s arms around me.
“I haven’t even met him before, and I come home from work after ten-thirty to find him in my house alone with my daughter!” Her voice was shaking. “How long have you known him for?”
“A couple of weeks,” I whispered, knowing that she would take it the wrong way.
“A couple of weeks!” she fretted. I was right. “You think that a couple of weeks is good enough for a rendezvous in your empty house, while your mother is at work?”
“Mum, we didn’t do anything!” I could hear my own voice rising, and my throat was burning. “We were just watching a movie.”
“Watching a movie? What were you doing after the movie?” she questioned. “Because I sure as hell don’t find a DVD screensaver interesting to watch.”
“Talking,” I lied. “We’re just friends, Mum.”
“He doesn’t think so,” she replied sharply.
“How would you know?” I retorted.
“By the way he looks at you! You can see it in his expression!” she said, pacing the kitchen. “He has eyes for you, Emma, and you expect me to believe that you didn’t do anything? Gosh, Emma, I’m your mother. I can tell when someone likes you! Anyone could tell that that boy likes you.”
I pushed myself up out of the chair, tears welling in my eyes.
“Since when did you start caring anyway?” I yelled, my words like fiery arrows being shot at her.
We stood facing each other, eyes locked. Two stubborn comparisons, each one the other’s daring competition. She reminded me of my father, especially now. I felt the guilt and pain burning inside of me. I turned, tears now rolling down my face, and ran to my room. I let the door slam behind me and I fell on my bed to bury my face in my pillow, determined to cry myself to sleep.
΅ ΅ ΅
I lay on my bed, reading the message I received from Aimee, and rereading it again. How could he be spending so much time with Emma without me knowing about it? We always told each other everything – or so I thought. But what I didn’t understand is that he would keep this from me, why he would keep his meetings with Emma a secret from me when he always told me about any girl, no matter who she was. In fact, we haven’t even talked much at all lately. He has rarely been home and when, he is home, he’s normally in his room.
I read Aimee’s last message to me once more.
They just came to J’s party together, but they’re gone now. J told them F couldn’t come in.
Together. Fayne went to James’ party with Emma. Surely they didn’t think I wouldn’t find out, did they? Not only that, but it had been hours since Aimee sent me that message and Fayne still hadn’t come home. They had to still be together, but I couldn’t prove anything. Not really. I scrolled back to Aimee’s first message to me tonight.
Do E and F have a thing??
Well it would explain why he hadn’t been home and hadn’t been talking much to me, but if it was true – if they did have something going on – it didn’t explain why he hadn’t told me, considering she was my friend. Or supposed to be. I wasn’t sure anymore. Since I got sent home from hospital, I’ve felt out of the loop at school. I had no idea what was going on except from different stories told by different people.
Last I heard, Emma and Aimee still weren’t talking, but I still didn’t know why she wouldn’t talk to me. I didn’t think I’d done anything to upset her – I don’t think I could have done anything. I’ve been confined in my own home, unable to leave, unable to venture out into the real world and find out what war had started, how it had started, and what side I’ve been inevitably dragged into. Even so, if Emma wasn’t talking to me, why was she talking to my brother?
I longed to be better, to go to school again. I longed to know what was going on. Being at home all the time was becoming depressing. Aimee and Kane were almost the only people I’d talked to all week, and it usually involved short conversations or playing catch-up on schoolwork. It was frustrating. I wished I’d never gotten appendicitis, especially at such an unfortunate time. I mean, their fight was probably a long time coming, but if not having appendicitis meant that Emma would still be talking to me and Fayne would still be my best friend who was always there for me, no matter what, then I wished I’d never gotten it. But unfortunately, what’s in the past was in the past, and it couldn’t be changed.
My thoughts scattered when I heard the door next to my room close, slowly and quietly. I peered out of my open window to see my brother’s car in the driveway. I had been so deep in thought that I didn’t even notice his car pull in, his car door close, or the front door open and close again. I didn’t even hear his footsteps up the stairs and down the hall.
I glanced at the time – 10:45pm. My eyes were growing heavy, but this could be the only chance I had to get any truth out of him on the matter. I slid off my bed, my mobile in hand, and drifted slowly to his room. I knocked quietly on his door, careful not to wake up my parents.
“Fayne?” I whispered through the door.
I listened as soft footsteps walked towards the door and my brother’s green eyes looked into mine when he opened it.
“Is something wrong?” he whispered back, his expression worried, concerned.
“Can I come in?” I asked quietly.
He stepped aside to allow room for me to enter his room. I slowly walked in, climbed onto his bed and leant against the wall adjacent to his bedhead. He came and sat next to me, also leaning against the wall, how we always did when we were in his room. I quietly found the messages from Aimee and gave my phone to Fayne. I watched in silence as I saw his face grow solemn and he let out a sigh.
“Renée,” he started, clearly thinking of an excuse to give me.
“No, Fayne, don’t make excuses, because I’m sick of being left in the dark,” I said, frustrated.
He looked down at my phone in his hands, letting out another deep, lengthy sigh.
“It’s complicated,” he whispered.
I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, and my throat beg
an to burn. He never used an excuse like this. Nothing was too complicated for us, and nothing was ever so difficult to explain that it was kept a secret.
“I don’t care if it’s complicated!” I replied, even more frustrated than before. “Please talk to me, because she isn’t!”
He sighed again, turning my phone in his hands, studying the fine-lined pattern on the back, before letting out a slight nod.
“Okay,” he whispered.
I listened carefully as he quietly began to tell me everything, from the start until tonight. He told me how he was just being there for Emma when she needed someone to talk to, someone to listen to her. He told me about how he took her to the park the day she ran out of our house and made her enjoy going on the swing. He said that they had been meeting up after school and work at the café to get coffee and talk about their days, and how she told him that Kane and she had only recently broken up, the day before I started going to Leverand High.
He explained the confrontation with James at the party earlier, where Aimee and Kane both saw him and Emma together and they were denied access into the party. He explained that he’d dropped her off at her house and she’d asked him to come inside, and they watched Titanic together before he met her mum, who seemed evidently disapproving.
We sat on his bed talking together for hours: no more secrets, no more lies. Just me and him, brother and sister, best friends.
Chapter 16
You’re in and out of sleep.
It was dark around me, and my heart was racing. I heard my ride drive slowly down the street and come to a halt outside of my house. I could hear dishes clashing in the kitchen as my father readied dinner while my mother was at work. I heard the horn, and someone called my name.
“Emma!”
I looked at myself in my full-length mirror to make sure I looked okay. It was my first big party and I wanted to make sure I looked presentable, pretty. I straightened my shirt and tucked some stray hairs behind my ear. I hurriedly dropped my phone into my handbag, slung my bag over my shoulder and began to head towards the front door.