What to Read After FSOG: The Gemstone Collection (WTRAFSOG Book 4)

by Selena Kitt

  His face scans mine. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Yes,’ I whisper, panting. ‘I’m sure.’

  He peels my T-shirt over my head. I sit up and lift my arms to make it easier. When the fabric is gone, I unbutton his shirt, pulling it off his shoulders as he shrugs out of it. He kisses the hollow of my throat as his thumb brushes along the swell of my breast through my satin bra, stroking the undersides, before teasing me with his lips, sucking and nibbling my nipple in his mouth through the material.

  My head drops back as a raging heat spirals through me, settling in the deepest part of the centre between my legs. I reach behind me and unclasp my bra, the cool air hitting my burning breasts. He sucks my hard nipple into his mouth and teases it with his tongue, then blows cool air on the wetness.

  I tug urgently at the button of his jeans, and he removes them completely. He’s not wearing underwear. He leans over me, kissing a line from my breasts across my stomach. His tongue circles lower, tracing patterns on my skin along the curve of my hip as his fingers slowly release the zip on my jeans.

  He draws back, his hot gaze scanning my face, checking I’m still OK.

  ‘Don’t stop.’ I lift my hips up towards him desperately, writhing, wanting to remove the barriers between us.

  He slides off my jeans, and his mouth claims mine as his fingers slide under the lace of my knickers. I press myself closer to him, wrapping my legs around his hips again and angling up to meet his touch. I need to get rid of the explosive friction building up right now.

  His fingers find that deliciously sensitive part of me that’s been crying out for him. Fiery heat courses through me so hard I’m going deliciously insane.

  He growls as I clutch his shoulders, my fingernails digging into his skin. I kiss his chest, his shoulders, his neck, his jaw. Then he stops abruptly and rests on top of me, his forearms pressing into the bed on either side of my face.

  ‘Don’t stop,’ I pant.

  He pushes the hair back from my face, his thumbs easing away strands from my hairline. His arousal is obvious against my thigh as he stares deep into my eyes. ‘I just wanted you to know… I’ve never loved any woman like this. Never wanted anyone as much as you.’

  I smile, my nails running along the hard muscles of his back, his shoulder blades, his waist.

  ‘Do you want this?’ he asks.

  ‘Yes.’ I’m dizzy with lust for this man. I’m so ready for this. Unbelievably ready.

  He grabs a condom packet from his jeans and rips it open with his teeth as I remove my knickers. I reach out and slide my fingers up his thighs as he rolls on the condom.

  ‘Keep your eyes open,’ he says. ‘Look at me, OK? Just know it’s me here with you, making love to you because I love you with all my heart.’ He rests his weight on his hands either side of my head and positions himself at my entrance. His erection pulses as he waits and stares into my eyes with so much love.

  I wrap my legs around him again, clutching hold of his biceps. ‘Please, I want to feel you,’ I beg. All the fear has evaporated with every caress, every kiss, and every meaningful word. Every muscle in my body relaxes. There are no thoughts anymore, only blissful reactions. I can’t wait any longer to have him inside me. I want him all over me so there’s no space left between us. He’s everything to me.

  My life. My love.

  My best friend.

  My protector.

  My saviour.

  I rock myself against him, and he slides in. I’m unable to tear my gaze from his as I thrust my fingers through his hair. A sigh escapes my lips.

  ‘Who am I?’ He gives me a smouldering smile, his eyes telling me everything I need to know.

  ‘Ben.’ His name falls from my lips. A current of pure pleasure ricochets through me. Something wonderful and calming flutters in my chest, like the wings of that butterfly, beating to let me know it’s alive.

  I want to lose myself in him forever.

  We move to our own rhythm, with Ben telling me over and over again how much he loves me, needs me, cherishes me. It’s not just our bodies joining together, it’s our hearts and souls. We’re not looking at each other; we’re looking inside each other. Absorbing each other completely.

  Something epic is happening between us. Something so powerful and life-changing, it’s bigger than the both of us.

  ‘I love you, Ben,’ I whisper.

  And all I can think is that I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life.

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  Ben

  That night was incredible. Like the final invisible barriers between us have been torn down, and she’s finally free. It was perfect. She was perfect.

  I’m still thinking about it as I wait outside Kate’s office for my interview, which is keeping my mind off being nervous.

  ‘Ben, would you like to come in now?’ Kate smiles, and I follow her into her office.

  Two other people are sitting behind her desk, a man at one end and a woman at the other. Kate takes a seat in the middle and rests her hands on the top. They welcome me to the interview, and I shake their hands as they introduce themselves.

  ‘Please, have a seat,’ Kate says. ‘Thanks for coming.’

  I swallow to try and get rid of the lump in my throat and bring some moisture back to my parched lips. ‘Thank you for the opportunity,’ I say.

  The interview starts well. They seem impressed with my motivation, my qualifications, the references I’ve had from the other counselling jobs and from the volunteer work I’ve done. It’s all going great, right up until the point Kate asks me to share my background with the rest of the panel.

  I know she’s on my side, but I can’t gauge the thoughts of the other two. Even though they seem friendly, their faces are unreadable. It’s not as if I can hide from this, and I’m sure Kate’s already discussed it at length with them before I even turned up. The fact that I’m here, knowing what she knows, is a good thing, so I tell them the truth. I share the same thing I told Kate and pray they see the same things in me that she does.

  After listening to me, Kate’s colleagues give me tight smiles, and I know I’ve blown it. This job is my one real chance. My only chance at trying to redeem myself for Mia’s death. But I must be crazy to think anyone would give this job to a guy like me.

  Kate stands and shakes my hand with a calm smile. ‘Well, thanks very much for your time, Ben. We’ve got more candidates to interview, and we’ll let you know in the next few weeks.’

  As I walk out, I feel my chance slipping through my hands just as everything else does.

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  Grace

  As the weeks pass, I want to dance and laugh, and tell Ben how much I love him until I’m hoarse.

  I sit on my sofa, listening to Jason Mraz playing softly in the background from my iPod as I write in my journal. I want to record the happiness bursting out of me right now, because my journey isn’t just about the bad times, it’s about the good, too.

  After the rape, I cried for the old Grace, the one who would never be the same again. The one who was killed that night. She died a different kind of death. The world where she was safe was destroyed, and I grieved for her, the woman who was lost forever. Now, I’m not looking for her anymore. A new woman was born in her place, and I like the new Grace better. She’s a fighter. She’s overcome her fears, anger, and self-loathing. She’s in love with an amazingly wonderful man. I’m more than a woman who was raped, and I’m blissfully happy for the first time in a long, long time. I’m starting to think that maybe you can’t know what true happiness is until you’ve lived through sorrow and grief because you have nothing to compare it to—no weight to tip the scales in one direction or the other.

  Ben and I spend every spare moment together. We work at the coffee shop. We laugh. We talk. We have fun. We take walks along the river and go to the gym together. We cook for each other.

  And we have sex.

  Lots and lots of sensual, loving sex.


  Having been starved of touch and love for so long, maybe I’m overcompensating. I can’t get enough of him or what we share together. Ben has brought me back to life again. He’s like the other half of me I didn’t even know I was missing, and it feels like I’ve known him forever. He’s familiar, but yet new and exciting.

  Very exciting

  I pause, tapping my pen against my lips as the song changes. “Maybe Tomorrow” by Stereophonics comes on, and they’re singing about being down, walking around with black clouds, but they still breathe. How maybe tomorrow they’ll find their way home.

  Peacefulness and contentment wash over me, sinking deep inside. Into my head, my heart, my bones. Something I haven’t felt in a long time. Maybe ever. As if this is exactly where I’m meant to be. I’ve been down, walking around with those black clouds that suffocated me. I didn’t think I could go on, but I did, and I’m still living, still breathing, just like the lyrics of the song say. Being in Ben’s arms is special, extraordinary, and I think maybe I’ve found my way home, too.

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  Ben

  Grace and I head back to my flat to pick up some clothes before we spend a relaxing evening chilling out. I pick up the post from the mat, flicking through to see if I’ve got anything from Kate.

  ‘Is it there yet?’ Grace slides her hands around my waist from behind and rests her head on my back.

  ‘Yes.’ I hold the letter in my hand and drop the rest of the post back on the floor. I’ve tried to hide my anxiety about getting this job from Grace, but she knows me too well. At least, she thinks she does. ‘I can’t open it.’ I swing around and hold it out to her. ‘You do it. I’m too nervous.’

  She looks at the envelope and bites her lip.

  I stare at her soft mouth. ‘When you bite your lip like that, it drives me crazy. I think those lips were made just for me.’ I can’t resist planting a kiss on her, taking first her upper lip and sucking it between both of mine, then her lower one, tasting every part of her mouth as I twine my tongue around hers.

  ‘Do you want to kiss me or find out what’s in here?’ The sound of her laughter washes over me as she snatches the letter out of my hand and stretches her arm high as if she thinks it’s out of my reach.

  I raise my eyebrows. She’s a foot shorter than me. I could swipe it back with no problem at all, but I’m game. Maybe I really don’t want to know what’s in the envelope. Maybe I just want to be in denial for a little while longer so I can pretend my life is normal. Pretend I’m just a guy in love with a very special woman. A guy who’s happy and feels alive for the first time in a long time. Just a guy messing around in his flat with his girlfriend, having fun.

  Not a guy whose past keeps catching up with him.

  I tickle her waist. She shrieks and runs into the bedroom. There’s only one way in, and I stand in the doorway.

  ‘Oh, yeah, Miss Smarty Pants, how are you going to get away now?’ I grin.

  She makes a move to go left so I’ll chase her, but at the last minute, she goes right. I’m used to figuring out my opponents’ next moves when I was in the ring, and I’m way ahead of her. I grab her by the waist and lift her onto the bed, sliding on top of her. I place my hands either side of her head and she looks up at me, laughing and panting.

  ‘Kiss me.’ She reaches her arms up my biceps and digs in her fingernails. I don’t need asking twice.

  After we make love, she jumps out of bed. ‘Hey, where are you going?’ I prop myself up on one elbow and watch her gorgeous body walk out the door.

  ‘I’m getting the letter,’ she says over her shoulder.

  And now I know I really don’t want to find out what’s in that letter. My little denial dream will be smashed to smithereens. This job’s so important to me, and not only for the work I’ll be doing. It means I can take things to the next level with Grace. I want to give her the world and look after her, and that takes money.

  She pads back in the bedroom with the letter in her hand. Her forehead’s pinched in a frown, but it doesn’t sit right. She’s trying to look upset, but her eyes are sparkling way too much, giving her away.

  ‘Did I get it?’ I sit up as a flicker of excitement rushes through every molecule in my body.

  ‘No.’ She shakes her head, but her poker face isn’t winning any hands.

  ‘You’re such a tease.’ I jump out of bed and snatch the letter from her, my eyes scanning the words.

  …pleased to offer you the position of Rape Counsellor at the Cambridge Women’s Centre…

  ‘Bloody hell!’ I pick her up and spin her around, my smile stretching ear to ear.

  She half-squeals, half-laughs. ‘Congratulations, Ben. I’m so happy for you. I’m so proud of you.’

  I stop spinning and carry her back to my bed.

  This is it. The thing I’ve worked so hard to achieve since Mia. It’s finally here, and my life’s actually coming together in ways I never even dreamt of. Didn’t dare to dream of.

  I try and push away the thoughts of guilt from my past, because if Kate gave me this job, then what she said she saw in me must be true, mustn’t it?

  I’m so ecstatic I can hardly breathe. ‘Grace, do you want to live together?’

  Her eyes lift up at the corners as a beaming smile lights up her whole face. ‘Yes.’

  Chapter Fifty-Seven

  Grace

  I say goodbye to the last customer of the day and walk into the kitchen to put some cups in the dishwasher. Ben’s left early to do his last counselling session at the Youth Centre. He’s got a week before he starts his new job, which he’s arranged on purpose so he can be there to support me through the rape trial. It starts tomorrow.

  I’m so nervous about going to court, who wouldn’t be? But I’m determined to see this through, and as long as I’ve got Ben by my side, it’s going to be bearable.

  I give the kitchen worktops a final wipe down as I think about how lucky I am to have met Ben. Sometimes I can’t believe this is really happening to me. Can anything this wonderful last, or is it too good to be true, because I’m finally starting to believe in happy endings? It feels like a dream. A fairy tale. Should I pinch myself to see if it’s real?

  I hear the door open out in the shop, dragging my thoughts back down to earth.

  Shit. I forgot to lock it!

  Walking out of the kitchen, I say, ‘Sorry, we’re…’ The words die in my throat as I see Edward there.

  ‘Hello, Grace.’ He gives me a chillingly smug smile.

  ‘Get out of here before I call the police.’ I glare at him. ‘You’re not going to intimidate me, so just leave. Now.’ I point to the door.

  ‘Do you know what happens in a rape trial?’ he asks. Before I can say anything, he carries on. ‘The defence co-counsel, who just happens to be my wife in this case, looks at the alleged victim’s credibility. They dig up very interesting information that will convince the jury to cast reasonable doubt on their allegations.’

  I frown, wondering what he’s talking about. ‘There’s nothing wrong with my credibility,’ I snap.

  ‘Really?’ He raises a disbelieving eyebrow. ‘So, what do you think they’ll do when they find out you’re involved with a murderer?’

  ‘What? What are you talking about? I don’t know anyone like that.’

  He starts reading from a sheet of paper in his hand, his voice mocking. ‘Ben Hardy. Twenty-five years old. Convicted of involuntary manslaughter. Served a three-year prison sentence and a two-year probation term.’

  I take a step back and grip the side of the counter for support as the force of his words hit me. He carries on reading, but I can’t hear anything except the pounding of my pulse in my ears. I can’t breathe. All the blood drains from my face.

  This can’t be true. It can’t possibly be true.

  ‘You’re lying! You’re just making up things to scare me into not testifying. Well, it won’t work! I’m going through with this, and nothing you say will stop me.’

>   ‘Didn’t you think we’d do our homework? You two pieces of rubbish accuse my son of rape, and you don’t think we’re going to look into everything going on in your lives?’ He tosses the piece of paper on the counter. ‘What do you think the jury’s going to think of you now? Not so squeaky clean, are you?’ His voice sends chills through me.

  ‘Get the hell out of here!’ I yell at him.

  ‘You’re not going to win here, Grace. No one will believe you. If you don’t want your life attacked on the stand, then don’t attack my son’s.’ He leaves me with a steely glare before he turns and walks out.

  I stare at the piece of paper, shaking my head. It’s a lie. It has to be.

  I pick it up and start reading. It’s a criminal record report, and it has Ben’s name on it.

  Ben’s name!

  It’s not a lie. It’s the truth.

  The cold, hard, ugly truth.

  The room spins before my eyes, and I slide to the floor, the paper fluttering out of reach. This is the pinch. The pinch that wakes me up from the fairy tale.

  Chapter Fifty-Eight

  Ben

  ‘Grace?’ I open her flat door with my key and walk into the lounge, but she’s not there. No sign of her in the rest of the flat.

  I frown. It’s nine p.m.; she should be here. I dial her mobile, but it just rings and rings.

  Where the hell is she?

  That’s when I panic.

  Something’s happened to her. She’s been in an accident or been mugged. Or… something.

  I run back out the door and head around to the coffee shop. It’s in darkness. I try the handle, expecting it to be locked, but it’s not. I stumble through the door with momentum.

  ‘Grace?’ I’m walking past the counter when I see her. She’s hugging her knees, her face streaked with tears. She scrambles to her feet, jerking as far away from me as she can get. It reminds me of the first time I was here, when the pipe burst and she had the panic attack. Like a horrible kind of déjà vu.