What to Read After FSOG: The Gemstone Collection (WTRAFSOG Book 4)

by Selena Kitt

I had Gage to thank for the reality of her in my arms.

  “Hi, baby. Sorry I’m late.” I deposited her in bed and took the seat next to her. “What’re you having for lunch?”

  “Yucky peas.” She made a face, and I laughed.

  Ian grinned at me from the other side of her bed. “No amount of bribing works. She won’t touch them. She did eat the macaroni and cheese though.” He rose to his feet and gestured toward the door. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

  “Sure.” I swallowed my nervousness as he ushered me into the hall. He guided me down the corridor to where the elevators where. “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “My office. We need some privacy for this conversation.”

  I already dreaded what was coming. He’d given me plenty of space during the past two weeks, never voicing the questions he tried to hide. Apparently, that was about to change. We descended two floors, and he led me down a maze of hallways.

  “How do you keep from getting lost?”

  His mouth turned up as he unlocked the door to what I guessed was his office. “Trust me, I still get lost sometimes.” We entered a small, tidy space, and he pulled out a chair. “Have a seat.”

  I sat twiddling my thumbs as he settled next to me. “What’s this about, Ian?” Something about the uncertain set of his mouth made my heart jump.

  “I know the timing is shitty. You’re about to bring Eve home, and this definitely isn’t how I’d envisioned doing this…” He let out a breath and stood, and my heart started pounding when he bent to one knee. “But I love you, Kayla. I’ve spent the past seven years trying to right wrongs, trying to be good enough.” He withdrew a white box from the pocket of his slacks and opened it to reveal a tasteful solitaire. “Marry me.” His fingers curled around mine and squeezed. “I want to be here for you and Eve.”

  I blinked, but the room wouldn’t stop spinning. His face swam in my vision. “I…I can’t.”

  “If this is about Gage…” He trailed off and lowered his head. “If it’s about that last weekend you spent with him, I don’t need to know about it. It’s in the past. You did what you had to do. I understand that.”

  “You don’t understand.” My voice cracked, and when he looked up, my tears spilled over.

  “You’re in love with him? Kayla…what he did to you…

  “I’m not in love with him.” I blinked and prepared to spill my guts. I hadn’t wanted him to know what I’d done, but he deserved the truth; at the very least, he deserved an explanation. “I went back to him last night. He didn’t blackmail me, didn’t force me. It was all me.”

  He glanced up, his pain evident in the firm set of his jaw. “I don’t believe you.”

  I swiped rivulets of moisture from my cheeks. “I slept with him. I even let him whip me.” Burying my face in my hands, I mumbled, “I don’t deserve you.”

  He pulled my hands away. “Look at me.”

  “I’m going to leave town as soon as I can.”

  “No.” He shook his head. “Don’t leave. You mean everything to me. You think you don’t deserve me? It’s the other way around, Kayla.” He swallowed, and his hands trembled as he dragged them through his hair. “I’m not innocent in all this. Whatever you feel for him…he brainwashed you, but I put you in that position.”

  I shook my head. “You didn’t know he was blackmailing me. It was a simple hug. Gage went off the deep end all on his own and for no reason at all.”

  “I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the reason he’s doing this to you.” He sucked in a deep breath. “I haven’t been honest with you. There are things in my past I never told you about.”

  Suddenly, the subtle, white noise of the hospital roared in my ears; the soft scuff of sneakers padding down the hall, and the ticking of the clock above the door of his office. My gaze touched on everything but him—the framed degrees and certificates on the walls, the filing cabinets, and the picture sitting on the desk of an older woman with two little boys. Obviously, he shared the space with a colleague. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized how these inane thoughts provided a distraction. A much needed one, because no way was I ready to hear whatever he was about to say. He had yet to utter a word, yet I already felt the impact of what remained unspoken in the pit of my stomach.

  He got up and paced the floor, growing more agitated with each step. “I was young and stupid, and I’ve lived with the shame for over a decade now. I’ve spent every moment since trying to make up for it.”

  I cleared my throat. “Make up for what?”

  “I was sixteen, popular and on top of the world, and my parents idolized me. All my dad cared about was my future in football. I was barely a junior, but I already had scouts looking at me. One night…it was just one night, but that night changed everything. It’s the reason I became a doctor.”

  “What are you trying to tell me?”

  “I’m saying that everything he’s done to you is my fault.” He fell into the chair beside me and dragged his hands through his hair. “I got drunk at a party…and was stupid enough to get behind the wheel.”

  A deep chill speared through me. “What happened?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

  “I rolled the car.” He buried his face in his hands for a moment, and when he looked up, his hazel eyes shone bright with the guilt he carried. “I had no business being with her in the first place, but she was older, and I fell hard.”

  I knew what was coming next. I knew, but I didn’t want to hear it.

  “Liz died. I killed her, and Gage has never forgiven me.”

  “How…” I cleared my throat. “How do you know him?”

  He visibly gulped, as if he could swallow the words and keep them locked away forever. “He’s my brother.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Surprise Party

  Did everyone lie and keep secrets?

  I unstrapped Eve from her car seat and helped her to her feet. She took off running toward our doorstep, and I scrambled to catch up with her, despising my state of distraction. “Eve, wait for mommy.” I felt sick on the inside, disoriented, as if someone had turned me upside down and let all sense of reality tumble out. I couldn’t form a coherent thought. It was all garbled words and phrases coming together in my head, and none of it made sense.

  “Mommy, what’s wrong?”

  Even she could pick up on my chaotic state of mind. “Nothing, baby.” I faked a smile for her sake and pushed the door open into our dark apartment. I flicked on the light, so distracted that I didn’t realize anything was wrong until it was too late. The cold, hard barrel of a gun pressed into the back of my head, and though I couldn’t see him, I immediately recognized the familiarity of his body pressing against my backside.

  “Go to your room, Eve,” he ordered. “I need to talk to mommy for a while.”

  Her wide eyes met mine, much too knowing for a three-year-old. A tear fell down my cheek as I forced another smile. “It’s okay. Go. I bought you a doll. It’s on your bed.”

  She hesitated, but the promise of a new toy lured her to safety.

  Neither of us moved or said a word at first. The scent of his cologne, tarnished by the stench of whiskey, burned my nose. I swallowed the vomit rising in my throat. “What do you want?”

  “What do you think I want?” he snapped.

  “I don’t know.”

  He snorted. “Don’t play dumb. You know I can’t stand it when you lie.”

  “I’m not lying. Please…don’t hurt us.” He nudged the barrel into my scalp, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

  “I’d never hurt my daughter, but you’re gonna pay.” He pushed me further into the living room, but a knock on the front door halted him. “Fuck.” Changing tactics, he tugged me in the direction of the door and folded his large body in the corner, keeping the gun trained on me. “Expecting someone?”

  I shook my head.

  “Good. Get rid of them.” His gaze, colorless in a face that was too quick to deceive,
leveled me. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

  I turned the handle and peered out, and as I met Gage’s stare, every part of me froze. I wanted to beg for his help, but Rick still had his gun pressed into my back.

  “We’re not done yet, Kayla,” Gage leaned forward. “You’re nuts if you think you can show up on my doorstep and pretend it didn’t happen.”

  I raised my hand to ward him off. “I just got home with Eve. Can we talk about this another time?”

  His eyes narrowed and then traveled the length of my body. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  His attention darted behind me, and he scanned the small space of my foyer.

  “You need to leave.” I slammed the door.

  “Smooth move,” Rick admonished. “You suck at acting normal.” He pushed me into the living room and toward the couch. “You better hope he doesn’t come back.” Knocking me to my knees, he muttered, “Stubborn whore.”

  “Don’t do this. Please.”

  “Shut up.” He bent me over the cushion and jerked my hands behind my back.

  “Please, Rick.”

  Blinding pain exploded at my temple. “I said shut up.”

  “Please,” I begged again as he secured my wrists with rope.

  He whacked me on the other side of the head and grabbed my hair, pulling tight. “Did you enjoy fucking him?”

  “He forced me.”

  “But you liked it, didn’t you? You keep going back.”

  I struggled to breathe, but my fear was too intense.

  “Did your fucking vows mean nothing? You think you can forget about me so easily?”

  “No,” I choked. “I haven’t forgotten you.”

  He laughed, a sound that struck more terror in me than any strike from Gage. “I’ll make sure you don’t forget me.” He got up, and his shoes thudded across the carpet. He dragged a chair to Eve’s door and wedged it underneath the handle. “You didn’t think I’d miss my daughter’s homecoming, did you?” The floor vibrated as he neared. “You and me are gonna celebrate all right. You owe me three years of fucking, Kayla.”

  He kneeled behind me and wrenched up my skirt, and I started sobbing, barely able to see through my tears. “Don’t do this—”

  “Did he fuck you in the ass? I hear he has a thing for that.”

  He shoved my face into the cushion, smothering my cries, and suddenly the memories flooded me. I’d almost forgotten how many times he’d choked me, how he’d smothered me with a pillow on a nightly basis. So many times I thought I was going to die, but then he’d allow me a gasp of air before continuing his suffocation methods.

  “I bet he did do you up the ass.” He pushed my legs together, tugged my panties down, and I heard the slide of a zipper.

  I struggled, my lungs burning for life as the futility of my situation fisted my heart. He pulled my head up, allowed me a shallow breath, and then forced my face into the cushion again. I was going to die. The certainty of it gripped me, and I was no longer scared of being raped. Death was far worse. Death would take me away from Eve.

  Eve.

  Would he leave me like this? Lifeless for her to find?

  Or would he disappear with her?

  Head up…another gasp of air…then lightheaded darkness.

  A loud, splintering crash tore through the apartment, and his hold on my head lifted. With a hoarse sob, I jerked my face up and sucked in air. Sucked it in until my lungs were full and near bursting. A grunt sounded, followed by a bang against the wall, and I rolled around to find Gage and my ex locked in a struggle. Eve screamed from her bedroom, tiny fists pounding on the door, and the chair shook under the force. I yanked at the rope binding my wrists, desperate to get to her, but the binding wouldn’t budge.

  “Stop it!” I yelled as the barrel inched toward Gage’s head. They were engaged in a war, both exerting their strength to gain control of the gun. Gage was taller, but Rick had some bulk on him. He managed to kick free of Rick’s hold for a moment, and Rick jumped to his feet and swung the gun in my direction. Time stopped as I stared past the barrel into his cold eyes. Nothing lurked in their depths; no regret, no anger. Just…nothing.

  How had I missed this side of him all those years ago? The side of him that ignored his daughter’s screams as he prepared to kill me once and for all?

  “Please,” I whispered, one last plea for mercy.

  He cocked the gun.

  Gage leaped into action, face distorted in the scariest mask of rage I’d ever seen. He charged Rick, a bull with red in his sights. They fell to the floor again, rolling, fists pounding, frantic fingers scrambling in a tug-of-war for the gun. The blast tore through the air just as the blaring sirens became noticeable.

  Rick got to his feet and staggered back. He focused on the blood swallowing the front of his jacket, and for a moment he was entranced by it, the gun dangling from his fingers in distraction. And then he focused his attention on the broken door. The screeching sirens grew louder with every second.

  He bolted, and I took in Gage’s still form lying a few feet from me, watched the crimson spread across my carpet, and the sirens drowned out the hysterical cries of an innocent three-year-old.

  And I welcomed blackness.

  Chapter Twelve

  The Price of Sin

  Snow trickled from the sky three days after Gage was shot. Not so much that driving in it was impossible, but enough to cause a stir of excitement. Normally, I would have been out in the wintery flakes like everyone else, throwing snowballs at Eve while we built a snowman. I watched the wintery weather through the window of the cheap motel we’d been hiding in. Eve was taking a late morning nap. Check out time was an hour away.

  I couldn’t bring myself to move. I was too busy torturing myself with what-ifs, too busy being a coward because I still didn’t know if Gage had lived or died. Three days…and I didn’t know if he’d died saving our lives. What kind of person did that make me? I’d left the emergency room three nights ago and hadn’t looked back, and my phone had been powered off since. Ian was probably frantic by now trying to get ahold of me. But reality wouldn’t step aside forever. I reached for my cell and switched it on, and I dialed Ian’s number. He answered immediately.

  “Where are you?”

  “In a motel.”

  “I’ve been going out of my mind, Kayla. You freaking disappeared from the ER. Don’t do that to me again.”

  “Is…” I swallowed and tried again. “Is he okay?”

  “He’s going to make it. They had to operate, but he’s recovering.” A train’s horn blasted in the background, and I released a breath. “Where are you?” he asked.

  I blinked a tear down my cheek. “Doesn’t matter. I’m leaving today.”

  “Not without saying goodbye, you aren’t.”

  I rattled off the name of the motel.

  “Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be there in twenty.”

  By the time he pulled into the parking lot, Eve was already in her car seat munching on a graham cracker. I tossed our meager belongings into the trunk and slammed the lid.

  “I can’t talk you into staying, can I?”

  “No. Eve’s been having nightmares every night. I think a new environment would be good for her.” I’d had nightmares too—paralyzing recollections of Rick trying to kill me. I leaned against the bumper. “Is he really okay?”

  “That’s what they tell me. He won’t see me, but I hear he’s been asking for you.” He rubbed his chin. “I shouldn’t have asked you to marry me. It was…selfish. I knew you were dealing with some stuff, but I was scared of losing you.”

  I dropped my gaze to the ground and kicked at the snow. “It was so long ago. Maybe what we feel for each other is an echo of what we could’ve been. Maybe we’ve been holding on when it’s time to let go.”

  He tilted my chin up, and a snowflake danced on my nose. “I can’t control how you feel, but I know what’s in here,” he said, placing his fist over his heart.
“You’ve been here forever. It’s always been you.” He paused and gave a stubborn shake of his head. “I distracted myself with work, but I’ve never been able to get you out of my head.”

  His words squeezed the breath from me. “Don’t do this to me now. I won’t change my mind about leaving.”

  “I know, and that’s why I’m not going to stop you. I know you need time. Maybe I do too.” He stepped close and framed my face between his hands, and the warmth of his body penetrated mine. “I meant what I said, though. I love you, and no amount of time is going to change that.” He wound his arms around me, and we held on to each other for a while, neither of us paying attention to the snow collecting in our hair. Another guest of the motel left his room and gave us a curious look as he headed to his car. Vehicles crept along the road, and one braked, going into a slide before stopping.

  I wanted to hold on to him forever, frozen in this cold environment as the warmth of him surrounded me.

  “Don’t let him hurt you again.”

  “He can’t hurt me if I’m not here.”

  “You don’t know him very well.”

  “Turns out I didn’t know you either.” I backed out of his embrace. “Why didn’t you tell me he was your brother? You watched”—I blinked the image from my mind’s eye, but it refused to disappear—“you watched him with me. You screwed Katherine when all you had to do was be honest.”

  He kept his eyes downcast, and the guilt he wrestled with pricked at the part of me that still cared about him. Still loved him even. “I was stunned…when you came into that basement and got to your knees…” He shook his head, apparently at a loss for words. “And then I realized what was at stake…Jesus, Kayla. Your freedom, Eve’s life. You begged me to go along with it, and I couldn’t deny you.”

  “But you didn’t tell me. You had every opportunity to, but you didn’t.”

  “Chalk it up to cowardice. He’d ripped a hole in your life and it was my fault.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “I shouldn’t have come back to town.”