Finishing Touches

by Patricia Scanlan

  Aileen’s jaw dropped. She hadn’t really cottoned on to what was happening until now. ‘He’ll be here,’ she assured Cassie comfortingly. ‘He’s not going to let Laura down on her big day.’ Laura had no such delusions and even Cassie could only imagine the worst scenario.

  ‘We’ll get an old cake somewhere. Don’t worry about it,’ Laura said gently, sitting down on the sofa and putting her arm around her friend’s shoulders.

  Cassie started to cry. ‘Where will we get one? Today is Sunday. You’re getting married tomorrow and it’s a bank holiday. We won’t be able to get one anywhere. Oh Laura, I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. Your wedding’s going to be ruined.’

  Laura caught her by the shoulder. ‘Now, you listen to me, Cassie Jordan. I’ll buy a couple of Oxford Lunches and we’ll get your mother to slap a bit of white icing on them and no-one will know the difference. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. You are not responsible for Robbie’s actions and get that into your thick skull. I’m going to say something to you that you won’t like, but I’m one of your best friends, and that gives me the right. I’m telling you now, Cassie, if you marry Robbie, you are going to have a repeat of this scene over and over and over again. You’ve got to realize that Robbie loves drink far more than he loves you because he’s addicted to it and I just don’t think he’s got it in him to give it up. Robbie doesn’t like responsibilities and you’re going to have to face that. You are going to live a life of misery. You’ll always be wondering and worrying. And imagine what it will be like if you have children! Girl, if that’s the way you want to live your life I think you’re absolutely crazy.’

  ‘Maybe he had a puncture! Maybe he called in to his parents. He might have had an accident. You don’t know, Laura!’ Cassie said agitatedly.

  ‘Stop it! Stop making excuses for him,’ Laura said angrily. ‘You’re just like his mother, making allowances and excuses. She’s never made him face up to his responsibilities and neither have you. You’ve taken him back time and again. Face the facts, Cassie – Robbie’s let you down yet again and that’s all you can expect.’

  ‘What makes you such a bloody expert on everything?’ Cassie snapped. Laura with her perfect romance. Laura who was going to marry Saint Doug and live smugly ever after.

  ‘Cassie, I’ve got a brother just like him. You haven’t the monopoly on alcoholic men, believe me,’ Laura said gently. ‘I’ve seen exactly the same thing happen at home. I’ve seen Mick’s girlfriends in tears. I’ve seen Ma make excuses for him. Why should he change? Mick can behave like a lout and get away with it because he’s always going to be taken back and he knows that.’

  Aileen arrived in with coffee for the three of them. ‘Here, Cassie, get that inside you, and whatever happens, Laura and I are always here – don’t forget that.’

  ‘I know that,’ Cassie smiled, ‘and it helps an awful lot.’

  They drove out to Port Mahon in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Cassie had bought the Oxford Lunches. She had insisted on paying for them and she was dreading having to tell Nora about Robbie. She had always hidden his drinking from her mother; in fact only Laura and Aileen knew of it.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me about this before? Oh Cassie, ‘I’m your mother. You shouldn’t have kept something like that from me,’ Nora exclaimed in dismay.

  ‘I know . . . I know . . . It’s just when he joined AA, I thought he’d be fine. I thought he wouldn’t drink again.’

  ‘Sure maybe he isn’t drunk, pet. Maybe there’s a good reason,’ Nora said reassuringly.

  Cassie’s face crumpled and tears slid down her cheeks. ‘I know he is: I just know it,’ she sobbed.

  ‘Ah Cassie, don’t cry. It will be all right,’ Nora drew her daughter close and held her tightly as Cassie cried like a baby. Later, when Cassie had calmed down, Nora arrived into the kitchen carrying two Christmas cakes.

  ‘Forget about those Oxford Lunch things. Wasn’t it lucky that I was a bit organized? I made these last weekend for the ladies’ club draw. I’ll ice them and make two new ones tomorrow. Laura will have her wedding cake. Go into the pantry now like a good girl and get me the icing sugar and the almond essence. We’ll have them iced in a jiffy. What colour is the bridesmaid’s dress until I see if I have a nice bit of ribbon to match?’

  ‘Oh Mam, you’re a brick,’ Cassie hugged Nora.

  ‘I’m your mother. Why wouldn’t I be?’ Nora replied, busy getting out bowls and sieves. But Cassie knew she was pleased all the same. It was so reassuring to come home knowing that her mother was there as she always was and that home never changed. She watched as Nora measured her ingredients.

  ‘Cassie, did I put almond essence in already? Honest to God, my memory isn’t what it used to be!’ Nora frowned.

  ‘You did,’ she reassured her mother.

  ‘Last week I was making bread and I put bread soda in twice and I had to throw the loaf out it was so green,’ Nora grumbled. ‘I must be getting old!’

  It was true that Nora had slowed down a bit, but she still looked a fine healthy woman and Cassie smiled. ‘If I look as good as you do when I’m your age I won’t be complaining.’

  ‘Go on with you. Here’s a bit of almond paste. It was always your favourite when you were a child,’ Nora said fondly as she began to roll out the almond icing.

  They were layering the white icing on the sides of the two cakes when the phone rang. Cassie felt herself tense up.

  ‘Do you want me to get it?’ Nora asked sympathetically.

  ‘No! No! I’ll get it,’ she said hastily. Was it Robbie? Had he called to the flat with the cake and seen her note? It was nine-thirty. He was terribly late. He’d better have a damn good excuse. God, please let it be him. Taking a deep breath she picked up the phone. ‘Hello?’

  ‘Hi, Cassie. Will you tell Mam I’m staying the night at Jenny’s and I’ll see her tomorrow?’ It was Irene.

  ‘Yeah, sure, Irene. How are you?’ Cassie struggled to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

  ‘I’m a bit pissed off, actually. I’ve been called for the County Council earlier than I thought. I wasn’t supposed to be going for another six weeks and I’d planned to visit Dorothy in the States. I’m awfully disappointed,’ her sister sighed.

  ‘That’s a shame all right,’ Cassie murmured. Honestly, Irene was away with the birds. Instead of being delighted to have got a job months after leaving school, she was moaning. Cassie knew full well that it was Nora who would have been paying for the holiday in America, Irene’s only source of income being the few pounds she earned from her part-time job in a boutique in the town.

  ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, then.’ Irene was clearly in a hurry.

  ‘OK. Bye.’ Cassie hung up and rubbed her eyes wearily. She dialled the number of Robbie’s apartment and listened to the phone ringing, willing it to be answered. It just rang and rang. In desperation she dialled his parents’ number, to be told by his mother that Robbie hadn’t been in contact over the weekend. ‘He’s gone to Drogheda, isn’t he?’ enquired Mrs MacDonald.

  ‘I was expecting him back today,’ Cassie said. ‘I thought perhaps he might have called in home.’

  ‘No, dear, he’s not here. No doubt you’ll see him tomorrow,’ her future mother-in-law said cheerily. Cassie did not share her optimism.

  ‘Any sign or any word?’ Laura asked the following morning when Cassie delivered a perfectly iced wedding cake. Nora had done a very professional job on it and Laura was thrilled. Cassie shook her head.

  ‘Nope.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Cassie,’ Laura said gently.

  ‘Well, at least you’ve got a cake.’ Cassie feigned cheerfulness. She wasn’t going to spoil her best friend’s wedding by going around with a face on her. ‘Will I deliver this to the hotel for you or what do you want me to do?’

  ‘Oh, would you, Cassie? And if I give you the list would you make sure the seating arrangements are the way I’ve organized them?’

  �
��Sure I will,’ Cassie replied firmly, glad of something to do. It would keep her occupied. She had phoned the apartment twice already this morning to no avail and then she had phoned Drogheda to be told that Chef O’Halloran had still not made an appearance. There was no doubt about it in her mind. Robbie and his friend were well and truly on the batter.

  Four hours later Cassie watched as Laura and Doug Donnelly become man and wife. She had been so looking forward to this wedding, and now here she was alone, listening to the priest performing the same marriage ceremony that in the not too distant future she and Robbie would have been sharing. Now what lay in store for her? She was utterly confused, hurt, angry and sick at heart. As she heard Laura pronounce her vows clearly and confidently, a lump rose to her throat and in spite of herself she started to cry. Beside her, Aileen, who had quite a good idea of the emotions her friend was feeling, having suffered a broken heart herself, rooted in her bag and found a tissue.

  ‘Here,’ she whispered.

  ‘Thanks,’ sniffed Cassie, feeling an awful fool.

  ‘Do you want to go out?’

  Cassie shook her head. ‘I’ll be fine in a minute. If I could get my hands on Robbie, I’d throttle him, wherever he is.’

  Join the queue, Aileen thought grimly, but she said nothing, not wishing to upset Cassie any further.

  Cassie found the day endless. Every minute she expected Robbie to appear shamefaced and repentant through the door.

  ‘Where’s Robbie?’ all her friends wanted to know.

  ‘Sick, stomach bug,’ she lied, protecting him as usual. It was a great relief when Laura and Doug made their way through cheering friends to where Aileen and she were standing as they waited to see the newly-weds off. Hugging her tightly, Laura whispered, ‘Chin up, Cassie. Thanks for everything.’

  Cassie returned the hug. ‘Have a wonderful honeymoon, Mr Donnelly and Ms Quinn. See you when you get back.’ Laura had decided to keep her maiden name. Then Laura and Doug were gone and Aileen and Cassie were left looking at each other.

  ‘Well, at least one of us has had some luck in love,’ Aileen said glumly. She wasn’t having the time of her life, either. She’d been thinking about Liam all day. ‘Come on, Cassie, to hell with the buggers. Let’s go and have a drink before they close the bar.’

  As she lay in bed wide-eyed and sober despite Aileen’s best efforts to get her drunk, Cassie knew she was going to have to make a decision about herself and Robbie. She was going to have to accept his drinking and put up with it or else break off their engagement and cut him out of her life. Whatever she decided, the future looked anything but good.

  ‘Don’t do this to me, Cassie. I promise it will never happen again. Please, Cassie, stick by me and give me a chance to prove myself.’ Robbie looked so woebegone that in spite of herself Cassie’s heart went out to him and she found herself wavering.

  It was a week after Laura’s wedding and she had just given him back his engagement ring. The day before, she had met her old friend and boyfriend of many years past, Donie Kiely. She had stayed friends with him through his years in the seminary and had felt proud and happy for him the day of his ordination to the priesthood. Donie was sympathetic but blunt.

  ‘If you marry Robbie, thinking you can change him, you’re making a grave mistake,’ Donie warned her after listening to her try and come to some resolution about her future with Robbie. ‘Maybe he will stop drinking; many alcoholics do. You’ve got to decide if that’s a chance you’re prepared to take. But you have to make the decision to stay with him and then accept responsibility for that decision. If he continues to drink, you can’t hold it against him because you knew before you got married what you were letting yourself in for. It’s a decision only you can make, Cassie, and though you know I’ll support you whatever you do, I won’t advise you one way or another. You and you alone have got to make the choice.’

  He was right, she acknowledged, as she sat by herself in Bewleys having a second cup of coffee. Donie had had to go to fulfil another engagement. The ball was in her court and she had to decide if she could cope with a lifetime of experiences like Laura’s wedding débâcle. Deep down, Cassie knew Robbie didn’t have it in him to give up the drink. He would be fine for months but when the pressure was on he would turn to the bottle for solace and to escape his responsibilities. Cassie knew that no marriage was a bed of roses and that there would be plenty of pressures in the coming years. Was she prepared to accept that Robbie would never cope with the pressures on his own?

  Robbie begged her to understand. ‘Please, Cassie. It’s the first time I’ve been on the sauce in ten months. That wasn’t bad going.’

  ‘That’s not the point, Robbie,’ she yelled, all her anger bursting out of her. ‘That’s not the point at all. You let me down and you let Laura down and you didn’t give a damn about the consequences of your actions. Do you think it was easy getting another wedding cake at such short notice on a bank holiday? Do you, you selfish bastard?’ She was so angry she wanted to pummel him.

  ‘Calm down, Cassie,’ Robbie said, placatingly.

  ‘I will not calm down. How dare you tell me to calm down, Robbie MacDonald. You’ve such a fucking nerve.’ Cassie was shaking. ‘Where’s Laura’s cake, anyway, or did your so-called mate even bake one?’

  ‘It’s in the boot of my car,’ Robbie said sullenly.

  ‘Since when?’

  ‘Friday week,’ Robbie retorted.

  ‘That’s the place for it, indeed,’ Cassie said in utter disgust. ‘Look,’ she said, calming herself – shouting wasn’t going to get them anywhere – ‘I’ve thought of nothing else, nothing, Robbie, for the last week, and I just can’t go on living my life like this. I won’t go on living my life like this.’ Cassie stood up, put her key to his apartment on the coffee-table and walked out the door.

  ‘What about the cake?’ Robbie yelled after her.

  ‘Eat it yourself and I hope it chokes you,’ she retorted bitterly.

  Two days later Robbie’s mother phoned her to tell her that he was in hospital. He had tried to commit suicide.

  ‘You’ve got to see him, Cassie, please. He keeps asking for you. Look what you’ve done to him, Cassie, look what you’ve done!’ The woman sounded hysterical.

  Cassie nearly fainted. ‘Jesus,’ she whispered. Judy, who was in the flat with her, took the phone from her and made her sit down.

  ‘What’s wrong? What’s happened?’

  ‘Oh God! Oh God! Robbie’s tried to commit suicide. I’ve got to get to the hospital.’

  ‘Here, I’ll drive. Come on. You’re in no fit condition.’ Cassie couldn’t remember the journey to the hospital. All she could grasp was Judy saying over and over, ‘He’ll be all right, Cassie. He’ll be all right.’

  They got to Eccles Street and Cassie ran up the Mater steps as fast as she could, with Judy hot on her heels. The first person they met was Lillian, Robbie’s sister.

  ‘Oh God, he’s dead, he’s dead!’ Cassie sobbed in despair.

  ‘He’s not dead, Cassie, and you’re going up to see him over my dead body—’

  ‘Oh I know you must hate me, Lillian. I can—’

  Lillian stared at Cassie in amazement. ‘Hate you? Why on earth would I hate you? I’ve always liked you, Cassie.’ Comprehension dawned. ‘Oh I see. You think I hate you because Robbie’s tried to kill himself.’ She gave a dry, unamused laugh. ‘It’s not you I hate, for goodness sake. I hate that good-for-nothing taking up a bed in casualty, a bed he has no business being in. Listen to me, Cassie,’ she said urgently. ‘Robbie is just trying to manipulate you. He’s given himself deeper nicks shaving, believe me. When I heard my mother on the phone to you I nearly went mad. Cassie, if you go to see Robbie, you’ll be doing exactly what he wants you to do. Listen, he’s never ever going to kill himself – he’s far too much of a coward. That’s why he’s pulled this stunt, because he wants you to feel so guilty you’ll take him back and then he won’t be on his own any longer. He’
s afraid of being on his own. After all, you’ve been his crutch for how many years? Don’t be a fool, Cassie. See this for what it is, a pathetic attempt to get you back. I like you too much not to tell you how I see it. And don’t mind Mother. Robbie is her little boy still and always will be. If she phones you again, just hang up.’

  Cassie felt her world spinning about her. She had no reason to doubt Lillian’s word. But would Robbie do that to her? Could Robbie do that to her?

  ‘I don’t know what to do. Are you sure? Maybe I should go up for five minutes . . . ’ She didn’t know whether she was coming or going.

  ‘Cassie, do yourself a favour. Maybe you’ll be doing Robbie a favour too. Go home. Your life can only get better.’

  Cassie stood as though rooted to the spot. Go? Stay? She didn’t know what to do.

  Judy made up her mind for her, in a way that was totally unlike her usual placid self. Taking her by the arm, she said in a voice that brooked no argument, ‘The girl has just given you the best advice you’re ever going to get. Come on, Cassie, you’re coming home.’

  Cassie looked from one to the other. Then she turned on her heel and walked from the hospital, feeling like Judas Iscariot.

  Twenty-Eight

  ‘Underground map, keys, credit card,’ Cassie muttered to herself, making a final check to make sure that she had everything she needed before leaving the flat to meet Aileen in Mayfair. She smiled to herself. It sounded so strange to be planning to meet in Mayfair in London, rather than in Grafton Street or outside Clerys in O’Connell Street in Dublin.

  How drastically her life had changed in just over three months, since the break-up of her engagement to Robbie. Here she was in London, single and free, pursuing her banking career and about to meet Aileen for a night out. Her thumb rubbed the bare space on the third finger of her left hand. She still hadn’t got used to not wearing her engagement ring. Cassie sighed. She was really trying hard to put the past behind her and being in a strange new city helped, especially a city as exciting and glitzy as London. Here she had no memories shared with Robbie; here she could be as anonymous as she liked and just get on with living. If she had still been at home she would have gone crazy altogether. It was so difficult working with people who knew them both and couldn’t understand the reason for their break-up. It was nerve-wracking every time the phone rang; she dreaded picking it up in case it were Robbie. Judy, who had been a real brick throughout, had always answered it for Cassie if she were there, but Robbie had continued to pester her at work until Cassie had finally agreed to meet him. He had pleaded with her to take him back but Cassie had stood firm and told him on no account was anyone to get in touch with her if he decided on another suicide attempt. She had been almost suicidal herself by the time Christmas was over and it had been a great relief finally to get on the plane to London, knowing that at least it was a chance for a fresh start.