REGRET - The Price of Truth: Everhide Rockstar Romance Series Book 4

by Tania Joyce

  “I’m happy not to pay you a fucking cent and still have Hayds play for us.” Hunter grinned as he slapped Hayden’s shoulder. “Take it or leave it.”

  Kilt’s lips curled into a snarl. Money had always been a factor in Kilt’s dislike of Everhide. Kilt wanted fame, fortune and attention. He hated Hayden’s friendship with Everhide and the lifestyle he shared with them. But Hayden didn’t care about Kilt’s petty hang-ups. This chance to play with a huge band like Everhide might never come again. He had to do it. To prove to himself he had the talent, wasn’t a loser like his parents said and was on the right path to making something of himself. And he’d take Lexi with him so they could spend another night hanging out together. Bonus.

  Hayden took a step forward. “Kilt, like Lewis said, I’ll post to our fanbase, make it work for us.”

  Kilt paced in front of his mic and mumbled under his breath. Hayden could almost see the steam coming out of his ears. Stretching his neck from side to side, Kilt jerked to a halt. “Fine.” He jabbed his finger at Hunter. “You better fucking pay up. I’m holding you to your word.” Then Kilt turned on Hayden. His eyes flashed with warning. “Once and once only. You hear me? The sooner we move to Boston and you get away from this heap of shit, the better.” Kilt jerked his head toward Hunter.

  Hayden whispered sideways to Hunter, “Why does Kilt hate you so much? Did you sleep with his girlfriend or something?”

  Hunter shrugged his shoulder. “Probably. I don’t know half the names of the girls I slept with before Kara. Didn’t care if they had boyfriends or husbands or what. I just fucked ’em and sent ’em on their way.”

  Hayden chuckled. “You are an asshole.”

  “Totally.” His face lit with a shit-eating grin, and he nudged Hayden in the arm. “But it looks like we have our drummer for next weekend. Freaking awesome.”

  Kyle stood and gave Hayden a hug. “Bud, this is going to be wicked. We’ll let Gem know, call the rest of the backup band and schedule rehearsal times.”

  Hayden ran his fingers through his hair. His head whizzed with shock. “Thanks. I’m going to need it. But you better get going. We gotta get ready for tonight.”

  “Will do. Thanks, bud; you’re a lifesaver. We’ll come watch you play tonight. See you soon.” Kyle slipped on his sunglasses and headed off with Hunter, security tailing them.

  Hayden turned to face his band members. Fire flared in his soul. They should be stoked and excited for him. Their attitude wouldn’t kill his high. Of all the drummers available, Kyle and Hunter had chosen him to play for them. How freaking cool! He scaled the steps, scooted across the stage to his drums. Shaking off the guys’ glares, he ripped out the sticks from his back pocket. “Let’s finish sound check. Tonight’s gonna rock!”

  Reg stuffed in his ear monitors. His grin didn’t touch his eyes. Lewis gave Hayden a lackluster thumbs-up. Kilt sipped on his water bottle, watching him through narrowed eyes, then turned his back.

  Fuck. Hayden twirled his sticks. He didn’t need more of a wall to grow between him and his bandmates. He was the one trying to bring them closer, not create a bigger rift.

  He wouldn’t allow that to happen.

  Kyle, Gemma and Hunter wanted to help him. Not hinder him.

  It was his decision to play for Everhide. He wouldn’t let them down.

  Clutching his sticks, he played hard.

  This would be good for The Saylors. New publicity. New fans. New followers.

  Playing with Everhide took him one step closer to achieving his goals.

  It gave him new hope that he wasn’t half bad.

  Lexi would see his hard work had paid off. Hopefully, it would wake her up and make her chase her dreams. She might see him as the man he’d become, the man she could want, the man she could depend on.

  But reality hit him like static in a speaker. Not all dreams come true.

  Her wanting him wasn’t likely to come to fruition.

  Didn’t matter. He’d always love her. He’d always have his music.

  Some things could never die.

  Some things he could never let go of.

  Lexi and music. Music and Lexi.

  No . . . just Lexi.

  Chapter 13

  At Everhide’s rehearsal space in Brooklyn, music boomed from speakers, vibrated through the floorboards and rattled the old studio’s windows. Lexi darted around her friends taking photos as they ran through their set list for tomorrow night’s Jingle Ball. Dodging the crew, the band, equipment, cables and speakers, she made sure she snapped shots of everyone—not just Hayden at the drums.

  Taking a picture of Kyle at his mic from behind, Lexi shuffled backward, tripped over a guitar stand and stumbled into Hayden’s kit. Laughing to cover her clumsiness, she pointed the camera at him.

  “You okay?” He half rose from his stool, grabbing the cymbal before it fell over.

  “Sure am. Sorry.” She quirked her mouth, stepped clear of the drums.

  With a huge grin, he shook his head and continued to play. The sticks flew in his hands. He mouthed the lyrics; his body rocked to the rhythm. As if caught by a snare, she couldn’t drag her gaze away from him. Her heart thud, thud, thudded in time with his beat. There was a fresh, raw sense of spirit in his eyes; he was lost in the music, his vibe electric. It sent her pulse racing, rushing, roaring. New warmth swirled in her stomach. Hayden was a brilliant drummer. Their friends had given him the most incredible opportunity. She was so happy for him. His career was leaping forward. But hers had hit a stalemate.

  Working from home for the last two weeks since the festival had given her plenty of time to think. After what Chase had done to her and the other girls, her job at The Gourmet Reviewer would never be the same. Just when a promotion was within her reach, the icing had been stripped off her cake. She’d worked so hard for a job she now didn’t want. Chase had been stood down while under investigation. That had offered her some mental reprieve. But with no other prospects, and bills and rent to pay, she had to stay put. For now.

  As Lexi snapped some shots of Gemma, every beat from the band bored into her soul. She’d love a job where this vitality hummed through her system every day. Gemma, Kyle and Hunter singing and playing were so vibrant, captivating and charismatic, even at practice. Put them on stage in front of a live audience and they were even more exhilarating. They were living the dream. Hayden was following his. Hers had to be rewritten. She had no idea what path to take. She’d re-evaluate her options in the New Year. Until then, she just wanted to have some fun.

  Gemma spun around and hollered at the band, “Let’s run through the last two songs of the set again and then we’ll call it quits.” She held her hand high and counted down her fingers. “From the top. One. Two. Three. Four.”

  Hayden’s drumming filled the room. The heavy bass, the thumping snare, tom-toms, and crashing cymbals reverberated in Lexi’s chest. Hayden was on fire—his talent, his speed, his magic—there for everyone to see. He was all muscle, grit and stamina. In a daze, she pointed her lens at him again, floated toward him, taking shot after shot after shot. Sweat flew from his hair, trickled down his face, molded his T-shirt to his torso. Her palms sweated; the camera shook in her hand. Damn . . . he looks good.

  He hit the drums harder and faster. Each strike struck the center of her core. After this show, there weren’t too many times she’d get to see him play on a regular basis. But there was nothing she could do to stop him moving away. She’d never stand in the way of him from pursuing his music.

  “That’s a wrap.” Gemma strummed her electric strings so loudly that the whole room reverberated. “Ye-ah! Well done, guys.” She clapped at the band; a rocking smile lit her face. Even Sophie, Everhide’s manger, pumped her fist and had a hell-yeah expression plastered on her face.

  “Hayds, you nailed it.” Kyle gave Hayden a thumbs-up, then placed his bass on the rack. “Adam, Joey, Link—great work as always.”

  Lexi swooped to Hayden’s side, gave him a high-fi
ve. “You were awesome.”

  He draped his arm around her neck and pulled her into a headlock. He was hot and sweaty, and smelled all manly, all Hayden. “Thank you for not breaking the drums.”

  “Or my ankle.” She pushed out of his hold to reel in her rising body temperature. They headed to the side of the room where their friends had gathered by an equipment table to take off their ear monitors and transmitters.

  Hunter mopped sweat from his brow and threw Hayden a spare towel. “Play like that tomorrow night and you’ll have nothing to worry about. Great job.”

  “I’ll do my best.” Hayden dragged the towel over his face and rubbed the back of his neck.

  Lexi nudged her arm against Hayden’s. Her heart filled her chest. “You are a rock star!”

  Hunter grabbed his bag off the floor. “Kyle, Gem, let’s get changed. We’ve got a meeting to get to.”

  “Sure . . . um . . . give me a few minutes.” Gemma peeled the sweaty strands of hair off her face and retied her ponytail. “I need a word with Lex.”

  “About the thing?” Kyle smirked. His nod and wink confirmed he knew exactly what Gemma was on about.

  “What thing?” Lexi straightened, wrapping the carry strap around her camera lens and placing it on the table.

  “Yes. About the thing.” Gemma nudged Kyle in the ribs and grabbed a water bottle from the cooler.

  Hayden hooked his towel around his shoulders and stretched his arms over his head. “Do you want me to stick around, Lex? If not, I might grab a beer with Adam and the guys.”

  Lexi’s gaze raked over his triceps, biceps, forearms. His sinewy muscles flexed as he moved. His bulging veins pulsed. His abs peeked out underneath the bottom of his T-shirt. So ripped. So cut. Her mouth ran dry. She swallowed hard. Shit! There it was again—that hot rush.

  Hayden flicked the towel at her, snapped her out of her daze. “Lex?” The glint in his eye had her toes curling. Crap. “Beer? With the guys?”

  Her skin itched like she’d broken out in hives. The pang of jealousy played her insides like a harpsichord. He was hanging out with Everhide’s band and not her. With Christmas next week, their time together was slipping by too quickly. But she had no claim over him. “Um . . . sure. Go. I’ll see you at home later.”

  “Gem, be quick. We have to get going.” Sophie returned to the table where Kate continued to clatter away on her laptop and Bec talked on her cell phone.

  The guys waved and headed to change. Gemma grabbed Lexi by the hand, dragged her toward a couple of equipment trunks away from security, and sat opposite her on one of the cases.

  “What’s up?” Lexi tucked a curl behind her ear.

  After cracking her water bottle open, Gemma downed half of it and wiped the corners of her mouth with the tips of her fingers. “Did you notice there were twenty people in the room, or did you only have eyes for Hayden?”

  Lexi gaped; her eyes widened. She fidgeted with the neckline of her top. “What? No. I took photos of everyone.” Maybe not the lighting technician, but she was sure she’d got everyone else.

  Gemma leaned forward, pinned Lexi to her seat with her fox-like eyes. “What’s going on with you two?”

  “Nothing. I’ve told you that a million times.”

  “Then stop eye-fucking him.” Gemma’s irises twinkled as she sipped her water.

  “I’m not.” Shit! She totally had been. She needed to get her head examined.

  “Er . . . yeah, you were. Do I have to intervene?”

  “Intervene? Why?”

  Gemma smirked and shook her head. “Come on, Lex. Enough with the bullshit. You’re into him. Admit it.”

  Into Hayden? She wrapped her arms around herself, rounded her shoulders. She certainly was confused, pressured on all sides by him and her friends. Being encouraged to look at him as something more than a friend wasn’t as easy as flicking a switch. She’d been adamant about avoiding love; now, it twisted her mind and her heart. She didn’t know which way was up or down. Checking him out and getting in a fluster when she was around him added more complications to her life than there were colors in the spectrum. Even his smile did strange things to her insides. She cared for him, deeply. But that didn’t warrant wanting a relationship or stopping him from leaving. “He’s moving to Boston.”

  “So? Go with him.”

  “What?” To Boston?

  Her brain hurt, right in the front and center, like something had hit her between the eyes. Move to Boston? New city. New career. New life.

  Problem was, Hayden wanted more than friendship. She didn’t. She’d have no income, didn’t have much money saved and had no job prospects. There was no way she could toss away her career and rely on him to support her until she found a job. She never wanted to be a burden on anyone. Entertaining the notion of moving was pointless.

  “No. I still have a job. This is my home. I need to be here for Mom.” Lexi’s responsibility to check on her mom every week and make sure she was taking her meds remained upfront. Listening to her mom’s random bickering about her divorce reaffirmed to Lexi that love did nothing but hurt and screw you up.

  “Lex, your mom suffers from severe depression. It’s not your fault. Stop feeling guilty for her condition and your parents’ divorce. You’ve got to live your life.”

  “It’s hard to.” Her mom’s illness constantly loomed in the back of Lexi’s mind like a vulture circling for prey. Growing up, witnessing her mom sitting in the living room or lying in bed, crying, “I should’ve never had you,” “Philip left because of you,” “I can’t get out of bed today,” and “Men cause nothing but heartache,” had battered Lexi’s soul blue and black.

  Tears welled in her eyes. What if it happens to me? What if I suffer the same fate? No, she wouldn’t go down that road. Besides, she had Hayden. After Quintin left, she’d been so heartbroken and unable to get out of bed, she’d succumbed to the same path as her mom. She’d only snapped out of it thanks to Hayden.

  Hayden? He helped her through everything.

  Shit!

  She rubbed the ache in her chest.

  Gemma placed her hand on Lexi’s knee and gave it a rub. “You’ve talked about getting your brothers to pitch in and hire help. Just do it. Get your slack aunt who lives right freaking nearby to chip in too. Lex, you’re not sick. Stop being afraid to live your life.” She placed her hand over her heart. “I love you. I can see in your eyes you’re fighting your feelings for Hayds every time you look at him.” A smile tweaked the corner of her mouth. “I told you, one kiss changes everything. What’s it gonna take for you to let go? Take a chance on him?”

  Lexi clenched her jaw and stared at the floorboards. “I can’t.”

  “You can.” Exasperation snapped in Gemma’s tone. “He loves you so hard. He’d do anything for you.”

  Lexi closed her eyes. The ache in her chest puffed up like a soufflé then sank like someone had ripped open the oven door and the whole eggy dish had flopped. She couldn’t give up her job and move cities based on chance. There was no point giving Hayden a glimmer of hope when they were destined for failure. He’d grow to resent her like her parents resented each other. “How can I give him a chance when I’m nothing but a screw-up when it comes to relationships?”

  “Because you’re not.” Gemma squeezed Lexi’s hand. “We’ve all been hurt, broken-hearted, rejected, fucked up by our parents, or screwed over in our careers, but don’t let that stop you from trying something new. You deserve to be happy. You’re beautiful, talented, ambitious and one of my best friends. I don’t want you to regret not tapping the hell out of the chemistry the rest of us see between the two of you.”

  Lexi wiped a tear from her lashes and sniffled. “I thought Kara was the motherly one. Not you.”

  Smug satisfaction broadened Gemma’s grin. “She totally is, but we both agreed you needed a clip over the head.”

  “Are the two of you ganging up on me?” She didn’t want to trouble her friends. She loved they cared about
her, but Hayden was not an area for their concern.

  “Four of us, actually. Hunt and Kyle agree. I know Hayden leaving is hard on you. We’ll miss him like fucking crazy. Do yourself a favor. Sift through all the drama rattling around in your head and listen to your heart.”

  “I have. I’ve tried. You know I care about him.” Digging her fingernails into her jeans distracted her from the ache looming in her chest. “But I’m confused. I don’t know what to think, or feel, or do. This talk isn’t helping.” Gemma was supposed to support her, not add extra ingredients into her fucked up mix.

  “Yeah . . . it is. You’re not in total denial anymore, so we’ve made progress.” Gemma gave her a my-bad smile and took another sip of water. Lexi wanted to wipe the grin from her face. “He’s a great guy. Don’t lose him because you’re afraid to try.”

  As she stared at a nail in the floorboard, Lexi’s pulse droned in her temples like a song stuck on slow motion. Was Gemma right? If there was something more than friendship between her and Hayden, she’d be foolish not to find out. They’d hurt each other so much since they’d kissed, there was no way the pain could be worse if and when he left. Wait . . . yes, it could. It would be unbearable if she lost him in the process.

  There was too much to risk. His future was at stake. Her heart wasn’t ready to take the leap. “Gem, stop. Hayds and I are friends. That’s all there is to it.” Yep, she was chickenshit. She couldn’t risk breaking his heart. Didn’t want to be a burden on his career, his happiness, his dreams. There was no ‘her and Hayden.’ She had to be sensible and realistic. Risk aversion was key.

  “Okay.” Gemma held up a hand in surrender. “I won’t say another thing.” But there was a lilt of satisfaction in Gemma’s tone. She screwed the lid back onto her bottle and placed it beside her. “Anyway, the other thing I wanted to talk to you is about tomorrow’s show.” Gemma’s vibe turned jittery.

  Lexi eyed her cautiously. Every time Gemma got like this it involved some wild plan or ecstatic news. She wasn’t sure she was in the mood for either.