by Tania Joyce
“I was happy until you first kissed me,” she whispered.
“What? Like this?” He cupped her head and pulled her lips to his.
She placed her hands on his chest, ready to push him away, but her body had other ideas. Clutching onto his coat, she held him close, absorbed him into her every cell. Stars and clouds swirled behind her eyelids. Was this what she wanted? Him? The fire igniting her heart threatened to burn down her walls. Hayden wasn’t making this easy. She tore her lips from his and gasped for breath. “What are you doing?”
“Kissing you.” He kissed her again, walked her backward toward the table by the window, picked her up and placed her on the surface. The legs scraped against the wooden floor, slammed hard against the wall. Smash. One of the cups from the batch her mom hadn’t broken joined the others on the floor. His lips never left hers.
Shit.
“Lexi?” Her mom’s voice drifted down the hall over the music. “Everything okay?”
Lexi's pulse spiked. Clutching Hayden’s hair, she ripped her lips from his. “Yeah, Mom. Be out soon.”
Hayden’s grin screamed, “No chance.” He edged between her legs and kissed her, hard and hot.
God, his mouth. Remembering how he made her feel last night had every nerve craving more. The heat rising between them was enough to melt the snow on the roof. His kiss was too much. Too soon. Too intense.
With all her might, she pulled back. “Hayden. Stop.” Her heart trembled. But when she met his gaze, seeing how much he cared for her, loved her, she had to let go of her fears. “Do you think we can do this? Be together?”
“I want to try.”
Could she risk their hearts, their friendship, when she knew love died? The thought of losing him crushed her, but the thread of hope to see if they could be more grew stronger every day. “I’m afraid.”
He brushed his fingers down her cheek. “I am too.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “But I promise to catch you if you fall.”
“You think you can change me?”
“I don’t ever want to change you.” He grabbed her hips and tugged her toward him, then gripped her thighs. His eyes scorched deep into her soul. “I want you to be happy. Give me the chance to make you happy.”
She clutched onto his shoulders. She’d never seen him this adamant before, this wild. Maybe about his music, but not her, or any girl for that matter. The husky rumble in his voice and the want in his eyes sent fire rushing through her veins.
But reality squeezed her heart. “I don’t want to move to Boston.”
“Okay.” He ran his hands up her arms, rubbed her shoulders. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. We’ll make it work.”
She had to believe him. She trusted him with her life. She didn’t want to end up lonely, depressed and bitter like her mom. Didn’t want him to be another Quintin.
Taking a shaky breath, she slid her gaze along the line of his chiseled jaw down toward his mouth. She caught her bottom lip between her teeth. The sweet taste of him lingered on her tongue. These newfound feelings had to be explored, excavated, examined. “What do you propose?” she whispered. “You just want to fuck me for the next three weeks and see what happens?”
He groaned and drove his crotch against hers. Fuck. Her insides were still hot from being with him. His lips twisted into a smile that was as delicious as flambéed crepes. “If that’s what I have to do, then yes.” He skimmed his mouth across hers. Just a tease. A quick taste. A promise. “But it’s more than that, Lex. I know you. And you know me. We can make this work. Be mine. Be one hundred percent honest with me. I’ve never wanted anything more from you. If you don’t think there’s something more between us in a few weeks, I’ll walk away, no questions asked.”
Her skin turned feverish as the reverberations of his want-filled words hummed through her blood. Three weeks. Could she dive in and not drown in the process? Hell, she was already in too deep. “If we do this . . . ” She ignored the flare of hope in his eyes. “We don’t tell anyone. Not Gem and the guys anyway. Not until we know what this is. They’re away for the next two and a half weeks, so it shouldn’t be hard.”
He slipped his hand beneath her curls, cupped her neck and nuzzled into the soft spot beneath her ear. “You know they have an uncanny way of finding shit out?”
“I know, but I don’t need Kara and Gemma drilling me for details. Don’t need my mom banging on at me about this being a mistake. Please . . . promise me.?”
“Lex. I’m not a mistake.” He looked her square in the eye. “But I warn you, if we do this, I’m not holding back. Once we get home, every second we’re not at work, we’re together. Okay? If we’re caught, tough.”
“Okay.”
He bent his legs and peered up at her. “So, we doing this?”
Losing him terrified her, but she would regret it if she didn’t take a chance to find out if this was something special. “Yeah. I think so.”
The brightness in his smile enveloped her and sent tingles across her skin, penetrated her heart. She barely managed a nod before his lips found hers. As she wrapped her legs and arms around him, a canister of pencils hit the floor. Crap. They were making way too much noise. She didn’t care anymore. She kissed him back, threaded her fingers into his hair, tugged him closer. Mmm, he felt so good, and kissed her like a fucking rock star. Regardless of her mother’s fresh words of warning swimming in her head, her damaged heart pounding against her ribs, and her doubts rattling through her brain, she had to see where this would lead. She prayed she wouldn’t regret her decision. Prayed this wouldn't destroy them. If it did, she had no doubt she’d end up like her mother.
She put her faith in Hayden’s hands.
“So now what?” she whispered against his lips.
“Let’s start with this.” His voice rasped in his throat as he slipped his hands underneath her dress and pulled her tights and panties down. With the most devilish grin on his face, he fell to his knees. He zipped off her boots. Tore off her underwear. Rendered her speechless. Nudging her legs wide, he kissed his way up her inner thigh, then his mouth claimed her.
She stifled a moan. Her head fell back.
Holy. Fuck!
Luckily she was sitting down because her legs had turned to jelly. She clutched at his hair, pulsed against his touch. Her mind exploded like a fucking firework.
Oh, sweet Jesus!
What the hell had she gotten herself into?
Chapter 18
Lying in her bed, Lexi glided her fingernails over Hayden’s forearm. The fine hairs there tickled her fingertips. His chest warmed her back. His arm draped over her like a toasty blanket. She hadn’t had a boyfriend in so long she’d forgotten how cozy morning cuddles could be. Hayden had hugged and comforted her many times before, but never this intimately. This was nice, but . . . there was one major hurdle to overcome. She had to stop thinking that this relationship was doomed from the start. Otherwise, how could she truly give them a chance? There was no doubt about it—she had to open her heart, give herself to him. She had to let her guard down, cross that friends-to-lovers line. They’d had a magical moment in Washington, a heated moment at her mom’s three days ago, but since then, their hectic work schedules had kept them apart. Taking the plunge into a full-blown relationship rattled her nerves. The expectation to be together again hung between them like a slow-burning flame. It tempted and frightened her, teased and taunted her.
She didn’t have her “Five Fs” dating game to fall back on. She had no wingman, and no escape. But she was determined to give this her best shot. Trust this feeling swirling in the pit of her belly.
“Morning.” He nuzzled in closer, kissed the back of her shoulder through her flannel pajamas.
“Hey,” she whispered, afraid to move.
“This . . .” He hugged her tighter. “Waking up next to you is the best Christmas present ever.”
“You didn’t ask Santa for a Ferrari?”
“Nah. Can’t fit my
drums in a sports car.” He rolled on top of her and propped himself up on his hands. “I need a big-assed Griswold station wagon.”
“Hmm. Such a sexy machine.” Gazing up at him, she giggled and curled her legs over his.
He rocked his hips forward and his morning hard-on pressed against her crotch. Heat touched her cheeks. Covering her eyes, she scrunched her face. It was still awkward to get past the fact he was her best friend.
“Lex.” He chuckled, drew her hands away. “Just good morning. This is weird for me too. But nice.” He tilted his groin toward hers again, and a soft growl rumbled low and deep in his throat. “Mmm . . . very nice. Like I said to you at your mom’s, I’m going to prove to you that we’re good together. We’ll make this work.”
“I know.” She cupped his face. “It’s just some boundaries are hard to cross.”
“You think?” A hint of mischief shimmered in his eyes. “We’ve had sex and I went down on you at your mom’s house. We’ve already crossed a few.”
She pursed her lips, willing herself to douse the fire creeping up her neck. At her mom’s party, they’d tried to cover their antics while mingling with guests, but every brush of his arm, every captured glance, every conversation had ignited enough sparks between them to light a power station. Her mom’s gaze kept jumping from her to Hayden and back again, and she’d shaken her head. Avery had kept giggling and winking at her. Aunt Nora’s big smile had turned into a frown when Lexi had fumbled her way through telling her Hayden wasn’t single anymore.
That had been confronting. Admitting to herself that Hayden was hers, at least temporarily, had made her head spin. Spin with excitement, fear, doubt and hope. She’d do her best not to fuck it up.
He kissed the tip of her nose. “We’re going to have fun. I promise. My first plan of attack is to buy your affections.”
“What?” She slapped his shoulder. “I don’t want anything, and besides . . . you already have them.”
“Good, then this is a bonus. Stay here. I’m grabbing your Christmas present.”
“You want yours too?”
“Hell yeah.”
Hayden dashed off to his bedroom and she zipped via the bathroom to relieve herself, grabbed his present from her wardrobe, then jumped back into bed. Straightening the bed coverings that had half fallen off the bed, her eyes widened when he walked in carrying a huge rectangular box wrapped in Christmas paper. Like Lionel Richie, her heart danced on the ceiling. She knew the shape of a boot box when she saw one.
She glanced at her gift to him and grimaced. She held out the long, slender box tied with a red ribbon before her. “Does size matter?”
“Nope.” He jumped on the bed and placed her box beside him, then flicked his gorgeous brown hair off his face.
Lexi eyed her present. “What have you done?”
“I kept my promise.”
Oh! The night of the Everhide’s concert. The night he kissed her. He’d promised to buy her boots.
Hayden rubbed his hands together. “Who’s first?
“Maybe we should open them at the same time.”
“Deal.”
He placed the box in her lap, and she handed over his. “On the count of three . . . one, two, three.”
Ribbons were untied and paper ripped. Lexi’s hands trembled when she saw the Jimmy Choo logo. She lifted the lid and the most gorgeous pair of black leather boots with a two-inch chunky heel lay nestled within the tissue paper. Tears welled in her eyes. He’d bought her the perfect gift, knew her so well. “Oh my God, Hayds. You shouldn’t have. These are too expensive.”
“True, but you’re worth it. Luckily Everhide paid me.”
She picked up one boot, glided her hand over the long gold zipper. She put the boot to her nose and smelled the gorgeous, soft leather. So divine. She leaned forward and kissed him. On the lips. Let his warmth seep into her skin. Hmm. Definitely good. “They’re gorgeous. Thank you.”
“You needed something you can walk in. I don’t want you killing yourself in your stilettos when I’m not around.”
Shuffling around on the bed, she pulled them on as he lifted the lid off his present. Wrinkles touched the edge of his eyes as he smiled and stared into the box. Lifting out the set of drumsticks, he chuckled. He read aloud the engraving she’d gotten etched into the handles. “Lexster and Haydster.” One name on each.
“We’re a pair, no matter what happens.” She had to believe that.
“I love ’em.” He winked as he spun the sticks around in his fingers. “Now I get to play with you every day.” Pushing the wrapping paper and boxes aside, he lay her down on the mattress. “Do the boots fit?”
She wrapped her ankles around his waist. “Perfectly.” She threaded her fingers into his hair and kissed him. Hmm. Definitely nice. He lowered his weight onto her; his hands roamed down her side. Their kisses got heavier. Hotter. Yeah . . . okay. This was better than good. “Want another present?” she asked.
“Does it involve you naked?” He kissed his way down her neck.
She tugged his shirt off. “Yeah.”
“Awesome. Leave your boots on.”
But just as they got their pajamas off, Hayden’s cell phone rang with Kilt’s ringtone.
“Ignore it,” he said and continued fondling her breasts. His touch so tender and soft.
But Kilt kept ringing.
“Shit. I better answer it.” Hayden reached over and grabbed his cell phone off the nightstand. He swiped the screen.
Kilt’s voice screeched through the speaker. “Merry Christmas, motherfucker!”
Hayden wiped his hand down his face. “Dude, it’s ten a.m. What the hell do you want?”
“Me and the boys, we’ve been thinking and drinking.”
Lexi rolled her eyes. By the slur in Kilt’s voice, he’d definitely been drinking. At this hour? Or was he still on a roll from the night before?
Kilt’s voice got louder. “We want to have a huuuge party at my house for New Year’s. You in?”
“Sure. Now fuck off. Oh . . . Merry Christmas.” Hayden ended the call and tossed his phone aside. Flicking the bed sheets high, he wriggled back into position with her. Skin on skin. Heart to heart. Connected.
“Hmm.” He brushed his lips over hers. “We did not need that interruption.”
“Wait?” Her hand shot up to stop his kisses. “New Year’s? At his house?”
He kissed her fingertips and drew her hand away. “You’re included. No questions.”
“But . . . I thought . . . we’re not telling our friends about us, right?” New Year’s was less than a week away. She wouldn’t be ready to reveal their relationship by then. His band would act like jerks. She didn’t get along with them very well at the best of times. She didn’t want to deal with their friends, or Boston, or their future—she wanted to stay locked in this bubble with Hayden and never leave.
“Lex.” He ran his hand down her thigh, grabbed her knee and drew it up by his side. “I’m sure we can have a good time without them finding out. We’ve done the friends thing for years.”
Worry spiked through her veins. “So you’ll be able to keep your hands off me all night?” Maybe he could, but if this developed into something more, she worried about herself.
He dipped his head, kissed her lips, her neck, her shoulder. Goose bumps darted across her skin. A smoldering smile full of way too much sexiness curled the corners of his mouth. “If it’s just my hands, I’ll be fine.”
Tease. She could play that game too.
Wrapping her booted feet around his hips, she wriggled beneath him. Edged his cock toward her opening. She glided her hands over his shoulders, scraped her fingers down every ridge of his muscled back. Loved it when he flinched beneath her touch. “That means no touching, no flirting, no midnight kiss?”
“Hmm.” His eyes darkened. “If I have to go to a party and can’t do those things, I better get my fill of you before then.”
“Okay.”
With her he
art beating in time with his, she kissed him. He sheathed himself and buried his cock inside her. Melting against his body, she was caught by surprise at the wave of warmth coursing through her veins, the connection she had with him. As she kissed him and touched him, her nerves dissipated. She got lost in the moment. They were on a path she’d never expected. It excited and terrified her. Filled her with elation and doubt, happiness and fear. But there was one thing she was certain about . . .
She did love her new boots.
***
After visiting her mom for Christmas lunch and Hayden’s mom for afternoon tea, Lexi used heavy snowfall as the excuse to stay indoors for the next two days. In fact, she and Hayden hardly left the bedroom. But by the time New Year’s came around, she still couldn’t put a label on her feelings for Hayden. Didn’t want to, because putting a label on it scared her.
Being with him while away from the outside world felt as natural as morning sunshine. But their trial-run relationship was nearing an end. Soon, they’d have to face reality, deal with long-distance, lonely nights and commitment. Was this thing between them worth continuing when he left? Was it love or just some crazy fun? She needed something inside her brain to click and produce a polaroid that revealed the answer. Until that happened, the knot niggling at the back of her neck remained. Time pressure didn’t help. There was only one and a half weeks until he left for Boston.
The New Year’s party at Kilt’s house in Williamsburg was as wild as Woodstock. Friends and family danced and ate, and drank enough alcohol to sink Brooklyn into the East River. People filled every inch of the tiny kitchen, small living and dining rooms, and overflowed into the courtyard. The upstairs bedrooms were probably being utilized as well, but Lexi didn’t want to think about that. Not when she had to keep her hands off Hayden and vice versa. With a few too many champagnes underneath her belt, she couldn’t wait to take him home and have her way with him.