Thief of Hearts

by L.H. Cosway

  Time stilled. My mouth fell open on a gasp and my heart felt like it was trying to beat its way out of my chest. Had I seriously just heard him correctly?

  “What?” I whispered so quietly I was surprised he heard.

  His thumb slid down my cheek to my chin, tipping it up so I was looking at him. In that moment I wanted to drown in the gold flecks that glittered in his hazel eyes. His voice was almost as quiet as mine when he replied, “I know you heard me, Andrea.”

  I pulled away from his touch, standing from the desk so abruptly my chair fell back onto the floor with a loud clack. My cheeks heated and I couldn’t look at him anymore. I felt like I was floating underwater. How had we gone from gentle ribbing to this?

  I had to get out of there because I seriously couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t love me. It wasn’t safe. He just . . . couldn’t.

  “I, um, I just remembered I have a thing. I have to go,” I blurted.

  “A thing?” Stu quirked a brow, not believing me for a second.

  “Yes, that’s right, a thing,” I answered as I hurriedly collected my belongings.

  “Andrea,” Stu called after me as I turned and fled the classroom like a bat out of hell.

  Twenty-Seven

  By the time I reached my car I was hyperventilating. Why did he have to go and say that? Why?

  We were having a perfectly nice time. Not to mention we’d agreed to forget everything that happened before. I was just supposed to be his teacher and he was just supposed to be my student. Had we been kidding ourselves?

  Um, that would a yes, Andie.

  I practically dove into my car, already twisting my ring around and around in sheer anxiety and fear. My stomach was all-aflutter, and I couldn’t make sense of what I was feeling. Was I sad? Happy? He wasn’t supposed to love me. That wasn’t a part of the plan. I’d been loved before and I’d lost it. The very idea of going through all that again made me feel vaguely nauseous.

  At once I understood exactly why I still wore my ring. It wasn’t simply sentimentality.

  It was a reminder of the pain.

  A constant symbol of all I’d lost. Perhaps subconsciously I thought that if I kept the pain at the forefront of my memory I wouldn’t let it happen again. It was self-preservation, plain and simple.

  Yet, here I was. A man loved me and . . .

  And . . .

  I loved him, too.

  The realisation hit me like one of those old-school defibrillators shocking me in the chest. My heart literally hurt. Was it possible for emotional pain to turn physical? All I knew was I’d never felt like this before. It was new and strange and terrifying.

  The door of the college swung open and Stu emerged, looking from left to right as though searching for me. The moment I saw him I sped out of the car park almost as quickly as I’d fled the classroom. When I reached my flat I slammed the door shut and flicked over all the locks. My heart pounded at the thought of Stu following me back here.

  Alfie sat on the floor, his legs folded as he sipped on a cup of tea like a little Buddha. He frowned in concern when he saw how worked up I was.

  “Andie, what happened?”

  I shook my head. “Nothing. Nothing.”

  Striding down the hallway, I shut myself inside my bedroom. My phone vibrated in my bag, but I didn’t need to check to know who it was. I ignored it and flopped onto my bed, burying my face in the pillows as I continued to ride out the anxiety attack. I’d experienced them a time or two in the past, mostly in the months after Mark passed and I was suddenly faced with the reality of a life without him. He was my best friend, and I didn’t know how I would be able to go on. But I had. And I had fallen in love with another man.

  I didn’t know how much time had passed when there was a gentle knock on my door. It was Alfie.

  “Andie, are you sure nothing happened? You’re worrying me.”

  “Everything’s fine, but I think I’m coming down with a bug. I’m just going to stay in bed for a while.”

  “Oh,” he replied, uncertainty in his voice. There was a pause before he continued. “Well I’m going to visit Jamie. He’s hosting that Go tournament at the shop tomorrow, and I told him I’d help with the preparations. Do you want me to bring anything back for you?”

  “No, thanks,” I answered quietly.

  “Okay, get some rest,” said Alfie and then I heard him leaving the flat.

  A little while later there was a knock on the front door. When nobody immediately answered I heard Stu call, “Andrea, let me in. I just want to talk.”

  My pulse raced as I willed him to leave. I knew I was being horrible, but I hadn’t calmed down enough yet to face him. I needed a night to just formulate my thoughts and figure out what I was going to say.

  “Andrea! Please.” There was a loud bang and then I heard one of my neighbours complaining about the noise. It sounded like they’d gotten into an argument and I groaned. I had to go out there before things escalated further. Climbing out of bed I hurried down the hallway and opened the door. Stu faced a man who lived in one of the other flats, his hands fisted and his shoulders tense as he told him to mind his own business.

  I grabbed his arm and yanked him inside before he could say anything else. His body fell into mine as I closed the door, his hand going to my waist to steady our balance. My top slid up a little and I gasped at the feel of his hand on my bare skin. Stu made a weird grunting sound and pulled away, but it seemed like it took effort.

  “Sorry.”

  “No, it’s okay. I’m the one who should be apologising. I can’t believe I ran off on you back there. It was a truly awful thing to do but I just . . . panicked.”

  Stu grimaced and reached out as though to comfort me in some way. I froze and he withdrew his hand, rubbing his neck instead. “I didn’t say it to scare you. I didn’t mean to say it at all. It just slipped out.”

  I nodded and stared at him, not knowing how to respond.

  Stu shook his head and levelled his eyes on me. “No, slipped out isn’t the right way to describe it. It burst out, because Andrea, I’ve felt that way about you for a long time. Every time I see you I want to say it, but I have to bite my tongue. It was only natural that I finally told you how I feel.”

  I looked away, focusing on the floor. “I thought we agreed to a clean slate. I thought you wanted to forget everything that happened before.”

  “I did, but I can’t forget how I feel for you.”

  “Stu, please—”

  “No, Andrea, you need to listen. I love you. I love everything about you, your kindness, your open heart, your beauty. But look, I’m not an idiot. I know you don’t feel the same way yet. How could you after what I did? But I’m going to make you see I’m worth it. We’re worth it, luv. One of these days you’re going to look at me and think, now there’s a bloke I could fall in love with.”

  He stepped forward and cupped my face in his hands, then pressed a light, barely there kiss on my lips before whispering, “Wait and see.”

  With that he turned and left, and I stood in my hallway, my entire body tingling. I don’t need to wait and see. I didn’t need him to change a thing.

  Because I loved him now.

  The stark truth of it hit me like a sledgehammer.

  I loved him already.

  ***

  The following morning, I tripped over something on the floor when I entered the kitchen. What was a medium-sized wheelie suitcase doing there? It was new, still had the label on and everything. Alfie sat by the window sketching on a pad of paper.

  I went to put the kettle on as I asked, “What’s the suitcase for?”

  My cousin didn’t even glance up when he answered casually, “Jamie and I are going on a cruise in a couple of months. I saw they had a sale on in the luggage shop down the street, so I thought, what the hell?”

  I swivelled back around. “Hold up. Say that again.”

  Alfie glanced from left to right, his response sounding like a question. “I bou
ght a suitcase?”

  “No, not that. The other part.”

  “Oh, you mean about going on holiday together? Yeah, it should be fun.”

  “But . . . you don’t travel. You’ve never even left the UK before, and you hate flying.”

  “Well, I’ve decided to face my fears. Jamie’s been trying to convince me to join him on one of those Aegean cruises for years. I thought it was about time to bite the bullet.”

  I tried to hold back my smile. “An Aegean cruise, you say? Sounds very romantic.”

  Alfie blushed and even in my current state of emotions, I felt a flutter of excitement for him. It was finally happening. The hope I’d been holding on to for years that my cousin would confess his love for his best friend was coming to fruition. He didn’t say anything, just continued sketching.

  I went about making tea before throwing in casually, “So, when are you going?”

  He huffed out a sigh. “Not for another few months. There’s still a lot of planning to do.”

  “For a cruise? Why don’t you just let a travel agent take care of everything?”

  “We’re not using a travel agent. We’re . . . designing the trip to cater specifically to our needs.”

  “That sounds fancy.”

  “Uh huh. Are you coming to the tournament today?” Alfie asked, a very obvious subject change.

  I shrugged. “I dunno. Those things tend to go on for hours, and I can think of a number of far more exciting ways to spend my Saturday.”

  “You won’t be saying that when you hear what the prize is.”

  “What is it?”

  “Well, there’s a specially handcrafted Go board, but there’s also a collection of signed books, one of which is a first edition copy of Jude the Obscure.”

  My mouth fell open. “Seriously? That’d be worth well over a thousand pounds.”

  “And it’s your favourite book of all time, which is why I signed you up to take part in the competition.” Alfie grinned.

  “You didn’t.”

  “I absolutely did. Besides, all you’ve been doing lately is moping and working. You need a day out of the house.”

  I shrugged, because in a way he was right. I had been moping. And when the likes of Alfie, a man who rarely ventures outdoors, says you need to get out of the house, you know you should listen. The problem? I was still reeling from Stu’s declaration yesterday, still trying to decide how to handle the situation.

  “You do realise I have no chance of winning. Half the people who compete in these things might as well have starred in their own version of A Beautiful Mind.”

  “You never know,” said Alfie. “Lady Luck could be on your side today. And if anyone deserves that book it’s you.”

  And that was how an hour later I was walking down the street to Novel Ideas with Alfie. Inside the shop, several shelves had been moved to accommodate the tables for the tournament. The place was packed with competitors and spectators, while Jamie flitted about taking care of all the last-minute arrangements.

  “Break a leg,” said Alfie, patting me on the shoulder before heading over to offer Jamie some help. I went and took a seat, watching everybody chat animatedly amongst themselves. These sorts of events were few and far between, so for enthusiasts of the game it was a real special occasion. The sense of anticipation in the air actually helped to take my mind off my own issues. Well, that was until the door opened and the source of all those issues stepped inside.

  As soon as Jamie spotted Stu he waved him over. It made sense that he’d invite him. Stu had a natural flare for Go. Plus, Jamie didn’t know what had gone on between us, unless of course Alfie decided to tell him. I never quite knew what sorts of things those two discussed behind closed doors.

  Stu stood and chatted with Jamie. I even saw him initiate tentative conversation with Alfie, and my cousin wasn’t blanking him like I expected. In fact, he was being perfectly polite and sociable. This was . . . weird. For once I was the socially awkward one between the two of us, hiding in the corner of the shop and hoping the man I secretly loved wouldn’t notice me.

  As though sensing my attention, Stu turned, his gaze falling on me. I swallowed and gave him a casual nod. He seemed to take this as an invitation to come over, and a moment later he took the chair next to mine and sat.

  “I take it you’re here to compete,” I said, clasping my hands in my lap. I had this strange urge to touch him, like a ticklish sensation beneath my skin. For some reason it felt unnatural not to. My palms practically fizzled with unspent touching energy.

  Stu ran a hand through his hair, and I tried not to fixate on how sexy he looked today. God, who was I kidding? He always looked sexy. “Yeah, Jamie twisted my arm. You?”

  “Alfie. Though at least you have a chance of winning.”

  Stu’s expression warmed as his attention moved from my eyes to my lips and back up again. “Well, I’ve never seen you play so I wouldn’t know.”

  “Oh, you’ll see. I’ll be eliminated in the first round.” My throat grew dry the longer I spent in his presence. What was I going to do? I felt like I was rejecting a puppy, especially with how he was looking at me with such undeserved want and affection.

  Could I let myself love again even though I knew the agony it might lead to? Having felt the sheer pain of losing a man I loved with all my heart, it felt foolish to put myself back in that position. I’d be vulnerable again, each day a minefield of possibilities that could steal him away at any moment.

  But then, wasn’t that how life worked? Any one of us could see our time cut short at any second. And deep in my heart the idea of never being with Stu, of never telling him how I felt, was just as terrifying.

  We stared at one another, locked in a moment. My skin felt too hot, my clothes too tight, and all of a sudden I wanted to climb onto his lap, wrap my arms around him and kiss him until we were both gasping for air. The urge must’ve shown on my face because Stu’s expression heated.

  “Andrea . . .”

  “Okay, everyone, I’d like to say a few words,” came Jamie’s voice as he stood at the head of the room, holding a microphone. I was relieved for the distraction. “First of all, I’d like thank you all for coming today. This event is the result of months of planning and I’m honoured to have you take part.”

  Even as Jamie spoke, Stu continued to study me, and I came down with a case of restless leg syndrome. I also couldn’t stop fidgeting. Stu placed a hand on my knee, his voice hushed as he leaned in to whisper, “You nervous?”

  “Yes,” I answered, though I wasn’t nervous for the game. I was nervous because I knew I couldn’t be without him. And I knew I had to tell him how I felt. The fact that he thought I didn’t love him made every organ in my body hurt. The man was incredible. Loyal, thoughtful, intelligent, and drop-dead gorgeous, and I wondered how many people in his life had told him they loved him. I had no doubt he knew his family loved him, because they were amazing. But had anyone else ever told him? I wanted to be that someone.

  “You’ll be fine. It’s just a bit of fun, right?”

  I nodded and inhaled sharply when his thumb brushed back and forth, sending tingles all the way between my thighs. It felt like forever since we’d been together physically, and now I was a fizzling bag of hormones and need.

  “Yeah,” I managed, “just a bit of fun.”

  “And now that we’ve taken care of the housekeeping, you can all take your places,” Jamie finished, but I’d barely heard a word, too distracted by Stu.

  I stood and instantly mourned the loss of his touch. Stu rose with me, his gaze searing into mine as he moved my hair over my shoulders then bent and pressed a kiss on my lips. It wasn’t a peck like the one he’d given me yesterday. No, there was far more pressure this time. I made a weird sound of surprise, and he smirked as he stood back up to his full height. He fingered the hem of my blouse, his eyes on the V-shaped neckline. “This is a nice top. Good luck,” he said and then moved by me to take his place.


  Breathe, Andie, breathe.

  When I finally managed to calm down, I sat across from my first opponent, a curly haired woman in a yellow shirt. As luck would have it, I wasn’t eliminated from the game right away. In fact, I made it all the way through to lunch. Jamie stood on a chair, writing the scores on a whiteboard. I wasn’t surprised to see Stu was almost in the lead. There were just two other players ahead of him. When I checked to see who I’d be playing next my heart stuttered.

  “Looks like we’re being pitted against one another,” said Stu, approaching me from behind. Even though he wasn’t even touching me I could feel his heat.

  “Yeah, looks like it,” I breathed. I was so going to lose.

  “You coming to lunch?” he asked hopefully.

  Most everyone had retreated to the café next door for refreshments. Jamie had made a deal with the manager so we could eat there, since the bookshop didn’t have any catering facilities. It was Alfie’s favourite, the place where all the good-looking Swedes worked. The ones whose presence he claimed to find soothing. Though I wondered if he just enjoyed staring at tall, handsome, blond men while he got his regular caffeine fix.

  “Yep. I’m coming,” I said and Stu’s expression heated. Was this what we’d come to? So starved of one another that even the most ambiguous innuendo turned us on. I certainly felt aroused by the way he was looking at me. Unable to take much more, I turned and headed outside.

  I grabbed a sandwich and a cup of coffee before joining Jamie and Alfie at a table by the window. A minute later the chair beside mine moved and Stu sat down. I was blushing already and he hadn’t even said anything.

  “Andie, are you okay?” Alfie enquired. “You’re looking a little flushed. Are you sure you aren’t coming down with something? You were feeling under the weather yesterday evening.”

  “I’m fine. It’s just warm in here.”

  Stu’s hand came to rest on my shoulder, his gaze concerned. “Want some ice water?”

  I bit my lip. “Um, yeah, sure.”

  As soon as he left the table both my cousin and Jamie eyed me with interest. I frowned at them. “What?”