Military Daddy

by Patricia Davids

  “You don’t know how strong Annie is,” Shane said.

  “I’m afraid I can’t recommend fetal surgery as a course of treatment. I see from your records that this wasn’t a planned pregnancy and that you two aren’t married. An unwanted pregnancy places a terrible strain on a couple at the best of times. I see men and women trying to cope and failing all the time. They suffer and their children suffer. Doing nothing and letting nature take its course may be the best thing for both of you.”

  Annie’s voice quivered as she asked, “Did I cause this? We were drinking the night I conceived. Is that the reason this happened?”

  Shaking his head, Dr. Merrick said, “We don’t know why these things happen. I’m sorry, Annie. This may sound cruel, but given your history of alcoholism, this may be a blessing in disguise. In time, you can continue to make a better life for yourself without the added burden of an unplanned pregnancy.”

  On a practical level what the physician said made sense, but Shane’s heart wouldn’t allow him to stand by and lose the very reason his life had taken on a new meaning. Annie and the baby were everything to him. God had given him a gift unlike anything he had ever expected or deserved. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—give up without a fight.

  “We want you to find a specialist in Houston to see us,” he insisted.

  “Don’t you think Annie is the one who should make that decision?”

  Annie smoothed her hands over her stomach. “How will it happen? I mean, what can I expect? How will I know when the baby is…”

  Dr. Merrick sat back in his chair. “Sometime soon, the baby will stop moving. Once that happens, labor should begin in a few days. If it doesn’t, we can induce labor with drugs and deliver the fetus that way.”

  Annie sprang to her feet. “I can’t…I’m sorry.” With one hand pressed to her lips, she hurried out of the room.

  Rising, Shane started to follow her, but Dr. Merrick stopped him by saying, “Give her a little time alone. I know this has been a shock to both of you.”

  Shock didn’t begin to cover the emotions he was going through. It had to be so much worse for Annie. If he hadn’t been so self-centered and thoughtless the night he met her, none of this would be happening. There had to be a way to save his child. “I want you to find a doctor in Houston that we can see.”

  “Very well, I’ll see about a referral, but I think you’re only looking at more heartache if you get your hopes up.”

  “Maybe, but I need to know I’ve done everything I can.”

  “Leave your phone number with my receptionist and I’ll give you a call as soon as I hear something.”

  “Thank you.”

  After leaving the small office, Shane gave his number to the woman at the desk and went looking for Annie. He found her leaning against the hood of his car, looking lost and forlorn as she wiped away her tears with the back of her hand.

  He enveloped her in a hug, holding her close and trying to offer some comfort. She stiffened in his embrace and turned her face away. “Take me home, please.”

  Shane pulled back but kept his hands on her shoulders. Lowering his face to try and meet her eyes, he said, “Dr. Merrick is going to find a surgeon in Houston for us.”

  She wouldn’t look at him. “Just take me home.”

  “Annie, please. Don’t give up.”

  “God is punishing us. We sinned and He is taking my baby away because of it.”

  “You don’t believe that.”

  She looked at him then. Her eyes were dull and devoid of hope. “Yes, I do. I’ve led a terrible life. I should never have expected to get off scot-free. I’m sorry now that I told you about the baby. I should have kept my mouth shut. If I had, you wouldn’t be suffering, too. I can’t get it right. No matter how hard I try, I can’t make good decisions.”

  “Don’t blame yourself for this.”

  “Take me home.” Her words were barely audible.

  “I’m angry at God, too. You don’t deserve this. Our baby doesn’t deserve this, but I don’t believe God would punish an innocent child for our indiscretions.”

  “Why couldn’t God take me instead?” Her voice was little more than a whisper. “Why? Why let me love this baby and then steal it back? Our baby is going to die, Shane. Nothing else matters. Nothing.”

  He could feel Annie retreating further and further away from him, and he didn’t know how to counter it. Sick with grief and rising fear, he shook her shoulders. “Listen to me, Annie. We’re not going to give up without a fight.”

  “I can’t fight. Not anymore. Not this, too. Let go of me. I’ll walk home.”

  She tried to pull away from him, but he held on. “No, I’ll drive you.”

  Perhaps talking to Marge would help Annie regain her perspective. He opened the car door. Annie hesitated but then got in. Moving around to the driver’s side, Shane got in, as well. Starting the Mustang, he managed to make the drive to Annie’s home, although when he pulled up at the curb he wasn’t certain exactly how he had gotten there.

  After pulling his key from the ignition, he paused with his hands on the wheel. Annie started to get out, but he stopped her by taking hold of her arm. “I know you’re hurting, Annie. I’m hurting, too, so don’t shut me out. I love you. We’ll get through this together.”

  Annie recognized the numbness enclosing her. In some tiny corner of her mind she knew that when it wore off, the pain would be unbearable. There was only one way to keep the pain at bay. She had lived in an emotionless fog for years. Drinking would keep her numb.

  Who would blame her? God had betrayed her. What could He do that was worse than what He had already done?

  He could take Shane away, too.

  All her hopes and daydreams of a life with Shane turned to ashes on her tongue. The baby would die soon. Just thinking the words shredded her soul.

  Shane would leave for Germany in a few weeks. Without the baby to hold him, there would be no reason for him to come back. She’d be alone again with no one to care if she lived or died. No one to love and be loved by.

  It’s not fair!

  She wanted to scream it to the heavens. It was bad enough that God was making her wait and watch as her child perished. She couldn’t stand the thought of waiting and watching Shane’s love wither, too. A clean break would be less painful for both of them.

  “We aren’t together, Shane. You wanted to be included in your baby’s life. Now there isn’t going to be a baby, so you can stop pretending I matter.”

  He reached out and turned her face toward his. “Of course you matter to me. I haven’t been pretending. I love you, Annie.”

  “Then I guess I’ve been the one pretending.” Her voice broke, but she didn’t care as she pulled out of his grasp.

  “Don’t do this,” he begged. “Don’t push me away.”

  “I’ll let you know…when…when it’s over. Until then, please leave me alone.” Pushing open the door, she got out and hurried into the house as a new round of tears began to fall.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Shane paced the small space in front of Pastor Hill’s untidy desk. “Annie won’t see me. I’ve been back to the house twice today. Marge says she has locked herself in her room and she won’t come out. I’m really worried about her.”

  “Hearing such terrible news must have been very difficult for both of you.”

  “She blames God.”

  “That’s not the least bit surprising. God’s shoulders are broad. He understands grief. He watched His own son die a cruel death on the cross.”

  “I know. I’m trying to accept this. I’m trying to understand that it’s His will, but part of me can’t. I want to do something. Anything.”

  “That would be the human part of you, Shane. Do what you can and trust that God’s love is there to comfort you no matter what the outcome.”

  “It’s hard.”

  “For a man so new to this faith, I’d say you’re doing remarkably well.”

  “Annie showed
me the way. I don’t think I would have gone looking for God if it hadn’t been for her.”

  The sudden ringing of his cell phone startled Shane. He yanked it from his pocket, only to lose his grip on it. He juggled it in midair a few times before he regained his hold and snapped it open. “Ross here.”

  “Corporal Ross, this is Dr. Merrick.”

  “Yes, Doctor.”

  “I’ve managed to contact a surgeon in Houston who is willing to see Annie and evaluate her for surgery.”

  “That’s great.”

  “You’ll need to get her there as soon a possible. I would strongly advise against driving that distance. An air ambulance would be the safest and fastest way to get her there. I have the number of a service in Kansas City if you are interested. I’m afraid the cost will be about five thousand dollars up front, as Annie has no insurance. Will that be a problem?”

  Shane’s heart sank. Coming up with five thousand dollars quickly wouldn’t be easy. He was certain Annie didn’t have that kind of cash lying around, and neither did he. Even if he could manage the financial part, would Annie accept his help?

  “Thanks for all you’ve done, Dr. Merrick.”

  “You’re welcome. I wish you the best.”

  After writing down the air-transport service’s number and the contact information of the doctor waiting for them in Houston, Shane snapped his phone shut and dialed Marge’s number.

  Olivia picked up on the second ring. “Hello.”

  “Olivia, this is Shane. Can I speak to Annie?”

  “I’m not sure she’ll talk to you, but I’ll try.”

  “Good girl.” He waited impatiently as Olivia laid down the phone. After several long minutes she came back on the line.

  “She won’t talk to me, but she let Crystal in the room.”

  “That’s good. At least she’s talking to someone. Is your mother home?”

  “She had to go back to work for a little bit, to get someone to cover for her. She said she’d be back as soon as she could.”

  “All right, give Annie this message even if you have to yell it though the door. Tell her that I’m taking her to Houston tonight.”

  “How are you going to do that?”

  “I’m not sure, but I’ll pick up a crowbar on the way in case I have to break into her room.”

  “Mom isn’t going to like that.”

  He had to chuckle. Please, God, give me the chance to raise a daughter as adorable as Marge’s.

  “I’m kidding, Olivia. I’ll be there as soon as I take care of a couple of things.”

  He hung up the phone and turned to Pastor Hill. “Keep us in your prayers, Pastor.”

  “That goes without saying. Annie is a dear friend. She has suffered so much in her young life. Don’t blame her for retreating from you. Experience has taught her to expect the worst from life. But did I hear you say you were going with her? Can you get emergency leave from the Army by tonight?”

  “I’ll do what I have to do. My daughter is going to get her chance at life even if I get court-martialed for doing it.”

  Annie lay curled on her side in her bed. Her pillow was damp from the tears she had shed. Tears that brought no relief from the pain in her heart. Through puffy eyes, Annie gazed out the window. The glass framed the top of the maple in the backyard and the dark clouds moving in from the west. The occasional flash of lightning in the distance warned of the storm’s approach. Annie shivered and rolled over.

  Crystal sat on the twin bed next to her. For the past half hour she had listened to Annie’s story without saying much.

  “I wanted this baby, Crystal. Maybe not at first, but later I did. I wanted someone to need me and love me.”

  Crystal stroked Annie’s hair away from her face. “I’m really sorry, Annie. Life ain’t fair.”

  “Why is God doing this to me?”

  “If you ask me, God doesn’t much care about the likes of us.”

  “I thought He did. I thought He loved me. Pastor Hill and Marge both talk about God’s unconditional love, and I believed them. I don’t know what to think now. I want this whole thing to be some terrible mistake.”

  “I wish I could help.”

  “No one can help. I haven’t felt her move since I left the doctor’s office today. That was hours ago. What if she’s already…dead? How do I know? I can’t bear to think about waiting for it to happen.”

  “I’m sorry, but the doctor may have been right about one thing—you don’t need a kid messing up your life. I tried to tell you that, but you wouldn’t listen.”

  “I want to forget everything. I want to forget that I loved my baby and that I loved Shane. I don’t want to go through this. Please, someone help me.”

  “If you really want to forget things, I can help with that.” Crystal rose from the bed and dropped to her hands and knees. From beneath her mattress she pulled out a bottle of vodka. Standing once more, she held it out to Annie. “You need this more than I do.”

  “You started drinking again? Oh, Crystal, I knew Willie was bad news for you.”

  “I have things I want to forget, too, Annie. A lot of things. Willie understands that. He doesn’t think it’s wrong. He doesn’t judge me the way others do. He loves me. Be sides, don’t tell me you don’t want a drink right this minute. I know the signs. What’s it going to hurt? Not your baby anymore.”

  Crystal tossed the bottle onto the bed beside Annie. As fascinating and as deadly as any viper, Annie couldn’t take her eyes off it. It would be so easy to take one sip and then another and another. Soon she would forget everything as it numbed the terrible pain gnawing in her chest. It would be so easy.

  Except it would harm the baby. If she were still alive. Was she suffering? Would alcohol numb her little one’s pain the way it numbed hers?

  Don’t think like that. But once the idea had planted it self in her brain, it wouldn’t leave.

  “I don’t want it,” Annie said, pushing the bottle away. Oh, but she did. Anything to take away the pain in her heart and blot out this terrible day.

  “Sure you do. I know I need one for the road.” Crystal turned, moved to the closet and pulled out a worn black suitcase. She swung it up onto her twin bed and unzipped it.

  Annie tore her gaze away from the bottle. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m moving in with Willie.” After scooping an armful of clothes from the dresser in the corner, Crystal dumped them in the bag, then turned back to the closet.

  “Crystal, don’t. Think about what you’re doing.”

  Tossing dresses, hangers and all, onto her bed, she held up one final piece, a red tank top with a blue beaded flower on the front. “Is this one yours or mine? I forget.”

  “It’s yours.”

  “Good.” Tossing it toward the suitcase, Crystal then picked up three pairs of shoes from the closet floor. After stuffing them into the back corner of the bag, she closed the lid and leaned on it to zip it shut.

  “Crystal, don’t go. How can I go through this without you?”

  Hefting the case, Crystal walked to the door. Annie rose and grabbed her arm. “Don’t make me lose my best friend and my baby on the same day.”

  “I’m no good in a crisis, Annie. I never was. I’m really sorry about the baby, but there’s nothing I can do to help. I’ll be in touch. Keep the bottle. Willie will buy me another one.”

  Crystal unlocked the door, pulled it open and stepped out into the hall. Annie followed her. At the top of the stairs Crystal turned back and said, “Shane is downstairs. Do you want to see him?”

  Clutching her head with her hands, Annie tried to think. She couldn’t face Shane. She couldn’t face anyone. “No. Tell him to go away.”

  Annie stepped back into her room and slammed the door shut. Turning the button on the knob, she made sure it was locked, then she leaned her head against the wood panel and hoped that Shane would go away.

  Shane stepped aside as Crystal came down the stairs. She said, “Annie doesn
’t want to see you. This is your fault, you know.”

  “Where are you going?” Olivia asked from the sofa.

  Crystal touched her eyebrows with her index finger. “I’ve had it up to here with God and AA. I’m leaving. Tell your mom thanks for everything.”

  Olivia shot to her feet. “But you can’t go. Annie needs us. Tell her, Shane.”

  Crystal looked down and wouldn’t meet his eyes.

  He said, “If she wants to leave, we can’t stop her. Someday she’ll realize what a mistake she is making.”

  Turning his back on her, he walked up the stairs. Annie was the important one. At the top, he heard the front door closing, but he didn’t pause. He approached Annie’s door and took a deep breath. Raising his fist, he knocked softly. “Annie, it’s Shane. Please let me in.”

  Silence was the only reply.

  He tried a more forceful tone. “Annie, open this door.”

  “Go away! Go away! Why won’t you leave me alone?”

  “Because I love you. Please let me in.” He tried the knob, but it was locked. The door and the jamb looked like solid oak. He wasn’t sure he could break it down. Even if he tried, Annie might be standing on the other side. He couldn’t risk hurting her by barreling through the door.

  “Okay, Annie, you win for now.” Again only silence answered him. He turned and hurried down the stairs. At the bottom, he turned into the kitchen. Olivia was close behind him.

  “Where are you going? Is Annie okay?”

  Recognizing the worry in Olivia’s voice, he stopped and took her by the shoulders. “Annie will be fine.”

  “There’s a storm coming. She’s afraid of storms.”

  “I’m going to take care of her.”

  “Is it true the baby is dead?”

  “We don’t know that for sure. I’m taking Annie to see a doctor who can help save the baby.” He pulled a card from his pocket. “I need you to give this to your mother when she gets back if we are gone by then. You’re being really brave, Olivia.”

  “You are so wrong. I’m scared out of my mind!”

  He pulled her close in a quick hug. “I’m sorry, kid.”