Benched

by Charles, Colleen

  The picture flashed into view, displaying the breaking news at the bottom of the screen. A blue band which read: ADAM SPENCER CLEAN – BACK AT THE CARIBOU FOR THE COMING SEASON.

  That’s one awesome and true headline, I thought, muting the TV.

  Yeah, it was a fucking glorious headline, but it didn’t explain jack shit about how this had happened in the first place. There must’ve been a mix up at the hospital or the lab, or wherever they did their tests.

  I shook my head, because that seemed unlikely. Those doctors and nurses, the lab technicians were used to doing these tests. Even on professional athletes. They understood the implications of being sued for libel or slander. They wouldn’t make a fuck up like this one such a public case.

  Unless it was on purpose. What if Heather had…?

  “Nah,” I said, waving the remote. Heather was powerful in Duluth. No, it was more like her dad was, but she wasn’t that powerful by herself. People had values and standards. They had ethics. They couldn’t be bought. Not on something that could so easily be cleared up with multiple tests.

  “I fucking hope they’ve got ethics,” I said.

  “Hope what?”

  I froze, turning my head and looking at the man standing in the doorway with one forearm braced against the jamb, the other gripping a half-eaten protein bar.

  “What are you doing in my house again?” I asked, the rage pressure cooker starting up immediately. I wasn’t ready to forgive him yet, and I might not ever get there. “I told you not to come back here. Are you deaf and dumb?”

  “And I told you that this is my house too,” Mark replied, taking a bite out of his snack. He chewed noisily, making a show of being nonchalant, then swallowed. “I came to talk to you, bro, not to fight.”

  He padded into the room, both hands in the air in a defensive pose.

  “Then you chose the wrong damn place to come to,” I replied, dropping the remote. I pressed my palms onto my thighs, then forced myself upright, as quickly as I could. “I think I’ve made it pretty clear I don’t want to talk to you. We have nothing more to say. You said everything you needed to when you pulled your dick out of your pants.”

  Mark flinched and shuffled back, then stopped, his cheeks flushed. Was he angry or intimidated? What the hell had possessed him to come to the family home again? Must be on a death wish.

  We’d beat on each other a couple times in the past, wrestling that’d gone too serious, but not in the way I’d cracked Carter. Not in the way I’d fought other men who were bigger and stronger than my little brother. Not since that day I’d found Mark with Heather and cold-cocked him. But I wasn’t above beating the living shit out of him today if he didn’t get out of my sight.

  He frowned, wriggling his nose. My brother actually looked bigger than usual. “You been working out? Trying to impress your girlfriend?”

  “That’s what I’m here to talk to you about.” Mark folded the wrapper over his protein bar and stuck it in the front pocket of his jeans. “I came to say sorry.”

  “Save it,” I said, scrubbing a hand down my beard growth. “I don’t give a fuck about you. And she’s dead to me. Like I want you to be. But for some reason, you keep coming back to life like some unwelcome apparition.”

  “I’m not talking about Heather,” Mark replied.

  I wrinkled my brow even more. An itch niggled at the back of my brain. There was a detail that I’d missed. Something was off here.

  “I swapped out your tubes for mine at the hospital. The results from the first test were mine,” Mark said in a low rush of air. Like he wanted to get it all out at once.

  Motherfucker.

  This former sibling was the reason Julia had almost left me? That Julia was struggling to stay afloat? I had to fist my hands and clench them until the blood drained to keep from striking Mark in the face. Knocking him down and then kicking him in the ribs until they split in half to reveal his black worthless heart.

  I rose, strode to Mark and towered over him. I waited seconds until Mark’s flushed face and rapid breathing betrayed his fear. Only then did I slowly raise my hand to grip Mark by the throat and walk him backwards until he hit the wall, applying pressure the entire way.

  Mark didn’t even fight. His face turned bright red, and his eyes widened. The only thing keeping me from killing him was my pleasure in hearing Mark’s strangled breaths.

  “Heather put you up to it just so she could get on that damn TV show.”

  “No,” Mark said, straining to speak. “I did it because I wanted to.”

  My eyes widened. Apparently my brother hadn’t gotten the same honor lecture our dad had given me. In this tortured moment, I didn’t even recognize the man before him. How could my own brother hate me that much?

  “What in the hell are you saying?”

  Finally, Mark reached up and grasped my forearm, pulling down just enough for a little relief.

  “Heather still wants you, you know,” Mark choked out, my voice thick with emotion. “She thinks you’re everything, TV show or not. I’m not enough for her. I’m not enough for the woman I love.”

  “So you tried to break me?” I gave a wry chuckle. “You dumb shit, didn’t you realize I’d get another test?” I rammed my forearm against my brother’s throat. “Seems as if you didn’t think this little plot all the way through. You know that old wives’ tale about blood being thicker than water?”

  “What?” Mark whimpered the question.

  “It’s a bunch of fucking bullshit.”

  Mark choked and spluttered. “I didn’t care. I still don’t. I just wanted you to pay.”

  “For what?”

  “For having her attention. Her body. All of her. I’ve only gotten a tiny sliver, and I want the entire slice. I’ve loved her since high school, Adam. Couldn’t you see it? Didn’t you care?”

  “Jesus Christ, Mark, don’t be so pathetic,” I shouted, and my anger sapped away. It was replaced by pity for my dumb brother. How could he be this stupid? He really couldn’t see that Heather was toxic. “She’s a user, mowing everyone down in a misplaced quest for fame. She doesn’t give a shit about you or me or anyone else.”

  “I love her. I’ve always loved her. You’ve always taken every single thing that I’ve loved.”

  “Dumbass,” I said, then let go of Mark and walked back to the living room, suddenly sick of Heather, of Mark, of this whole twisted saga. I didn’t need to beat on Mark. The kid could do that to himself each time he slipped his dick inside Heather, trying to fill the hole inside him. The one that Heather wasn’t even capable of filling.

  I paused and looked back, really seeing my brother for the first time. “You realize she’s fucking Carter, right?”

  Mark stared and nodded slowly. “That’s the only reason I’m here.”

  “The only reason. Right. Get the hell out of my house.” I pointed in the direction of the front door. “Do you think I want to talk about this shit? Call Jerry Springer. I’m sure it would make for excellent daytime TV. And don’t come back.”

  Mark hesitated. He opened his mouth to say something else. But there was nothing else to say.

  He turned and walked out of sight, the front door slamming behind him.

  I flinched at the sound, and then went numb. A chapter in my book had ended. Now, I really was alone in every sense of the word.

  Chapter 32

  Julia

  “Thanks, Sue, I needed this,” I said, sitting at the square dark wood table in Beaner’s Central Coffeehouse. I tapped my pumps on the green carpet beneath my table and glanced at the baristas and servers behind the counter nearby, between the white columns. What I really needed was a double espresso. With an IV drip.

  “I know you did. Honestly, I think we both did, babe. This has been a really weird time. Really weird.”

  “I couldn’t agree more.” I checked to make sure my long auburn hair was still tied tight, then leaned my forearms on the table, on either side of my espresso, with whipped c
ream, of course. And mocha syrup. I scooped a bit of the white goodness off with my fingertip and deposited it in my mouth. Nirvana.

  The cream spread on my tongue, and I swallowed, relishing the texture and taste. Simple pleasures. Like seeing Adam in my entrance hall, the feeling when he touched me, his rough fingers on my skin.

  “So?” Sue prompted and jolted me out of my fantasy before it became X-rated.

  “So?”

  “Oh, come on, I know you’ve seen him. I can tell by the way you’re staring off into space every couple minutes.” Sue’s lips twitched, and she hid them behind her mug. I peered at her over the peak of cream, and she blew me a kiss. “You’re having porno thoughts.”

  “I did see him. He explained what happened at the jail, but I don’t know if I’m ready yet,” I replied. “He didn’t really explain why he just fled the scene and never made contact.”

  “You –”

  My phone buzzed on the table beside me, and I frowned. I picked it up, then swiped the screen. “It’s a message,” I said, then paused. My jaw dropped, but no words flowed from my open mouth.

  “What is it? You’re kinda freaking me out here.”

  “I’ve got at least twenty messages from people.”

  “People?” Sue Ann questioned, her face scrunched up in confusion.

  “Clients! Potential clients,” I said, then let out a giggle. Could it be real?

  Two old ladies sitting at the table next to us looked at me and pursed their withered lips.

  I bobbed my head in their direction before turning back to Sue Ann. “People interested in my decorating skills. Seriously. I can’t believe this.”

  “I knew it,” Sue replied, putting down her mug. She clicked her fingers. “The article came out today. The ad too. Now, that’s smart marketing. I can’t believe you thought of it. I bow down. I think I’m going to try it for the boutique.”

  “I wish I’d thought of this sooner. It would’ve saved me a lot of trouble,” I murmured, calming myself. I placed the phone to the side again. I’d answer the emails and messages later, when I had my business hat on, and access to my laptop.

  Right now, I was in girlfriend mode. I needed Sue’s support and guidance. The decisions I’d be making would alter the course of my entire life.

  “I don’t know about that. I feel like it would’ve been too soon if you’d done something like this right after the whole billboard incident,” Sue replied, making air quotes when she said “billboard.”

  “I guess.” I stared at the servers again. One of the women caught my eye and started coming over, but I waved her away.

  “You’ve got to stop staring around. You’re going to make people stare back.”

  “I can’t help it. I’m distracted.” There was a lot going on. Business was about to… I stopped the thought and knocked on the weathered table. Plus, Adam was so… confusing. Handsome and confusing.

  And I loved him.

  “You should give him the benefit of the doubt,” Sue said, then slurped down some whipped cream. “I wonder if they do croissants in this place. I’m dying for some fat with my carbs today.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, ignoring the change of subject.

  “I mean, you should give Adam the benefit of the doubt. I don’t think he’d be stupid enough to fall for Heather again. I mean, from what you’ve told me, he seems to despise her. And that’s easy to believe because she’s certainly despicable.”

  “There’s a fine line between love and hate,” I said sagely. “Don’t they say the opposite is indifference? That’s not the way Adam’s behaving.”

  “Oh, whatever. You’re just afraid of getting too close. Emotionally this time, since you’ve gotten close in other ways. After everything Adam’s had to tolerate of late, I’m actually proud of how well he’s handled it all. He’s a stand-up guy, Jules. One you can trust and hang on to.”

  “Inside voice!” I hissed and slapped Sue Ann on the forearm. I didn’t mean it, but I also didn’t need my private life travelling around Duluth any more than it had already. Pricked up ears were all over this coffee house.

  “Let’s get real for a second, Julia.” Sue gestured for me to lean in.

  I obliged, shifting my massive cappuccino mug out of my path.

  “What’s really stopping you from being with Adam? He’s gorgeous. You’ve gotten over the whole ‘ermergerd, he’s my brother’s best friend’ thing. So what is it? What aren’t you telling me? Me! Your best friend in the whole wide world?”

  “Did you just say ‘ermergerd?’ Have you been reading the Urban Dictionary again when you can’t sleep?”

  “Don’t change the subject,” Sue replied, snapping her fingers underneath my nose.

  I thought about it for a second, chewing my bottom lip. “I don’t know. I guess it’s because of, well, it’s Heather.”

  “What about her?”

  “I’m usually a pretty confident gal. I know I’m not unattractive, but Heather is just so … blonde perfection. The kind of woman who suits a sports star. I’m just a regular person. Deep down, I wonder if I can hack it. If I’m enough.”

  Sue Ann sighed. “There are not enough eye rolls in the universe to compensate for the stupidity of that sentence. You are so far above Heather McNeal shooting stars fall below you.”

  “Thanks,” I said, taking Sue’s hand in my own. “Always what one wants to hear after confessing the heart’s deepest insecurities.”

  “It’s not your insecurities. It’s a brain fart.” Sue Ann laughed. “Julia, come on. Heather is a sleazebag, and you are a total catch. I know that these past couple weeks have been pretty darn horrible, but you can’t let them get to you to this extent. I’d give anything to look like you. You’re sex on a stick. And Adam wants to lick you.”

  I pressed my lips together, wanting to indulge in belief at Sue’s words. Wanting to trust. To be vulnerable.

  “You’re comparing yourself to a woman who slept with her fiancé’s brother, for goodness sakes. And who’s tried to sabotage your relationship with Adam? I mean, it doesn’t get much lower than that. She violated the girl code. Uncool.”

  “True.”

  “There isn’t a comparison here. She’s low, and you’re… well, you sparkle, girl. You’re fantastic. You’re humble, and you work hard and –”

  “All right, all right,” I interjected, flapping my hands around my cheeks. “Enough with the compliment fest. You’re making me blush here.”

  “Good,” Sue Ann replied. “I probably don’t tell you enough. You really want my advice? You should go see Adam, like tout suite because he’s going to need you around. I can’t imagine this has been easy on him either.”

  I studied my bestie for a long time, then nodded at last. “You’re right. I will.”

  Chapter 33

  Julia

  I sat on Adam’s sofa and stared at the headlines on the TV. He had it muted, but they still scrolled across the top and bottom of the screen, relentless in their announcements. About him. Adam Spencer would be rejoining the Caribou for the coming season.

  He was clean. He was the best chance the Caribou had to make the Stanley Cup Finals.

  Funny how the media could switch its point of view so damn easily. A few days ago, they’d been all about what a bad example Adam Spencer was for the kids. For potential hockey players. For God and everybody. Including me.

  “Sorry, I didn’t have any wine. Are beers okay?” Adam asked from the wide doorway that led into his living room.

  He wore a loose cotton burgundy shirt, three-quarter sleeves that drew tight around his biceps. Two bottles of beer hung from between the first two fingers on either hand. His charming smile melted my heart into a squishy puddle. It had been so long since we’d touched. Held each other so that the pain of the past weeks would melt away.

  “Sure, yeah, that’s great,” I replied, then turned my attention back to the news. Anything to avoid staring at him. He was glorious, and I could barely cling
to my sanity with him around. My body tingled everywhere, and moisture pooled between my legs. I shifted deeper into the comfortable sofa in a futile attempt to ease the ache. But nothing outside of Adam inside me was going to get that done.

  “Can you believe it?” Adam asked, pointing with one of the beers, seemingly immune to our close proximity. Touch me, please. Break the spell of nothingness. But he didn’t, and my heart fell to my feet. “A week ago, I was the worst thing since bagged dog shit lit on fire at the front door. And now…” Adam unscrewed the caps on the beers, then sat down beside me on the sofa. He offered me a brew.

  “I was just thinking that same thing.” I swallowed and accepted the beer. I placed it on the coffee table, then turned toward him. “Adam, I’m really sorry for everything. For judging you too quickly and getting angry. That’s not normally like me.”

  “I know it’s not like you, Julia,” he murmured. Still not moving. Not touching. “Because I know you. There’s no need for an apology. I understand. We both went a little crazy. There’s been a lot of pressure on us. This is a ‘forgive and forget’ situation. It’s never going to happen again.”

  “Us,” I repeated, searching his gaze. Reaching with my eyes. My heart.

  “Yes,” he said, “us.” Electricity buzzed between us. Finally, his arm rubbed against mine, fabric on fabric, but I could still feel the heat from beneath it. And I wanted more. So much more.

  “Adam, I –” I didn’t know what to say. What was there to say? I’d fallen for him; I wanted to be with him. I wanted to fight Heather for him? That seemed way pathetic and so beneath me. He wasn’t a prize. He was a man.

  My man.

  “You’re confused,” Adam said, his eyes flicking from my lips to my eyes, my forehead, and my nose. “You don’t want this anymore.”

  “What?! No, that’s not it. I mean, I do. I mean, what is this, exactly?”

  Adam put his beer on the table, then took my hands in his and stared into my eyes. “I’ve fallen for you. I’m in too deep to turn back now.”

  His words sang like the sweetest symphony.