Seek

by Mia Sheridan

  Outside the sun was setting, washing the patio space in shades of gold, the painted tiles gleaming in the last light of day. Dishes of food were being placed on a long table in the shade of an overhang. There was grilled meat, roasted vegetables, arepas, empanadas, plantains, and a pot of red beans. "Help yourself," a man said, smiling as he placed a large steaming bowl of coconut rice on the table. "It is for everyone." I nodded, dishing up two plates.

  When I entered the room again, the sound of the shower greeted me, steam coming from the crack in the door. I hesitated, setting Livvy's plate on the bedside table. I took a few bites of mine, but even though I was hungry, the food went down like sawdust. I forced myself to finish most of it.

  I listened to the water drum on the tile floor as Livvy cleansed her body. My dick swelled, and I suddenly felt hot, trapped. I needed to leave before Livvy emerged from the shower, wet, her skin shiny and pink from the heat of the water. Ah, God. Fuck. I grabbed the pad of paper next to Livvy's plate of food and wrote a quick note telling her I'd be back later, not to wait up. Please don't. As I leaned back up, I glimpsed Livvy's reflection in the mirror through the crack in the bathroom door. Her head was tipped back under the spray of the water, her arms raised to her face and her naked breasts on display. They were full and round, peaked by tight rose-colored nipples. My breath hitched, and I almost moaned, growing harder. If I walked in there right now, what would she do? If I stepped into the shower and—fuck. I dropped the pen and stood straight, forcing my eyes away from that small view of Livvy.

  Turning, I headed for the door, not giving myself a chance to change my mind.

  **********

  The bar was dark and smoky, rowdy and loud. It's what I was looking for. Music played, a sensual beat that helped drown out my tumultuous thoughts. I took a seat at the bar and ordered a beer, bringing the bottle to my lips as I took a casual look around. I drank the beer and ordered another. After an hour or so, a woman at the end of the bar caught my eye, looking away and then back. I gave her a wry tilt of my lips and her eyes flared as she stood, moved closer. She was young and pretty with brown hair, golden skin, and dark eyes, a little curvier than I normally went for. But she was looking at me with the interest of a woman, and I needed the distraction. I needed to ease the awful sexual tension inside me, and this woman would help accomplish that. I let my eyes move down her voluptuous body, letting her know I was interested too. "You strike me as a man looking for trouble," she said as she approached me, a teasing glint in her eye.

  "Yeah?" I murmured. "Maybe I am."

  She tilted her head, smiling flirtatiously. "Dance with me?" She took my hand, and I followed her to the small, crowded dance floor where she began moving to the beat, pressing her pelvis to mine rhythmically.

  That felt good. She was soft, and she smelled nice. I could do this. I brought my arms around her, pulling her closer. We danced to one song, two, her eyes growing smoky, her hands more brazen, moving over my arms, my ass. "Mmm, you are hard everywhere, aren't you, mister?"

  Yeah, I was. And I wasn't thinking about Livvy. Livvy with her sweet—no. "Is there somewhere we can go?" I asked the girl, leaning in to her ear, my voice more harsh than I'd intended. Desperate. Desperate to stop my spiraling thoughts, the yearning for a woman I couldn't have. I only needed a room, a closet, hell, a fucking alcove somewhere I could lift this woman's skirt and fuck her against the wall, quick and dirty. Mindless. She was pretty and available. There were no strings here. She had long, shiny hair and supple skin. She had delectable breasts that spilled out the top of her shirt, and nicely rounded hips.

  The woman stepped back, smiling as she took my hand, leading me up a back staircase. I watched her ass sway as she walked, the way she glanced over her shoulder at me, licking her lips.

  We spilled into a room, her laughing as she pushed me into a chair and closed the door. She went onto her knees in front of me, fumbling with my belt buckle, running her hand over my crotch. "You are so nice and big," she purred. "I knew you would be." She continued to fumble with my buckle as she shot me a heated look. "Is this for me?"

  I watched her as she waited for my answer, my blood cooling. Yes, I wanted to say. I should want her. I should want what she was doing.

  But I didn't want her because this woman didn't have eyes that widened in delight when a dragonfly landed on her hand. This woman didn't have a tiny cowlick at the front of her head that stuck up straight in the morning, and a laugh that made my heart flip in my chest. This woman wasn’t sunshine and light. This woman didn't have scars on her arms that she wore as a badge of honor, of hope.

  This woman wasn't Livvy.

  Ah, fuck. I was fucked.

  I stood, just as the woman got my belt buckle unfastened. "Mierda," I rasped. "I can't do this."

  The woman looked up at me, eyes wide, confusion clear in her expression. "What do you—?"

  I shook my head, moving to the door. Fuck, fuck! I wanted to roar with frustration. "Sorry. It isn't you," I said again as I opened the door, letting it close behind me and moving swiftly down the stairs into the smoky bar.

  I walked toward the front door, but the crowd was moving against me, toward an exit that led to some kind of alley beyond. "Where's everyone going?" I asked a man passing me.

  "To the dog fights," he said. "They fight to the death." He laughed, passing me, my muscles going rigid. I could smell it—the blood, the fear. The suffering.

  I burst out the front door, inhaling the fresh ocean air, stumbling away from that dank place, across the street to the cliff overlooking the ocean. I put my hands on the back of my neck, looking at the starry sky, the moon full and bright overhead. I wanted to yell, I wanted to fall to my knees. Instead, I leaned forward, braced my hands on my thighs as I took deep, calming breaths.

  I heard the dog's barking, that feral growl I'd blocked from my memory, and I headed back to the hotel, back toward Livvy, though I couldn't, I couldn't go to her. I shouldn't.

  I walked, feeling lost, confused, a clawing in my gut I didn't know what to do with. Another woman hadn't helped.

  Nothing would help.

  I hadn't meant to walk back to the hotel, and yet somehow I'd ended up there anyway, pulled to Livvy like a moth to a flame. I wouldn't go to the room. I'd sleep in the courtyard, on the beach, somewhere. Anywhere.

  Outside. Alone.

  I glanced at the window to the room where I knew she was, taking in a quick breath when I spotted her standing on the balcony. I could see her outline, could see she was pressed against the railing, looking at me, and though I couldn't see the details of her face, somehow I knew we were looking at each other. The knowledge hit me square in the gut, a flame bursting to life. An awareness I'd only ever felt with her.

  With Livvy.

  I heard the distant barking of the dogs, the yelps, the tearing. And I suddenly felt that old longing inside, the one I'd tried to pretend was no longer a part of me, the one I'd thought I'd left behind long ago. But no, it was still there, and it rose up in me. I felt like that little boy staring at the house where the rest of my family was, warm and together. I felt the old familiar wanting, a heavy yearning for what wasn't mine.

  But now . . . now it was different. Couldn't I feel the same tendrils of want reaching toward me? Beckoning. We were watching each other now, I could feel the electricity connecting us even from the distance. And if I reached out, if I just reached out, I could quench this raw, aching hunger for the woman I really wanted.

  I moved toward the hotel, drawn, my strides long, my blood humming with purpose, with need.

  I let myself into the room, shutting and locking the door behind me. Livvy was just coming inside from the balcony, and when she saw me she stopped, her mouth opening once as if to say something, then closing as she stared, her hands clenching and unclenching at her sides, her pulse thrumming under the skin of her throat.

  My breathing picked up as desire—hot and pulsing—flowed through me, the thickness in the air increasi
ng.

  "It's not even natural how much I want you," I rasped. She looked at me, her eyes questioning, her gaze moving over my face as if trying to figure out what I was thinking. I couldn't answer. I didn't even know myself.

  "It's okay," she said, her voice quiet, soothing.

  A breath gusted from my mouth. "It will change everything," I said, my voice tense as I held myself still by sheer force of will. My body was screaming at me to step toward her, to take her in my arms, to make her mine tonight because tomorrow would be too damn late. I'd tried to stop myself—I'd tried—but I couldn't. I couldn't. But maybe she would and maybe that would be for the best. I waited, filled with both dread and hope, a swirling cocktail of needy yearning for her to make her choice.

  She paused and my heart stuttered, gaze locked on her face, held by those expressive eyes. "I . . . know," she said, and her voice was breathy, soft. She nodded her head, taking a step toward me. "I know."

  It was all I needed. I closed the distance between us, and we came together, our quickened breath mingling, our gazes locked, so much moving between us that I couldn't begin to name it. She tilted her face to mine and I lowered my mouth, brushing it over hers. She was trembling, and a fierce need to protect her, to calm her, roared through me. I had tried to scare her, but now I couldn't bear it. I didn't want her to be scared, not of me, so I took her face in my hands, rubbing my thumbs along her delicate jaw before I kissed her again, moving my tongue between her lips slowly, tasting her, the nectar of her mouth already familiar though I'd only kissed her once before.

  I was hot and throbbing, my body compelling me to thrust and take, but I moved slowly for her, feathering my mouth down her neck as she tilted her head back on a feminine gasp of pleasure. My blood heated, molten, and I pulled the strap of her tank top down her shoulder, kissing and licking over that silky, smooth slope. Livvy's breathing had increased; her exhales came in small pants. She wove her fingers through my hair as I dipped lower, pushing her tank top over the peaks of her breasts to kiss between them, running my tongue along those creamy slopes. "Yes," she moaned. I ran my tongue lazily around one hardened nipple, a growl of satisfaction muffled against her skin. She was already aroused.

  "Tell me you want me too."

  "Yes," she gasped. I pulled her taut, silky nipple into my mouth, giving it a deep suck as she cried out, pulling me closer and hooking a leg around the backs of my thighs. Oh Jesus. This woman. The feel of her. The scent of her. I felt wild, completely untamed, shaking with a need I'd never known before. The need to claim. With the realization came a buzzing thrill and a jolt of terror, but it was too late now. I couldn't have stopped even if I tried.

  Livvy pressed her nipple into my mouth, guiding my head with her hands, her fingers raking over my scalp, causing goosebumps to explode on my skin. Goddamn, I was so hard. The sheer curtains billowed in a waft of air and fell back into place behind Livvy.

  Her body shuddered and her eyes opened, dark and dilated with lust. I pulled away, her leg sliding down my body as I stepped behind her, pulling the doors to the balcony halfway closed. I turned, and she was watching me now, biting on her lip. Her breasts were bared, her nipples still hard and reddened and wet from where my mouth had been. My cock throbbed. My eyes roamed her body, greedy, and she shivered beneath my stare, her arms fluttering up as if to cover herself. I stepped forward, catching them. "Don't."

  She dropped her arms, her expression vulnerable. "I thought you were going to make love to another woman," she said quietly. I paused. Yes, that had been my plan, the desperate attempt to push Livvy away, and I hadn't been able to do it.

  I let out a breath, shaking my head. "It wouldn't have been making love."

  "Sex then. I thought you were going to take another woman to bed and I . . ." She flinched. "I hated it. I pictured what you were going to do to her and I wanted to hit someone, to claw their eyes out . . ." Her cheeks flushed and she looked away.

  I regarded her, that expressive face that whispered all her secrets. "What, Livvy?"

  She turned her head toward me, her eyes downcast for a moment before she met my gaze.

  Heat surged between us, crackling. "What, sweetheart?" I whispered. I brushed a piece of hair over her shoulder, bringing my hand back and brushing the backside over her pebbled nipples, back, forth.

  She moaned, her eyes falling shut as she bit at her lip. "Don't hold back with me, Thomas. Whatever you were going to give them . . . give me more. I want it. I want you. All of you."

  Fuck. Me.

  She gasped as I walked her backward, pressing her against the wall next to the bedside table, bringing her hands over her head and pressing my erection against her stomach, kissing her.

  For long minutes we devoured each other, the sounds of our combined moans, the wetness of our mating mouths rising above the soft whir of the ceiling fan. The room felt hotter—despite the cooling breeze off of the ocean still coming in through the half-opened doors—and inside my blood sizzled through my veins.

  I reached between us, sliding my hand into the loose waistband of the cotton skirt she'd bought earlier. She was silky smooth, hairless, and she wasn't wearing underwear. I grunted, desire arcing through me. "Jesus."

  "My underwear is drying in the bathroom," she said. "I washed them."

  What? I could barely make sense of what she was saying and the meaning of what she'd uttered melted away completely when I slid one finger into her slippery opening. "Oh, God, Livvy. I can't wait much longer. I've already waited too fucking long."

  "Then don't."

  "I don't want to take you against a wall, sweetheart. I want you in a bed. I want you under me."

  She moaned, long and low, pressing herself into me, riding my hand as she gripped my shoulders, her nails digging into my flesh. It helped to dispel the lust fog I was in by a small measure, and I slipped my finger out, pulling her with me to the bed. She looked dazed as she sat.

  I kicked my shoes off, and pulled her skirt down her legs, tossing it aside. Her loose tank top was already around her waist so I pulled that over her hips, Livvy lifting slightly as I slid it under her. Holy Christ, she was gorgeous. Her skin shone in the low light, creamy and dewy from the heat of the room, from us. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips swollen and pink from kissing. Her hair was splayed around her head in a wild tangle, that cowlick sticking straight up toward the ceiling. Despite my raging arousal and the immediate need to seek relief, I smiled, tenderness washing through me, followed by a sort of ebullience I'd never associated with sex before. Livvy watched me with heavy-lidded eyes as I pulled my shirt over my head, unzipping my pants and letting them drop to the floor, my erection, springing free, jutting out in front of me. Livvy's eyes moved down, widening right before I moved on top of her.

  "God, you feel good," I said, her naked skin silky and hot against mine. I rubbed myself against her, tipping my head back and letting out a hum of pleasure.

  Livvy opened her thighs, creating room for my hips, bringing our cores together, my hard shaft meeting her soft wetness. I brought my lips to hers again, our tongues tangling, dancing as I slid my cock along her slit, gliding easily with the aid of her silken moisture. She was as turned on as I was. I used my cock to circle her clit, breaking from her mouth for a moment so I could watch. Livvy pressed her head back into the mattress, a strangled laugh mixing with a groan. "My God, I'm going to come."

  "Not yet, baby. Let me get inside you first. I want to feel you."

  Her heavy eyes opened as she looked at me. God, she was beautiful like this. The most gorgeous creature on the face of the earth.

  Mine.

  I positioned myself at her entrance, our gazes locked as I pushed inside little by little, her lips parting when our cores met. She felt like heaven, like a goddamn dream. Wet and tight. Hot. I started moving, slowly, not wanting this part to end, wanting to prolong that climb, drag it out, to heighten it so the fall was an intense rush of insane pleasure.

  Livvy locked her ankles
around my hips, tilting so I went deeper, and I let out a deep moan of pleasure. God, this was good. Too good. I sped up my pace, my body taking over, sweat breaking out on my skin. Livvy suddenly cried out, tilting her head back into the mattress as her hands fisted in the blankets. Her muscles pulsed around me, contracting, milking me, and I couldn't hold on any longer. The pleasure spiraled, rose, and then exploded in a delirious burst of bliss. I'd never been a noisy lover, but I couldn't help the yell of pleasure as I climaxed explosively and then collapsed half on and half off Livvy, moaning out the rest of my orgasm, shuddering and then stilling, my breath rasping from my chest. Holy God.

  For a while, the only sound in the room was the whirring of the fan, the very faint music coming from the courtyard, and our mingled breathing as it slowed. My heart rate evened out, the sweat on my skin drying and I lifted my head, staring at Livvy. She looked sleepy, but satisfied, her gaze held no regret and a ribbon of relief wound through me. "That was . . . God, what was that?" she breathed.

  "Us." I kissed her again, nuzzling her ear. She smiled sweetly, reaching up and moving my hair off my forehead, running a finger along my grizzled jaw. "You need a shave."

  I chuckled, turning my head to nibble at her finger. She laughed. "I'll shave later." I ran a finger over her breast, the nipple hardening under my touch.

  "Mmm," she hummed, a smile in her voice. She yawned, running her foot slowly up and down my lower leg.

  "But first," I said, yawning too, "sleep."

  We both took a minute to use the bathroom then I pulled the blankets back to the end of the bed, and we climbed between the cool sheets. I felt half drunk on satisfaction and a different feeling I wasn't sure how to categorize and didn't really want to right then. The things we'd have to face were still there, between us, but they could wait. For now, they could wait. We were both exhausted, and we needed to sleep, to recharge. I'd figure out what to do in the morning because now, just as I said it would, everything had changed.

  Livvy's breathing grew heavy, even, her body warm and still against my own. I lay in the near darkness, the twinkle lights from the courtyard below barely making their way through the gauzy curtain. I pulled her against me, this woman who'd buried herself under my skin so deeply I was terrified I'd never get her out—especially now. She stirred in the darkness, but didn't wake. I smiled, closing my eyes. Sleep came quickly.