I stopped and stared at the girl, feeling a little perplexed. I knew it was totally unacceptable just to stand and stare at a person you didn’t know, but I did it anyway, because what I saw was fuckin’ weird.
The girl at the entrance looked like she’d come straight from a Manga Comic. She was wearing some kind of cosplay outfit, so much was clear. Not that I knew much about that scene. Somehow it had totally passed me by. Anyway, the girl at the entrance had long, blue-green hair, which she wore in pigtails bound with blue ribbons. A pair of blue-green heart-shaped sunglasses covered her eyes, even though it was dusk already and the sun had set. She wore a dress that looked like a blue satin kimono decorated with little green hearts, only unlike a real kimono it barely covered her crotch. Not that she had much skin showing below the waist. Her long, slender legs were almost covered with blue stockings that were held up by green garter belts. A pair of blue platform shoes completed her ensemble.
Shaking my head, not knowing what to make of what I’d seen, I locked my car with the remote, and began walking to the entrance of the building. Then the girl in blue and green saw me and shifted her position so that she was standing on both of her feet. An enormous smile appeared on her dark-blue lips, and she lifted her hand to make the cute little wave that never failed to make my heart beat faster.
Of course I burst out laughing. “My God, Tanja, is that really you?” I asked, once I was able to speak.
“Of course it’s me, Bitch Goddess,” she replied, giggling while she pushed her sunglasses back onto the top of her head. “We decided our date would be crazy and romantic enough to be really special, remember?”
“Oh yes, I do remember that, Baby Doll,” I said, sighing, “You look dreamy.” I pulled her into my arms and kissed her carefully enough to avoid smudging her dark-blue lipstick. I touched her blue-green hair. It felt real. Did she dye it? I wondered. “What’d you do to your hair, Sweetheart?”
She giggled again. “Nothing at all! It’s cute though, isn’t it?” She paused, while I nodded. “I covered it with a wig of course.”
I smiled back, a little relieved that she wasn’t the kind of girl who dyed her hair in crazy colors. Not that I had anything against such girls. After all I’d bedded a couple of them. “It’s adorable, Baby Doll, and so are you,” I told her. “But what’s that look about anyway? And why today?”
She narrowed her eyes and used her index finger to point at her brow to show me how hard she’d been thinking. “We’re going to a Japanese restaurant, right?”
I nodded, bemused. “And so I thought it would be totally appropriate for me to dress up like one of my favorite Japanese anime characters.” She giggled, suddenly looking a little shy. “Her name is ‘Baby Doll Blue Hearts’.
I smiled and sighed and shook my head, a little awed by the extent of Tanja’s cuteness. “That’s a fuckin’ crazy idea, Baby Doll, but it’s crazy cute, too.” I flashed her a grin. “And it’s sexy. Now let’s go!”
Taking her hand I led her to my car. I unlocked it with my remote, opened the passenger door for her, letting her get in, and since the seats in my sports car were quite low, her blue mini kimono slid all the way up her thighs, revealing her sheer blue panties. While I closed the door for her, I swallowed and shivered. One day I’m going to look at that girl and will die of a heart attack, I thought. I could have hooked up with her right here in my car. I did my best to keep my cool while I walked to the driver’s side, got in, and started my car.
I was lucky enough to find a parking lot close to the ‘Fiery Flower’, the Japanese restaurant I’d chosen. As we walked to the entrance, I explained to Tanja that it featured cuisine cooked on what was called a Teppan Yaki, which was like a table with a flat metal griddle in the middle, and that our food would be prepared while we watched.
When we entered the restaurant, a stunning Japanese hostess in an expensive-looking, black silk kimono, bearing the restaurant’s logo, which was a red spider lily, met us. She welcomed us graciously, before giving Tanja a quick once-over. Suddenly she beamed at my adorable girlfriend as though she was the cutest thing she’d ever seen. The hostess raised one hand and wriggled her fingers in what I’d always thought was Tanja’s trademark wave. Tanja blushed and giggled and ducked her head like a shy schoolgirl. I watched their little greeting ceremony in astonishment. Apparently, she got the gesture from an anime?
Anyway, I told the hostess my name and that I’d reserved a table for us. The hostess bowed and smiled, before she asked us to follow her as she led us to our table. Tanja glanced around the restaurant, her eyes widening as she took in the elegant décor, and I smiled at her fondly. I could see she’d never been to such a posh place before. Probably she’d only known run-of-the-mill Sushi bars, which I’d learned to think of as the Japanese equivalent of McDonald’s.
The hostess seated us at one of the tables, which featured a Teppan Yaki grill, and gave us our menus. After glancing at hers briefly, Tanja looked a bit lost, and so I touched her hand and asked, “Is it okay for you if I ordered for us, Sweetheart?”
Looking relieved, she nodded. When our waitress arrived I ordered a Miso soup to begin our dinner, followed by a mixed spicy salad and various Teppan Yaki dishes, with a green tea ice as a dessert. I also ordered mineral water and white wine for us. I remembered how Sarah had brought me here more than once, and I was glad she did, because otherwise I might have been as lost as Tanja was. We used to come here on Thursdays, the day Sarah usually had time for me.
When the pretty waitress had left, I discovered Tanja was watching me in fascination, a little smile playing about her blue lips. “Well, aren’t you full of surprises, Bitch Goddess,” she remarked when she saw me looking back at her.
I raised my eyebrows. “Why do you say that, Baby Doll?”
“Because when you’re with me you’re normally a badass rocker chick, and just now…you were something else.”
Our waitress brought our mineral water and our white wine. So, Tanja paused and we both took a sip of our water.
“You were like a businesswoman just now, Bette. Cool and professional,” Tanja continued. She grinned and added softly, “And you can go from being one to being the other faster than I can blink.”
I couldn’t help smiling at her. She looked so cute dressed up like a cosplay girl. “Well, you know, Baby Doll, during the day I am a businesswoman,” I told her. Then our soup arrived, and while we ate I told her about my past career as a designer for an advertising firm. I mentioned Sarah, saying that she’d been my boss and something of a mentor to me, but I didn’t say a word about my unhappy love affair with her.
Tanja was a very smart girl however, and she was very good at reading me, too, so she could tell there was something I wasn’t telling her. She cleared her throat. “So, this Sarah…?” she began, watching me like a cat ready to pounce on a mouse.
“What about her?” I replied, trying not to give anything away. At the same time I was amused about her acumen.
“You were fucking her. You were fucking your goddamn boss.” That wasn’t a question. It was a statement of fact, and it startled me. Fortunately for me, the Japanese chef came over to our table to begin cooking our main course, and I didn’t have to answer right away.
Tanja watched in childlike wonder as the chef prepared our meal, putting on a show as he did. He performed the usual Teppan Yaki chef’s tricks, juggling his sharp knives and giant spatulas skillfully, building a little tower of onion rings and then making it spout steam like a little volcano, before making it burst into flame. Like our pyros onstage I thought. And when he prepared our fried rice on the griddle he shaped it into a large heart.
I’d seen all of those tricks before, so I mostly watched Tanja watching the chef. She loved and enjoyed the show he put on, and she clapped enthusiastically when he was done. He responded by smiling and bowing.
She was equally enthusiastic about all of our Teppan Yaki dishes, to the point that she stopped talking so she could concent
rate on eating, which she did quite avidly. Her appetite amazed me. When she was done, she leaned back in her chair and sighed ecstatically, sounding a little like she’d had an orgasm. “That was wonderful, Bette,” she told me, beaming.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it so much, Baby Doll,” I replied, a little bemused.
She shook her head, still smiling at me. “That’s the understatement of the year! Seriously, that was the best dinner I’ve ever had in my life!” She leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips. “Thank you.” Our eyes met and then closed, and for a moment time stood still as I forgot where we were.
The sound of our waitress clearing her throat made us break our kiss. I blushed, while Tanja giggled and sat back down. While our server gathered up our dishes, we sipped our white wine.
When the woman left I took another sip of wine, before I asked Tanja to tell me a little more about herself. She took a deep breath before beginning her story. “Well, my Mom and Dad have been divorced practically my whole life. I grew up with my Dad mostly. My mother left us when I was really little,” Tanja said flatly. “She was my age when she had me, and apparently she decided she was too young to raise a kid.”
I was surprised to hear Tanja start talking about something that personal. When I’d asked her to tell me a little more about herself I’d been thinking she’d tell me how she’d come to be interested in anime and in rock music, that sort of thing. Concerned, I reached out and took her hand. “I’m sorry to hear that, Baby Doll.”
“Yeah, well.” Tanja paused and sighed. “She tried being a mother for a while, but she just didn’t have it in her.” She shrugged. “Not only was she young, she was pretty wild, from what I’ve heard.” She took a sip of her wine. “She’d actually told my father right from the start that she wasn’t cut out for domestic life and that turned out to be true. One day she packed her things and left us.”
I wasn’t quite sure what to say to that, since Tanja didn’t look sad. After a moment I asked, “What happened then?”
“Well, things worked out okay, Bette. It could have been much worse. See, my Dad was older than my mother, and was totally different from her.” Tanja gave me a shy smile, which I returned.
“He was more of a responsible adult, the family man type,” I guessed.
She took a deep breath. “That’s right. A year or two after my mother left, he met Marion, who looked kind of like my Mom, only she really wanted to be a Mom.” Her smile turned into a lopsided grin. “I liked Marion as soon as I met her, and I liked her a lot. And when my Dad saw that, well…” She shrugged, still smiling. “Marion moved in, and a couple of years later they got married.”
Just then our waitress returned with our dessert, and Tanja paused for the moment. After we’d both taken a sample of our green tea ice, I asked her, “So, your Dad and Marion are still together?”
“Yeah, Bette, they are, and they’re still happy,” she replied, beaming at me. Next she pulled her phone out of her heart-shaped blue leather handbag. Opening it, she told me, “This is me and my Dad and Marion.” She showed me a recent picture of herself flanked by a man and a woman, all of them smiling. The man was dark-haired and blue-eyed, and he was very handsome and tall, much taller than Tanja. The woman was blond, and looked as though she could have been my young lover’s mother. They all looked thoroughly happy.
When I looked up into Tanja’s beautiful blue eyes, she turned shy and thoughtful. “I don’t usually show off my family pictures, or really even talk about them, so I don’t really know why I’m telling you about them,” she began and then trailed off.
“It’s because I’m a good listener, and you know I care about you.” I smiled at her tenderly.
“Yeah, you’re a good listener. Who would have thought that about Bette Coldheart?”
“Anyone who really knows me, Baby Doll?”
Tanja’s sweet smile turned tender. “Then I’m glad I got the chance to really get to know you, Bette.”
“So am I, Sweetheart.” For a long moment we gazed into one another’s eyes, smiling, and getting lost. Then Tanja blushed and looked down, and took a few more spoons of her dessert. I did the same, enjoying the taste of the green tea ice. I sighed before I asked her, “So, did you ever see your mother again, Tanja?”
She looked up at me and nodded forcefully. “Yes, I did. Actually, I see her from time to time. She never gave up on me completely as you might have expected. It turned out that I’m a lot like Bianca, my mother.”
Tanja smiled, as she snatched up her phone again, and showed me a video she had on it. “This is the two of us, Bette. The little video was shot last summer.”
The video showed Tanja standing next to a blonde woman who could have been her older sister. They were standing in what looked like an orchard, and a soft breeze was playing with their long, blonde hair. Both of them were wearing flower crowns, and both were laughing as they stared into the camera.
Tanja’s Mom looked more than a little like a hippie with her bellbottomed jeans and her Led Zeppelin t-shirt that was decorated in rainbow colors in the style of the sixties. She had one arm around her daughter’s shoulders, and she had the same electric blue eyes as Tanja. Their laughter made it clear that they were happy to be together.
I suddenly had to fight back tears. “You’re both so beautiful, Baby Doll,” I said. I had to blow my nose with a handkerchief, before I asked my next question. “Does Bianca live in the countryside?”
“Yes, she does. She lives with her girlfriend in a converted farmhouse just like you do with your bandmates.” Tanja took another sip of wine and looked at me over the rim of her glass.
I was too surprised to speak for a moment. I couldn’t be totally certain, but the way in which Tanja had emphasized the word ‘girlfriend’ let me think that her mother was living in a lesbian relationship.
Tanja went on, talking animatedly and ignoring the perplexed look on my face. “They have a ceramics business together. My mother makes pottery and things, while her girlfriend Trudi takes care of sales and marketing and their little shop. They also travel around the country to artisan markets, selling their objects. Oh, and my Mom also teaches classes on making pottery.” She paused, smiling at me.
Finally I had a chance to ask my question. “Baby Doll, is your mother a woman who loves women?”
“Oh yeah!” Tanja nodded eagerly. “She didn’t know it yet when she married my Dad. And before she met Trudi, she was pretty wild.”
I smiled. “Wilder than you, Baby Doll?”
She nodded, solemnly, her eyes wide. Trying not to laugh I finished my dessert. I was quite happy to hear that Tanja had a good home and that she had a happy family life after everything that had happened. I was about to tell her that, but she was faster than I was. Obviously she hadn’t forgotten that I hadn’t completely answered her question earlier.
“So, Bette Coldheart,” Tanja said, putting her spoon down, “tell me what happened with that boss of yours, Sarah.”
I took a sip of my wine, before I cleared my throat and told her about my unhappy love affair with Sarah. Tanja listened attentively, her lips parted, looking serious, and asking an occasional question.
“Did you ever hear anything from her after you broke up?” she asked after I’d finished my story.
I shrugged. “I haven’t heard from her, and I haven’t tried to contact her either, but I’ve read things about her, Baby Doll. Last year for example I read in a journal article that she’d become the managing director of a large advertising firm in Berlin, so she’s been quite successful as far as her career’s concerned.” I sighed again. “And the picture that came with the article made it clear that she’s still stunning.”
“And?” Tanja asked. She was such a smart girl; smart enough to know there was something else.
I finished my wine before I was able to continue. “And earlier this year I read a notice saying that she and her husband were expecting their first child.”
“Oh! I see,” Tanja r
eplied, finishing her own wine. She looked at me tenderly, before she carefully asked, “So, you think she wanted the opposite of what my mother wanted? Something, no woman could give her?”
I considered that for a moment, before I gently shook my head. “I’m not sure, I rather think Sarah was the kind of woman I sing about in our song ‘Dead End Girl’. She got trapped in so many ways, in conventions, familial and societal pressures, career considerations…and she wasn’t able or strong enough to find a way out of her own dead end street.” I listened to myself and decided that I no longer had feelings for her and dismissed her from my mind.
Abruptly, my mood changed and I decided to give our date the next turn. I summoned our waitress and asked for our check. I turned back to Tanja and flashed her my tigress grin. “Now, My Crazy Little Bitch, I’d say it’s time we got started on the crazy part of our date.”
Tanja just laughed and put a quick peck on my lips, before we left the ‘Fiery Flower’.
+++
“Well, hi Bette,” Dora, the doorkeeper of ‘The Velvet Paw’, said, grinning as she saw Tanja and I arrive at the Lesbian bar.
I’d sometimes wondered whether Dora, who’d been the bouncer when Julia had taken me to the lesbian club so many years ago, was still there. It seemed like a lifetime ago. And Dora was still there.
“I can’t believe it! It’s been a such a fucking long time since I’ve seen you!” she exclaimed.
Grinning back at her, I hugged her tight. She looked as good as she had when I was a regular at the club. A little older yes, but she still had a bodybuilder’s physique, and she still had close cropped, bleached, blonde hair. Just as she always had when I’d been here before, she was wearing black jeans, biker boots, and a plain, black t-shirt that showed off the tattoos on her well-toned arms.
“Hey Dora, you look great,” I replied, “How are you doing?”
“Good as always, Bitch Goddess.”
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