by Jillian Hart
The bovine had a similar pleading gaze as Julianna, wide eyes and hopes impossible to disappoint.
“I’m sorry, girlfriend.” Cheyenne stroked the cow’s wide nose before turning to him. “Are you ready to saddle up?”
He was more inclined to take off at a dead run, but cowardice had never been a flaw of his. If only so many gazes weren’t tracking his progress as he strode up to the horse, the menace on four legs. At least, that was his memory of being on horseback.
It will be better this time. That was the only thought that kept the fear at bay. Lord, I hope this isn’t a disaster, he added in prayer, because he would need all the help he could get.
The big behemoth studied him with friendly cocoa eyes. The horse’s nostrils rounded as he breathed in and out in a low-throated sound that could have been a growl.
Man up, he told himself but he couldn’t stop the DVD player part of his brain. The memory froze in this exact spot when he’d been four at his own birthday party. His heart had been pounding then, too, from excitement, not an impending sense of doom. But instead of the grizzled old man holding the reins, Cheyenne posed beside him, awash with sunshine and beauty, looking like everything good in the world.
“Does he bite?” It didn’t hurt to ask.
“I’ve never known him to, but for you he might make an exception.” She must think she was being funny.
He couldn’t bring himself to tell her the truth. He swallowed hard and stepped up to the saddle. He had to reach up to the saddle horn, but not too far. That was one advantage of being tall. He feared the disadvantage might be the old adage, the taller they are, the harder they fall.
“Look at Mrs. G.” Cheyenne, determined to encourage him, nodded in the direction of the cluster of horses and riders on the gravel lane. The older lady balanced in the saddle, clutching the saddle horn with both hands.
“I hear what you’re saying.” He wasn’t about to be outdone by a woman twice his age. His masculine pride proved to be stronger than his old fear. He lifted his foot and slipped it into the stirrup, gave a hop and rose into the saddle.
“Hey, you’re an old pro at this.” Cheyenne beamed up at him, respect softening her fantastic blue eyes. Her irises had little flecks of aquamarine in them and darker threads of navy blue. His heart skipped.
Probably it had to do with the adrenaline spiking through his system. He settled into the saddle, fit his other boot into the stirrup and held out his hands for the reins. “It’s not my first time.”
“So, you don’t need my help?”
“I didn’t say that.” The force of her kindness made him forget for a moment everything but the feel of the sun on his back and the way the summer breeze played with the bouncy ends of her auburn hair. The world became so bright it hurt the eye. Stunning sunshine, lush vivid green grasses, nodding daisies, the sky bluer than her gaze.
“I’ll stick close,” she promised, waltzing away like a summer song and bopped from the ground to the back of her horse with the grace of a gymnast. She tipped back her Stetson and gathered the reins in one hand. “Let’s head out, Dad!”
The riders and their horses headed toward the tree line, following the fence that marched through wild meadows. An access road cut a narrow swatch between fenced fields where horses grazed on one side and cattle drowsed in shade on the other. He really wanted to believe this horse-riding thing was going to work out, if only he could forget the past.
For a moment, seated awkwardly on the horse, clutching the saddle horn he remembered the boy he’d been, trying to ignore his smarting arm where the pony had bitten him and wanting to ride like a cowboy in his favorite movies. Except instead of taking the first step, the pony had let out a terrifying squeal and began bucking. All these years later, he could remember the sensation of flying out of that saddle.
But he caught sight of his girls. At the corner fence post, they were waiting for him along with the rest of the family. Jenny, astride the brown mare she’d taken a liking to, squinted at him through the brightness. Julianna sat on the little golden mare like a pro, reins in one hand. Both girls watched him with adoration, as if he’d hung the moon just for them.
As if he could disappoint them.
He patted Scout’s velvet warm neck, feeling the strength of the animal beneath him. Muscles flexed, the horse’s weight shifted as he waited impatiently for the command to go. Now, what did he do? Adam had no clue. Standing still had never been a problem for the pony.
“Come on, Scout.” Cheyenne clucked her tongue Western-style. As her white-and-gold horse stepped out to join the others, so did Scout.
He lurched in the saddle, unaccustomed to the strange, swaying movement. He tried to stop the memory but there was no pause button for his gray matter. His neurons continued to flash backward to that dreadful moment thirty years ago when the pony had its first step. His head had gone down, his rear went up and the little boy he’d once been had flown into the gravel.
Not going to happen this time, he told himself, adding a Please be merciful, Lord just in case. Scout’s head stayed up and his rear remained where it belonged as the horse lifted his long, powerful legs and followed the others. Adam gave thanks for that. There was no terrifying squeal. No projectile flying out of his saddle. No hitting the ground with enough force to break his wrist.
Yet.
“How’s it going?” Cheyenne and her mare caught up to him. Not a hint of amusement rang in her voice, which he appreciated.
“So far so good.”
“I wouldn’t have teased you, if I’d known.” She tipped up the brim of her hat to peer at him, purely at ease in the saddle. “You are deathly afraid of horses.”
“What gave me away?”
“I’ve never seen such a white-knuckled grip.” She gestured at his hands, which were nearly bloodless, proof he held on to both the reins and the saddle horn for dear life.
“Neither have I,” he admitted, surprised at the chuckle almost rising in his chest, something he hadn’t felt in a long, long time. It made it easier to try to relax in the saddle and enjoy the ride. The scenery was spectacular enough to speak to his soul.
Chapter Five
It was hard to know what on earth to say to the man. She hadn’t yet figured him out. He seemed content to ride along in silence. Did he feel out of place among them? Or was he starting to like the experience? She couldn’t stay quiet for long. “You’re doing pretty good for a greenhorn.”
“It’s not my first time on a horse.” His gaze was impossible to read behind his high-end sunglasses. A muscle ticked in his granite jaw. “It is the first time I’ve stayed in the saddle.”
“I’ve learned there’s a big difference between the two.”
“So have I.”
He almost smiled again. The rocky set to his features softened, the serious line of his mouth eased and the effect stole her breath. Good thing she had sworn off men or she might develop the tiniest crush on him.
“Your death grip has eased up. Are you starting to enjoy the ride?”
“Not yet, but I’m hopeful.” A dash of humor warmed the cool tones of his voice.
“Me, too. I hope that you get to experience what your daughters are feeling.” She nodded ahead to the girls who rode side by side, their happy chatter and laughter floating on the wind like lark song. “It’s why they like it here.”
“Trust me, I already know. They like the horses and all the new amusements. Once it’s no longer as novel, the luster will wear off. I’m hoping that will happen before school starts, so I won’t have much trouble getting them back home again.”
“It sounds as if you have it all figured out.”
“I always do.” His voice turned to steel. He squared his already-straight shoulders, remote and unreachable again.
She hoped he was right. The riding party had thinned out over the past two miles. Justin and his wife, Rori, led the pack and were so far ahead she could no longer catch sight of them on the pleasantly curving pat
h through the trees. Sean and his fiancée, Eloise, were barely visible through the stands of evergreens. She caught a swish of Pixie’s white tail before the mare disappeared from sight and so did the happy couple. Autumn and Ford were next, the newlyweds who rode side by side holding hands. They radiated the kind of contentment only written about in fairy tales. It was nice to see.
Addy kept pace with Scotty and Mrs. G.; the faint lift and fall of her voice as she chattered away was nothing more than the faintest murmur made small by the grand panorama of vast blue sky, green foothills and the miles upon miles of lowland. The craggy peaks of the Tetons bordered the western horizon with stunning and majestic grace.
She definitely loved it here. She belonged on this land. She was thankful to live here surrounded by family and friends. Judging by the Stone girls a few paces ahead, she guessed they might feel the same way. The two sisters talked low to each other, looking captivated by the wonders surrounding them. It was the first time the city girls had been up in the foothills. Easy to see they loved the adventure.
“Cheyenne! Look!” Julianna pointed up at the sky. “Another hawk circling.”
“Yep. Looks like a daddy hunting for his family’s supper.” She tipped back her head, hand on her hat, to glance up at the graceful hawk. He sailed like poetry high in the sky. Pretty awesome, in her opinion. “If you keep your eyes peeled, you might even see a deer or an elk. I see tracks.”
“We’ve seen lots of deer in Cady’s fields, but not an elk.” Jenny whipped her head around, checking on both sides of the trail where lacy green boughs could hide glimpses of wild animals. “Seeing an elk would be cool.”
“Are there any cougar tracks, Cheyenne?” Julianna twisted in her saddle, glittering at the possibility. “Do you see any?”
“Not that I’ve noticed from this high up,” she quipped, feeling as light as the wind swishing by. Wildlife enchanted her, too. “When we stop, you and I can search along the creek for tracks. Does that sound fun? We’re more likely to find cat tracks there, where a cougar might stop to get a drink.”
“Daddy, did you hear? We’re going to search for a cougar.” Julianna bounced in her saddle, so excited. When her sister pointed, the two stood in their stirrups straining to see a jackrabbit bounding through the underbrush.
“So you think this excitement will wear off over time?” Cheyenne couldn’t help asking.
“I’m praying it does, otherwise when the summer ends there are going to be two very unhappy little girls in my house.” Wry, he shrugged, perhaps unaware he looked in the direction of the disappearing jackrabbit, too. “I’m not sure how I’m going to pry them off those horses.”
“Or away from Cady?” She hadn’t missed how attached the Stone girls had become to their honorary aunt. Cady, who’d never had children of her own, was devoted to them although right now, she was pretty absorbed in a conversation with Dad.
“Especially from Cady.” Adam dropped his voice and leaned closer. “She has filled a void in my daughters’ lives where their mother used to be.”
“Cady is wonderful. They couldn’t have a better void filler.” She went for humor to ease away from the emotions she felt rising between them. She didn’t want to look into Adam’s private life; she didn’t want to get that close to any guy.
“Cady has been great. She’s one of the reasons the girls are doing as well as they are, considering the hard blow they took.” He grew serious again, the square, unyielding line of his jaw turning to rock. “Cady told me the same thing happened to you when you were a child. Your mom left for selfish reasons.”
“Yes, Mom was never happy being a rancher’s wife. I think she wanted to be, she tried to be, but she didn’t have it in her. The remoteness, the hard work and the fact that we think a trail ride is the epitome of a good time were all things that frustrated her.” That time no longer hurt to think about, but once it had been like a terrible wound she feared would never heal. “It devastated me and my family the day she left.”
“That’s what happened to us.” No emotion seemed to touch him, he could have been talking about the weather except for the cords tightening in his neck.
He was holding everything in, she suspected, just the way her dad had done. She had been a little younger than Julianna was but she clearly remembered the utter heartbreak her father had fought to hide. In her view there was no man stronger than Frank Granger, but having his wife leave the family for another man had cut him to the soul. He’d done his best to keep that private, but he’d been a changed man that day. He’d gotten over it, he’d done his best for his family but he had never trusted another woman. The shadow of Mom’s betrayal did not fade from his eyes until Cady came along.
Cheyenne glanced over her shoulder, drawn to her dad. He was happy like he’d been in the old days, fully whole of heart. His Stetson shaded his face, the familiar rumble of his chuckle held only joy as he rode side by side with Cady. The pair seemed connected in heart and spirit on a level that was rare and heaven sent. The memory of that long-ago pain seemed gone, but she knew Adam had to be wrestling with something similar.
“How did it happen?” The instant the question was out, she regretted it. Not her business. The last thing Adam probably wanted was to discuss what hurt him most with a complete stranger. He looked as if he needed a friend, and she could sense his hurt. She had to help, if she were able. It was simply the way God had made her.
“You were thinking I must be hard to live with, weren’t you?” The wryness faded, leaving only unreadable granite. “I won’t say it wasn’t true.”
“Not what I was thinking. Honestly.” She nudged Wildflower closer on the trail, bridging the distance between them. Now they were close enough to talk so their words would not carry to the girls up ahead. “I’m a good listener.”
“I don’t see the use in talking about it. Talking won’t change what happened. It won’t fix what’s wrong now.” He studied his daughters, merrily enjoying their ride. “Stacy was never happy in our marriage. She was never happy with me. Maybe things had been wrong between us right from the start. I don’t honestly know. I was busy with med school and then vying for a top-tier residency. I did my best, but it wasn’t good enough.”
“Relationships can be tricky. That’s why I stay away from them.” Leather creaked pleasantly as she shifted in her saddle.
“Good idea. I wish I had been that smart.”
“You look like a smart man to me.”
“No, just fair to middling.” At least as far as relationships were concerned. The answers necessary for them could not be found in a medical textbook. “Stacy was always restless in our life together. Having kids helped for a while, but as soon as Julianna was in grade school, the problems were worse. It turns out when I thought she was taking an art class, she was meeting my best friend at a ritzy hotel. Dumb me, I never guessed, not until she was already gone.”
“The sudden shock of learning how very much she’d betrayed had to be rough.” Sympathy softened the delicate angles of Cheyenne’s face and made her heart show.
He’d never realized before how lovely that could make a woman. He swallowed hard, determined not to let his gaze stray toward her again. His palms went damp, his pulse arrhythmic. If this kept up, he would have to get an EKG.
“It was a stunning surprise. There was no real warning.” He knew he should stay quiet, leave it at that. He’d spilled enough of his guts to this woman who was little more than a stranger. Except she didn’t feel that way. He couldn’t explain it. Maybe because she knew his daughters so well and obviously was good to them. Perhaps there was a deeper reason. He’d been a lonely man for a long time, bottling this up and refusing to talk. The words simply spilled out. “I came home to find the house empty. The girls were next door at the neighbors. Stacy’s closet was mostly empty. She’d taken everything of value, jewelry, bonds, drained the savings account.”
“No, she left what was most valuable behind.” Cheyenne’s correction came gently, b
ut it hit him hard.
“Thank you for that.” His voice sounded gruff with emotion, emotion he wasn’t comfortable with. He wasn’t used to personal comments. Surely Cheyenne Granger was being nice, that was all, but her kindness touched him deeply and he kept right on talking. “Of course, the girls were the greater treasure. Stacy sees them a few weekends when she feels like keeping to the schedule. She wasn’t inclined to fund two round-trip tickets every other week, so she hasn’t seen the girls in a while.”
“Do they miss her?”
“Yes, but their visits with Stacy always upset them more.”
“I remember when my mom came home again.” Cheyenne winced, as if the memory was still sensitive.
He supposed some wounds always were. “Your mother came back?”
“She was sick. I don’t know what happened with the man she left Dad for but when she needed something, she called Dad. He took her in and hired all the care she needed. He paid for everything and made sure she had every comfort.”
Her incredibly expressive blue eyes radiated sorrow. Unlike him, she wasn’t bitter and no walls closed her off. He admired that as she swallowed hard, as if preparing herself to say whatever was next.
“It nearly broke Dad to do it, but he said it was for us. So that we could make peace with her. She was our mom.” She shrugged, and the pain faded from her eyes. “I was about Julianna’s age. It was hard to learn that some people are unable to love and to give of themselves even to those who matter most. That doesn’t make it your fault.”
Emotion built up like a pressure behind his sternum and the walls he’d built around his heart inched down a notch. He’d never thought about it like that before. “I had my failings.”
“Yes, but you weren’t the one who left.”
Her understanding so simply offered made him want to believe her. Her words were a balm to his long-standing sense of failure. Up ahead, his daughters burst into excited chatter.