Lost to the Gray: A Shaede Assassin Novella (A Penguin Special from Signet Eclipse)

by amanda bonilla

  I had just the reason to seek out a dangerous game of chance, too.

  Another quick knock and my office door opened again, this time with Levi striding in to make himself at home.

  “Not to be all up in your business or anything, Ty, but did I just see a fucking Reaper come out of here a second ago?”

  “How could you tell with all of the coverings?” I asked wryly.

  “How could I not tell? Damn things walk by and you feel death in the air. And don’t even get me started on those eyes. What’s the point of covering up? Those freaky yellow eyes scream Reaper.”

  Levi had a point. Reapers caused unease wherever they went. Their presence easily agitates humans, making them uneasy, angry, depressed. I’m sure when Kaii walked through the bar, the atmosphere became more melancholy. But only Levi would have been able to discern the cause for the sudden drop in revelry. “Is everyone okay out there?” I asked, jerking my head in the direction of the door.

  “One fight, and a couple of girls broke down sobbing,” Levi said with a shrug. “But other than that, not too bad. It just got real quiet for about ten minutes. As soon as the Reaper left, things got back to normal.”

  “Good.”

  “Ty, why was it here? You’re not doing business with a Reaper . . . are you?”

  Yeah. Yeah, I was. “Just get back out there and give those girls a round on the house.”

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“Okay,” Levi said and slowly turned for the door. “This has nothing to do with my situation, does it?” “Just a casual meeting, that’s all. No worries, Levi.”

  Kaii was my business. Besides, what Levi didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

  * * *

  Bartenders were great for gossip. Levi knew most of the city’s supernatural loudmouths. Hell, most of them hung out at The Pit nightly. So it wasn’t too hard for him to spread the word around that I’d suffered a breakup with a certain spirited, foulmouthed Shaede. Before the night was over, the rumor had morphed from a simple breakup to a dramatic, full-on public display where she dumped me flat on my ass for none other than the Shaede High King, Xander Peck. Yeah, I wasn’t exactly thrilled about that last bit. It was a little too founded in reality for my liking. I hoped that by allowing the seeds of gossip to germinate, I wasn’t nurturing a blossoming romance between the woman I loved and the man whose face I wanted to rearrange.

  By the next night, the rumor mill had spread the news of my sorry, depressed state to every district in Seattle. Gods, I hoped Darian hadn’t heard any of the talk. I wanted her to think that I was fine. That leaving her hadn’t completely wrecked me. My pride wouldn’t bear the brunt of her going about her life like nothing had changed, while I moped and pined after her. When I figured the news of my depressed, desperate, near-suicidal state had reached the right ears, I set out to case the three locations the gambling ring had already hit. With any luck, someone had heard something that would set me on the right track. Otherwise, I was back at square one.

  Atlas was a bust. The super-private, supernatural club was tough to get into when you had connections. I’d only seen the inside of the place once, as the guest of a high rolling client. Tonight, the bouncers—both shifters with the muscle to back up their threats—turned me away despite my street cred. I was down, but not out. Two more bars to go.

  The War Room was equally disappointing. In fact, I was starting to doubt Kaii’s intel. A mostly human establishment, the atmosphere was as mundane as the clientele tonight. Nice place, but not what I was looking for. Polite waitstaff, great bartender, live band, and a killer Seven and Seven. Nothing about a supernatural gambling ring, though.

  The last place I wanted to hang out was Seven, but it was my last chance at a solid lead. Seedy bars looked like five star establishments in comparison. I took a seat at the bar—no way was I going to get cozy in one of their specialty rooms dedicated to sin—and ordered a drink. The bartender was a Fae named Adrian. I’d seen him around once or twice, and he seemed nice enough.

  “What’s the word, Ty?” he asked as he flipped the cap off an imported beer and placed it in front of me.

  “Oh, you know.” I made my tone as bedraggled as possible. “Same old, same old.”

  “Heard about your chick trouble. Sucks balls, man.”

  That was an understatement. “Tell me about it.”

  Adrian leaned in conspiratorially, his eyes wandering to the many sinful acts going on behind me. “Lots to distract a man here tonight.”

  Finally, I felt liut y, I feke I might gain some ground. “I need something,” I confessed. “What did you have in mind?

  “Hey,” Adrian said as if we were best friends. “I know how much it hurts, man. And to lose your girl to that royal prick, Xander Peck—” he shook his head “—well, all I gotta say is you can do better than a gold digger like that.”

  Little did Adrian know that Darian had amassed a small fortune over the years. She didn’t need anyone’s money. I had to admit, the bartender’s opinion of the Shaede King elevated my opinion of him, albeit very little. This place made me feel like I needed to disinfect my entire body and burn my clothes.

  “The Lust Room is hot tonight,” Adrian continued. “There are a few honeys hanging out in there that’ll make you forget about that bitch.”

  Frost crept up from the base of my glass. I took a deep breath and put my anger in check. Not super-appreciative of Adrian’s insult to Darian, I had no choice but to nod in agreement. I’d started this rumor, after all. He was simply responding the way he thought I wanted him to.

  “I don’t want some random piece of ass,” I said. “Darian wants money. I need a fortune.”

  “The tables—” Adrian said, indicating the area marked as Greed.

  “Don’t pay shit,” I spat. “Come on, you know I’m not going to find the payout I need here. I need something big.”

  “Listen. . . .” Adrian looked quickly from left to right, as if making sure no one would hear. And in a supernatural bar, the chances were pretty good your neighbor could hear a pin drop over the DJ’s music. “I like you, Ty. You’re good people. You didn’t hear this from me, though, got it? Saul’s got the inside track to a high-stakes game. Won’t be in town long. Give him a call, maybe he can hook you up.”

  I downed the rest of my beer in a single swallow. Time to go. “Thanks, Adrian.” I rose to leave, and the bartender gazed pointedly at my hand. Jesus, didn’t anyone just do a favor anymore? I fished a hundred dollar bill from my pocket and slid it across the bar. “Like I said, th

  anks.”

  “Anytime, man!” Adrian called after me. “Good luck!”

  Chapter 5

  I made the call the next morning. Saul, the demon bookie, didn’t seem the least bit surprised to hear from me. Perfect. Now to find a high-risk game worthy of my self-destructive state.

  “Tough break, eh, Tyler?” Saul drawled in a lazy Southern accent. “I saw your lady once or twice; she’s a hot piece of ass.”

  I wanted to tell Saul to shut his fucking mouth before I shut it for him. “Yeah, well, I guess she found a better meal ticket, Saul.”

  The sound of Saul taking a drag off a cigarette was followed by a round of racking coughs. I held the phone away from my ear until he finished. “She’s got herself a king now, from what I hear.”

  Gods, I fucking hoped not. “Where’s the action tonight, Saul? Whatever it is, I want in.”

  “Hmmm . . . let me see now. Not sure there’s any of your type of action, Tyler.” Saul was grousing. He knew exaclowntly where the action was.

  “Bullshit. Are you seriously going to turn your back on someone who’s thrown a lot of business your way over the past hundred or so years?”

  Saul took another drag and choked for a few minutes. Jesus. “If you’re looking for a little sport, there’s a Texas hold ’em—”

  “That’s not what I want and you know it,” I snarled into the receiver, cutting him off. “Like you said,
my former sweet piece of ass is keeping royal company now. I want a game where the stakes are high. A fucking poker game isn’t going to get it done. I need to make a fortune. A king’s ransom.”

  “There might be—”

  “Might my ass, Saul.” I let every ounce of anger and desperation I’d felt over the past few months leak out in my voice. “You know. Tell me.”

  “The buy-in isn’t just a few coins, Tyler,” Saul said nervously.

  “You know I’m good for it.”

  “These guys, they don’t fuck around. The payout it high, sure, but if you lose. . . . You best be sure you’re willin’ to risk your life over a little tail, that’s all I’m sayin’.”

  “Noted,” I replied.

  Saul sighed. I supposed it was slightly redeeming that he was reluctant to throw me to the wolves. “I’ll make the call. The game doesn’t come round every night. It circulates a bit. If they decide to invite you to play, you’ll get a text thirty minutes before the game starts. If you’re even a second late, you’re out. And you won’t get another invite. Got it?”

  “I’ll be ready,” I said. “Just make the call.”

  With any luck, by this time tomorrow night I’d have Levi free of his life debt, and I could finally get the hell out of Seattle.

  But the more I thought about leaving Darian in the city with Xander, I wondered if, when the time came, I’d still be willing to go.

  * * *

  What I’d hoped would be a twenty-four hour turnaround dragged out for almost a week. Since I wasn’t about to hole myself up in the tiny, windowless office at The Pit, I decided to put my time to good use. I hadn’t intended to return to my apartment for a while, but I’d left the place in a pretty sorry state.

  After I unlocked the door, I just stood in the threshold, leaning against the jamb as I took in the mess. The past four months had been hell. I’d let my temper get the best of me, and the evidence was scattered throughout my apartment. I kept such a tight hold on my emotions around Darian. Even when she’d begged me to let my anger loose, I’d refused. Instead, I’d spent my months of solitude unleashing my anger on the marble countertops and high-end furniture. So very mature.

  My cell buzzed, and I almost sighed in relief. Gambling my life away seemed a much better option than dealing with the fallout of the past few months, but when I pulled my phone out of my pocket, the name that flashed on the caller ID wasn’t one I was expecting—or happy—to see.

  Raif.

  A chill snaked up my limbs and wiy limbsI locked down my emotions before I froze the phone solid. If I didn’t need the damn thing to track down the owner of Levi’s life debt, I probably would have made a cellcicle out of it and called it a day. And, yeah, I could have let the call go to voice mail and ignored the guy entirely, but since Raif kept an eye out for Darian, I figured I owed it to him to at least see what he wanted.

  “Raif,” I answered. No point pretending I didn’t know who was on the line. “What’s up?”

  “You didn’t have to treat her so harshly, you know,” he said, abandoning any pretense of politeness. “Darian did what she thought she had to do and you abandoned her before she could even try to make amends. What sort of fool are you, Tyler?”

  Just what I needed, love advice from someone who’d been a confirmed bachelor for centuries. “Not that it isn’t great to hear from you, Raif.” Which it’s not. “But my relationship with Darian is none of your goddamned business. So I suggest you stay out of it before you manage to piss me off.” I wouldn’t have a problem taking my frustrations out on Raif—Darian’s friend, or not.

  “Darian is my friend. She’s made sacrifices for me that few before her have ever cared to make. Therefore, her well-being is my business. You crushed her.”

  My hackles rose at being chided by someone who had no business judging my actions. Did he think I should just sit around and continue to be used at Darian’s discretion, switched on and off like a power tool? Let her treat me as if I were some annoyance that stood in the way of her life? I refused to just roll over like a house pet and show my belly. If we couldn’t find common ground—a mutual respect—nothing I could do would salvage our relationship. “You know, Raif, I don’t have time to be schooled on the art of relationships right now.” It killed me to think that in another week, she’d probably be back to her usual, snarky, pain-in-the-ass self, while leaving her had wrecked me. Raif was more than likely overreacting. As usual. “She’ll be fine.”

  “You abandoned her,” he said accusingly. The implied “asshole” went unsaid.

  “She abandoned me first,” I pointed out.

  “You’re an idiot, you know that?” Raif said with disdain. “Listen to yourself, Jinn. Almost everyone she’s ever cared about has let her down. She needed you, and you left her.”

  “But not you, right, Raif?” I was about five seconds away from hanging up on the sonofabitch. “You wouldn’t dare let her down.”

  “That’s right,” he said, matter of factly. “Because she’s never let me down.”

  Jealousy flared, settling in my gut like a chunk of ice. The residual effects of Faolán’s influence on our bond must have lingered, because the feelings of animosity I felt toward Raif hadn’t completely dissipated. I knew that Darian didn’t have any romantic feelings toward him, but it still stung that he could claim she’d never hurt him. An honor her lover—someone she’d known for years—couldn’t boast. “Look, Raif,” I said with a sigh, “I’m not sure what the point of this phone call is. . . . I think after everything that’s happened”—acting like a jealous lunatic, busting down your brother’s door, accusing you of trying to steal Darian away from me—“it might be best if we just give each other a wide berth for a while.

  “I know you’re st’ you’ill in the city,” Raif said, ignoring everything I’d just said. Dick.

  “Where I am and what I’m doing is my business and no one else’s. Understand?”

  “If you’re worried that I’m going to tell Darian, don’t. I’m not planning to add to her distress. She’s been through enough already, don’t you think?”

  We both had. Which was why I’d planned to leave town. We couldn’t keep on going like this: her pushing me away while I fought to hold on. I had to protect my own heart just as much as she did. Not that I expected Raif to care. “I’m only hanging around long enough to attend to some business and then I’m out of here. And I’d appreciate it if you stayed the hell out of affairs that have nothing to do with you. What’s going on between Darian and me concerns two people: Darian and me.”

  “Very well,” Raif said, as if I was totally inconsequential. Sometimes he really reminded me of his royal, snobby-ass brother. “If you care for Darian at all, though, I suggest you check in on her, Jinn. Whether you wish for her to know you’re present or not.”

  He hung up before I could answer him. Yeah, well, fuck you too, Raif. It pissed me off the way he and his brother talked about me like I was a nasty piece of dog shit on the bottom of their high and mighty shoes. I slumped down on the couch and let all of the tension rolling through my body out in a sigh. Cold breath mingled with warm air, rising in a cloud of steam.

  I didn’t want to crush her.

  Damn it, I loved her.

  Leaving her was my only option. Raif just didn’t get it. He couldn’t walk in after barely a year of knowing Darian and say that I’d made the wrong decisions. I’d spent almost six years trying to crack that steel-coated shell of hers. I’d been careful, understanding, patient, and as kind as I could be with her. None of it had gotten through. She couldn’t comprehend kindness because no one had ever been kind to her. Tough love was my last resort. No matter how much I’d wanted to work through our problems, I just couldn’t. The easy way had crashed and burned, and so now, I was doing things the hard way. According to Raif, the hard way had hit Darian much harder than I’d anticipated.

  Rather than try to dissect every word of my conversation with Raif, I opted to clean my trashe
d apartment. Leaving town with the place looking like a hurricane hit it probably wasn’t the best idea. Whereas most of the mess was superficial, there were a few broken items—the marble countertop in my kitchen for starters—that I’d need to use a little magic to fix. If I could manage to be patient enough to work at a snail’s pace, I could filter enough magic to take care of the repairs and not arouse the Synod’s suspicion. It’s not like I thought I’d be in any sort of real trouble for something as trivial as fixing a cracked countertop. The Synod wasn’t that uptight. But the rules were pretty clear on using our magic for personal gain and my outburst at Xander’s after Darian left me already had me on the council’s radar. Gambling definitely fell under personal gain. When it came to the Raksasha’s game of chance, you could bet your ass I might just have to use magic in my favor. Whether my acts were sanctioned or not.

  I just had to hope that I didn’t get my ass in a sling because of it.

  Chapter 6

  My apartment looked pretty damn good by the time I left. You’d never know I’d taken out four months’ worth of frustration out on the furniture, cabinets, and countertops. Cleaning up hadn’t erased my embarrassment over my behavior, though. Temper tantrums weren’t attractive, and the fact that I’d let Darian see the evidence of mine made me feel petty and immature.

  I’d like to say I self-consciously made the decision to head back to The Pit by way of Belltown. I could have simply used magic to take me to my office in the blink of an eye. It wasn’t habit, though, that guided me down the familiar streets to the former warehouse that was now Darian’s apartment. Raif’s words had been bouncing around my head all night, no matter how hard I tried to disregard them. I had to see for myself if what he’d said was true.