by Charity B.
I want to feel her against my chest and to smell her hair. I hold my hand out to her. “Please, can I touch you?” Though she doesn’t make a move to come to me, her head nods. I comb my fingers through her purple strands before I cup her face to make her look up at me. “There’s nothing that will keep me away from this now. It doesn’t matter what you tell me. Even if you don’t want to be with me, that’s alright. I’ll be whomever you need me to be. I swear to you, you’ll never have to go back.”
She shakes her head. “You don’t understand. Logan isn’t like anyone you’ve ever met. He always gets what’s his.”
I logically know getting angry with her isn’t fair, though rationality isn’t high up on the list at the moment. “You are not a ‘what’ and you are not motherfucking his!” I tap her temple. “Whatever demented shit he convinced you of, is all a lie. You’re a person. A human being with the fundamental right to be free.” I pull her against me and at the presence of her scent, my throat swells and my voice softens. “I need you to trust me and I need you to be honest with me. I will keep you safe, Tavin. I promise.”
She lets out a long, shaky breath while her little arms squeeze me tight. Pulling back, she gives me a sad smile. “I need to get ready for work.”
Oh, God, what does that mean? “Work?”
“Relax, it’s only a bar. I won’t be putting any cocks in my mouth.”
Jesus Christ, is she trying to piss me off?
“Tavin, don’t say that shit. I mean it.”
She sighs as she pulls on her jeans and slips into her pink flip flops. “I gotta go.” She stands in front of me, and when she looks up at me I can see her contemplating something. “I…I really am sorry. You did so much for me and I…”
There are so many questions I still have, so many things that don’t make sense, but right now I simply revel in being able to be with her again. I lift her chin and softly press my lips to hers, cutting off her unnecessary apology. Her tongue slips into my mouth and my heart beats faster as her fingers are back in my hair. Oh, I have missed this.
Our kiss deepens as I bring my hands around her little ass and lift her up, wrapping her legs around my waist. I kiss down her neck as I lie her on the bed. Finally, I’m kissing and touching her again. It feels like it’s been so long. Sliding my hand beneath her shirt, I pull down her bra, exposing her breast. She arches her back offering me her body, and my mouth is on her, sucking and licking her perfect nipples.
My fingertips trace across her brand. I’ve always loved it, though knowing what it really is leaves me conflicted. Her moans bring more blood to the throbbing in my jeans. I pop the button on her denims and she pushes away my hand.
“I really have to go.”
I groan and drop my head back. “No, you don’t.”
She sits up and straightens her shirt before she pleads with those big eyes. “Yes, I do. Please don’t fight with me on this. I like this job.”
I don’t understand why she has some shitty job if she’s supposed to be hiding from Logan.
“At least let me take you.”
Her laugh is weak as she turns away from me. “No, I like to take myself. I’ll call you when I’m done.”
Even though I don’t want her to leave, this has been an intense few hours. Maybe some time to calm my nerves won’t be so bad. “As soon as you’re done, okay?”
She wraps her arms around my neck as she touches her nose to mine. “Okay.”
“I love you, Tavin.”
Her arms squeeze me a little tighter. “I love you too, Lex.”
I prop my feet on the ottoman as Sasha mindlessly flips the pages of her Vogue and fills me in on what life’s been like with Tavin as a roommate.
“Now, you know I love the girl, but even when she tries to help it turns into a disaster. She nearly burned down the apartment the other night attempting to make us meatloaf.” I chuckle as she tosses her magazine on the table. “She drives Drew nuts more than anything. Her shifts run late, so she comes home at crazy hours and is usually wasted.”
“How does he feel about her doing drugs in the house?” I jab.
She presses her lips together and takes a breath before responding. “Keeping her from going back to Logan was my main priority. And I made it clear H was off limits. If she’s been shooting up, it hasn’t been here.” She stretches out across the couch and crosses her ankles. “My biggest issue is with her lack of clothing.” I laugh at her facial expression causing her grin to force through. She pokes my leg with her foot and the smile falls from her face as she suddenly goes somber. “What are we going to do about Logan?”
So much has happened today. While of course my natural response is wanting his head, I haven’t had so much as a moment to think of a real plan of action.
I groan out my response, “I don’t know yet. This is Logan James we’re talking about. I still can’t believe it. Our entire lives, Dad has worked for this man. We grew up on Rissa products and I fucking sell them in my theater. It’s just so surreal.” She combs her hair back and I push myself off the couch. “I’m gonna go. I want to check out this bar she works at. What’s it called?”
She gives me an I-know-something-you-don’t-know smirk. “Club Marvel.”
I do not possess the patience for her games right now. “Come on, Sash. I really can’t take much more today.”
She laughs. “Sorry, this is too much fun.”
“God, you’re a bitch.”
She blows me a kiss before she waves. “I love you, too, brother.”
Silas doesn’t attempt to cover his excitement when I call to see if he wants to go out. I pull up in front of his penthouse and he barely waits for the car to come to a complete stop before jumping inside. He rubs his hands together and is nearly bouncing in his seat as I pull off the curb.
“So where are we going?”
“Club Marvel, apparently.”
He smacks the dashboard with enthusiasm. “Oh, hell yes!”
“Hey!”
Ignoring me, he drops the sun visor mirror and finger-styles his hair.
“Thank God, man, I was beginning to worry.” He laughs, “But why are we going to skanky-ass Marvel? If you want strippers, let’s go to the Kitten Caboodle.”
I’m fucking sorry, what was that?
“Strippers?!” My speedometer starts rising along with my heart rate. “I’m going to kill her.”
“This ’her’ better not be Tavin,” he snaps. The look on my face clearly responds because he shakes his head and points his finger at me, scolding me like a dog. “No! No!” He throws his head against the headrest. “Damn it, I knew this was too good to be true.” He scoffs, “First she’s a prostitute and now she’s a stripper? How can you not get past this trashy bitch? Even your own dad got up in that shit.”
Okay. Ooookay. I need to take a breather or else I’m going to kill him tonight, too.
“Silas, I’m aware that you have no idea what’s going on, so I’m gonna let that one slide. You just need to take me very seriously when I say, do not ever speak about her that way again.”
“What am I missing here?”
Tightening my grip on the steering wheel, I fight my desire to tell him. I want him to understand her. The thought of him or anyone else thinking of her that way makes me furious. I wish the whole world could see her the way I do.
Sasha’s right though, they’re her secrets, not ours.
“It’s not my place to tell you. If she wants you to know, then that’s up to her.” I flip on my blinker to get off on the exit. “It’s too fucked up for words, anyway.”
Once we pass through the industrial district, the GPS says we’ve arrived. I’m about to ask Silas if he sees it when I spot the name on the building to the left.
We’re smack dab in the middle of Shadyside Slums. Well, that’s fantastic. I’ve been wanting to scratch getting robbed off my bucket list.
The gravel crunches under our feet as we walk across the parking lot and the music v
olume rises once we pass under the awning. I wrap my hand around the door handle just to yank it back instantly.
“Ugh, it’s sticky.”
He scrunches his nose and laughs, “Nasty.”
Touching as little of the handle as possible, I pull open the door and the smell of smoke and something repugnant swirls beneath my nose. I can’t believe she left out the part about the word ‘stripper’ being in her job title. Actually, yes, I can. She knows I won’t be cool with this.
It’s dark besides the flashing lights so it takes my eyes a moment to adjust, but when they do, the inside isn’t any better than the exterior. This is where velvet goes to die.
I scan over the separate stages to look for her and relief comes with the fact that while the girls are completely topless, I don’t see any without their bottoms.
Small victories and all that.
This place is abhorrent. I can actually feel my shoes fusing to the floor. Maneuvering through patrons, I walk towards the stages in back, and finally, find her on the last stage. Thank Christ she has a bra on, even if her brand is out for the whole world to see. I’m trying to focus on positive things right now. She’s having fun, which is clearly adding to her sex appeal, because she’s gathered quite the crowd. Watching this would be insanely hot if she wasn’t surrounded by these creeps. The dance she’s doing isn’t really all that bad, she’s ju—
Okay, well, never mind.
She drops on all fours, crawls to a man at the edge of the stage, and basically puts her breasts in his face. She brings her lips way too fucking close to his before she flips onto her back and throws up her pelvis, leading the rest of her body back to standing. God, she dances like she fucks.
“Mmmm.” The guy next to me groans.
Yep. She’s done.
She’s dancing at the edge of the stage as she tugs her candy necklace into her mouth, winking as she bites off a piece. Her fingernails glitter in the light as she trails them down her neck and plays over the clasp on her bra like she’s going to unsnap it.
Oh, hell no, she isn’t.
He knows. How the heck does he know? Of course his questions didn’t stop, he just stopped asking me. He’s here, touching me. He knows what I am and he’s still kissing me. The exhilaration from him being here and the terror of what that means are woven together like a braid. He was safe while he was gone, and now I know he isn’t walking away from this. From me.
My body recognizes him and aches for his touch. His big hands squeeze my ribs before rubbing his thumb over my hard nipple. I want his mouth on me so bad it’s agonizing. The pounding thrum in my core is so strong I have to focus intently to not thrust against him. Finally, his lips caress me as his hand brushes over the lotus. His summertime scent floats around me—that alone gives me a sense of warmth and comfort. Fingertips trace over my skin making my entire body hum. As my moan slides through my lips, I know I need to leave. If I don’t, I may not have the strength to stop him.
His mouth is on mine, devouring me, while he undoes my jeans. It’s getting late though, and I need to breathe for a second. “I really have to go.”
“No, you don’t.”
God, he’s so beautiful. I caress his soft lips and I soak up being in his presence again. While I want to stay, I don’t know how this is going to play out, so I still need the job. If it’s at all possible, I want to keep it.
“Yes, I do. Please don’t fight with me on this, I like this job.”
“At least let me take you.”
Uh oh. That won’t be good. Oh, jeez, can you imagine? Marvel is a topic I’ll need to ease him into. Very, very slowly.
“No, I like to take myself. I’ll call you when I’m done.”
Surprisingly, I don’t think he is going to argue. He looks sleepy. “As soon as you’re done, okay?”
It’s like his skin is vibrating. I feel it beneath my arms when I wrap them around him.
“Okay.”
He looks a little different to me. I don’t know, I can’t place it. His accent peeks out through his words as he says, “I love you, Tavin.”
I never thought I would hear him say that ever again. My heart twists, choking me up. I don’t know what this means. Now that he knows, I want to believe that he can help me. I hold his face so I know he can see my eyes.
“I love you, too, Lex.” I kiss him one last time and push off the bed. This feels kinda weird. Usually, he’s the one saying goodbye so he can go to work. I’m flustered and nervous so my words trip over each other. “When I—uh, yeah. I’ll call you… So…bye.” I have no idea why I point my finger at him like a gun and click my tongue. He chuckles and looks at me like I’ve lost my mind, as I turn to leave and roll my eyes at myself.
Sasha’s on the phone when I walk into the living room and quickly holds a finger to her lips so I’ll stay silent. “Mom, I know how far away it is, and I’m telling you, Farmor doesn’t want to come to my bachelorette party. The woman’s almost eighty-five years old.” I point to the door to tell her I’m leaving, as she nods and waves. I slip out as she’s screeching, “No, Mother. You’re absolutely not coming.”
I give the cabbie his money and wave to my friend, Venus, as she walks inside. This is the time of night right before it gets busy. The patrons are sparsely scattered through the club and not as many of us go on at the same time. I push open the door to my dressing room and fall back in my chair. It’s probably wrong to hide what I really do here, from Lex, but he won’t understand. The only thing he’ll see is that I’m taking off my clothes. I still can’t believe he came back for me. The air whooshes from my lungs and I cut a few lines, moaning as I inhale, feeling it thrum beneath my skin.
My legs can breathe again as I push the rough fabric of my jeans to the floor and change into my dancing outfit. It’s my favorite one. The bra is pale pink with lacy straps and a sheer ruffle along the bottom. The panties are the same color and cover most of my ass. They have a lacy waistline and the sheer ruffles make me appear a little curvier. I put on two candy necklaces and do another line before putting on the glitter lotion Alia gave me. I need to talk to her. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I can’t keep doing sex stuff with her. Hopefully, she’ll still be my friend.
I smile at a few of the men as I leave my dressing room. The girls complain about how they are pigs and gross, but they have no idea. They would never be able to deal with the Clients. These men are different. They don’t want to hurt us; they only want to see us naked. There’s nothing wrong with that.
“Hey, Candy, when you up next, baby?”
A man steps in front of me and I instantly recognize him. He’s in here probably three to four times a week. He’s a decent tipper, too.
“I’ll be over there in fifteen minutes.” I show him my stage.
“Well, how about a private dance while I wait?”
“I don’t do private dances… I’m sorry.”
I turn to walk away when he grabs my arm. “My money not good enough?”
“I’m sure your money is real good, I just don’t do them.”
“Hands off the dancers!” Chaz, the bouncer, is right beside me as he glares down at the man. The patron takes his hand away and simply walks off. Oh man I love that.
I grin up at him. “Thanks, Chaz.”
“You okay, sweetheart?”
I laugh. “Of course I’m okay. He only touched my arm.”
He smiles at me before continuing his rounds. Chaz is so nice. He doesn’t talk all that much, he keeps us all safe, and is a big help when some of the girls get into fights with each other.
I’ve only been here for a couple of hours and my tips have been great. It still kills me that these men actually pay money to only watch. Keith says that we have to get close to them sometimes, and we can touch them if we want to. I don’t want to.
My song is almost over so I bend down to touch my ankle and allow my hair to fall over my face and do the move Alia taught me. Touching my fingers slowly up my leg, I rol
l my upper body, and pick a patron to smile at. I try to find the least-threatening looking ones, so I am pleased to see a boy that looks too young to even be in here. I keep contact with his widened eyes until the song ends and I gather the cash off the stage.
I organize my money into a uniform stack. It’s nowhere near as much as I used to get from Logan, but I don’t care, it’s worth more to me this way. Fifi loops her arm through mine as we walk to the dressing room.
“Howd’ya do?” I show her and she whistles. “Not bad, not bad. If you’d do private dances you’d make a lot more. And not just money neither. I’ve scored diamonds, drugs, shopping trips…one guy even took me to Italy.”
I shrug because I can get my own drugs and I don’t want any of that other stuff. We walk into the dressing room and Venus is sitting on the couch doing a line. She pats the seat next to her for me to join her, and Fifi sits next to me. Venus gives me the rolled-up bill and I bend over the table. “Ahh, God.” The cocaine runs to my brain as I rub my nose and give Fifi the dollar.
“Hey, Candy.” Venus nudges my shoulder and pushes her cleavage up. “Are you fucking that guy that was in here last week? You know, the one that kinda looks like he hasn’t slept since 2010?”
I laugh at her oddly accurate description. “Toben?”
She reaches across me to get the bill. “Maybe…scary-sexy in a beanie?”
“That’s Toben. He’s my best friend. I’ll introduce you next time he’s here.” She snorts with her inhale as I stand up. “I’m supposed to be on again in a minute. I should get back out there.” I put my money in my locker and Venus holds up the dollar.
“One more?”
Fifi scoots closer to Venus and cuts more lines as I grab it. “Sure, thanks.”
This will be my third time on stage tonight and Alia still isn’t here. Even though she’s scheduled to go on in half an hour, she’s late a lot. My music comes on and the cocaine beats in rhythm with my heart as I walk on stage. The men don’t bother me. To be honest, I have to remind myself that they’re there. This is when I free myself. When I dance. When the melody tells me its story, it moves my body to its words.