by Charity B.
I wish I only had to do my routine, but the rules are, I have to engage. I wink here and there, lick my lips, and touch myself over the fabric of my panties. I fall to my knees and crawl to the man on my right. He smiles at me so I smile back. I get closer and I notice the come stains on his jeans. Who the heck can come just from watching someone dance? I pretend like I am going to kiss him and pull away at the last minute. They love that. At least that’s what Alia told me.
My shift is going to be over in a few hours and I can’t believe I’ll be seeing Lex. While I’m trying not to think about it, there’s a part of me that’s angry that he knows. I never wanted him to and not just because of the danger of it. I never wanted him to see into that part of my life. I’m ashamed and embarrassed.
No matter how much I begged him, he wouldn’t listen and leave it alone. Of course, I’m happy he came back. I’m also angry, hopeful, scared, hesitant, excited, and humiliated. What if he can’t stick it out like he thinks he can? What if I end up not being what he wants? I don’t know if my heart can handle losing him again.
Wads of cash are thrown at my feet as I make my way to the front and center of the stage. I find my target as I wink at him and I eat a piece of my necklace. That’s my favorite part of my routine. It’s time for my finale and the men really like it when I show my tits.
Suddenly, I lose control of my body. My head snaps back as I’m yanked forward by my arm and it feels like I’m falling. My face slams against something hard, and when I am able to pull back, Lex’s furious green eyes are glaring at me.
“Uh oh.”
“’UH OH’ IS RIGHT,” I snap.
She knows exactly how fucked she is. Something grips onto my arm as she yells, “No, no! It’s okay. He’s with me, Chaz!”
Oh yeah, you aren’t supposed to touch the strippers. Well, she’s not a stripper anymore now, is she? Still, I take my hand from her arm because I’d rather not provoke the giant, tattooed bouncer.
“No boyfriends, Candy. You know that.”
I look at her with what has to be a gaping expression. “Candy? Are you joking?”
She knits her brows together and huffs as she turns to ‘Chaz’. “Yeah, I know, just give us a minute. Please?”
He gives her a small smile, making him a lot less intimidating and nods toward the curtained area behind us.
On one hand, she’s been through more than anyone should have to endure, and I probably should keep my cool with her. On the other, she deliberately kept this from me. She ultimately lied and that shit has to stop.
She pushes open the curtain and I follow her into a room with a black velvet couch, a silver pole, and thick red carpet that hasn’t been changed since Clinton was in office.
“Damn it, Tavin. You know I would never allow you to do this. Why the hell do you want to stay in this environment? You’re not an object or a toy.” She looks to the ground so I push her chin up with my finger until she lifts her eyes. “The lies and the deception stop now. I know about Logan so there’s nothing that you need to keep from me. Now, get your shit. We’re leaving.”
“No!” Yanking her head back, she steps away from me. “I like it here. The men can’t even touch me, Lex! Can you believe they pay me to just dance?”
Deep breath, deep breath.
“You’re not just dancing! You’re taking your clothes off!”
She scowls and mutters, “I didn’t lie though. I do work at a bar.”
“Tavin, I’m not it the mood for you to be a smartass. It’s been a long and emotional day and all I want is to take you home. Now go get your stuff.” Her eyes are rimmed in red and I just now noticed, high as hell.
Dear God, I can’t even go there right now.
Through clenched teeth she snaps, “Fine,” before jerking her body around throwing open the curtain.
I never thought I would say this, but she really needs to put on some damn clothes. She marches to the front of the club and I follow her to the end of a hallway. Her fist remains still for a moment before she knocks on the door that reads ‘Manager.” A man hollers that it’s open and when inside, she murmurs, “Keith?”
He looks up from his computer and scowls. “Why the hell aren’t you on stage, Candy?”
If one more person calls her ‘Candy’ I might lose it. Her soon-to-be ex-boss is medium height and not much older than I am. He has the man-bun thing going on and not near as sleazy as I was expecting, considering the way he presents his establishment.
“I…um, uh…” She’s shifting on her feet and can’t form a coherent sentence. “Well, I just…um…” This is her first time quitting a job and she won’t lift her gaze from the grotesque carpet.
“She quits.” Grabbing her wrist, I lead her down the hall. “See? Easy as that, now go get dressed.”
Her eyes are slits as she slams the door to her dressing room. I let out a big breath and lean against the wall before remembering where I am and what could be crusted along this hallway.
Where the hell is Silas? Looking for him from my vantage point, I spot him next to one of the stages enjoying the show.
It doesn’t take her long to change and when she comes out, her anger has noticeably diminished. I take her hand and her body relaxes as I lace our fingers.
As we pass by Silas, I tap his shoulder and point toward the exit. “I’m getting her out of here. You can get a car, right?”
Holding up his phone, he says, “Already done.” His shoulders slack as he looks at Tavin, while she is refusing to lift her head.
She’s probably embarrassed and I am sorry about that. Still, she had to expect something like this was going to happen when she chose to be deceptive. I squeeze her hand and she doesn’t say a word as I lead her outside.
“Come on, Tav, how long did you think you were going to get away with this? Did you really not expect me to come check out where you work?”
My car beeps as I press the button on my key fob and she pulls her hand away to cross her arms.
“I don’t know, Alexander. I just wanted to make it last. This is the first thing I’ve ever done on my own,” she points to the club before directing her finger at me, “and you just made me quit.”
I truly do want to understand her sense of accomplishment. I also want her to understand my sense of not wanting other men to see her naked all the damn time.
“Then get a job wearing clothes.”
“I can’t!” Silas walks outside ready to say something, immediately stopping when he sees the state we’re in. She ignores him and yells, “I don’t know anything else! I’ve done nothing besides get fucked and high for thirteen years!” Her little fists are balled up and her head tics. “I have no identity. I’m not a real person. You know that.”
I don’t want to frustrate or upset her more, so I soften my voice. “Tavin, you are a real person. I can’t imagine what this must feel like and I’m sorry, but you’re not dancing. We’ll work on getting your papers, a social security number, whatever you need. It’s going to take time though, and you need to be patient.”
She opens her mouth to respond, and right before her words can come out, a feminine voice yells, “Candy, wait!”
The three of us turn to the voice that’s paired with an A-line pink bob. The girl shuts her car door and runs to Tavin. All I can do is throw my hands up in defeat when she cups Tavin’s face and kisses her. To be fair, Tav does back away immediately.
“Alia, I…I’m sorry, I have to leave.”
Does she have something going on with this girl? Silas’ eyes are huge when the girl puts her hand on Tavin’s stomach.
“Are you coming back?”
Tavin shakes her head. “I can’t. I’m sorry. Thank you for being so nice to me.”
The girl, Alia, brushes the hair from Tavin’s face and leans down as if she’s about to kiss her again. “Candy, I—”
That name is like sandpaper rubbing against my brain and I’m way past ready to get out of this parking lot and Shadyside Slums.
Stepping between them, I face the stripper covered in kawaii. “Her name is Tavin. Look, Alia, is it? Thank you for being there for her and I’m sure you are a very nice girl, however, today has quite literally been the longest day of my life and I simply cannot take anymore of…this.” I wave my hand implying generality.
Alia ignores me as she holds Tavin’s hand. “Will you call me?” Tavin glances at me before she nods and hugs her for longer than I find necessary. I wait until Alia disappears inside the club before asking, “What the hell was that?”
Her chin lifts with her straightened posture. “She’s my friend.”
“She seems like a lot more than that.”
Shaking her head, she looks away from me. “I don’t know what to tell you, Lex. I needed affection and…she isn’t a man.”
The truth is, I’m not as mad as I feel like I should be. While I definitely don’t like it, I understand it. After everything, her messing around with a girl while we were broken up doesn’t seem that concerning.
She keeps stealing glances at me, gauging my reaction and all I want is her home in my arms.
“Just so you know, I left him alone. He’s the one that came looking for me.”
Is she talking to me? Her gaze has fallen to the ground as her fingers tug at the hem of her shirt.
Silas sighs, “Yeah, believe me, I know.” He slides his hands into his pockets and rocks back on his heels. “I may have been a little harsh with you…I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay,” she murmurs.
“What am I missing?”
As I look in between them, Tavin finally lifts her head. “You don’t have to tell him, Silas.”
Crossing my arms, I scoff and face him. “Yes, he absolutely does. What did you say to her?”
He does that thing where he lifts his lip into a semi-smile and turns his head to the side as he rubs his nose. It means he’s guilty as hell.
“You were a mess man. You weren’t you and I was pissed at her for it.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
He glances at Tavin before he drawls out, “I may have called her a whore.”
No wonder she believes it so wholeheartedly. Everyone keeps calling her that. “Jesus Christ, Silas.”
Tavin’s soft hand brushes against my arm as she murmurs, “It’s fine Lex, really.”
“No, it’s not fine, and you don’t need to let people talk to you like that. Now can we please get out of this hell hole?” Crossing her arms, she nods while I glare at Silas. “Why are you even out here?” I ask him.
He gestures toward the Alpha. “My keys are still in your car.”
The dome light comes on as I reach into the console and find his keys. “Here.”
I toss them over the roof of the Alfa and into his hands. “Thanks. Later.” He turns to go back inside and stops in front of Tav. “I really am sorry.”
With a small nod and a smile, she climbs inside the car, while I give Silas one more glare before doing the same. As I turn the key, I lean back in my seat. The sound of the engine coming to life will always be one of my favorite auditory sensations.
She lifts her pelvis to reach into her pocket as I pull out onto the street, and I don’t even make it to the first intersection, before the sound of her snorting jerks my head in her direction. Her hand wipes across her nose, and for a moment, I’m too flabbergasted to react.
“Seriously, Tavin? Right in front of me?!”
She doesn’t even bat an eye. “You know what I am. Drug addict is included in the description.”
I know my jaw drops when she sprinkles more on her hand and does it again.
She’s pushing me on purpose. I don’t know why and it doesn’t matter. It’s not going to work. I hold my hand out in front of her. “Give it to me.”
“What?” she scoffs.
“Give me the damn bag, Tavin. I don’t know where you got the idea that I would suddenly be okay with this.”
She slams it in my hand as I lower my window to throw it out. My instinct is to reiterate everything I’ve already told her about the drugs and remind her that it’s nonnegotiable, but I think she’s trying to get a rise out of me and I won’t give it to her.
All I want is a few moments of peace with her.
The idea of a double shot espresso sounds amazing right now, and there’s a coffee shop on the way home. She would love their white chocolate, strawberry Frappuccino.
Reaching across the console, I hold her hand. “Do you want some coffee?”
Her shoulders shrug as she turns her head to look out her window. “Sure.”
This feels weird. The tension’s thick enough to choke on and I don’t know how to break it. While I admit our reunion could have gone worse, it feels as if she’s intentionally trying to make this more difficult than it needs to be.
We wait in the drive-thru line for our drinks and as much as I don’t want them to, my thoughts keep going to what I watched this afternoon.
“I have some questions.” Her shoulders tense as she continues to gaze out the window, making it impossible to see her face. She remains silent so I continue, “The first time Logan and Kyle came into your basement, you were familiar with Logan. Did you know Kyle too?”
She doesn’t respond and I don’t think she’s going to when she finally says, “Initiation.” Her fingers are tight and spread apart as she presses down on her thighs. Taking a couple of deep breaths, she slowly lets them out before speaking again. “The day you’re talking about is called initiation.” She turns her head and looks at me with an anger that’s so unnatural on her sweet face. “How do you know about Kyle?”
“Initiation to what?”
“Answer me!”
She’s naturally a soft-spoken person so her yelling startles me. I sigh and put the car in drive to move up the line. “It doesn’t matter how I know.”
She turns her body and pushes herself up as much as she can with her seat belt on, so she’s closer to my eye level. “It doesn’t matter?” She seethes, “This is my life. Not a way for you to get back at me!”
I’m in the day that never fucking ends and the last thing I want to do with her is argue. Why is she getting so mad at me? Is this all because of that disgusting job?
“Tavin, I’m not trying to get back at you. I can’t tell you how I know, but I only want what’s best for you.” I grip the wheel ready to be out of this fucking drive through. “I’ve only ever wanted what is best for you. Now, for the love of fuck, will you please stop fighting me?”
Her anger melts away as her body falls back into the seat. “I can’t believe you know,” she whispers.
Her head tics and she looks so damn sad. I don’t want her to feel this way. I don’t ever want to be the reason for a moment more of her suffering. I cup the nape of her neck and pull her forehead to mine.
“Alright, no more talk about Logan, or drugs, or strip clubs tonight, okay?”
Her shoulders lift with her silent breathing as I feel her head nodding against my own. “Okay.”
I rub my finger over her thumb as we listen to Nirvana and she annihilates her Frappuccino. The absence of words must calm us both because I can actually sense the energy loosen inside the car.
We pull up to my house, and as the garage door opens in front of us, her face falls once her gaze lands on the bare back wall. She attempts to hide her disappointment, turning her head toward the painting folded on the work bench.
I never had any intention of getting rid of that.
Her posture is stiff and her steps are slow as we walk inside, until right on cue, Mag and her jingling collar can be heard coming from around the corner.
“Oh my gosh, Lex! You kept her?”
Throwing her arms out towards Mag, she looks up at me, and her face is glowing with her gorgeous smile.
It’s been way too long since I’ve seen that.
I shrug and lean against the island. “Yeah, well, she grew on Cara Jo.”
Mag is
almost more excited than Tavin, using the whole bottom half of her body to wag her tail.
“I don’t think Cara Jo’s the only one you grew on.” She’s talking to the dog, though it’s clearly for my benefit. She crouches down to pick her up as she laughs and scratches behind Mag’s ears. I allow her to pet her for a moment before taking the dog away and putting her back on the floor.
“Go lie down, Mag.”
Holding up a finger, she corrects me. “Blind Mag. It’s Blind Mag.”
I chuckle at her and she grins. I am so relieved she’s back here. Her lip is so soft beneath my thumb as I close the gap between us. “I missed you so much.”
Forever I could spend looking at her eyes.
She stares at my mouth before crashing her lips to mine and wrapping her arms around my neck to pull me closer. The seams of her jean pockets are rough beneath my fingers as I cup her ass and pick her up to set her on the counter.
My kisses trail along her jaw and I feel her lips move against my ear as she rasps, “I missed you, too. So much, Lex.”
The candy of her necklace is sweet as I take it into my mouth. Using my teeth to pull it from her neck, I bite off a piece before allowing the necklace to snap back against her skin. The sound of her quiet moan goes straight to my cock and I grind my erection against her body.
Her fingers are where I love them, while mine are slipping beneath the hem of her shirt. As her tongue slips into my mouth, I give her back her candy. She smiles against my lips and my stomach vibrates at the excitement of her being here again. I can’t believe all of this has happened today. Her scent makes me strain against my jeans.
Pulling back to look at her, I don’t get the chance before she’s kissing me again with urgency. Her legs squeeze my waist and she yanks on my hair causing me to groan into her mouth. My hands wrap around her waist as I push up her shirt, feeling the bump of each rib.
I lift it over her head causing a break in our kiss. As the tee is discarded, she desperately grabs my face, and I see the shine on hers.