Sweetened Suffering (Sweet Treats Book 2)

by Charity B.

  “No. I went home with you because I wanted to, but the candy just meant a lot and felt significant to me.”

  Silas’ mouth is hanging open while Sasha doesn’t seem shocked at all, sitting there drinking her Slurpee annoyingly loud.

  From what I learned on my own, and from William, the Lotus Candy Company was founded in May of 1991. Twenty-four years ago.

  “When’s your birthday?”

  I can’t believe I haven’t asked her this before. She said it was a day she chose, I just find it a little odd that the company is roughly as old as she is.

  “December eighth, nineteen-ninety-one.”

  If her actual birthday is anywhere close to her made up one, then there’s no direct connection between the two. Still, the candy, the matching flower, and the name are too coincidental to completely ignore.

  “Maybe Logan just has a thing for lotus flowers,” I offer.

  She shakes her head. “No, it’s a symbol that I’m his.”

  My body heats up so fast when she says shit like that.

  Sasha scoffs, “Uh, no. The lotus flower is a symbol, but it has nothing to do with Logan James. It means rebirth and purity.” She knocks the salt from her pretzel. “Not possession and slavery.”

  Tavin leans forward toward Sasha. “Really?”

  Her mind is working hard on something as her hand rubs her shirt over her sternum. “Rebirth kind of means a fresh start, right?”

  It’s too perfect for me not to smile at her. “That’s exactly what it means.”

  Wednesday, July 8th

  “Come on, Timothy, he can’t keep me from seeing him and he knows that. He doesn’t want Toben to come over here, so that means I have to go see him.”

  “It may be none of my business, and I’ve tried to keep my mouth shut, but I must say I agree with Alex on this one.”

  I inhale deeply because he’s frustrating me. Nobody’s going to keep me from Toben, not even Lex.

  “You can agree with whoever you want to. The way I see it, you have two options. You can come with me to see Toben, or you can stay here and I can go by myself.”

  He huffs at me. “You know that isn’t really a choice.”

  “Good, then it’s settled.”

  He shakes his head. “Fucking girls. Thank God I’m gay.”

  I snort at him. I know he isn’t mad at me and only is trying to do what Lex wants, so I hug him and grab his hand to pull him outside. “Come on, slow poke.”

  I climb into Timothy’s SUV and buckle my seat belt as he turns to me and raises his eyebrow. “Alright, where are we going?

  “Gâteau on Fifth and Eltsen.”

  His head whips toward me. “Gâteau? Damn, that place is pricey.”

  “Yeah, and the chocolate, gold flecked macaroons are totally worth it.”

  He turns out of Lex’s driveway and whistles. “Todd’s going to lose it. He’s been bugging me to take him there for over a year.”

  “Invite him. My treat. I have some Marvel and Sweet money left.”

  “I don’t really know what that is, and though it’s kind of you to offer, he’s at work right now anyway.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll get him something good for you to take home.”

  He gives me a nice looking smile and I return it. “He would love that. Thank you.”

  Toben already has a table when we arrive at the restaurant, so the hostess leads us to him. He’s so wonderful, he got us a seat right next to the window.

  “I ordered you that drink you like.”

  I kiss him and take my seat. “Thanks. Oh, we should get the crêpe au fromage for Timothy to try.”

  I slurp my drink as the waiter walks up and takes our order. I tell Timothy to get whatever he wants and he fights me a little bit, until he smells the next table’s food.

  I’m starving by the time our meals arrive, and as soon as Timothy takes his first bite, his eyes roll into his head as he moans, “Oh God, this is incredible.”

  “And you haven’t even tried the dessert yet,” I tell him.

  Toben’s laugh stops so abruptly that it demands my attention. His eyes are wide and his body looks frozen solid.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He gazes past my shoulder when the voice that will always make my blood run cold, sounds in my ear.

  “Well, hello, Toben.” His hand feels like a million pounds on my shoulder. “Tavin, dear, how are you? I’m assuming your new arrangements are going well.”

  I can’t make myself move. I don’t know what will happen when I look at him. I haven’t seen him in weeks and the last time I did, I was high. He moves to the side of the table and my heart hurts. It’s beating so hard it burns.

  “Hello, Logan.” Toben’s voice sounds perfectly relaxed. I know him though, and he’s anything but.

  I still don’t want to upset him and I know not responding is one of the quickest ways to do that. Even though my words have to claw their way out, they can still be heard.

  “H—hello, Logan.”

  “And who is your friend? I don’t think we’ve met.”

  Timothy stands and holds out his hand. “Timothy Shark.”

  “Logan James. A pleasure.” Timothy’s expression fades into shock as Logan’s remains smug. He turns his wrist over to glance at his watch. “I apologize, I must be going.” His fingers lightly trail across the back of my neck making the little bumps cover my skin. “Charming as always to see you, Tavin.”

  I’m able to force my voice to speak once more. “Yes, Logan.”

  It isn’t until he’s completely out of the dining area that I’m able to get air back in my lungs. I wasn’t sure if I’d see him again, and if I did, I had no idea it would make me feel this way. I’m not his plaything anymore and he was being nice, so why do I still feel like throwing up?

  “Logan James is the Logan you guys talk about?” Timothy gapes.

  I nod as Toben takes my hand. “You alright, Love?”

  I’m not alright. I want to cry and scream. I’ve been living in this special world and it’s so easy to want to believe that I could become the girl in this life. It still doesn’t erase what I am inside.

  Dirty, filthy, whore.

  It was so stupid of me to believe I could just become something else. I’ve wanted to get high on occasion, but nothing like this. I feel like I need it. It’s the only thing that will push the fear and grime down to bearable, again.

  Mostly for Timothy’s benefit, I tell him, “Yes.” Even though he knows me too well to buy it. I can’t even finish my macaroons. “I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

  I hope, hope, hope Toben has his works kit on him. I know this is wrong and right now, I don’t care. I need this feeling to go away. I’ll never truly be free of him. No matter what I do, he will always be a part of me. I take out my cell because this is the only way to ask with Timothy around.

  I need a fix. Do you have any with you?

  Hopefully he has his phone turned up because I can’t be in here long or Timothy will come check on me.

  I got you. I’ll leave it in my seat.

  I hug my phone with relief. I can always depend on Tobe.

  Oh my gosh, I love you.

  I feel a little better knowing it’s coming. As I get back to the table, Toben is settling up the check, while Timothy rubs his belly.

  “What do you guys want to do now?”

  I know exactly what I want to do.

  Toben looks at his phone. “I have a little bit of time before my playdate, I saw a new art supply store a few blocks down, do you want to check it out?”

  As much as I want to see it, I can still feel my skin shaking. I want to scrub it clean with a steel wool pad. I take a deep breath. I don’t get to spend near as much time with Toben as I would like to. For the first time, Timothy being here is a burden. I just want to go back to the house with my best friend and disappear into our private world.

  I don’t have that option though, so I smile and sa
y, “Sure.”

  We get up to leave, and as promised, his little black kit is sitting in his seat. I shove it in my back pocket and Toben winks at me. He takes my hand, and when he does, I feel the plastic of a small bag.

  My eyes go wide and I squeeze his hand tight to show him how grateful I am. He knows me so well, he knows what I really want to do. The coke will hold me over until I get back to Lex’s.

  I feel a pang of guilt because I know I promised him no drugs in his house, although if I want to get technical I only promised for that weekend.

  Jeez, I’m not even convincing myself.

  I quickly sprinkle a bump on my hand and take a wonderful inhale. I kiss him on the cheek and he wraps his arm around me as we walk to Timothy’s SUV.

  The art store is huge. I’ve wanted to try the different chalks and paints, I just always use pens and pencils because it was all I used to have access to. There are big white boards that you can draw on and a lot of other things that I don’t really know what they are.

  “Hey, check this out,” Toben calls. I follow his voice to find him holding a piece of paper. “There’s a whole list of art classes. Anyone can take them.” He hands it to me.

  Free Summer Classes Available to the Public:

  1. Acrylics Basics: First and third Saturday in June.

  2. How to Draw: Second and fourth Saturday in June.

  3. Watercolor Techniques: First and Third Saturday in July.

  4. Color Mixing and Blending in Painting: Second and Fourth Saturday in July.

  5. Basic Skills in Oils: First and third Saturday in August.

  6. Fabric Screen-printing: Second and fourth Saturday in August.

  Even though I don’t know what a lot of this stuff is, I bet I could learn, so I stuff it in my pocket.

  “Thank you, Toben.”

  He takes out his phone and sighs, “Well, I need to go.” Wrapping his arms around me, he pulls me close as he whispers, “I wish I could go with you, I’ve missed being high with you.”

  I kiss him. “Me too.”

  Timothy offers him a ride, but Toben says he would rather walk, which probably means he plans on getting fucked up somewhere first.

  Timothy and I get back in his car, and as I buckle up, he tells me, “I have to tell Alex about who we saw today, you know.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  The coke is wearing off, so I really wish he would drive faster.

  I thought I was really getting a normal life and I started to truly believe I could have it. I’m so stupid, I can’t change who I am no matter where I live. I’ll always be his toy.

  We get back to Lex’s and Blind Mag greets us at the door. I pick her up to take her to my room. “I’m sorry, Timothy, I’m not feeling so well. I’m going to go lie down until Alexander gets home.”

  He narrows his eyes at me, so I don’t think he really believes me, when he says, “Okay. Get some rest.”

  I hurry up the stairs, shut the door, and put Blind Mag on the bed. Unzipping Toben’s kit on the bedside table, I set out the balloon, the packaged syringe, cotton, spoon, tourniquet, and lighter. Once it’s mixed, cooked, and the cotton is full, I slide in the needle and pull back on the plunger. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Alexander will be so mad if he finds out. He just doesn’t understand, he wouldn’t want to feel this way either.

  I ignore the stab of guilt as I pull open the drawer to find one of his belts. Situating the pillows on the bed, I tie off my arm. The needle slides beneath my skin, making my heart pound. I remove the belt and Blind Mag whines.

  “Come on, girl, I’ll be back soon. I just need to stop the filth for a bit, okay?”

  She lays her head on her paws while I pull my blood into the syringe, before pushing the drugs into my veins.

  TODAY IS A WEDNESDAY OF the worst kind. I skip lunch for a meeting that’s less than fruitful, and I’m running on coffee by the time I climb into the Lambo to head home. I just want to eat dinner, fuck Tavin, and spend the rest of the night relaxing.

  Timothy’s sitting on the couch reading an e-reader when I walk in.

  “Finally broke down and got one, huh?”

  He takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes. “Yeah, nothing will replace feeling the pages as you turn them, but a few bucks per book is hard to pass up.” He stands and gives me a cautious expression. “We had a bit of an incident today.”

  I wipe my hands over my face and lean against the island. “What now?”

  “Tavin and Toben wanted to meet up for lunch this afternoon, and while we were eating, we were confronted by Logan James. I don’t ask questions, and I only know bits and pieces of what’s going on, so while I’m only assuming he’s a large part of why you hired me, I thought you should know.”

  Even if I have no reason to think he’s still a threat, I imagine seeing him wasn’t easy on Tavin.

  “What did he say?”

  “Just hello, basically. I think it rattled her, though.”

  “Thank you for telling me.” I slip off my jacket and back up to the stairs. “I’ll take it from here, have a good evening.”

  “You too, Alex.”

  I climb the steps to her room and find her lying on the bed when I open the door. “Tav? Are you alright?”

  She slowly turns her head toward me and her eyes are nearly closed as if she is half asleep. I make my way to her bed and my gaze shifts to the night stand. The blood beneath my skin instantly comes to a boil and there’s a heavy pounding in my head.

  She shot up in my Goddamn house?

  I grab her arms and sure enough, she’s smacked out of her mind. “Fuck!”

  “I’m sorry…” she murmurs.

  I don’t know what the hell to do. She swore to me she wouldn’t do this shit, much less bring it into my house. My fingers rake through my hair and I pace the floor. She can’t keep doing this.

  “You’re letting that sick fuck have this control over you. You’re giving it to him!”

  She pushes slowly off the bed to face me. “That’s what I mean. You think you don’t see me that way, but you do. You think he’s sick, my life is sick, and you don’t want to admit you think I’m sick too.”

  “You’re not what he’s done to you. His…perversions are what’s disgusting, not you.”

  “There isn’t a difference, Alexander! You don’t understand, I wanted him to do those things. I liked it.”

  She’s trying to scream, and it’s as if she physically can’t. Still, her face is contorted in shame and I know she believes what she’s saying. He’s fucked her up so badly, I honestly wonder where he ends and she begins.

  “You think you wanted it? Oh, Tavin…”

  “I did! There was always a point I wanted him to keep going. Do you know how many times he’s made me come, Lex? How’s that for disgusting?”

  I can’t move, I can’t speak, and I can barely breathe. I am so irate at this point, I feel if I take a single step I will explode on her, and she’s the last person I want to be on the receiving end of it. There isn’t anything I know to say that will undo the years of damage he has inflicted on her.

  I have no idea if this is the right decision. Honestly, I’m out of ideas at this point.

  “Do not leave this fucking room.”

  The door slams behind me as I walk down the stairs and take out my phone to call Silas.

  When he picks up, I hear Sasha’s fit of laughter as she hollers, “I love you, see you tonight.”

  “Yeah, you better run,” he teases her, and a door shuts in the background. “Hey, what’s up?” He chuckles into the phone.

  “I need a favor.”

  He senses my mood because his tone quickly goes somber. “Sure, what’s up?”

  I go to the kitchen to get a drink. “I need you to go pick up Toben, I’ll text you his number. Bring him here. Tell him there’s something he needs to see.”

  “Okay… I don’t really know the kid.”

  “Just do it, Silas.”

 
I hang up the phone and text the number before tossing it on the counter. I down my drink and pour another. Going to the basement, I set up the theater for the VCR before retrieving the tape from my safe. I’m aware that this could do more damage than good. It also could open their eyes. Make them remember the monster he really is, not what years of abuse and drug use have transformed him into, in their minds. They need to go back to that day and see that he was never their savior or their friend. He’s their abductor and tormentor. They owe him nothing and at this point they are freely giving their fear and their freedom to the man who stole their lives. They should hate and loathe him. I’m not getting that from either of them.

  It takes Silas almost an hour to bring Toben here. Considering the last time I saw him I was punching his face in, I’m a little surprised that he doesn’t seem fazed by me in the least.

  “Go upstairs and get Tavin. She’s in her room.”

  He tugs on his beanie as he shrugs. “Uh, okay.”

  Silas opens my fridge and takes out a beer. “So, what’s going on with fucked up Hansel and Gretel now?”

  Ignoring him, I walk to the counter. “I need another drink.”

  Tavin and Toben come back down the stairs and as soon as she looks at me she shakes her head and her eyes tear up. “Alexander, I know I messed up. I’m so sorry. I—”

  “Are you sober?” I ask.

  “Yes.”

  “Come on.” I open the basement door and lead them to the theater. “Both of you, sit.”

  Toben crosses his arms. “What is this?”

  “You both have become numb to what Logan James is. You’ve clearly forgotten and it’s past due time you remember.”

  I press play and Tavin’s younger self appears on the screen. Her eyebrows knit together as she sees child size Toben come into view. She looks at him, while he’s glaring at me. I told him I wouldn’t show her this.

  She doesn’t seem to understand or really know what she’s watching until Logan and Kyle come down the stairs, then her head shakes violently.

  “No, no, no.” She covers her eyes and starts bawling, “No,” over and over like a mantra.