Sweetened Suffering (Sweet Treats Book 2)

by Charity B.

  “You’ve never said we are a family, before.”

  I squeeze my eyes shut as a hand presses against my chest. I open them to see Toben crouched in front of me.

  “He’s trying to confuse you. He’s a liar, Love. I need you to remember. Please, really remember what he’s made you feel like. Here.” His hand softly rubs the side of my head and I do what he asks. I think about all the times I was raped and beaten for our disobedience. How he used our fear and love for each other against us. The terrible things that were spit from his mouth.

  You’re weak.

  This is your fault.

  You disgust me.

  I know you’re enjoying this, whore.

  “Give me your knife.”

  Toben’s order snaps me back to now, as I watch Lex hand Toben the blade. Alexander’s complacency is shocking to me. He’s completely on board with this. Toben presses the blade to Logan’s throat and looks back to me.

  “He’s forced us to be with countless men, he’s done unspeakable things to you, and he’s made me do them to others. I need you to do this with me, Tav. When you bleed, I bleed, right?”

  ‘When you bleed, I bleed’. Our mantra, our promise to each other. And it was Logan who gave us the need to have it. I don’t know what would have become of us if we’d never been bought by Logan. For the first time in my life, I know about the things we could have had. The experiences he stole from us. It was all to feed his desires. None of it was ever for us.

  “You never loved us. We were always just your toys.”

  The words fall out as the truth sets into my core. He isn’t my savior, he’s my tormentor.

  The white of his teeth makes the blood covering them seem brighter, as he struggles to speak.

  “Though that may be true, Lotus, I’ve had many toys, and you two were always my favorites. If I could love, I would have loved the both of you.”

  I look at the man who has raised me, fed me, cleaned me, raped me, abused me and the veil is suddenly ripped away. I see him for the evil man he is. He’s right, love isn’t something he has the capacity for. The earth will be a safer place for everyone if he isn’t in it anymore. I don’t want him to take another breath.

  No matter how hard you scrub yourself clean, you will always be repulsive. It’s in your filthy blood, and still I give you everything. I am your Maker, Lotus. You breathe because I desire you to. No one can love useless things, yet I allow you purpose.

  Sticky, hot liquid squishes between my fingers, and when I look down at the knife in my hand, it’s also in his chest. He chokes, and blood splatters on his face as he gargles around words.

  Toben takes a big breath as his weight shifts to put pressure on his knife. This is really it. It’s actually over. I yank my blade out of the closest thing I have to a parent, as Toben rips his across his neck.

  Logan’s throat spreads open and blood oozes from the wound. Thirteen years of suffering, caused by him, jolts through my body and explodes from my lungs in a scream as I bring down the blade again. And again, and again. Finally, my heart rate slows and I look into his dead eyes. Dropping the knife to the floor, I whisper, “Good bye, Logan.”

  The moment feels suspended, frozen, until Alexander’s voice slowly breaks through like the light of a train in a tunnel.

  “We need to go, grab anything important. You need to clean up and change your clothes.” He speaks slowly around his wounds and I know that’s as painful as it is difficult. He needs me to get up and I still can’t lift myself from Logan’s body. “I’m sorry, we have to get out of here.”

  This time, I do as he asks, and look at Toben. I know he had a relationship with Logan that I didn’t, and it went even deeper than I originally thought. I’m angry about the Lotus’. I feel confused and betrayed and I’m still struggling to grasp it. Right now though, we just freed ourselves from the captor that has consumed our entire lives, and I need him in my arms.

  I put my forehead to his and press our scars together. He’s done things I don’t want to think about, but I need him to know I will never leave him. No matter what. We stay like that for as long as I think Lex will allow before I stand to follow his request. Toben silently turns to climb the stairs, and though I know my feet are moving, I feel like they’re doing it on their own.

  I stand in front of my side table and wrap my fingers around the white paint-chipped knob. The drawer sticks, so I jiggle it to pull it open.

  “Tavin?”

  His voice is like hot chocolate in the winter. He’s the light in a dark room of monsters. My lips lift into a smile. I will do everything I can to make sure he knows how grateful I am for it all. He changed my life. In this moment though, I want to be alone with Logan a final time and I don’t know how that will make him feel.

  “Please give me a minute. I’ll be up soon.”

  Moments pass and even though I can hear that he’s gone, the emptiness of the room is much louder. I lift our prince and princess rag dolls from the drawer and press them to my chest. I made these for us the day Logan changed our lives forever. It always meant so much to me that he let me keep them.

  I turn to the lifeless body that used to house the man responsible for so much filth and fear. Kneeling next to him, I let my fingers trail across his lifeless cheek. He’s gone. I will never hear his voice again. I will never smell him again.

  Cinnamon and cigarettes.

  Thirteen years ago…

  “Again!”

  The explosion of heat and pain from Toben’s whip spreads up my back just as Logan gives the order. The snap of the whip and Toben’s grunt warns me another blow is right behind it. I force my wet eyes to stay open and locked on to Logan’s. When his gaze burns into mine this way, the worse thing I could do is look away.

  Suddenly, his big hands squeeze my shoulders to shove me off him. He yanks my arm so hard it pops, as he slams my face down into my bloody blankets. He grabs my hips and the cold metal of his knife presses into my spine before the sting of the slicing, burns across my back. I know better than to cry out though. He makes his yucky noises as his movements get faster and I’m grateful I don’t have to look at him anymore. Instead, I look at the brown paper bags he brought with him, sitting on the table.

  I’m trying not to get too excited…does he somehow know about my birthday? He already put away our food for the week so I know it’s not that. I hope with all my might it’s a special treat for me.

  A few days ago, Toben sang me a ‘Happy Birthday’ song and gave me some new colored pens and pencils. He even saved a candle from his cake and told me to make a wish and to blow it out.

  Oh, I wonder if there’s a cake in that bag. I’ve never had my own cake before.

  “Such a disgusting, dirty girl…” Logan groans, and every time a drop of his sweat splashes onto my back, it burns inside the cuts. At least he’s getting closer. “Fuck, your filthy little body feels so fucking good!”

  He goes still for a minute, then pushes me away, and I stay like that until I hear the bathroom door close.

  “Are you alright?”

  I roll over and Toben is holding out my blue dress. I nod and take it to slip over my head as he sits next to me on the bed. “What do you think is in the bags?”

  His shoulders lift up as he shrugs. “How am I supposed to know?”

  He says that, but he’s smirking like he really does know. My stomach does that thing with popping bubbles and I clasp my hands together because I just know it’s something for me.

  “Is it for my birthday?”

  He laughs and smiles as he lays his arm across my shoulder. “I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

  He takes my hand as we get on the floor to kneel in our positions. I wish Logan would hurry up! Why is it, whenever I want him to go fast, he takes forever, and when I want him to slow down and stay with us awhile, he’s always fast and in a hurry?

  Finally, the bathroom door opens and even though he’s back in his suit, his jacket isn’t on yet. He w
alks over to the table and sits down in the chair. The smile he has when he’s nice, lifts up his cheeks as he pats his leg.

  “Come here, my little Lotus.” I try to run to him before I’m fully standing and almost trip. I keep myself from falling and keep going until I’m sitting on his lap. He waves his hand to release Toben from his position. “You may get up as well, Plaything.” His hand rubs up and down my thigh, and it’s okay because I know he won’t play with me again today. “Someone told me today was your eleventh birthday.”

  My smile is so big my eyes get squinty. “Yes, Logan.”

  He kisses me and reaches behind me to grab one of the bags. “What do you want first? Presents or cake?”

  A cake! He got me my first cake! Sometimes, he makes me so happy. “Cake! Oh, thank you, Logan.”

  I wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze him. He chuckles and lets me hug him before he grabs my wrists and pulls me away. The sound of the paper bag crinkling as he sets it on the floor has me bouncing on his knee. He reaches in and takes out a white box and sets it on the table. When he lifts the lid, I want to jump up and down and spin in a circle. It’s the prettiest cake I’ve ever seen.

  It’s square, and white, and sparkly with pale rainbow-colored frosting. There are candy stars and hearts on it and right in the middle, in big, pink letters, is my favorite part.

  Happy 11th Birthday, Tavin

  It says my name. Not Lotus or Plaything. It says, Tavin.

  I look up at Logan and he’s smiling at me as he rubs my back. It hurts over my new cuts and slashes, but I don’t care one bit.

  “Do you like it?”

  “Yes, Logan. So, so much.”

  He scoots me off his lap as he pulls a knife out of the bag. “Alright, both of you, go sit on the bed.”

  I hurry to obey, grabbing Toben’s hand as I pass him to pull him with me. The bed squeaks as we jump on it and I laugh at Toben’s grin. He leans over and kisses my cheek as I whisper, “You told him.”

  “Of course I told him. You didn’t think I’d let you go without having your own birthday cake, did you?”

  I grin and lean my head against his shoulder so I can watch Logan put yummy and delicious slices onto our plates. He carries them over and I sit up straight to take my treat. He gave me a corner piece! Those are the best because you get a bunch more frosting. I have the letters H and B on my piece. I stab in my fork and eat a big bite. My cake is vanilla. The taste of the frosting hits my mouth and it’s so yummy that it makes me feel good all over. I thought I liked chocolate best, and now I don’t know. I look over at Toben’s piece and my slice is way bigger.

  Logan walks back to the table and reaches into the other brown bag and takes out two packages. I can’t believe those are for me! The first one is wrapped in purple wrapping paper and has a white ribbon on it. The second one is smaller and wrapped in green and pink striped paper with a pink bow on it. He didn’t tell me to get up, and even though he’s being nice, anything can change that, so I make sure not to jump off the bed no matter how excited I am.

  He puts them down and brushes my bangs off my forehead. “Open the big one first.”

  I smile at him and he nods at me, so I dig my fingers into where the paper is folded and rip as hard as I can. The paper tearing to show me the surprise, makes my heart jump up and down. I get the paper all off and see the box, and I can’t be excited because I don’t know what it is. I hate asking questions because it shows him how stupid I am, but if I don’t ask, then I’ll stay stupid forever.

  “Wh—what is it?”

  Logan leans over to pick up the box and begins to open it. He takes out a black, skinny, plastic square that’s twice the size of a notebook. There are long chords coming out of the back, so it’s something you plug in.

  “It’s a DVD player.”

  He walks over to my TV and connects it to the plastic square with the chords. I sigh because I don’t know what that is either. “What’s a dee-vee-dee player?”

  Logan laughs, making me embarrassed, so I decide I’ll wait till he’s gone to ask Toben my questions later.

  “Just open your other gift, Lotus.”

  This gift is so light, it doesn’t feel like it weighs anything. I rip open the paper and I don’t exactly know what this is either, and it doesn’t even matter. I can’t stop looking at it. It’s a plastic case bigger than Toben’s CDs and has the prettiest picture on it. There’s a girl in a blue dress and she has her arms looped with a metal man and a lion! She doesn’t even look scared. She looks happy. A giant doll is standing next to the metal man and they are all walking on a yellow street. There’s a green castle in the back with red flowers everywhere. I don’t know where they are, I just know if I ever get to leave this basement again, I’m going to go there. The words spell out, ‘The Wizard of OZ’ and there’s a little puppy sitting in the O. I know I said I would wait, but I can’t. I have to know what this is.

  “What does it do?” His shoulders fall as he shakes his head and takes it from me. If it were anyone besides Logan, I wouldn’t have let them take it. Before I can apologize for not saying ‘thank you’, he opens the case like a book and removes a CD. Is it music? It disappears inside the dee-vee-dee player as he turns on my TV.

  When the screen flashes on, I hold my hands up in fists. I figured it out!

  “It’s a movie!”

  I realize it as soon as the lion growls inside of the ribbon. Movies play on TV sometimes, and even though I always miss parts of them, it seems like whenever I get to see the beginning of one, they all start with that lion. Logan smiles at me as he situates himself at the head of my bed and wraps his arm around my waist. He pulls me against him so I’m in between him and Toben.

  “That’s right, Lotus. You can watch it whenever you want, as many times as you want. Now, do you want to go, or do you want to watch the film first?”

  I’m so happy he’s letting me choose. I do like heroin, especially because it makes me feel nice after he makes me feel so bad, but right now he’s making me feel good, so I want to sit here and enjoy it.

  “The movie, please, Logan.”

  He smiles and rubs his hand over my neck before he kisses it. The smell of cigarette smoke sprinkled in cinnamon, tickles my nose. “Did you have a good birthday, Lotus?”

  Since it’s my first one it’s an easy answer. It doesn’t make it any less true.

  “Yes, Logan. It’s the best birthday I’ve ever had.”

  He doesn’t even touch me as we watch the movie. It’s not only the best birthday I’ve ever had, it might be the best one I’ll ever have.

  “All I wanted was for you to love me. Why couldn’t you love me?” My tears fall on his face, smearing the blood as they roll down his cheek. Scooting down, I lay on his burnt chest. “Why did you choose us?” I allow myself to weep against him knowing I will never get my answers. I don’t know how much time passes, but Alexander is waiting on me, so I finally separate myself from him.

  I place my dolls, some pictures, clothes, and a few notebooks of my drawings in a bag before putting it at the base of the stairs. I pull the leather through the loop on the belt and slowly pull the needles from my leg, causing more blood to seep out of the puncture wounds. Lifting my torn, bloody dress over my head, I drop it to the floor.

  The bathroom light flickers when it turns on and the pipes gurgle as water flows from a rusted faucet. Blood swirls down the drain as I wash my fresh cuts, and when I pat myself dry, some leftover blood stains the towel. Wrapping some gauze around my leg and arm, I pull the green dress Logan bought me for Christmas, over my head and pick up my bag.

  I look at my bedroom for the final time, and try to tattoo it into my memory. For better or worse, this was my childhood. I stare at his body, allowing the last tear I will ever cry for him to fall, as I climb the stairs.

  Lex and Toben are in the kitchen standing next to the stove that’s pulled away from the wall. I can’t believe how much Alexander has seemed to age in the last few h
ours. His torn shirt is sticking to his chest from all the wounds, and there are streaks of blood coming from his mouth. He has to be in so much pain.

  “Are you okay? You’re still bleeding.”

  He nods toward the front room and something about his demeanor has changed from moments ago. He’s harder. Colder.

  “I’m fine. Take your things outside and wait for Silas. I’ll be there in a minute”

  Toben’s lips kiss my head as we do what Lex says. We stop at the bottom porch step and place our things on the ground. Sitting in silence, we watch a few cars drive by before he speaks.

  “Do you hate me?”

  He saw everything Logan did to me. He held me as I cried and comforted me in the darkness. How could he do those things to other girls?

  “I don’t know what I feel, Toben. I could never hate you, I just don’t understand. How could you?”

  He rests his elbows on his knees and drops his head. “He changed me. Made things fucked up in my head. At some point, I loved having the control over them. I’ve felt helpless every day of my life except for when I’m with them. I never wanted you to know because I was too scared to lose you.”

  My feelings are jumbled. I want to claw off my face and scream. I lift my head to see Silas roll up in front of us. He opens his door and gets out to holler at us over the hood.

  “What’s going on?”

  Neither of us are able to respond before Lex rushes from the house. “You two, get in the car.” He holds out his hand to Silas. “You brought my clothes, right?”

  Silas’ eyes travel down Lex’s body. “What the hell happened?! Is that your blood?!”

  “Come on, we gotta go.” He snaps his fingers. “Clothes, now.” Silas ducks down to reach into his car and tosses a bag to Alexander. “Keep the car running and be ready to go.”

  “What’s wrong with your voice?” Silas calls after him as Lex climbs the steps to go back into the house. He turns to us. “I don’t suppose either of you are gonna fill me in?” I just sigh and do as Alexander said and get in the car. Toben climbs in behind me and takes my hand as Silas gets in the driver’s seat “That was a lot of blood Alex was sportin’. Is everyone alright?”