Will To Live

by C. M. Wright

  Sick of his touch, I gently extract my hand and take a step back.

  “I need to ask you some questions, Jake.”

  Jake straightens on his side of the bars, his eyes questioning the seriousness of the tone of my voice.

  “Questions? About what, Canada?” he asks me.

  I hesitate, wondering how the hell to word something so huge, without letting him know the truth.

  “I was wondering, what would happen if Greg found someone and she were to become pregnant? How would his issue with the whole zombie-thing affect the baby? And what about the mother, for that matter?”

  Jake studies me for far too long. I attempt to keep my face neutral, doing my best to look innocent. Finally, Jake opens his mouth and I relax a slight bit as I assume by his words that he didn't figure out the real reason I was asking...until I focus on what he actually says.

  “It's never happened before, so I wouldn't know.”

  Shit! Well, this accomplished nothing.

  “You don't have even a theory on what could happen?” I ask desperately.

  My heart stops as Jake leans his head back and looks down at me, his eyes almost closed as he studies my face.

  “I'm asking because Greg has a woman very much interested in him. I just want to be able to give him this information in case it becomes necessary.” I rush to give an explanation.

  I suddenly feel my world tilt a bit as I see a cocky grin break out on Jake's face.

  I take one more step back without thinking, and his grin becomes even wider. I hear a door open behind me, but it doesn't really register because my mind is so consumed by what Jake is thinking.

  Jake's eyes flick behind me, then back to my eyes, and he says, “So, you're pregnant with my baby?”

  A loud roar of fear fills my ears, and drowns out all other noise.

  How the hell did he guess that?

  A flash of movement next to me sends me stumbling back until my body slams into the wall behind me. Then I manage to focus on what's going on in front of me, and chills of fear spread throughout my entire body.

  Will's hands are around Jake's throat, turning Jake's face a deep red. Will isn't making any verbal sounds except heavy breathing. Jake's eyes are bugging out and his hands are frantically attempting to remove the ones taking his life.

  I scream for help, and John comes flying inside the room. Jake loses consciousness, and Will is finally talked into letting him go by John. I admit to being so terrified of Will at that moment, that I inch my way into the nearest dark corner.

  I've never seen Will this angry. Not ever!

  John shouts at Will to leave, and Will turns away from the cell. As he does, his eyes, which I swear are practically glowing red from rage, find me cowering in the corner. My breath catches in my throat and my stomach tightens with terror. Will takes one step toward me, growls at me, then is out the door and gone in one smooth move.

  It then registers that John is screaming for me to leave so that he can open the cell and check on Jake, and I do so, but slowly, as my legs have no feeling in them. My entire body shakes, but I manage to leave the room and close the door before sinking into John's chair behind his desk. I'm too scared to leave the building and go out into the night. I'm scared of what – who – is waiting for me outside.

  Why am I so scared of Will, you ask? The man who loves me, and the man I love?

  Because you didn't see his face! You didn't see and feel the waves of rage coming off of him. This could be the last straw for him. It would be for most men, really. I have no idea if he'll even be capable of listening if I try to explain.

  The outside door is thrown open so hard it slams into the wall. My eyes widen, my body stiffens as it prepares to run. My heart speeds up even more until I think I'm about to have a heart attack...but it's not Will. It's my brother, Andy, and he's not happy either.

  “Get the hell out!” he orders me.

  I say nothing as I run past him and through the open door into the night beyond. I stop when the door slams behind me, and search the yard for Will. When that doesn't produce him, I stare into the dark areas that the solar-powered lights can't reach. But it's just too dark and there are just too many other people going from the cafeteria to their homes, or wherever else they need to be.

  I give up and turn to my left, sticking as close to the shadows as I can to avoid having to talk to anyone, no real destination in mind. So lost in my own misery and thoughts, I never hear a voice call out for me. Never know anyone is following me until a hand grabs hold of my arm.

  I swing around, ready to fight, but Dustin doesn't even flinch.

  “Dustin! You scared the hell out of me,” I tell him as I bring a hand to rub my chest in an attempt to slow my already abused heart.

  “If you had been paying attention, you would have heard me calling you. Even here, you aren't safe enough to let your guard down, Canada. Don't do that again,” Dustin scolds me.

  “Oh, come on! Give me a freaking break, would ya? I've just had my entire life screwed up. And yeah, it's probably my own damn fault, but I only wanted some mother-freaking answers.”

  Dustin studies my face, then gives me a tug in his direction as he begins to walk.

  “It's time for your exam.”

  “Dustin,” I begin as I try to pull my arm out of his grip, “I'm not really in the mood for this. Maybe another time, okay?”

  He holds on tighter and gives me another good yank and I stumble.

  “Right now is the perfect time. Let's go,” he says in a tone not meant for arguing against.

  I have to practically trot to keep up with him, otherwise, I have no doubt he will just drag my body along the ground if I don't cooperate.

  “Alright! Let the hell go, and I'll let you do the damn exam,” I tell him through clenched teeth.

  I feel the pressure ease from my arm and give a good, hard yank before he fully releases me. His nails scrape along the tender skin of the underside of my arm, but I don't pay any attention to it. I just want to smack him upside his big dumb head!

  We reach the hospital and he ushers me inside. The downstairs clinic is closed for the night, so the lights are off and his receptionist desk is unattended. Dustin leads me down the hall to one of the clinic exam rooms and flips the switch to turn the lights on. He pulls a gown from one of the cabinets and tells me to strip completely, before leaving me alone.

  I do as he ordered, then climb up onto the table, before it dawns on me that he's only supposed to be checking my ankle, head, and arm where the bullet grazed me, so why did he want me completely naked?

  Before I have time to wonder – or do – anything else, Dustin gives a quick knock before entering, followed by his receptionist, and love interest, Terry.

  “Um. Hi, Terry. Dustin?” I send him a puzzled look.

  Dustin moves next to my right side and I look into his serious eyes.

  “I know you're pregnant.”

  Boom!

  Just those four little words cause an explosion of a high magnitude in my head. All I can do is let my body fall back on the bed in defeat.

  “Boy, news travels fast in this place,” I joke weakly.

  “I ran into Will before I went looking for you. I need to exam you. With it being Jake's, who knows what the outcome of this may be.”

  “Whoa! Hold the hell up. It might be Jake's. Might. It could be Will's you know!”

  Dustin stares at me for a long moment, before he apologizes and says, “I was going by what Will told me. I'm really sorry.”

  I let out a big sigh of frustration, and relax back on the table.

  “Let's just do this,” I say quietly.

  Dustin snaps a pair of latex gloves on and sits on a rolling stool at my feet. But before he can get started, a hard knock sounds at the door. Dustin apologizes and excuses himself, snaps off the gloves and tosses them in the trash container, then storms toward the door.

  I hear a shocked and surprised “Oh!” before he steps out of th
e room. I was unable to see who was on the other side of the door, but knowing my luck, it's probably John the Zombie Zapper.

  Great. That's just what I need to make this night complete.

  Terry approaches my left side and sits down on the chair placed there for family. She offers me a hesitant smile, and I smile back knowing how uncomfortable she must feel and hoping to ease the discomfort a bit.

  Why? I don't know, but she's just so damn sweet.

  “I'm sorry Dustin asked me to be here. I insisted he call in one of the nurses, but he said you're related to most of them and Cindy just got here. He said he needed help and he wanted you to be as comfortable as possible, but I know nothing about being a nurse!”

  I smile even wider at her uneasiness. “It's okay. Really. I'm glad you're here.”

  To be honest, I wish she weren't. I wish it were Will here by my side, but I don't think that's going to be happening.

  And of course, who should burst through the doors right at this particular moment?

  “Honey, I'm so sorry. I just kinda lost it when I heard what Jake said. It's fucking killing me to know he touched you, in any way.”

  Instead of just being grateful he's here, like I wanted and letting it go, I open my mouth and tell him how it is.

  “Yeah, because we know just how honest and trustworthy Jake is. We also know just how amazing an upstanding citizen Jake is. He wouldn't possibly try to cause problems between us, now would he?” I push myself up into a sitting position, gearing up to really let him have it. “Over and over again, you jump to conclusions and assumptions, and...and...you just piss me the hell off! So just leave. Get the fuck out of here. I never want to see your sorry ass again.”

  My chest heaves with anger, and my eyes shoot daggers toward my husband's face. He says nothing and doesn't move an inch.

  Finally, he says, “You really want me to leave?”

  “You really want to go?” I shoot back.

  “No.”

  “Then I don't want you to leave.” I tell him as I stretch out my hands to him.

  As we embrace, we hear Dustin say to Terry, “Only those two can make love seem like a bad idea.”

  Will and I laugh and release each other. Will moves to take Terry's place and Dustin snaps a new pair of gloves on.

  “If you two bi-polar lovers are finished, I have some work to do.”

  Will and I grin at each other as I lay back on the bed. When Will's hand closes over mine, I relax while Dustin does his thing between my legs.

  His doctor thing, you nasty-minded people!

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  After what seems a couple lifetimes, Dustin finishes the visual exam, then moves on to my ankle while he's down there. He twists and turns, prods and pokes, then moves up to my arm. I keep glancing at Will to see if his impatience is as clear on his face as it must be on mine. Finally, after Dustin's silence stretches to the examination of my head, I shove his hands away from me and sit up.

  “Dustin!”

  He jumps back from me, startled at my fast actions and loud shriek. His head swings to look at all of us in the small room. Until Terry helps us all out.

  “Dustin,” she says in a sweet and gentle voice, “what about the baby?”

  Realization spreads across his face, and he chuckles.

  “Guys, I'm sorry. I've got a million things on my mind. I'm trying to figure out everything we're going to need for this pregnancy and delivery, plus for any other women who become pregnant. I really didn't mean to keep you in the dark.”

  “Now that we have your attention back, Doc, do you think you can tell us what you found out!” Will says.

  I'm proud of Will. He started out calm and pleasant and ended only slightly less than a scream. Much better than I would have done.

  Dustin nods and moves back to take a seat on the stool. He wheels himself closer to us before beginning. Will and I grab each others hands for support and lock eyes on Dustin.

  “Everything looks normal from this end. I–” Dustin breaks off as I burst out laughing at the words he chose to use.

  I can't help it! I do that when I'm nervous. And you have to admit, it was pretty funny.

  All three give me a stern look, and I bite my lip. I nod to Dustin when I'm back in control, and he lets out a long, slow breath before continuing.

  What the–

  Dude! He totally just counted to ten with that sigh-thing he just did.

  I'm not that damn bad!

  Am I?

  “I want to get some more equipment from somewhere. The hospitals around here have been destroyed, either by fire or marauders. Or both. I'm going to have to send a team to travel a little further away than we're comfortable with.”

  “Hey! Cindy and Kris just came from a hospital. Maybe that would be the best place for us to search first,” I tell them.

  Dustin and Will give each other a look, and I immediately know what that damn look means.

  “The hell you say! I'm going. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean my ass is going to be forced to stay home. No! Don't even open your damn mouth, William! I'm going with, or without, everyone else. I will, and you know it.”

  Will snaps his mouth shut as he realizes I meant what I said, and that even if they manage to leave without me, I most certainly will find a way out.

  “You are the most stubborn damn woman I know!” he barks at me.

  “And you are the most stubborn damn man I know, so it looks like we're a freaking match made in Heaven, babe,” I snap back. I then set my jaw and stare him down.

  He looks over to Dustin for help, so I stare him down too, daring either one to argue me.

  Neither one does.

  Who said men can't be taught?

  “Fine. Let's finish your exam and get some sleep. We'll leave first thing in the morning,” Will grumbles.

  “After breakfast, right?” I ask.

  “Don't push it,” Will snarls at me and I shut my mouth with a snap, even though I know he's just being pissy and won't really leave without letting me eat first.

  Dustin finishes his exam and I look over at Terry, who has been propping up the wall next to the door this entire time. A grin begins to form on my face as I think of Dustin's failed attempt to fool us.

  Dustin didn't really need her. Our brilliant doctor just wanted an excuse to have Terry near him, forgetting he probably should have given her something to do in order to make it a little more believable. Ah, Dustin, the lessons you so badly need to learn!

  “What's the matter now?” Dustin asks when he notices my great big shit-eating grin.

  I clear my throat and attempt to wipe the grin away.

  “Nothin'!” I call out as he leaves the room, shaking his head and motioning Terry to follow him.

  Will helps me off the table and asks what's so funny. I explain the obvious to him.

  Apparently, the obvious wasn't so obvious to my darling husband, as the astonishment on his face makes it obviously clear he hadn't a clue that Dustin has fallen in love.

  “No shit? With Terry?” he asks.

  I roll my eyes. “Yeah, with Terry. Who else? How can you not see that?”

  Will shrugs and I laugh every time I get a glimpse of his face while I dress. He still looks shocked. We leave the clinic together and stroll home with my arm looped through his.

  Yes. We are totally pretending every thing's okay. It won't last. I promise. Soon, we will have to talk about this, and when we do...ruega por nosotros!

  When we reach the main house, we push through all the family and friends that have overloaded this poor old house. The sheer volume of voices make the windows rattle in their frames. We locate our boys, send them up to bed, and make our way to our own bedroom. I attempt to take what I had intended to be a quick shower, until Will slides in behind me.

  By the time we're done, the timer has long since shut our allotted water supply off. Shivering, we race each other to the bed and burrow under the covers. Holding each other t
ight, we slowly begin to warm up.

  Will strokes my hair and kisses the top of my head. When he lets out a deep sigh, I tense up, knowing it's time for the “talk”.

  “Precious, we have to talk about this,” Will mumbles into my hair. “I wish I could just pretend every thing's okay, that this baby is mine with no doubts, and that ignorant asshole had never touched you, but I just can't. I don't blame you, Canada. I really don't, so please don't think my anger is in any way meant for you. I do love you. I'll always love you.”

  “I love you too, Will.” I pull my head back and look into his eyes. “I wish all of that too. I hate Jake for what he did to me...to us. And I know this is hard on you, but please understand, or try to, that this is pretty damn hard on me, as well. But I can't, and won't, blame an innocent baby for who his dad is. I'm praying as hard as I can that it's yours, but if it's not, I will still love it and take care of it like it were.”

  “Sweetie, you know how I feel about kids. I would never hurt it, in any way, no matter what. Even if it isn't mine, it will still be yours. And just like the boys, because of that alone, it'll be mine. I just have to deal with the mental shit, and I will. Just give me some time.”

  Will and I hold each other even tighter as sleep begins to take hold of us and pull us deep into its depths.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  We're awake and ready to go about an hour before the sun makes its appearance. The house is quiet, so we do our best to sneak through without waking anyone. Once outside, we make our way to the cafeteria.

  In the silence of the morning, the sound of zombies can be heard on the other side of the wall. The groans and moans make me uneasy and nervous.

  I now know what Dustin had meant when he said I always had to be on my guard. It wouldn't take much more than a small breach in the wall to overrun the property. Much like they had done the night I returned.

  Once in the cafeteria, Will and I are able to move directly to the serving buffets, as there's no long line of people this early in the morning. We spot Dustin and a few others gathered around a large table in the center of the room. When we turn to find a seat, Dustin calls us over.