“Don’t worry about that. We want you to look your absolute hottest. You’re so cute, Ellie, but you don’t emphasize it.” Gracie points directly at my chest. “You have good boobs. You should show them off.”
I glance down at the front of my very plain, very boring T-shirt. “How do you know?”
“Look at them!” Gracie rolls her eyes. “Girl, you need to work it, and work it right now. You will have two men potentially vying for your affection tomorrow night. Give them something to think about later when they’re jerking off in the shower.”
“Ew!” I say with a laugh.
Hayden and Gracie laugh too. “The way you just said that makes it sound like they’re jerking off in the shower together,” Hayden says in the middle of her laughter.
“Ooh, I watched some male/male porn a few weeks ago,” Gracie says, fanning herself. “It was hot.”
“Whaaaat?” I am so sheltered, I swear.
“Yes,” Gracie says, nodding and grinning. “Super hot.”
Hayden giggles. My mind wanders.
Whoa.
“What time is your last class tomorrow?” Hayden asks.
“Two o’clock,” I answer.
“Perfect. Come to our place first, say around three? We’ll have fun picking out an outfit and doing your hair, and then we’ll head over to Tony’s and set up for the party,” Hayden says with a firm nod.
“Okay.” I nod, excitement fizzing in my veins despite the fact that we’re a full twenty-four hours away from me arriving at their apartment.
It’s fun to think about though. Of getting ready. Of actually making real changes when it comes to myself. I’m tired of being sweet, dependable Ellie. I want to be something different.
I want to be more.
Seven
Jackson
“Are you really not even going to consider taking the phone call?”
I pull the phone away from my ear with a grimace. The booming sound of my dad’s voice is sometimes a trigger. Reminds me of when I was younger and I did something stupid, like break that expensive vase in the living room, or wrecked his car when I wasn’t even sixteen yet.
Yeah, that last one is true, and I paid for it dearly. But that all happened before we moved to California. Half the reason we came here, I think, was for me. Dad wanted me in a new environment. He doesn’t realize, to this day, I’m still up to no good. I just got smarter and know how to hide it.
“I don’t want to sign a record deal right now,” I tell him for what feels like the thousandth time.
“And why the hell not?” he retorts. Jeffrey Rivers is a force to be reckoned with. Most people cower when he talks normally. When he barks like the ferocious dog he can be? Forget it. They all fall at his feet—or run away screaming.
Except for me. I’m used to him. The yelling. The bark is worse than his bite. Plus, I’m his only son, his only child. He has expectations for me, and he’s fully embraced the rock star thing, which is surprising.
While I’m the one over here fighting it.
“I’m in school,” I remind him. “I want to get my degree.”
“Why? When you have the chance to make it big? Look, I’m not one to discourage my child from going to college. I went. And I used my degree to get myself where I’m at today. It works. College is not a waste of time.”
He pauses and I wait for the giant but following this statement.
“But—” There it is. “You are on top of your game right now. There are multiple labels clamoring for you. Throwing money at you. You could become a household name in a matter of months, Jackson. Why wouldn’t you jump on that?”
Because I’m terrified of failure? Of the fame? Of the attention and expectations and agony that comes with it? Being a household name is great, but it was never a goal. Not originally. I just liked playing my guitar and singing songs. I enjoy writing songs. The more I performed, the better I got. The more attention I got.
This has been a wild ride, but right now, I need a break.
“You take the call,” I tell my father. He grunts in response, so much frustration in that one noise. “Tell me their offer. I’ll let you know whether I want it or not.”
I won’t. I can already guarantee it.
“You’re being ridiculous,” he mutters. “They probably won’t talk to me.”
“Then that’s their loss.”
“More like your loss.” I hear the creak of his desk chair. I can envision him leaned back, staring out the window at the Yosemite Valley spread out before him. He’s got the best view in the house, but he deserves it, considering he’s the one who runs that hotel. “You need to talk to them. Listen to what they have to say.”
“I’ll consider it.”
“It’s Friday. Take the weekend. Think about it good and hard, son.”
He ends the call before I have a chance to say anything else.
I toss my phone on my desk and plop down on my bed, resting my hands over my face. Everyone’s pulling me into different directions, demanding this or that. Wanting me to be something I’m afraid I’m not. I’m tired of it.
I’d rather focus on football.
There’s a game tomorrow, and I’m nervous. I didn’t get much field time last season. When you’re a freshman, and so many of us are fighting for the same position, it’s normal. Plus, last year I didn’t take football too seriously and I paid the price by getting benched.
Some of those guys who started with me gave up, and they’re no longer on the team. Some of them were released. Kicked off. One of them got arrested last spring for drugs and made the entire team look bad. It was a PR nightmare. The seniors graduated in May. Ash Davis got drafted. All eyes have been focused on our team for months. Since the bowl win in January.
This game is a big deal. Feels like all of Fresno shows up for our games, wearing their red T-shirts, tailgating in the parking lot before the game. It’s a party, and everyone is invited.
If I get a chance on the field, I can’t fuck up. None of us can. We want the win.
So bad, I can taste it.
Speaking of parties, I think of the one Hayden and Gracie are hosting tonight at Tony and Caleb’s. Ellie will be there. I’d bet money on it. But no one else would bet on it because they’d know I’d win.
She’s that reliable.
I want to see her, but I also know she’s still pissed at me. I can’t blame her. We kiss—and it was a fucking good one, I cannot lie—and then I hit her with the friend zone shit. She had full on heart eyes when the kiss ended and by the end of our conversation, the hearts were replaced by little orange blazes of fire.
They should make an emoji that looks like that. I bet it’d get used a lot.
I drop my hands from my face at the same time I hear a knock on my door. It swings open before I can say a word, Eli standing there in just his boxer shorts and nothing else.
“You’re going to the party tonight, right?”
I nod, not saying a word.
“Want to ride over together?”
“Yeah. You driving?”
“Fuck yeah. That’ll ensure I won’t drink too much. I need to be on top of it for the game tomorrow.” He sounds nervous. He’s starting tomorrow, and that would leave me a quaking mess.
“Perfect. This means I can get wasted while you’re my sober driver,” I tell him.
“Aren’t you starting tomorrow too?” He frowns.
“Nope. I’m not as fancy as you.”
Eli makes a noise. “Bro. Give me a fucking break. You’re on the verge of breaking out and becoming the next big thing.”
“Right.” I flick my chin at him. “Why the fuck are you naked?”
“I’m not.” He glances down at his boxers. “I just wanted to make sure you were here.”
“My car is in the parking lot,” I tell him, sounding like an asshole.
He frowns at me. “I know. I just—what the fuck ever man. Be ready to go in an hour.”
Eli slams the door before I
can respond.
I was a dick just now. I’ll apologize to him later.
Sitting up, I pull open my bedside table drawer and rummage around inside until I find what I want.
A little baggy of weed. Another bag of a variety of pills. Got those while on tour and have been saving them for a special day.
Looks like tonight is gonna be pretty damn special.
Eight
Ellie
“You look like a goddess,” Gracie breathes as she turns me toward the mirror.
I blink at my reflection, trying to take it all in, but it’s difficult. I look…like me. But different.
Older.
After class, I ended up at one of those walk-in haircut places and took a risk by asking for a trim. And curtain bangs.
“Oh honey, with your big brown eyes, you can totally pull that look off,” the hairstylist reassured me as she sat me down in the chair.
She took off four inches and gave me curtain bangs, just as I requested, and the perfect length too. I don’t hate them. Not at all. When I showed up at Gracie and Hayden’s apartment, they squealed when they saw me, pulling me inside with grabby hands and telling me how fantastic I looked.
It did my battered ego some good.
Now here I am in their bathroom after Hayden curled my hair into gentle waves and Gracie applied makeup, mostly to my eyes.
“What do you think?” Gracie asks, bringing me back to reality.
“I look…”
“Older,” Hayden says as she worms her way into the tiny bathroom. We’re standing shoulder to shoulder. Well, Gracie is standing above us, because she’s pretty damn tall, while Hayden is average height and I’m a freaking shrimp. “Your eyes, El. So pretty.”
I turn to the left, then the right, checking myself out. “Gracie did a fabulous job.”
“I only emphasized what was already there,” Gracie says. “This is all you, babe.”
My heart warms. Not having Ava around has left me feeling lonely, but I don’t know why. I have good friends. Ava is my very best friend and no one can replace her, but I’ll be all right.
“Let’s pick out clothes for her now,” Hayden says to Gracie, like I’m not even there.
“I want to stick with my shorts.” I point at them. I bought them on clearance last week at one of my favorite stores and they make my butt look good.
“They meet my approval,” Hayden says as she thoroughly checks me out. As in, she’s staring at my chest, and then my butt. “But you need something different up top.” She plucks at the shoulder of my pale blue T-shirt. “Too bland. We’re going to spice it up tonight.”
Worry makes my stomach clench, but I fight the feeling. I want to dress to impress. Not only for Jackson, but for Carson too.
Yes, both my boys, as Gracie and Hayden call them, will be there tonight. Hopefully. I invited Carson after our sociology class was over, and told him to bring a couple of friends with him. He seemed pleased by my invite, his eyes sparkling behind the glasses, reminding me that he is really cute. I shouldn’t dismiss him so easily.
And of course, I assume Jackson will be there. We share the same friend group. Eli is definitely coming. I figure he’ll bring Jackson with him.
He’s bound to be there. He’s never one to miss a party.
The girls drag me into Hayden’s bedroom and she starts thumbing through her closet. She has a lot of clothes, that’s for sure. Way more than I do. But she’s rich. Her dad is loaded. I’m used to this sort of thing. When Ava Callahan is your best friend, you’re surrounded by money, thanks to her very rich and successful father.
A lifestyle I will probably never have, but it’s fun to hang on the fringes of it. Pretend that you’re rich too.
Though I don’t care about that. Not really. I just want to be comfortable. Safe. Happy. I don’t ask for a lot. I’m not a demanding person. I’m quiet and prefer to hang in the background while surrounding myself with big, over the top characters.
I’m drawn to big personalities, what can I say?
“What about this?” Hayden pulls a black tank out to show me.
“It looks…really small.” I frown at the scrap of fabric.
It’s cropped. Low cut neck, snap buttons down the middle.
“It’s cute,” Gracie says encouragingly. “You’d look good in it.”
Hayden slips it off the hanger and tosses it at me. I have no choice but to catch it. “Try it on.”
I take off my T-shirt, a little self-conscious, but they’re not even paying attention to me. Too busy responding to whoever’s on their phones, their fingers moving rapidly over the screens. Maybe Tony and…Franz?
I can’t even with that name.
I pull the tank over my head, careful not to mess up my hair. I tug the shirt into place, quietly horrified that the tops of my boobs are basically on full display, along with my stomach.
“It’s definitely small,” I say, still pulling on it, trying to cover up some skin.
“Stop messing with it.” Hayden slaps my hand away before taking a step back, contemplating me with her head tilted to the side. “What do you think, G?”
Gracie comes to stand right beside Hayden, studying me with a narrowed gaze, tapping her index finger against her lips. “Looking good, Ellie.”
“I’m too exposed.” I wave a hand at my chest. “Look at me.”
“You look fabulous. Like I said, your boobs are spectacular. Not too big, not too small,” Gracie says.
“Just right,” Hayden adds.
I roll my eyes and walk over to the full-length mirror that hangs on Hayden’s wall. Oh shit. I am all legs and arms and tits, and normally I would never think of myself like that. I’m short for the love of God, and my legs are kind of stubby.
I don’t look stubby right now though. I look…older. On display, but not in a bad way.
“You don’t think it’s too much?” I frown at myself in the mirror, hating how insecure I suddenly feel.
I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard.
“No, I definitely don’t think it’s too much. You’re adorable.” Hayden comes up behind me and gives my shoulders a squeeze. “Adorably sexy.”
“I’m not used to showing so much skin,” I admit, pulling the waistband of my shorts up to cover my stomach.
Hayden slaps at my hand again before grabbing the denim at my hips and tugging them back down.
“It’s hot. You’re going to be burning up with all the people coming tonight. You’ll be grateful for this outfit later, trust me,” Gracie says.
“If you say so.”
“Jackson is going to swallow his tongue when he sees you,” Hayden says.
“I don’t care what he thinks,” I say, lying through my teeth.
“Uh huh. Well, then precious Carson will think you’re a not-so-secret hottie,” Gracie says with a laugh. “I’m so glad you invited him. He better show up.”
“Definitely. Jackson is going to get so jealous if there’s some guy sniffing around you,” Hayden says.
“Sniffing around me? Gross.” I put my hand in her face, but she just laughs harder. “I’m not trying to make him jealous.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” Hayden singsongs. “I need to figure out an outfit for me.”
“Let me find you something!” Gracie runs to the closet and shoves Hayden aside. “I want it to be a surprise.”
My phone buzzes in my back pocket and I pull it out to find a text from…
Jackson?
Frowning, I tap my phone to read it.
You going to the party tonight?
I stare at his message, contemplating my reply. So grateful I didn’t reach out first. Does that make me a petty person? Probably.
But I don’t care.
“What’s got you frowning?” Hayden asks me.
I blink her back into focus and hold my phone out to her. “This.”
Gracie leans in to read the text too. “When was the last time you talked to him?” s
he asks through narrowed eyes.
“The night he kissed me.” They know all the details. There was no point in keeping it a secret. Plus, I wanted their input.
Like I do now.
“Don’t respond,” is Gracie’s advice. “Keep him wondering.”
“Nah, that’s not it,” Hayden says, slowly shaking her head. “Tell him you’ll definitely be there. With your new friend.”
Gracie cackles evilly. “I like that.”
“What if Carson doesn’t show up?”
“It doesn’t matter. Jackson will be curious, wondering about your friend. Male? Female? He’ll think female, because he’s just that arrogant,” Hayden says.
“You’re not wrong,” I tell her with a little laugh.
“Right. So he’ll show up, perfectly prepared for fangirl Ellie to hang all over him,” Hayden continues.
I wince. “Was I that bad?”
“You were kind of bad,” Gracie says, not unkindly. Just very matter of fact. I see the sympathy in her gaze and it’s reassuring. “I’ve been there. I feel you.”
“What will be great is you won’t give him any of that. Not an ounce of fangirl behavior. You will ignore him,” Hayden says.
“I will?”
“Yes.” She nods. “Ignore him the entire night, but make sure you’re always standing nearby. Close to him, but not too close. Always in his peripheral.”
This sounds silly. Why avoid him, but also make sure he can see me?
“Don’t frown. This kind of shit works,” Gracie says.
“It’s just a bunch of game playing,” I say, throwing my hands up. “I don’t like playing games. I’m more the straightforward type.”
“Yeah, but that’s not how it’s done. Look.” Hayden comes to me, grabbing my shoulders and gently turning me so I have to face her. “I hate playing games too. Not every relationship has to be that way. And yes, there are people out there, that’s all they do. But sometimes, you have to work the system to your advantage. You have to play the game for a little bit. You need to do that with Jackson, if you want to be with him.”
The Sophomore Page 6