And that’s putting it mildly.
Truly? I became an enraged asshole.
This is where I admit I’m a jealous fuck. Girls don’t normally make me feel like this either, with the exception of…
Ellie.
Watching her talk—watching her flirt—with Carson right in the middle of the restaurant drove me out of my mind with jealousy. That she would act that way right in front of me after what we did the night before?
Fucking unbelievable. Didn’t know Ellie had it in her. That she actually had it in her to drive me out of my mind with lust.
I’d felt like such a dick when I woke up, realizing I was late to get her from the restaurant. Seeing all those texts and missed calls had sent me into overdrive, speeding like a maniac to get to her as fast as I could.
Only to find she’d called Carson when I didn’t respond. She’d lost all faith in me, just like that, though I guess I can’t blame her. I disappointed her.
Yet again.
I’d followed Carson to her apartment, deranged. Angry. Ready to beat some skinny freshman ass. Ellie confronting me threw me for a loop. What threw me even further?
How badly I wanted to fuck her. Seeing her angry, yelling at me, the little argument we had outside had turned me on and made me hard.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I went home and jerked off to thoughts of Ellie just as I described her: naked and sprawled out on the hood of my car, my mouth on her pussy, driving her wild with my tongue, just before I plunged my dick into her tight, wet heat. I came in an instant, as if I had no control over myself.
I fell asleep with her on my mind. Woke up with her there too. Before I went to class, I called the mechanic, who informed me the part came in and they were working on her car this morning. It would be available to pick up later this afternoon.
“I have to be somewhere by four and so does Ellie,” I told the guy, not one hundred percent sure when Ellie starts work but close enough. “Can we pick it up before then?”
“I will make sure it’s ready by three,” the mechanic promised me.
I ended the call and contemplated how to approach her. Calling her is out of the question. Pretty sure she has class. She’s more of an early bird than I am. I decide to text her instead.
Texting is safe. It’s our normal mode of communication. Always has been.
Me: Your car will be ready today by three.
She doesn’t immediately respond. I go about my business, getting dressed. Gathering up my shit. Making myself a bowl of cereal in the kitchen and eating slowly, staring at my phone as I scroll through Instagram.
Still no response from Ellie.
Shit.
I dump the leftover milk out into the sink, the spoon falling with an extra loud clatter and I turn on the water, rinsing everything before I snap the faucet off with a low growl.
“What the hell is up your ass this morning?”
I turn to see Eli standing there glowering at me. He’s the one who’s been in a bad mood lately, missing his girl like the pussy-whipped fucker he is.
“Didn’t sleep well,” I lie. I slept fine. I don’t want to admit my feelings for Ellie are leaving me on edge.
As in, I don’t quite understand what I’m currently feeling, but I know I don’t like it.
“Grumpy fucker,” he mutters, shaking his head as he shuffles deeper into the kitchen.
“You’re the one who’s been grumpy for a solid month,” I remind him, leaning against the counter and watching as he grabs a mug out of the cabinet, goes to the Keurig he brought with him when we moved in together, and loads it with a coffee pod.
“Yeah, because I miss Ava. Knowing I’m gonna get laid this weekend is making me feel a lot better,” he admits truthfully. He sends me a look. “Is that your problem? Maybe you just need to get laid.”
That is definitely my problem, but the only person I want to have sex with at the moment is Ellie. No one else will do.
No one.
“Probably,” I bite out, glaring at him, even though I’m not mad at him. I’m just mad in general. “I should get to class.”
Eli checks his phone. “Can’t you wait a few? We usually head over there together.”
“We’re going to have to drive separately today. I have to take Ellie to the mechanic shop to pick up her car this afternoon,” I explain.
He crosses his arms, studying me intently. “You are all torqued up, and I don’t get it. Did something happen between you two last night? I saw the way you were watching her when she talked to that guy she brought to the party a few weeks ago.”
I’m instantly filled with low-key anger at the thought of Carson. He needs to keep his hands off of her. His eyes off her too. “She’s playing us both.”
“Ellie?” He starts to laugh, shaking his head. “That’s not her style and you know it.”
“Maybe she’s changed.”
“You’re the true player, and now you’re getting played?” He laughs harder. “Oh, this is some shit right here.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Are you sprung on her? Is that your problem? Jealous over the fact that she’s talking to someone else while also messing around on the side with you?” Eli nearly doubles over in laughter. “This is fucking fantastic.”
“How is it fantastic? What the hell, Eli? I thought you were on my side.” I clasp the back of my head, the muscles straining in my arms. I want to hit something. Maybe Eli’s smiling smug ass face, I don’t know.
“You like her.” He shakes his head, chuckling. “And you don’t know what to do with yourself.”
“I’ve always liked her,” I say defensively.
“Not like this. You have actual, real feelings for her.” He points at me. “And you don’t know what to do with them.”
“I do not have actual, real feelings for her.” I am lying through my teeth. I do have feelings for her, and I don’t know what to do with them.
“Sure you don’t.” He doesn’t believe me.
“I’m just sexually frustrated. Like you said,” I continue.
“Uh huh. Can’t stop thinking about her?” He lifts a brow, grabbing his finished coffee and dumping a bunch of sugar and creamer in it.
“I can stop thinking about her,” I say defensively.
“Right. Is she on your mind now? Can’t wait to see her? Ready to destroy that fucker who put his hands on her last night right in front of you?”
My hands curl into fists and he notices. Of course he does. He’s deliberately provoking me. “That fucker showed up after work to drive her home.”
Eli frowns. “Thought that was your job.”
I explain to him what happened and by the time I’m finished, he’s laughing all over again. “She actually thought I forgot about her.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time,” he reminds me.
Now I’m frowning. “What do you mean?”
“You used to ignore her all the time. Listen, you never mentioned it to me much, but Ava gave me all the deets, thanks to Ellie sharing them with her. You two talked alllllll the time online. And then you’d see her in person and ignore her. Or act like she was your buddy, and that was it. It twisted her up inside. Made Ava mad too,” Eli explains.
“Ellie is easy to talk to,” I admit. “But then I’d see her and she’d give me those heart eyes and I…I couldn’t take it.”
“Yeah, well, now you’re the ass with heart eyes and she’s giving you a taste of your own medicine,” Eli says, sipping from his extra hot coffee. He winces. “Fuck, I burned my lip. Gotta keep these babies pristine for Ava this weekend.”
“You’re fucking ridiculous,” I mutter, my mind filled with thoughts of Ellie. How much I must’ve hurt her in the not so distant past. Her adoration was a heavy responsibility, one that I wasn’t up for.
“No, you’re ridiculous for not just—going for it. Ellie’s a cool chick. She’s tolerated your ass for this long, and she’s still ar
ound. You need to jump on that. Jump on her, before you lose her,” he says.
Fear makes my heart feel like it’s in a stranglehold. “You think I could lose her?’
He shrugs. “If that other guy is making moves that are working, then yes. You have the potential to lose her. She’s finding other options instead of just being stuck on you.”
Shit, shit, shit.
“Just don’t make a move for only selfish reasons,” Eli adds.
“What do you mean?”
“Make sure you’re doing this because you really do care about her. That it’s not just some ego thing. If that’s all it is, that’s some straight-up bullshit,” he says. “You like her, you want more with her, cool. You just want to fuck her to see what it’s like? Not cool.”
I’ve always appreciated how my friends don’t hold back, especially Eli. He tells it like it is, and a lot of the time, I need that.
Like now. Now, I really need it.
It’s only when I arrive on campus and am walking to class that I finally get a response from Ellie. Seeing her name flash on my phone screen makes my heart leap.
Who am I right now?
Ellie: OMG YAY! Thank you for letting me know.
I respond to her immediately.
Me: What time do you have to be at work?
Ellie: Four. I can pick it up before that, and then drive straight over to work.
Me: What time do you want me to get you?
Ellie: Um, I don’t know. I’m done with school by two. What time works for you?
Me: I’ll pick you up at three.
She goes quiet for a while, leaving me on edge. I stomp across campus with determined steps, glowering at people who dare to make eye contact with me. Even the girls.
I’m a fucking mess.
By the time I’m settled in my chair in class, I get a text from her.
Ellie: Sounds good! See you at three.
I smile. Contemplate sending her a heart. Even add one to the chat, ready to send it, but I chicken out at the last minute.
Like a heart emoji is going to make all the difference in the world. Like we’re in fucking middle school or something. I need to get over my damn self.
If I was smart, I’d get over Ellie. But I guess I’m not smart.
So I’m going to keep this going instead.
I’m done with my last class for the day and am headed toward the parking lot when my phone rings. I don’t even bother checking to see who it is. I just answer like a dumbass.
“Jackson. Thanks for picking up the call,” an overeager male voice greets me.
I glance at the screen, seeing that it’s an unfamiliar number. Great.
“I don’t have a car warranty that expired. And I own a Mac, not a PC,” I tell him, just about to end the call when I hear him frantically trying to get my attention.
“Jackson, don’t hang up! My name is Rick and I’m with Evergreen Records! I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for weeks!”
I come to a stop near a bench, my interest piqued. “Keep talking.”
“A scout from my company saw you perform this summer in Seattle. She said you were amazing,” he says, his voice overly enthusiastic.
They always talk this way, trying to ramp up my excitement. I get why. They want to entice me, but I always play it cool. You give yourself away and suddenly, it’s on their terms.
I want to always keep it on my terms.
“I had a good summer,” I agree.
“I’m sure you did. I was hoping we could set up a meeting,” he says. “And if I have to, I’ll come to you.”
Interesting. Usually it’s a phone call meeting first. Zoom next. By then, they’re mentioning terms and sending over contracts, which are never in my favor. That’s when I bail.
No one’s come to meet me in person, face-to-face before.
“I know you perform locally a lot,” Rick says. “Have any shows coming up that I can attend?”
“No. Football season is keeping me busy,” I answer.
“That’s right. You’re a rock god and a jock.” Rick chuckles. “What a combination.”
“It’s not that big of a deal,” I tell him. “I’m just keeping my options open.”
“Yes, versatile. I fucking love it,” he gushes. “I’m thinking I can be up there in about two weeks. How’s your schedule for the beginning of October?”
“My bye week is the first weekend in October, so your timing is perfect,” I tell him.
“Fantastic. Maybe you can book a last-minute gig too. I’d love to see you perform. I’ll be bringing a few of my executives with me. We’d all love to meet with you,” he says, just before he rattles off my email address. Would love to know how he got that. “Can I send some information over? And as we get closer, I can also send you an itinerary.”
“Sounds great,” I tell him, because why not? I like to entertain these offers, even though I never accept them.
“Looking forward to meeting with you. Can’t wait to see you perform, too. I have a feeling we’d be great partners for each other,” Rick says, just before we end the call.
This feels almost serendipitous. Too easy, even. And while I’m all for easy, my guard will still be up. I’ll have to drag my father into this too. He’s a shark, and he doesn’t fall for a bunch of pretty lies and empty promises. Plus, he has one of the best lawyers in the area. She’s the one who looked over my previous contracts, finding fault in every single one of them. Record companies aren’t in the business to make a musician rich, is what my dad’s attorney told me, and she’s right.
They’re in the business to make money for themselves. Period.
I’ll talk it over with Ellie too. I always like to get her opinion. I value it. When she speaks, I listen. When she does anything lately, I’m right there, watching. Waiting. Hanging on every word.
Clearly, I’m a mess when it comes to her. I need to figure my shit out.
Soon.
Twenty-Two
Ellie
I lucked out when I texted Hayden and Gracie, asking if they’d be on campus around lunch time today. They both were, and so we agreed to meet up.
I couldn’t keep what happened with Jackson to myself. I had to fill Hayden in on everything—I stunned her silent, which I don’t think happens very often—and then I let them know what went down when Jackson showed up with his friends. And later, when he magically appeared to pick me up. How I rode home with Carson instead.
How growly and sexy Jackson was after he followed me home. His voice rich with promise, the words he said to me. When he kissed me—a minor kiss in the scheme of kisses, but the words he said and the way he acted touched me deep.
I’m still not over it.
When I finally finish my story, my friends are watching me with surprise etched on their faces, their eyes wide. They don’t say a word.
“Well?” I urge, desperate for their opinions. “What does that all mean?”
“He wants you,” Hayden says. “I don’t doubt it at all.”
“That was kind of hot.” Gracie fans herself. “He actually said he wanted to put you on the hood of his car?”
I nod. I didn’t hold anything back. Gave them pretty much every bit of info he detailed. “He was so—fierce.”
“Hmm, an alpha. I love it,” Gracie says, dreamy-eyed.
“I just don’t want him to be all hot for you because he doesn’t like seeing you with someone else,” Hayden says.
“Why not?” Gracie asks, nudging her. “A little jealousy never hurt anybody. I love it when they get all caveman and grunt mine while slinging you over their shoulder,” Gracie says.
“I have never had that happen to me,” Hayden says to her best friend.
“Well, neither have I,” Gracie agrees, both of them casting me a look. “Has Jackson done that to you?”
“No.” I shake my head. “Not that I necessarily want him to.”
“Oh, give it up. It would be totally hot if he did that,” Graci
e says.
Hayden sends her a look, effectively shutting her up, before she turns her attention to me. “What are you hoping to get out of this with Jackson?”
“What exactly do you mean?”
“Are you wanting a long-term relationship with him?” She cuts right to the point.
I nod. Nibble on my lower lip. “That’s what I’ve always wanted.”
“Do you like this Carson guy?” Hayden asks.
Gracie makes a face, but I ignore her.
“He’s so nice. If Jackson wasn’t in my life, I would totally go for him. He’s definitely more my type. Jackson is more like my dream guy,” I admit.
“Sometimes, we get our dream guy,” Hayden says. “Tony is mine, and I love him so much. He feels the same way. And even though we’re two years apart, and we’re still young, I can totally see a future with him.”
Gracie is furiously shaking her head. “I know you both are big believers in true, lasting love, but it doesn’t always have to be like that. You can find yourself in a relationship that is totally enjoyable for the two of you, and not be committed to each other forever.”
“Says the woman who doesn’t last past a month with a guy,” Hayden says, jabbing her thumb at Gracie.
“Hey, don’t knock it until you try it,” Gracie says.
“I did, and I didn’t like it,” Hayden reminds her.
I smack the table lightly, getting their attention. “I know what you guys prefer in your relationships, and I appreciate the encouragement, but I don’t want a short term anything with Jackson. If I take it any further and then he dumps me? I’ll be devastated.”
And that’s not even an exaggeration.
They both give me sympathetic looks and I sigh deeply. I don’t want their sympathy. Not right now. I need help. Assistance. I need to make myself so desirable to Jackson, he’ll never look at another woman again.
I have no idea how to do that. Or if I can even make it work.
“I don’t have any major advice,” Hayden says, her voice soft, a faint smile on her face. “Just be your sweet, normal self. He’s drawn to you. Now more than ever. And he’s jealous of Carson. Maybe that’s the kick in the ass he needs to make a move.”
The Sophomore Page 19