Nobody’s Girl

by Tania Crosse

  She knew she shouldn’t feel like that when everyone around her had been so kind and understanding. But she did. She regretted, though, the way she’d accused Ralph. He hadn’t deserved it. But he’d been too close, and now she hoped he’d accept her apology when she found the chance to give it.

  ‘The police haven’t found out yet?’ she asked, but what did it matter? It wouldn’t bring Mercury back.

  ‘No. They’ve been here all afternoon, searching the woods, questioning everyone. But nobody saw anything. And they don’t know what the motive was. Or whether Mercury was singled out or not. They’re wondering if it was someone trying to get at Wig for some reason. But until we have some answers, we’ve all got to be very careful. Just in case they try something else. The dogs can’t go out on their own anymore, and you girls are not to roam around the grounds alone.’

  Meg frowned, still feeling woozy from the sleeping draught. ‘But how can I look after the livestock if I’ve got to wait for someone to come with me all the time? Perhaps I can borrow one of Mr Wig’s walking sticks whenever I go out. One with a heavy brass head. If I find someone loitering in the woods, I’ll hit them with it and ask questions later.’

  Clarissa’s eyes opened wide, shocked at the vehemence in Meg’s tone. But she could understand her feelings. If it had been Patch or Topaz or one of the mongrels… ‘Perhaps you shouldn’t be working at all for a while. Take things easy.’

  ‘No. I think I’ll feel happier keeping busy. I’d just be moping about the place, and I’m needed especially now we’ve fewer staff.’

  ‘Well, not for a day or two. Ralph can cope with the animals. I’ll have Mrs Phillips send you up a tray, and then you’d better go back to sleep. And only get up in the morning if you feel like it. There’s nothing Esme and the others can’t deal with for a few days.’

  Yes, Meg thought, sucking in her cheeks once Mrs C had left. Ever since they’d cut down on staff, Esme hadn’t stopped moaning about how much extra work she had to do. Esme blamed her, she knew. It couldn’t have been her, could it? But Meg had dismissed the idea just as quickly. She herself had been working with Esme, cleaning the master bedroom suite ready for their return, when the heinous crime had been committed. So she knew for sure that the housemaid was innocent, and surely even Esme wasn’t capable of such a vicious act.

  The other person she’d considered was Nathaniel Green. When Meg recalled the scene he’d created when he’d been convicted, it made the hairs crawl at the back of her neck. But how could he know where she was? She’d left the farm without telling anyone where she was going, not even Mandy. She’d felt it was better that way. A clean break. Mr Chillcott had handled all the business side of things for her, and he’d hardly have revealed her new whereabouts to the offender, would he?

  First thing the next morning, however, she asked to speak to the police, telling them about Nathaniel Green and his threats. The inspector promised to chase it up, but when he reported back a few days later, there was nothing much to relate. Some girl called Susan Chilvers had visited Green two or three times in prison but nobody knew who she was, and besides, Green had been released on schedule back in May. Initially, the elderly uncle who’d reluctantly put up bail for him had allowed him to stay with him – although with equal reluctance. But shortly afterwards, Green had left to go up north somewhere. The uncle neither knew nor cared exactly where, and never wanted to set eyes on his nephew again. There the trail had gone cold. No one of that name appeared to have registered on the electoral roll anywhere, or to pay income tax, though the likes of Green were unlikely to do so. Unless he did, or he applied to have his driving licence reinstated which he couldn’t do for a few years yet, it would seem he’d disappeared into thin air. The police were putting out notices, but it was generally felt unlikely he’d have risked returning to compound his felony with this horrible crime.

  So, it remained a mystery, but everyone was to stay on the alert. A team of constables, assisted by Gabriel, Ralph and Bob, had combed the woods, but there was no sign of any other poisoned bait. Enquiries were made of everyone Wig had been obliged to lay off in the last few years, since poisoning a dog was one thing, but what other acts of revenge could it lead to? Arson? Assault? Murder? But all enquiries drew a blank, and as the days passed by, it seemed there was never going to be an answer.

  Life at Robin Hill House was returning to normal. Knowing that they’d become friends, Mrs Phillips tried to arrange it that Meg and Jane had their hours off together, and they determined to make the most of the balmy late September weather. One afternoon, they’d descended the servants’ stairs together, Jane chatting away about a photograph she’d seen in an old copy of Tatler Mrs C had given her.

  ‘I don’t know who he is, but he’s really handsome. I hope I manage to find a husband as handsome as that.’

  ‘Looks aren’t everything, you know, Jane,’ Meg warned, trying to keep her mind on the conversation, but really still absorbed in her sorrow over Mercury.

  ‘No, but it’s a good start,’ Jane answered, her mouth widening into a grin.

  Meg had to smile, and the two girls continued out into the courtyard. The lingering warmth from the weakening sun had led Clarissa to order the French doors to both the drawing and dining rooms to be left wide open to give the rooms what could be their last airing before the winter. As the girls turned the corner onto the terrace past the dining room, they noticed that two of the bantams had wandered in looking for crumbs under the table, and they went in to shoo them outside again. The task completed among much laughter, the two friends crossed the lawn, arm in arm. Pigeons were cooing in the woods, and there was a splash of water as a duck crash landed in the lake. Meg felt that with the calm, peaceful atmosphere, all should be well with the world.

  But it wasn’t, was it? And some strange uneasiness churned in her stomach.

  Twenty-Six

  ‘Good morning, Meggy, and a very happy birthday!’ Jane beamed in the gloom as they got themselves dressed at six o’clock in the morning. ‘Here you are, your first present of the day. Ain’t much, but I’m sure you’ll like them.’

  Meg forced her face into a smile as she took the unwrapped box of Milk Tray. She hardly felt like celebrating. She’d rather forget her birthday altogether. But she knew Jane only wanted to make her happy and Meg managed to sound relatively bright as she replied, ‘That’s very kind of you. I wasn’t expecting anything.’

  ‘Well, you are my best friend, you know. So, how does it feel to be seventeen?’

  Meg raised an eyebrow. It always seemed strange to her that Jane was actually older than her. ‘No different from being sixteen. Did you feel any different on your birthday when you turned eighteen?’

  ‘Not really. But it’s nice to be made a bit of a fuss of once a year, ain’t it?’

  A fuss, eh? Well, Meg would rather spend the day quietly going about her duties. She really didn’t want to be reminded of all that had happened to her in the past year.

  It seemed, though, that no one was going to let her forget it was her birthday. Jane couldn’t find one of her stockings and Meg helped her to look for it – a ruse, she realised later, to allow the other servants to get downstairs first. When Meg and Jane arrived in the kitchen, the other staff were gathered around the table, breaking into ‘Happy Birthday to You’ and regaling her with cards and small presents. Bob had bought her a necklace to match the brooch he’d given her at Christmas, his face flushed as he handed it to her. Unusually, Nana May made an early appearance in the kitchen and handed Meg a package wrapped in pretty floral paper. It looked like a book. When Meg opened it, she was proved correct. Two books, in fact.

  ‘I don’t think you’ve read those, but you’ll love them,’ Nana May enthused. ‘Jane Eyre’s such a romantic story, but Wuthering Heights is really dark. To be burnt up with such a passion must be thrilling and terrifying at the same time. I’ve never been in love but I’m sure I’d never have wanted to have a love affair like that, but it make
s for super reading.’

  ‘I’m sure I’ll enjoy them. Thank you very much, Nana May.’

  Meg couldn’t help but return the old lady’s warm smile. She might not have wanted to celebrate her birthday, but she was glad now that she’d been forced into it. She recognised how much all these lovely people had helped her through the terrible tragedies that had beset her life in the past year, and she had the feeling she was going to remain friends with them all – except Esme – for a long time to come.

  ‘Now Clarissa would like her breakfast in half an hour, a little earlier than usual,’ Nana May was telling her now. ‘And I think you’ll find she has a little surprise for you, too,’ she added with a mischievous wink.

  Meg lifted her eyebrows. Now, she wondered what that might be?

  *

  Clarissa sat at her place at the dining table, chewing her lip in excitement. She just wished Wig had been there instead of in London, but perhaps his absence would allow her to indulge her fantasies unrestricted. Meg had proved herself in every way, worthy of the affection Clarissa felt for her, and which was growing every day. God knew she deplored what had happened to Mercury, and were it within her power, she would’ve raised the dog from the dead. It broke her heart to see Meg suffering such anguish, yet when she’d held the girl in her arms as she sat next to her on the bed, she’d felt such an intense sensation of maternal love that, God forgive her, she’d almost rejoiced. The moment had been so intoxicating that she’d had to take a firm grip on herself not to stagger from the room.

  Now, as she waited for Meg to serve her breakfast, she knew that she must keep her emotions in check. It wouldn’t do for her to wear her heart on her sleeve, but if she were a little overenthusiastic, at least Wig wouldn’t be there to witness it. But she knew that her husband was gradually accepting how much the girl meant to her. And who knew how the future would work out?

  Her pulse started rattling as Meg came into the room with the breakfast tray, and placing it on the dresser, transferred everything onto the table.

  ‘Thank you, Meg,’ Clarissa said, almost bursting. ‘Now, a little birdie told me it’s a special day for you today, so I have something for you. Ah, come in, Nana,’ she said, glancing up as the door opened. ‘I’m just giving Meg her present. I do hope you like it, dear, and that it fits. I had to guess.’

  She handed Meg a package, and Meg unfolded a beautifully soft Fair Isle cardigan from its tissue paper, and held it up across her chest. ‘Oh, it’s so pretty, and it looks like it’ll be a perfect fit. Thank you so much.’

  ‘Well, you deserve something nice,’ Clarrie smiled, brimming with delight. ‘You work so hard for us. We’ve a lot to thank you for, and you’ve had such a tough time of things. Oh, and we have another surprise for you, too. Ralph will help you see to the animals, and then we want you to have the rest of the day off. In addition to your normal free time this week, that is.’

  Meg lowered the cardigan, inclining her head slightly. ‘That’s very kind of you, but quite honestly, I’d rather keep busy. It helps keep my mind off things, and I never know what to do with my free time, anyway. I used to like going for long walks, but it’s not the same without Mercury.’

  Clarrie nodded with sympathy. ‘I know. But this’ll be different. The van Gabriel and Ralph use is at your disposal for the day.’

  ‘Oh.’ Meg frowned in confusion. ‘Thank you very much, but you know I can’t drive.’

  ‘Ah, well, then.’ Clarissa’s eyes began to dance teasingly. ‘You’d better have a personal chauffeur for the day as well. Sadly, Wig needed Vic and the Daimler up in London, otherwise we could’ve used that. But Mrs Phillips is making up a picnic as we speak.’

  Meg paused, totally bewildered. Surely Mrs C, or even Nana May, wouldn’t want to squeeze into the van, and who was supposed to drive the thing? She was just beginning to work it out, when Clarissa spoke again.

  ‘We’ve told Ralph he can have the time off for free as it were, and that he’s to take you wherever you’d like.’

  Mrs C’s smile broadened, and Meg struggled to hide her disappointment. Spend the day, alone, with Ralph! But she could hardly object, could she? And her brain just refused to drum up any excuses. ‘Oh, that’ll be lovely,’ she made her lips articulate. ‘Well, I’d better get organised, then, to make the most of it.’

  ‘Don’t worry about waiting to clear the table. We’re going to give Jane the chance to try her hand at it. You just go and get yourself ready, and have a lovely day.’

  ‘Thank you, I will.’

  Clarissa watched her leave the room, envy clawing at her heart. She’d have loved to go with them, but it was impractical with the van, and Wig wouldn’t have approved. And it was enough for her to see Meg lifted from her sadness. Meg. Her Meg.

  *

  Oh, Lord, she couldn’t get out of this, could she? Meg despaired as she took the present up to her room and changed into the trousers she wore for dealing with the animals. Then she went outside into the autumnal morning, tasting the damp, sharp tang on her lips. All the fruit picked, the leaves on the trees in the orchard were turning russet and gold, beginning to curl at the edges. All the borders that remained were dying back, and she considered that Ralph wouldn’t be too happy about having a day less to tidy them all up.

  When she went in to feed the pigs, though, he was already there, empty bucket in hand and the pigs noisily rooting their snouts through the full troughs.

  Ralph glanced up and nodded briefly at her. ‘All done, and mucked out. I assume you’ve been told we’re to spend the day together? So we might as well get going as soon as possible. You can think where you’d like to go while we see to the cows. Happy birthday, by the way,’ he added as an afterthought.

  ‘Thank you,’ Meg answered tersely. ‘Have you got any ideas?’

  Ralph shrugged as they made for the field where the cows were currently grazing. ‘We could just go for a drive in the countryside. There’s lots of pretty villages around. Pity it’s so overcast, but at least it’s not pouring with rain. Or we could go into Tunbridge Wells. Stop in a café in the Pantiles or something.’

  ‘Mrs Phillips is making up a picnic for us.’

  ‘Doesn’t stop me taking you for a cuppa somewhere. My treat. For your birthday. Unless there’s somewhere else you’d rather go?’

  Ralph was looking at her sideways, his mouth curved in a tentative smile. Meg bit her lip. Things often seemed to go badly between them, but she supposed that none of it had really been Ralph’s fault, and it was wrong of her to be churlish towards him all the time. He just always seemed to be so close to everything that had gone wrong in her life, and when her grief and anger had needed to blame someone, he’d just happened to be there each time.

  Suddenly, a huge lump seemed to swell up around her heart, so overwhelming she almost saw stars. It was as if a wire had attached itself somewhere inside her chest and was drawing her forward. The words were tripping off her tongue before she had a chance to think about them.

  ‘I’d like to go back to the farm.’

  Ralph halted his step and whisked round to face her. ‘Are you sure about that? Wouldn’t you find it upsetting? And what if they’ve changed things? I don’t want to be on the receiving end if it makes you cross or angry – again.’

  Meg bowed her head and then looked up at him, chewing her lip. ‘I can’t promise I won’t be upset, but I can promise I won’t take it out on you if I am. And I’m really sorry about what I said about you and… and Mercury. It was just, oh, I don’t know, the last straw and I just snapped. But really I appreciate what you did. Searching all night. I’ve not had the chance to apologise, or to thank you.’

  Ralph blinked slowly, his eyelashes swooping down and upwards again in two floating curves. Meg surprised herself by noticing how long and dark they were, and how his eyes were the colour of warm caramel.

  ‘You’re forgiven,’ he said thickly. ‘But only if you keep to your promise. And think carefully while we
see to the cows. I won’t think you’re fickle if you change your mind. After all you’ve been through, I want you to have a happy day.’

  Meg found herself smiling back. ‘No, I won’t change my mind. If we go to the farm first, then if I do feel a bit upset about it, you’ve got the afternoon to cheer me up, haven’t you? But on the way, can we do a detour into town to buy some flowers? While we’re over that way, I’d like to visit my parents’ graves.’

  Ralph gave a sharp nod. ‘Of course. But I’ll do better than that. I’ll make you up a better bouquet than anything you’ll buy in a florist’s.’

  ‘Would you?’ Meg’s eyes stretched wide. ‘Thank you. That’d mean such a lot to me. Especially after I’ve been so horrible to you.’

  ‘Consider it forgotten.’ And the warmth of his smile seeped into Meg’s heart.

  Twenty-Seven

  Ralph had been lounging back against the van, and now he pushed himself away from it as Meg came towards him. She saw a hesitant smile tugging at his lips and answered it with a half-smile of her own. She really must try to be more civil towards him.

  ‘I must say you look very fetching,’ Ralph dared to compliment her as he opened the passenger door of the van. ‘Is the cardigan new? But I’ve seen you in that dress before. It’s very pretty.’

  Meg felt slightly irritated that he’d asked such a question, but there was no reason not to answer him with the truth. ‘Thank you. Mrs C just gave me the cardigan, and the dress… My mum was making it for my birthday last year, just before… I had to finish it off myself.’

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry.’ Ralph’s face fell. ‘I shouldn’t have mentioned it.’

  ‘That’s all right. You weren’t to know.’

  ‘I’m sorry, anyhow. Now, let me take your coat. I’ll fold it and put it in what we call the clean box in the back. And I’ve done the bouquet. I hope you like it.’