Big Girls Do Cry

by Carl Weber

  “Jerome, this is Terrance.” She slid her arm around the waist of the man I suspected was married. “Terrance, this is my best friend, Jerome.”

  He offered me his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Likewise.” He had a handsome ruggedness to him. If Loraine didn’t know what to do with him, she could send him over my way any time she liked.

  “And this handsome young man right here is Thomas.”

  I took his hand, and he gave me a nice firm handshake. Thomas was kinda young, early thirties at best. He was a big guy, with well-maintained dreads, which were not something I usually found attractive, but there was something about him I liked.

  “Um, Jerome, Thomas was admiring your suit and tie.”

  “Yeah, I like your style. It’s hard to find suits for guys our size,” Thomas complimented.

  I was just about to tell him where I get my suits when Loraine cut in. “Maybe you two should sit down and talk so you can tell him where you got them. I’m sure you guys have a lot in common.” Loraine winked at me twice, our signal for I think he’s in denial.

  “Ohhh, okay, that’s a good idea. Grab a seat, Thomas. Let me buy you a drink.”

  “Come on, Terrance. They’re playing my song.” Loraine headed for the dance floor with Terrance in tow.

  Thomas sat down in Loraine’s seat.

  “So, you like the suit, huh?”

  “Yeah, it’s tight. I’ve been trying to find something like that for a while. I just can’t find them in my size. Where’d you get it from?”

  “Believe it or not, a little hole-in-the-wall called Al’s Men’s Shop on Broad Street in Richmond.”

  “Man, I been by there. That place is a hole-in-the-wall.” For a man so big, he had a sweet innocence to him. After being around him for a few minutes, I could tell Loraine was right: He was in denial.

  “No question. But have you ever been inside?”

  “Nah, can’t say I have. Just didn’t look like someplace I’d want to go inside of.”

  I leaned in a little closer to him. “Never knock something until you’ve tried it. There’s a whole new world out there for you. All you have to do is be brave enough to open the door.”

  He nodded his head, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he understood my meaning and was giving me the go-ahead. Only time would tell, and I could be a patient man when I needed to be.

  Thomas and I chitchatted for almost an hour and went through several rounds of drinks. He was an interesting guy, a former minor league baseball player who had a cup of coffee with the Atlanta Braves in 2002 before blowing out his knee. He said he really missed the camaraderie of being out there with the team. The more we talked, the more I was starting to think that what he really missed were the boys on the team.

  More than once our eyes locked, only for him to turn his head or look away abruptly. Now I had no doubt that Loraine was right about him. Even though he told me he had a fiancée, he also mentioned on several occasions that there was something missing from his life. That he always felt different. To a man like me, those were all buzz words for I’d like to be with you, but I’m afraid to make the first move.

  Good thing I wasn’t afraid at all.

  About twenty minutes before the club closed down, I made my move. “I’m going to go out on a limb here, but would you like to get out of here and take a drive somewhere?”

  I didn’t have to wait long for his answer. “Yeah, I think I’d like that.”

  He had no idea how much he was going to like it.

  “Good. I’ll be right back.” I walked over to the dance floor, where Loraine and Terrance were slow dancing. I tapped her on the shoulder. “I’m gonna take off. You gonna be okay?”

  She lifted her head off his shoulder, giving me a warm smile. “Do I look like I’m in bad hands?”

  “No, you look just fine. Call me when you get home.” I kissed her cheek, then turned my head toward Terrance. “Take care of my girl and make sure she gets home safe.”

  He saluted me. “Yes, sir. She’s in very capable hands.”

  “I’m sure.”

  “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, Jerome!”

  “I’m sure I will.” I started to walk away.

  “I’m not.”

  I looked back toward them. Her head was back on his shoulder, and she waved good-bye with her fingers.

  She wouldn’t do anything with him, would she?

  I wouldn’t know the answer to that question until I spoke to her later, so I put Loraine out of my mind and followed Thomas out of the club and to his car, a 2009 Lincoln Navigator.

  “Nice ride,” I said as I got in and buckled my seat belt.

  “Thanks. With everything going on in the car industry, I got a good deal. Where we headed?”

  “Just get on Jefferson Davis and drive north. We’ll know when we get there.”

  There wasn’t much said on our drive, but my hand inched closer and closer to Thomas’s thigh. It took me somewhere around ten minutes, but eventually my arm was resting on his thigh while my hand massaged the inside of his leg. I didn’t meet with any resistance. At a stoplight, I leaned over and began to kiss his neck and nibble at his ear. I could tell he liked it from the way he rolled his neck around and purred when I kissed a certain spot.

  “I think maybe we should pull over. There’s a short-stay motel right across from that gas station up there.” It was time to get a room and seal the deal. He’d started driving erratically when my right hand began massaging his penis through the thin material of his pants. If I went any further, he’d probably end up driving off the road and killing us both.

  Thomas followed my instructions to the letter, parking his truck in the motel lot so that I could get us a room. I guess sex is a universal language, because the entire time we drove, he hadn’t spoken a word, yet I knew exactly what was on his mind.

  Two hours later, we walked out of room 24. There was a couple standing by the night window, waiting for a key.

  “When can I see you again?” Thomas was speaking under his breath as we walked to his truck. He was trying to look inconspicuous, as though he was not with me, but I could tell he was already sprung. He had that overeager glimmer in his eye that my men get when they first admit they like to have sex with men.

  For me, it was like breaking in virgins when I got these down-low men. They were the ones I liked the best. They were generally the biggest freaks once I shattered their facades, and the sad thing was, their wives had no clue. I’d had rappers who tried to act like gangsters, and I’d had celebrities. I’d had them all—and almost every last one of them was a married man. Maybe Thomas’s fiancée would figure it out before they walked down the aisle … but I doubted it.

  “I’ll call you.” I tried to sound vague. It was, of course, the weekend. I didn’t want to mess up my precious time with Big Poppa. Until I was sure that he wouldn’t be coming over any time during the weekend, I couldn’t make any promises.

  “You got my number, right?”

  “I got it.”

  “Lock it in your phone, man.”

  “I said I got it, Thomas.”

  “Look, man, I really had a good time. We should do this again soon.”

  Damn! On the way there, I couldn’t get him to say a word. Now I couldn’t get him to shut up.

  “Jerome!”

  I heard a voice behind me. I pivoted around to see who was calling me.

  “Peter?” What the hell was he doing at the motel? And why did he look so bad? He was a far cry from George Clooney now. Something was definitely wrong with this guy. I was starting to think he’d lost his mind for real.

  “Jerome, how could you do this to me?” He held his hands out in a pleading gesture. He was actually crying like a little bitch.

  “What the fuck, Peter? Are you following me?”

  “Not this time. I was just sitting here reminiscing. This was the first place we made love, so it’s special to me, and like some type of omen, you show
ed up. God sent you to me, Jerome.”

  “Man, you are fucking nuts.” I didn’t mean to sound so cold, but I can’t stand a weak-ass man, especially one who’s trying to make me feel guilty. Shit, I had been nothing but honest with the guy. I never told him we were going to be together. Was it my fault if he fell in love?

  He looked over at Thomas, who had stopped pretending he wasn’t with me and was now standing by my side. “You don’t need this guy. Just give me a chance. I’ll do anything for you. I love you.” Peter began bawling like a little girl, which further turned me off.

  “Yo, who is this guy?” Thomas asked.

  “Nobody important.”

  “Nobody important! I left my wife and my kids for you. I have lost all my friends so that I could be with you. Now you’re gonna tell this man that I’m nobody important?”

  “Didn’t nobody tell you to leave your family.” I turned away from Peter.

  Thomas offered to defend me. “Just say the word, Jerome, and I can whip this white boy’s ass with one hand tied behind my back.”

  “No.” I sighed. “This is just someone who doesn’t know that no means no. Just get in the truck so we can get out of here. Can’t you tell he’s crazy?”

  Peter turned to Thomas. “Mister, I don’t know who you are, but run while you can; get out of this mess. He’ll ruin your life. I swear he’s Satan. He’ll make you fall in love with him and then break your heart.”

  I loved me some married men, but it was times like these that reminded me I was playing a very dangerous game.

  Isis

  19

  I’d been texting Tony all day, but he hadn’t answered me back once, which was pissing me off. I had his number, though. I couldn’t wait until that jealous motherfucker found out I was pregnant by Rashad. He was going to flip his wig. He hated Rashad just as much, if not more, than Rashad hated him. I know this probably sounds absurd, but my period couldn’t be over fast enough so they could shoot me up with Rashad’s sperm. I decided not to go on the birth control pills, since we were not going to be getting pregnant the natural way. No, I wanted to get pregnant as soon as possible. Once I was pregnant, I was going to make quite a few people grovel and pay.

  I heard a knock on the door. It had to be Egypt. She had been in and out of my room all afternoon. Ever since I had agreed to have Rashad’s baby, she’d been asking me a million questions. I wanted to scream, What the hell do you want? But there was still the remote possibility that she could change her mind and kick my ass out on the street, so instead, I said sweetly, “Come in.”

  “Hey, Isis.” To my surprise, it was Rashad who walked in, wearing his bathrobe. I had to admit he looked better in it than Tony did. We were going to have some really good-looking kids.

  “Hey, Rashad,” I replied happily as he shut the door.

  I sat up in the bed, and one of my breasts almost fell out of the opening to my nightgown. I didn’t even attempt to cover myself up. He’d seen everything I had to offer plenty of times. I’m sure he knew that all he had to do was ask, and it could be his again. If he didn’t, I’d let him know soon enough.

  “What’s up?”

  “I just wanted to say thanks. Egypt told me what you’re doing for us.”

  To my surprise, he was all choked up, and his eyes were glistening with tears. I’d dated that man for ten years, and I’d only seen him cry twice—once at his father’s funeral. The second time was the day I chose Tony over him, probably the stupidest thing I’d ever done.

  “Hey, it’s okay.” I cleared a space on the side of the bed and patted it, signaling for him to join me. He sat down, and I said, “You don’t have to thank me.”

  You could kiss me, maybe even fuck me, but you don’t have to thank me.

  He looked me straight in the eye. “Yeah, I do. I’m not stupid. I know this wasn’t an easy decision for you to make. I just want you to know I will never forget it.”

  “Mmm-hmm.” I rubbed his back, thinking that he had no idea how easy it really was for me. I mean, have Rashad’s baby and have him forever indebted to me? It was a no-brainer.

  “Egypt told you I’m going to take care of all the doctor’s bills and medical expenses, right?”

  “Yeah, she told me.” His concern was so cute. I couldn’t wait until I had cravings so I could send him out in the middle of the night to get me ice cream and pickles. I think I was going to love being pregnant.

  “You don’t have to worry about anything. I swear I’m going to take care of everything.”

  Be careful what you ask for, big boy, because when I get off my period, I’m going to have one hell of an itch. You think you’ll be able to take care of that?

  “I know you will, Rashad. I’m just a little scared, that’s all.” I wrapped my other arm around his neck, and we hugged. I wasn’t really scared, but I would do or say anything if I thought it would bring me physically closer to him. What I really wanted to do was pull him back on the bed, open his robe, and make that baby right then and there. Lord have mercy, just being close to him was making my juices flow.

  “It’s okay. I’m here. I’m always going to be here.” He hugged me tighter, and I almost melted.

  I slid my hand down his back. It would have been so simple to slide my hand inside his robe and claim what had been mine for so many years before my sister stole it. But she had just been at the right place at the right time, ‘cause she sure didn’t win him by being able to fuck him better than I could. We were together for a long time, and if there was anything I knew, it was how to satisfy him. All he needed was a reminder of the paradise between my legs, and that would be it; he’d be sneaking in my room every night. Only thing stopping me was my period. Then again, I also gave a pretty mean blow job, so maybe we could start there.

  Just as I was working up the nerve to suggest it, there was another knock at the door. Damn!

  I moved away from Rashad just as Egypt walked into the room. Another few minutes and we’d all be headed for divorce court. I wondered if she’d be as shocked to find Rashad’s dick in my mouth as I was when I found her half naked at his place the first time. I know, I know … I was engaged to Tony at the time and had already broken poor Rashad’s heart. Well, what about my heart? Of all the millions of men in this world, my sister had to choose my ex-fiancé—not ex-boyfriend, but ex-fiancé—to screw. I sound bitter, right? Well, that’s because I am.

  “Baby, you forgot this in the room.” She handed him an envelope, which he in turn handed to me.

  “What’s this?” I asked.

  “You said you wanted thirty grand plus expenses to be our surrogate,” Egypt answered.

  Can’t she tell I was talking to him? I was looking at him when I asked my question. How can she not know I was talking to him?

  “That’s five thousand. You’ll get another five when you sign and notarize the papers Rashad’s lawyers are going to draw up. Ten thousand more when we have confirmation you’ve made it through the first trimester, and another ten when you deliver and hand over the baby.”

  The way she was talking, it sounded like I was selling something on QVC, and she was explaining the easy payment program. It just seemed so impersonal, nothing like the way Rashad had spoken to me before she entered the room. Then again, she wasn’t going to have the connection to the baby that Rashad and I were going to have. She was only going to be the baby’s mother in name, while Rashad and I would be the baby’s biological parents.

  I opened the envelope and glanced at the cash. I could feel my sister’s eyes on me. I’m sure she was judging me in some capacity. What she should have been doing was kissing my feet for agreeing to all this.

  “It’s all there,” Rashad said. “You can count it. We wouldn’t short you.”

  I tossed the envelope on my night table. I guess it was time to get this show on the road. “I know you wouldn’t, Rashad. It was never really a concern. All I want to know is when do we go to the doctor?”

  Once again, Egypt too
k over the conversation. “I made an appointment for next Monday. Don’t worry, I’ll drive you.” She was so damn pushy. How could he stand her?

  I barely acknowledged that I heard her words as I turned to Rashad. “You gonna be there?”

  He nodded happily as he got up from my bed. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  “Neither would I,” I replied. “Neither would I.”

  Loraine

  20

  I was mad when the lights came on and the music stopped playing, signifying that the club was officially about to close. I was having such a good time. I just closed my eyes, holding on to Terrance like the music was still playing. Lord, forgive me, but I didn’t want this moment to end. I would have traded my soul to the devil if we could just keep dancing for a few more hours. I couldn’t remember the last time I had this much fun. Not only was the dancing great, but also the attention that Terrance and the other men gave me made me feel alive again. To hell with Leon’s cheating ass and his bullshit put-downs. Tonight confirmed that men still desired me and that sexy wasn’t a dress size; it was an attitude.

  “Um, Loraine,” Terrance whispered in my ear, “I think we’re the only ones left on the dance floor.”

  I took one last sniff of his coconut-oil cologne, then reluctantly lifted my head off his shoulder, my arms still wrapped around his upper back. I glanced over at the bar. He was right. It was completely empty, along with the dance floor. I couldn’t even remember hearing them announce the last call. Damn shame too. I could have used another drink. I was already a little buzzed, but one more watermelon martini and I would have been feeling just right.

  “I think it’s time to go.”

  I rested my head back on his shoulder. “Do we have to leave?”

  “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean the night has to end. I know this place where we can dance until the sun comes up.” He gave me a squeeze, then let me go, taking hold of my hand.

  I hesitated for a moment, but he tugged at my hand gently and told me, “Trust me.”

  A few minutes later, I followed his car off the military base and onto I-295 toward Emporia. After a fifteen-minute ride, we got off the interstate and traveled down a long, winding road. Ten miles later, we pulled over near the side of what looked like an old barn, and he got out of his car. There were cars parked all around, and I could hear people laughing and music playing inside, so I opened my car door to get out. I’d barely gotten my foot out the door when Terrance came running over, shaking his head.