Keeping Secrets (The Castaways Series Book 3)

by Alexa Land

  “It was terrifying. Lee was scared too, but he tried so hard not to let it show. It breaks my heart that he thinks he always has to act so tough and strong for everybody else. And he never asked for any of this, Will. He pissed off the wrong people by doing the right thing. Now he’s living with the consequences.”

  “How’d he do the right thing?” When I told him about returning the artifact to its rightful owners, Will sighed and said, “Well, fuck. It’s pretty hard to hate the guy if he’s off doing Robin Hood shit like that.”

  “He’s the first to admit he didn’t do it to be noble. He has a long-standing rivalry with the person who stole the cross, and he basically took it to show him up.”

  “Actually, I think I like him even more now. He sounds like a badass.”

  I grinned a little and said, “He is.”

  “So, like, once he convinces this guy to stop trying to kill him and your lives return to normal, what’s the plan? Are you going to move to L.A. so you two can be together?”

  “I really want to stay on Catalina. The ranch is my home.”

  “Plus, you own a share of it now, so I can see why you wouldn’t want to walk away.”

  “Actually, I ended up turning down my uncle’s offer to make me a co-owner. It’s been crazy ever since then, so I forgot to tell you.”

  Will shifted a bit so he could look me in the eye as he asked, “Why would you turn it down? You adore that place, not to mention the fact that you’ve dedicated the last few years of your life to keeping it up and running. You totally deserve a stake in it!”

  “It’s hard to explain.”

  “Try.”

  I broke eye contact and murmured, “I’ve kept a lot of secrets from my uncle, and I feel like if he knew the truth about me…well, maybe he wouldn’t want to trust me with a piece of his business.”

  “You better not be referring to the fact that you’re a prostitute.”

  “It’s more than that,” I told him. “I think my uncle would feel terribly guilty if he learned I’d been putting my own money into the ranch.”

  “Especially if he knew what you’d been doing to get it.”

  “Exactly.”

  “So, I have a question for you,” he said. “When exactly did you decide it was horrible and shameful to be a sex worker?”

  “It’s not like that, Will. You know I’m not ashamed of the job. At the same time, you also know how people react when they find out we’re prostitutes. I already lost most of the family that adopted me, and my uncle is all I have left. There’s a good chance he’d be okay with it, but what if he isn’t? I’m afraid to roll that dice, because it might mean losing him, too.”

  “I get that,” Will said. “I really do. It’s not like my parents know how I’ve been supporting myself since I’ve been in California. But from everything you’ve told me about him, I really don’t think your uncle would judge you. And if he does, then what kind of relationship did you two really have in the first place?”

  “That’s a good point, and I’m planning to tell him the truth. But do you see why I couldn’t accept a piece of his business, as long as I wasn’t being totally honest with him?”

  “I guess so. Is the offer off the table now?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “You definitely have some shit to work out,” Will said, “obviously first and foremost being the fact that people are shooting at you and your boyfriend. But once that’s resolved, you and he really need to figure out how you’re going to make this work. Los Angeles to Catalina isn’t exactly a long-distance relationship, but you won’t want twenty miles of ocean between you.”

  “You’re right about that. Lee got to spend a little time at the ranch before the incident this afternoon, and he really seemed to love it. But I have no idea what he’d find to do there long-term.”

  “What exactly does he do now?”

  “Primarily, he runs a sports betting operation. He took it over when his uncle died.”

  “Is that even illegal?”

  “There are legal forms of it with all sorts of rules and regulations, but he operates outside the law.”

  Will considered that before saying, “That’s not horrible. I mean, it could still land his ass in jail, but who am I to judge someone for breaking the law?”

  “Thanks for being so understanding. Now please just give him the benefit of the doubt when you meet him. He’s very reserved and quiet at first, and it can come across as arrogance. But he’s so sweet once you get to know him.”

  “I’ll keep an open mind, I promise.”

  Someone knocked just then, and I said, “That’s probably him.”

  Will fixed his hair as he crossed the room. Then he opened the door and blurted, “Holy shit.”

  I got up and joined my friend. Lee was standing on the front stoop with a mortified expression, and I asked, “Do you two know each other?”

  “Um, kind of,” Will said. “Leonidas is a former client.”

  7

  Talk about awkward.

  The three of us stood there staring at each other for several long moments, and then Will stepped back and said, “Come in.”

  Lee asked, “Are you sure?” Will avoided looking at either of us, but he nodded.

  As my boyfriend joined me in the foyer, I said, “Small world.”

  “Yes and no. You both had the same type of website,” Lee explained. He still seemed deeply embarrassed. “I always looked for sites that were tasteful and understated, and…I’m going to stop talking now.”

  “We designed our websites together, when both of us left the escort service. That’s why they’re so similar.” I fidgeted uncomfortably, and after another pause, I murmured, “Maybe we should go.”

  But Will said, “We’re all adults here, right? And that was just business.”

  I had to ask. “Did you two meet more than once?”

  “Yeah. So like, remember about a year and a half ago, when I told you about the hot businessman who liked to tie me up?” Will glanced at me, then shrugged apologetically and gestured at Lee.

  “Oh God. You two discuss your clients?” Lee looked like he wanted the earth to open up and swallow him whole.

  “Only sometimes,” Will told him. “They’re not all worth mentioning, believe me. But I had nothing but good things to say about you. Isn’t that right, Beck?” I felt my face warming as I recalled Will’s candid descriptions of their sessions. At the time, I’d thought he had a bit of a crush on his client, and he’d seemed disappointed when Lee stopped calling. It was a relief when Will changed the subject with, “Hey, who wants a drink?”

  He tossed back the one he’d made earlier, then went to the bar and poured Lee a whiskey before making himself another. I pulled Will aside when Lee turned away to read a text and whispered, “Are you sure you want us to stay? I know this must be weird for you, so we can find a hotel.”

  But he squeezed my hand and said, “You don’t need a hotel while you’re going through all of this shit. You need to be with people who care about you. It was surprising when I recognized your boyfriend, but this absolutely doesn’t have to be a big deal. I already made up the fold-out couch in my office for you, and I want you to stay as long as you’d like.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Positive. I don’t get a lot of company, and I’m really glad you’re here.” Will liked to pretend he didn’t need anyone, but right then, I caught a glimpse of real loneliness.

  I hugged him tightly as I said, “Thank you for being such a good friend.”

  Once I let go of him, he grinned at me and fixed his hair again as he asked, “Are you hungry? I’ve been on a diet for about a million years, but tonight I just feel like saying fuck it and ordering a huge pizza.”

  “Hell yes, and it’s my treat.”

  We spent the next two hours gorging on pizza, killing a bottle of whiskey, and visiting with Will. The fact that we all got pretty buzzed helped us move past that initial awkwardness, and by
the end of the evening the three of us were chatting like old friends.

  When it was finally time for bed, Lee and I stripped down to our briefs and got comfortable on the fold-out couch in Will’s cozy little office. Right after we turned off the light, Madame Leota made her first appearance of the evening. The cat jumped up and landed on Lee, and my boyfriend yelped in surprise. A moment later, Will knocked on the door, then stuck his head in and asked, “Is everything alright?”

  “We’re fine,” I told him. “Your cat just decided to make a dramatic entrance.”

  “Figures. Want me to take her?”

  The cat kneaded the blanket, then curled up between us. “She’s welcome to stay if she wants to,” Lee said. He ran a hand over her long, gray fur, and she started purring.

  After Will said good night again and went to bed, Lee leaned over the cat and kissed me gently. He was quiet for a while, before whispering, “You’re the most precious and important thing in all the world to me, Beck. I could have lost you tonight, and now I can’t bear the thought of letting you out of my sight. My God, if anything were to happen to you—”

  “It won’t.” I slid closer to him and laced my fingers with his. After a pause, I asked, “Did you and Rus come up with any ideas tonight?” They’d messaged back and forth several times throughout the evening.

  “I told him I wanted to meet with Harris to try to work this out man-to-man. Rus got angry and said all that would get me was a bullet in the head.”

  “He has a point. Harris made it perfectly clear tonight that he wants you dead.”

  “But I don’t know what else to do,” he said. “I don’t even know who I can trust after tonight. I’m pretty sure Poulos set me up, but since I don’t know that for an absolute fact, I’m finding myself doubting everyone, aside from you and Rus. I feel like the three of us are up against an army.”

  “Can’t you hire an army of your own? Not that I want this to end in a massive shoot-out, obviously. But if you surrounded yourself with hired guns, wouldn’t Harris think twice about coming after you?”

  “The problem with paying mercenaries for their loyalty is that someone else can just come along and pay them more to turn on you.”

  “Well, then maybe you should reconsider leaving the country for a while,” I said, as the cat purred and rubbed her head against the underside of Lee’s chin. “I know we talked about this and you had arguments against it, but it makes sense to put some distance between you and Harris’s people, at least until we come up with a plan of action.”

  “If we go now, I really think we’ll be on the run forever. I won’t be able to resolve any of this from some remote location where I don’t have any resources, so that means all these problems will be right here waiting for us whenever we try to return.”

  “I see what you mean.”

  Lee said, “When this is finally resolved though, I’d love to make that fantasy you mentioned come true, the one with the yacht on the Aegean.”

  “I don’t need a fancy vacation. All I want is just to be able to go home to Catalina with you by my side.”

  Even in the semi-darkness, I could see the sorrow in his eyes as he said, “I’ve ruined so much in such a short time.”

  “No you haven’t, Lee. What you’ve done is make me feel loved and cherished, even while the whole world is falling apart around us. Do you know how amazing that is? I expected to become your last priority while this nightmare was going on, but just the opposite happened. And throughout all of this, I’ve gotten to see exactly who you are, during what has to be one of the most trying times of your life. I’ve always heard stress brings out the worst in people, but what I’ve witnessed is a man who just wants to make everything right, and who wants to keep the people he cares about safe. It’s no wonder I love you like I do.”

  He kissed my forehead and whispered, “I adore you, Beck.”

  After a while, Lee and the little gray cat fell asleep, but I stayed up worrying and watching over him. Around dawn, a potential solution to our problems occurred to me.

  He wasn’t going to like it. I knew that for a fact.

  In the morning we found a note from Will, telling us he’d gone for groceries. Lee rolled back the sleeves of his gray dress shirt as he and I sat down with coffee at the little table for two in the kitchen, and I said, “I have to ask, because I’m a very nosy person. It sounds like you and Will had a good thing going for a while there, so why’d you stop seeing him on a professional basis?”

  “I’d always made a point of only seeing the same prostitute a few times. Any more than that, and I’d run the risk of getting attached.”

  I grinned as I tipped back my dark blue baseball cap and said, “Well, you really blew it with me.”

  “I knew right from the start that I’d never be able to walk away. Thank God it was mutual.”

  “Oh, it was. Big time.”

  I grinned at him, but he looked serious as he said, “I’m actually glad I got this follow-up with Will, unexpected though it was. I worried about him. In fact, I messaged him a few weeks after our professional relationship ended, just to make sure he was okay. He never replied.”

  “Why wouldn’t he be okay?”

  “He just seemed really vulnerable. Even though he usually acted like he didn’t have a care in the world, he let his guard down a couple of times, and I glimpsed a very fragile person behind that pretty face. I’m probably speaking out of turn, though.”

  “I’ve invited him to come and stay at the ranch with me,” I said. “I wish he’d take me up on it. I know he’s lonely, but he’s also stubborn and hates relying on others.”

  After a pause, Lee asked, “Is it weird for you, knowing your friend and I had sex?”

  “Not at all. As a former prostitute, I totally understand what your relationship was, and it’s nothing to get upset about.”

  “That’s good.”

  I took a sip of coffee before saying, “I’ve always assumed control is a big part of it, but I’m curious. Why did you begin visiting sex workers in the first place?”

  He was quiet for a long moment. Finally, he said, “It’s because of something that happened when I was nineteen.”

  I knew right away that I’d touched on a sensitive subject, so I told him, “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

  “You have a right to know, since you’re the one who has to deal with the way I am now.” He shifted his gaze to the glass tabletop. After a pause, he said, “When I was in my teens, I was totally focused on keeping my uncle’s business up and running. I never dated. I never even tried. Because I was a very private person, my sexuality wasn’t something I talked about. Actually, that remained true until quite recently, which is why Rus didn’t even know I was gay. All of that is a long way of saying I was pretty naïve at nineteen.

  “Also, I saw myself as hideously ugly. I was tall and much too skinny. Plus, I was deeply self-conscious about my scar. I thought of myself as totally disfigured, and I assumed no one would ever want me.

  “Then I met a man who showed an interest in me, but I was hesitant at first. Needless to say, I’d always had trust issues. The why behind that is probably pretty obvious, given what you know about my childhood. But I was lonely, so I let myself get involved with him. We went out for a month. I was totally inexperienced, so I told him I didn’t want to have sex. He seemed patient at first, but one night he finally showed me the man he really was. He told me I was being a tease, and that it was time to pay him back for all the time, money, and effort he’d put into our relationship.”

  He stopped talking for a few moments, his gaze still on the tabletop. When he spoke again, his voice was low and quiet. “It took a long time to admit to myself that I’d been raped. I don’t know why, but I felt so much shame over what had been done to me, so I kept it a secret. This is actually the first time I’ve told anyone.”

  He paused again before saying, “Anyway, that’s part of the reason for my need to be in co
ntrol. It’s also why I only felt comfortable having sex with prostitutes, because everything happened on my terms. I couldn’t stand feeling vulnerable. It’s still really hard for me. I also hate feeling weak, which is why I started working out and bodybuilding. I despised that scrawny nineteen-year-old for letting himself get hurt, and I vowed to bury him so fucking deep that nobody could ever hurt me again.”

  When Lee finally looked up at me, his expression turned to one of surprise. He reached across the table and wiped away the tears that were streaming down my face as he murmured, “Please don’t cry, psychi mou.”

  A sob slipped from me despite my efforts to contain it, and when Lee held his arms out, I scrambled onto his lap. My voice shook as I whispered, “Tell me that fucker was punished for what he did to you.”

  “He was. It took almost seven years, but I ruined him. He ran a money laundering operation, and first I destroyed him financially. Then I anonymously turned the cops on him. I couldn’t put him behind bars for what he did to me, not without any evidence, so I sent him there for another reason. From what I hear, prison broke him.”

  “Good.” As he rubbed my back, I murmured, “Thank you for trusting me. I thought I understood why trust didn’t come easily for you, but it must have been more difficult than I ever imagined.”

  “I’m grateful we had the past year to ease into this.” He kissed me and added, “I’m also grateful that you have the patience of a saint and have never held my idiosyncrasies against me.”

  We were still kissing when Will came home a few minutes later. I climbed off Lee’s lap, and my friend told us, “Don’t stop on my account.”

  “It’s time,” I said. “Lee’s legs have probably lost all feeling. I’m the human equivalent of a German Shepard who thinks he’s a lap dog.”

  Will started unpacking a canvas grocery bag onto the counter, and he grinned at me. “I’ve always thought of you as more of a golden retriever.”