But I am now in my seventieth year; what can be done, ought not to be delayed.
EASTER EVE
April 3, 1779, n P.M.
THIS is the time of my annual review, and annual resolution. The review is comfortless, little done. Part of the Life of Dryden and the Life of Milton have been written; but my mind has neither been improved nor enlarged. I have read little, almost nothing. And I am not conscious that I have gained any good, or quitted any evil habits.
Of resolutions I have made so many, with so little effect, that I am almost weary, but, by the help of God, am not yet hopeless. Good resolutions must be made and kept. I am almost seventy years old, and have no time to lose. The distressful restlessness of my nights, makes it difficult to settle the course of my days. Something, however, let me do.
EASTER DAY
April 4, 1779.
I ROSE about half an hour after nine, transcribed the prayer written last night; and by neglecting to count time, sat too long at breakfast, so that I came to church at the First Lesson. I attended the Litany pretty well; but in the pew could not hear the communion service, and missed the prayer for the church militant. Before I went to the altar, I prayed the occasional prayer. At the altar I commended my and again prayed the prayer; I then prayed the Collects, and again my own prayer by memory. I left out a clause. I then received, I hope with earnestness; and while others received sat down; but thinking that posture, though usual, improper, I rose and stood. I prayed again in the pew, but with what prayer I have forgotten.
When I used the occasional prayer at the altar, I added a general purpose, To avoid idleness.
I gave two shillings to the plate.
Before I went I used, I think, my prayer, and endeavoured to calm my mind. After my return I used it again, and the collect for the day. Lord have mercy upon me.
I have for some nights called Francis to prayers, and last night discoursed with him on the sacrament.
EASTER DAY
April 4, 1779.
Purposes, To rise at eight, or as soon as I can.
To read the Scriptures.
To study Religion.
ALMIGHTY God, by thy merciful continuance of my life, I come once more to commemorate the sufferings and death of thy Son Jesus Christ, and to implore that mercy which, for his sake, Thou shewest to sinners. Forgive me my sins, O Lord, and enable me to forsake them. Ease, if it shall please Thee, the anxieties of my mind, and relieve the infirmities of my body. Let me not be disturbed by unnecessary terrours, and let not the weakness of age make me unable to amend my life. O Lord, take not from me thy Holy Spirit, but receive my petitions, succour and comfort me, and let me so pass the remainder of my days, that when Thou shalt call me hence, I may enter into eternal happiness, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
JOHNSON’S BIRTHDAY
H.P.M. I2ma, i e hora prima matutina, in the first hour of the morning, at twelve o’clock.
Sept. 18, 1779, H.P.M. 12mâ.
ALMIGHTY God, Creator of all things, in whose hands are life and death, glory be to Thee for all thy mercies, and for the prolongation of my life to the common age of man. Pardon me, O gracious God, all the offences which in the course of seventy years I have committed against thy holy laws, and all negligences of those duties which Thou hast required. Look with pity upon me, take not from me thy Holy Spirit, but enable me to pass the days which Thou shalt yet vouchsafe to grant me, in thy fear, and to thy glory; and accept, O Lord, the remains of a misspent life, that when Thou shalt call me to another state, I may be received to everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Epsom.
My purpose is to communicate at least thrice a year.
To study the Scriptures.
To be diligent. —
The Year 1780
H. 1 A.M., hora prima ante meridian, or one o’clock in the morning.
January I, H. I. A.M.
ALMIGHTY God, my Creator and Preserver, by whose mercy my life has been continued to the beginning of another year, grant me, with increase of days, increase of holiness; that as I live longer, I may be better prepared to appear before Thee, when Thou shalt call me from my present state.
Make me, O Lord, truly thankful for the mercy which Thou hast vouchsafed to show me through my whole life; make me thankful for the health which thou hast restored in the last year, and let the remains of my strength and life be employed to thy glory and my own salvation.
Take not, O Lord, thy Holy Spirit from me; enable me to avoid or overcome all that may hinder my advancement in godliness; let me be no longer idle, no longer sinful; but give me rectitude of thought and constancy of action, and bring me at last to everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour. Amen.
Sunday, June 18.
IN the morning of this day last year, I perceived the remission of those convulsions in my breast, which had distressed me for more than twenty years. I returned thanks at church for the mercy granted me, which has now continued a year.
THANKSGIVING
ALMIGHTY God, our Creator and Preserver, from whom proceedeth all good, enable me to receive, with humble acknowledgment of thy unbounded benignity, and with due consciousness of my own unworthiness, that recovery and continuance of health which Thou had granted me, and vouchsafe to accept the thanks which I now offer. Glory be to Thee, O Lord, for this and all thy mercies. Grant, I beseech Thee, that the health and life which Thou shalt yet allow me, may conduce to my eternal happiness. Take not from me thy Holy Spirit; but so help and bless me, that when Thou shalt call me hence, I may obtain pardon and salvation, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
JOHNSON’S BIRTHDAY
Sept. 18, 1780.
I AM now beginning the seventy-second year of my life, with more strength of body and greater vigour of mind than I think is common at that age. But though the convulsions in my breast are relieved, my sleep is seldom long. My nights are wakeful, and therefore I am sometimes sleepy in the day. I have been attentive to my diet, and have diminished the bulk of my body. I have not at all studied, nor written diligently. I have Swift and Pope yet to write; Swift is just begun.
I have forgotten or neglected my resolutions or purposes, which I now humbly and timorously renew. Surely I shall not spend my whole life with my own total disapprobation. Perhaps God may grant me now to begin a wiser and a better life.
ALMIGHTY God, my Creator and Preserver, who hast permitted me to begin another year, look with mercy upon my wretchedness and frailty. Rectify my thoughts, relieve my perplexities, strengthen my purposes, and reform my doings. Let increase of years bring increase of faith, hope, and charity. Grant me diligence in whatever work thy providence shall appoint me. Take not from me thy Holy Spirit, but let me pass the remainder of the days which Thou shalt yet allow me, in thy fear and to thy glory; and when it shall be thy good pleasure to call me hence, grant me, O Lord, forgiveness of my sins, and receive me to everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
The Year 1781
The note explaining the one day’s lateness of this last New Year’s prayer Johnson composed is not without pathos. He was once more in the grip of his old malady.
Of Johnson’s return to the use of wine, Boswell writes:— ‘He (Mr. Thrale) told me I might now have the pleasure to see Dr. Johnson drink wine again, for he had lately returned to it. When I mentioned this to Johnson, he said— “I drink it now, sometimes, but not socially.” Mrs. Desmoulins was one of several people in reduced circumstances whom Johnson wholly or partially maintained. She was the daughter of Dr. Swinfen, Johnson’s godfather, and widow of Mr. Desmoulins, a writing-master.
January 2.
I WAS yesterday hindered by my old disease of mind, and therefore begin to-day.
January 1.
Having sat in my chamber till the year began, I used my accommodation of the Morning Prayer to the beginning of this year, and slept remarkably well, though I had supped libera
lly. In the morning I went to church. Then I wrote letters for Mrs. Desmoulins; then went to Streatham, and had many stops. At night I took wine, and did not sleep well.
January 2, 1781.
I ROSE according to my resolution, and am now to begin another year; I hope with amendment of life. I will not despair. Help me, help me, O my God. My hope is —
To rise at eight or sooner.
To read the Bible through this year, in some language.
To keep a journal.
To study religion.
To avoid idleness.
ALMIGHTY God, merciful Father, who hast granted me such continuance of life, that I now see the beginning of another year, look with mercy upon me; as Thou grantest increase of years, grant increase of grace. Let me live to repent what I have done amiss, and by thy help so to regulate my future life, that I may obtain mercy when I appear before Thee, through the merits of Jesus Christ. Enable me, O Lord, to do my duty with a quiet mind; and take not from me thy Holy Spirit, but protect and bless me, for the sake of Jesus Christ. Amen.
GOOD FRIDAY
Mr. Thrale, a rich Southwark brewer, and his wife, Mrs. Thrale (afterwards Mrs. Piozzi), occupy a prominent place in the life of Johnson. At their home in Streatham he frequently stayed for long periods.
April 13, 1781.
I FORGOT my prayer and resolutions, till two days ago I found this paper.
Sometime in March I finished the Lives of the Poets, which I wrote in my usual way, dilatorily and hastily, unwilling to work, and working with vigour and haste.
On Wednesday n, was buried my dear friend Thrale, who died on Wednesday 4; and with him were buried many of my hopes and pleasures. About five, I think, on Wednesday morning he expired; I felt almost the last flutter of his pulse, and looked for the last time upon the face that for fifteen years had never been turned upon me but with respect or benignity. Farewell. May God, that delighteth in mercy, have had mercy on thee.
I had constantly prayed for him some time before his death.
The decease of him, from whose friendship I had obtained many opportunities of amusement, and to whom I turned my thought as to a refuge from misfortunes, has left me heavy. But my business is with myself.
September 18.
MY first knowledge of Thrale was in 1765. I enjoyed his favour for almost a fourth part of my life.
April 14, 1781.
ON Good Friday I took, in the afternoon, some coffee and buttered cake; and to-day, I had a little bread at breakfast, and potatoes and apples in the afternoon, the tea with a little toast; but I find myself feeble and unsustained, and suspect that I cannot bear to fast so long as formerly.
This day I read some of Clarke’s Sermons. I hope that since my last communion I have advanced, by pious reflections, in my submission to God and my benevolence to man; but I have corrected no external habits, nor have kept any of the resolutions made in the beginning of the year; yet I hope still to be reformed, and not to lose my whole life in idle purposes. Many years are already gone, irrevocably past, in useless misery; that what remains may be spent better, grant, O God.
By this awful festival is particularly recommended newness of life; and a new life I will now endeavour to begin, by more diligent application to useful employment, and more frequent attendance on public worship.
I again, with hope of help from the God of mercy, resolve, To avoid idleness.
To read the Bible.
To study religion.
ALMIGHTY God, merciful Father, by whose protection I have been preserved, and by whose clemency I have been spared, grant that the life which Thou hast so long continued may be no longer wasted in idleness, or corrupted by wickedness. Let my future purposes be good, and let not my good purposes be vain. Free me, O — Lord, from vain terrours, and strengthen me in diligent obedience to thy laws. Take not from me thy Holy Spirit, but enable me so to commemorate the death of my Saviour Jesus Christ, that I may be made partaker of his merits; and may finally, for his sake, obtain everlasting happiness. Amen.
EASTER SUNDAY
1781.
I ROSE after eight, and breakfasted; then went early to church, and before service read the prayer for the Church Militant. I commended my friends, as I have formerly done. I was one of the last that communicated. When I came home I was hindered by visitants, but found time to pray before dinner. God, send thy blessing upon me.
Frank, or Francis, Barber, was the coloured servant of Johnson.
There was a strong attachment between master and servant, and Johnson left the bulk of his money to Barber.
Monday, April 16.
AT night I had some mental vellications, or revulsions. I prayed in my chamber with Frank, and read the first Sunday in the Duty of Man, in which I had, till then, only looked by compulsion or by chance.
This day I repeated my prayer, and hope to be heard.
I paid the Pew-keepers.
I have, I thank God, received the Sacrament every year at Easter since the death of my poor dear Tetty. I once felt some temptation to omit it, but I was preserved from compliance. This was the thirtieth Easter.
IN MEMORY OF THRALE
June 22, 1781.
ALMIGHTY God, who art the giver of all good, enable me to remember with due thankfulness, the comforts and advantages which I have enjoyed by the friendship of Henry Thrale, for whom, so far as is lawful, I humbly implore thy mercy in his present state. O Lord, since Thou hast been pleased to call him from this world, look with mercy on those whom he has left; continue to succour me by such means as are best for me, and repay to his relations the kindness which I have received from him; protect them in this world from temptations and calamities, and grant them happiness in the world to come, for Jesus Christ’s sake. Amen.
September 2, 1781.
WHEN Thrale’s health was broken, for many months I think before his death, which happened April 4, I constantly mentioned him in my prayers; and after his death, have made particular supplication for his surviving family to this date.
JOHNSON’S BIRTHDAY
Instead of the usual melancholy, there is a marked note of cheerfulness on this day. ‘As I came home, I thought I had never begun any period of life so placidly,’ is the unique record. And so, to mark this red-letter birthday, we read, ‘ I had a dinner, and invited Allen and Level.’
Allen was a printer, and Johnson’s landlord. Of him, nearly twenty years before this, Boswell has the record: ‘One day, when he (Johnson) had dined with his neighbour and landlord in Bolt Court, Mr. Allen, the printer, whose old house-keeper had studied his taste in everything:, he pronounced this eulogy: “Sir, we could not have had a better dinner, had there been a Synod of Cooks.” ‘
Robert Levett was an old friend of Johnson, and lived with him. On his death, in 1783, Johnson wrote: ‘My old friend Mr. Levett is dead, who lived with me in the house, and was useful and companionable.’
Vesp. 10° 40’, circ., i e about 10.40 o’clock at night.
September 18. THIS is my seventy-third birthday, an awful day.
I said a preparatory prayer last night, and waking early, made use, in the dark, as I sat up in bed, of the prayer [beginning of this year].
I rose, breakfasted, and gave thanks at church for my creation, preservation, and redemption. As I came home, I thought I had never begun any period of life so placidly. I read the Second Epistle to the Thessalonians, and looked into Hammond’s Notes. I have always been accustomed to let this day pass unnoticed, but it came this time into my mind that some little festivity was not improper. I had a dinner, and invited Allen and Levet.
What has passed in my thoughts on this anniversary, is in stitched book K. My purposes are the same as on the first day of this year, to which I add hope of More frequent attendance on public worship. Participation of the Sacrament at least three times a year.
Sept. 18, Vesp. 10° 40’, circ.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, who hast added another year to my life, and yet permittest me t
o call upon Thee, grant that the remaining days which Thou shalt yet allow me, may be past in thy fear and to thy glory. Grant me good resolutions and steady perseverance. Relieve the diseases of my body, and compose the disquiet of my mind. Let me at last repent and amend my life; and, O Lord, take not from me thy Holy Spirit, but assist my amendment, and accept my repentance, for the sake of Jesus Christ. Amen.
VISIT TO LICHFIELD, ETC.
Concerning this journey, Boswell writes: ‘In autumn he (Johnson) went to Oxford, Birmingham, Lichfield, and Ashbourne, for which very good reasons might be given in the conjectural yet positive manner of writers, who are proud to account for every event which they relate.’ As Boswell suggests, perhaps the true and sole reason is to be found in these notes, viz his desire to renew old friendships, and do some little good.
Mrs. Aston was a maiden lady, daughter of Sir Thomas Aston, whose family Johnson had known from his Oxford days. She lived at Lichfield.
Mr. Hector was an old schoolfellow of Johnson, and a lifelong friend. He was a surgeon in Birmingham, and was very kind to Johnson when he was practically homeless, and without a career, after leaving the Market-Bosworth school. Johnson lived with Hector as his guest for six months, at the house of Mr. Warren, ‘the first established bookseller in Birmingham.’
Sunday, October 14, 1781 (properly Monday morning).
I AM this day about to go by Oxford and Birmingham to Lichfield and Ashbourne. The motives of my journey I hardly know. I omitted it last year, and am not willing to miss it again. Mrs. Aston will be glad, I think, to see me. We are both old, and if I put off my visit, I may see her no more; perhaps she wishes for another interview. She is a very good woman.
Hector is likewise an old friend, the only companion of my childhood that passed through the school with me. We have always loved one another. Perhaps we may be made better by some serious conversation, of which however I have no distinct hope.
Complete Works of Samuel Johnson Page 368