At Lichfield, my native place, I hope to shew a good example, by frequent attendance on public worship.
At Ashbourne, I hope to talk seriously with —— .
The Year 1782
The month of March, from the 17th, is dealt with very fully this year. And it is the only month commemorated in the ‘Meditations.’
The references to his wife, who had now been dead thirty years, are peculiarly touching and tender. ‘Perhaps Tetty knows that I prayed for her. Perhaps Tetty is praying for me. God help me.’ A very sweet devotion on the part of this gruff old man after so long a separation! Of the persons mentioned here, it may be noted that Mrs. Lennox was a contemporary author for whom Johnson had great regard; Miss Reynolds was the sister of Sir Joshua Reynolds; Miss Thrale was Thrale’s daughter; the Rev. Herbert Crofts was the author of a Life of Dr. Young; Dr. Laurence was the friend and physician of Johnson; Rev. Mr. Shaw was a writer on Ossian, and author of a Gaelic Dictionary; Rev. G. Strahan was the first editor of this book; Rev. Dr. Taylor, of Ashbourne, was an old friend of Johnson’s; Davis was a bookseller of Russell Street; Right Hon.
W. Windham was a Norfolk gentleman; Mrs. Williams was the blind lady whom Johnson maintained so many years in his house; Dr. Percy was Bishop of Dromore; Lucy was Lucy Porter, Johnson’s stepdaughter; and Lowe was an artist of that day.
Writing comprehensively of this year, Boswell says: ‘In 1782 his (Johnson’s) complaints increased, and the history of his life this year is little more than a mournful recital of the variations of his illness, in the midst of which, however, it will appear from his letters, that the powers of his mind were in no degree impaired.’
March 18.
HAVING been, from the middle of January, distressed by a cold which made my respiration very laborious, and from which I was but little relieved by being blooded three times; having tried to ease the oppression of my breast by frequent opiates, which kept me waking in the night and drowsy the next day, and subjected me to the tyranny of vain imaginations; having to all this added frequent catharticks, sometimes with mercury, I at last persuaded Dr.
Laurence, on Thursday, March 14, to let me bleed more copiously. Sixteen ounces were taken away, and from that time my breath has been free, and my breast easy. On that day I took little food, and no flesh. On Thursday night I slept with great tranquillity. On the next night (15) I took diacodium, and had a most restless night. Of the next day I remember nothing, but that I rose in the afternoon, and saw Mrs. Lennox and Sheward.
Sunday 17. I lay late, and had only Palfrey to dinner. I read part of Waller’s Directory, a pious rational book; but in any except a very regular life difficult to practise.
It occurred to me, that though my time might pass unemployed, no more should pass uncounted, and this has been written to-day, in consequence of that thought. I read a Greek chapter, prayed with Francis, which I now do commonly, and explained to him the Lord’s Prayer, in which I find connection not observed, I — think, by the expositors. I made punch for myself and my servants, by which, in the night, I — thought both my breast and imagination disordered.
March 18. I rose late, looked a little into books. Saw Miss Reynolds and Miss Thrale, and Nicolaida; afterwards Dr. Hunter came for his catalogue. I then dined on tea, etc.; then read over part of Dr. Laurence’s book De Temperamentis, which seems to have been written with a troubled mind.
My mind has been for some time much disturbed. The peace of God be with me.
I hope to-morrow to finish Laurence, and to write to Mrs. Aston, and to Lucy.
19. — I rose late. I was visited by Mrs. Thrale, Mr. Cotton, and Mr. Crofts. I took Laurence’s paper in hand, but was chill; having fasted yesterday, I was hungry, and dined freely, then slept a little, and drank tea; then took candles and wrote to Aston and Lucy, then went on with Laurence, of which little remains. I prayed with Francis.
Mens sedatior, laus Deo.
To-morrow Shaw comes. I think to finish Laurence, and write to Langton.
Poor Laurence has almost lost the sense of hearing; and I have lost the conversation of a learned, intelligent, and communicative companion, and a friend whom long familiarity has much endeared. Laurence is one of the best men whom I have known.
Nostrum omnium miserere Deus.
20. — Shaw came; I finished reading Laurence. I dined liberally. Wrote a long letter to Langton, and designed to read, but was hindered by Strahan. The ministry is dissolved. I prayed with Francis, and gave thanks.
To-morrow — To Mrs. Thrale — To write to Hector — To Dr. Taylor.
21. — I went to Mrs. Thrale. Mr. Cox and Paradise met me at the door, and went with me in the coach. Paradise’s Loss. In the evening wrote to Hector. At night there were eleven visitants. Conversation with Mr. Cox. When I waked I saw the penthouses covered with snow.
22. — I spent the time idly. Mens turbata. In the afternoon it snowed. At night I wrote to Taylor about the pot, and to Hamilton about the Fcedera.
23. — I came home, and found that Desmoulins had, while I was away, been in bed. Letters from Langton and Boswell. I promised L — six guineas.
24. — Sunday. I rose not early. Visitors Allen, Davis, Windham, Dr. Horsley. Dinner at Strahan’s. Came home and chatted with Williams, and read Romans ix in Greek.
To-morrow begin again to read the Bible; put rooms in order; copy L— ‘s letter. At night I — read II p and something more, of the Bible, in fifty-five minutes.
26. — Tu. I copied L— ‘s letter. Then wrote to Mrs. Thrale. Cox visited me. I sent home Dr.
Laurence’s papers, with notes. I gave D — a guinea, and found her a gown.
27. — W. At Harley Street. Bad nights — in the evening Dr. Bromfield and his family — Merlin’s steelyard given me.
28. — Th. I came home. Sold Rymer for Davies; wrote to Boswell. Visitors Dr. Percy, Mr. Crofts. I have, in ten days, written to Aston, Lucy, Hector, Langton, Boswell; perhaps to all by whom my letters are desired.
The weather, which now begins to be warm, gives me great help. I have hardly been at church this year; certainly not since the 15th of January. My cough and difficulty of breath would not permit it.
This is the day on which, in 1752, dear Tetty died.
I have now uttered a prayer, of repentance and contrition; perhaps Tetty knows that I prayed for her. Perhaps Tetty is now praying for me. God help me. Thou, God, art merciful, hear my prayers, and enable me to trust in Thee.
We were married almost seventeen years, and have now been parted thirty.
I then read up from Ex. 36 to Lev. 7. I prayed with Fr and used the prayer for Good Friday.
29. — Good Friday. After a night of great disturbance and solicitude, such as I do not remember, I rose, drank tea, but without eating, and went to church. I was very composed, and coming home, read Hammond on one of the Psalms for the day. I then read Leviticus. Scott came in. A kind letter from Gastrel. I read on, then went to evening prayers, and afterwards drank tea, with buns; then read till I finished Leviticus 24 pages et sup.
To write to Gastrel to-morrow.
To look again into Hammond.
30. — Sat. Visitors Paradise, and I think Horsley. Read 11 pages of the Bible. I was faint; dined on herrings and potatoes. At prayers, I think, in the evening. I wrote to Gastrel, and received a kind letter from Hector. At night Lowe. Pr with Francis.
31. — Easter Day. Read 15 pages of the Bible. Cætera alibi.
PRAYERS WRITTEN FOR HIS STEP-DAUGHTER At the Table ALMIGHTY God, by whose mercy I am now permitted to commemorate my Redemption by our Lord Jesus Christ; grant that this awful remembrance may strengthen my faith, enliven my hope, and increase my charity; that I may trust in Thee with my whole heart, and do good according to my power. Grant me the help of thy Holy Spirit, that I may do thy will with diligence, and suffer it with humble patience; so that when Thou shalt call me to judgment, I may obtain forgiveness and acceptance, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour. Amen.
These Prayers I wrote for Mrs. Lucy Porter, in the latter end of the year 1782, and transcribed them October 9, 1784.
ON LEAVING MR. THRALE’S FAMILY
‘The death of Mr. Thrale had made a very material alteration with respect to Johnson’s reception in that family. The manly authority of the husband no longer controlled the lively exuberance of the lady; and as her vanity had been fully gratified by having; the Colossus of Literature attached to her for so many years, she gradually became less assiduous to please him. Johnson’s penetration was alive to her neglect... for on the 6th of October this year we find him making a parting use of the library at Streatham, and pronouncing a prayer which he composed on leaving Mrs. Thrale’s family.’ — Boswell.
It must not be forgotten that Boswell had no love for Mrs. Thrale, and was always rather jealous of Johnson’s intimacy with that family.
October 6, 1782.
ALMIGHTY God, Father of all mercy, help me, by thy grace, that I may with humble and sincere thankfulness remember the comforts and conveniences which I have enjoyed at this place, and that I may resign them with holy Submission, equally trusting in thy protection when Thou givest and when Thou takest away. Have mercy upon me, O Lord, have mercy upon me.
To thy fatherly protection, O Lord, I commend this family. Bless, guide, and defend them, that they may so pass through this world, as finally to enjoy in thy presence everlasting happiness, for Jesus Christ’s sake. Amen.
O Lord, so far as, etc. — Thrale.
October 7.
I was called early. I packed up my bundles, and used the foregoing Prayer, with my morning devotions somewhat, I think, enlarged. Being earlier than the family, I read St. Paul’s farewell in the Acts, and then read fortuitously in the Gospels, which was my parting use of the library.
The Year 1783
I HAD JUST HEARD OF WILLIAMS’S DEATH
Anna Williams was a woman of considerable literary ability. She was the daughter of a Welsh physician. She came to London during Mrs. Johnson’s lifetime, in the hope of being cured of a cataract in both her eyes, and was received into Mrs. Johnson’s household.
After Mrs. Johnson’s death, Johnson received her into his house that she might, more comfortably than in lodgings, have an operation performed. She became totally blind, and thereafter remained a constant member of Johnson’s household. Her sufferings, or her natural disposition, made her peevish and fretful, and the long-suffering patience and goodness of Johnson to her, excited the admiration, and almost the indignation, of Boswell.
September 6.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, who art the Lord of life and death, who givest and who takest away, teach me to adore thy providence, whatever Thou shalt allot me; make me to remember, with due thankfulness, the comforts which I have received from my friendship with Anna Williams. Look upon her, O — Lord, with mercy, and prepare me, by thy grace, to die with hope, and to pass by death to eternal happiness, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
The Year 1784
EASTER DAY
Johnson was now breaking fast. The winter had tried him sorely.
Asthma and dropsy had sadly weakened the robust frame; bat he had partially recovered, and was looking hopefully for the advent of warmer weather. He had now, however, reached his last Easter, and his prayer is very solemn and earnest. To Bennet Langton he wrote on April 8: ‘I am still disturbed by my cough; but what thanks have I not to pay when my cough is the most painful Sensation that I feel. Let me have your prayers for the completion of my recovery.’ It was for his partial recovery that he so fervently thanks God in this prayer. To Dr. Taylor he wrote on Easter Monday — the day following the composition of this prayer— ‘My life is very solitary and very cheerless. O my friend, the approach of death is very dreadful.’ But hope still mingled with his tremulous fears: ‘I hope for some help from warm weather, which will surely come in time.’
April 11.
ALMIGHTY God, my Creator and my Judge, who givest life and takest it away, enable me to return sincere and humble thanks for my late deliverance from imminent death; so govern my future life by thy Holy Spirit, that every day which Thou shalt permit to pass over me, may be spent in thy scrvice, and lcave me less tainted with wickedness, and more submissive to thy will.
Enable me, O Lord, to glorify Thee for that knowledge of my corruption, and that sense of thy wrath, which my disease and weakness and danger awakened in my mind. Give me such sorrow as may purify my heart, such indignation as may quench all confidence in myself, and such repentance as may, by the intercession of my Redeemer, obtain pardon. Let the commemoration of the sufferings and death of thy Son, which I am now, by thy favour, once more permitted to make, fill me with faith, hope, and charity. Let my purposes be good, and my resolutions unshaken; and let me not be hindered or distracted by vain and useless fears, but through the time which yet remains, guide me by thy Holy Spirit, and finally receive me to everlasting life, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour. Amen.
AGAINST INQUISITIVE AND PERPLEXING THOUGHTS
Johnson was now at Ashbourne, whither he had gone in the hope that the change of air and scene might benefit his health. This prayer is quoted by Boswell, with the remark, ‘While in the country, notwithstanding the accumulation of illness which he endured, his mind did not lose its powers. He translated an ode of Horace, and composed several prayers. I shall insert one of them, which is so wise and energetic, so philosophical and so pious, that I doubt not of its affording consolation to many a sincere Christian when in a state of mind to which I believe the best are sometimes liable.’ The prayer is characteristic of Johnson’s method of dealing with the great mysteries of faith and life.
August 12, 1784.
O LORD, my Maker and Protector, who hast graciously sent me into this world to work out my salvation, enable me to drive from me all such unquiet and perplexing thoughts as may mislead or hinder me in the practice of those duties which Thou hast required.
When I behold the works of thy hands, and consider the course of thy providence, give me grace always to remember that thy thoughts are not my thoughts, nor thy ways my ways. And while it shall please Thee to continue me in this world, where much is to be done, and little to be known, teach me, by thy Holy Spirit, to withdraw my mind from unprofitable and dangerous inquiries, from difficulties vainly curious, and doubts impossible to be solved. Let me rejoice in the light which Thou hast imparted, let me serve Thee with active zeal and humble confidence, and wait with patient expectation for the time in which the soul which Thou receivest shall be satisfied with knowledge. Grant this, O Lord, for Jesus Christ’s sake. Amen.
It has been thought that Dr. Taylor’s name should be placed in the blank. Johnson was now staying; with him.
Ashbourne, August 28, 1784.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, who afflictest not willingly the children of men, and by whose holy will — now languishes in sickness and pain, make, I beseech Thee, this punishment effectual to those gracious purposes for which Thou sendest it; let it, if I may presume to ask, end not in death, but in repentance; let him live to promote thy kingdom on earth, by the useful example of a better life; but if thy will be to call him hence, let his thoughts be so purified by his sufferings, that he may be admitted to eternal happiness. And, O — Lord, by praying for him, let me be admonished to consider my own sins, and my own danger, to remember the shortness of life, and to use the time which thy mercy grants me to thy glory and my own salvation, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
[The following Prayer was composed and used
by Doctor Johnson previous to his receiving the Sacrament of the Lord’s Supper, on Sunday December 5, 1784.]
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, I am now, as to human eyes it seems, about to commemorate, for the last time, the death of thy Son Jesus Christ our Saviour and Redeemer. Grant, O Lord, that my whole hope and confidence may be in his merits, and thy mercy; enforce and accept my imperfect repentance; make this commemoration available to the confirmation of my faith, the establishment of my hope, and the enlargement of my charity; and make the death of thy Son Jesus Christ effectual to my redemption. Have mercy upon me, and pardon the multitude of my offences. Bless my friends; have mercy upon all men. Support me, by thy Holy Spirit, in the days of weakness, and at the hour of death; and receive me, at my death, to everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ. Amen.
[The following Meditations and Prayers have no dates in the MS.]
I DID not, this week, labour my preparation so much as I have sometimes done. My mind was not very quiet; and an anxious preparation makes the duty of the day formidable and burdensome. Different methods suit different states of mind, body, and affairs. I rose this day, and prayed, then went to tea, and afterwards composed the Prayer, which I formed with great fluency. I went to church; came in at the Psalms; could not hear the reader in the lessons, but attended the prayers with tranquillity.
To read the New Testament once a year in Greek.
Complete Works of Samuel Johnson Page 369