by Pamela Ann
Apart from the bruises that were starting to heal, I didn’t really have any major trauma on my body. The major infliction was all mental. And I did feel like a crazy mess sometimes. I was angry about Greyson not bothering to call, yet deep down, I knew I had no right to be.
Sitting on the couch after two more hours of waiting, I got up at ten past eleven to go to bed. Greyson was a douche—a sexy, kind-hearted asshole to the highest order.
I fell asleep hating him. So waking up at about one in the morning to the sound of the door opening and closing, my anger hadn’t subsided.
Coming off the bed, I stomped out of my bedroom and into the living room, ready for him to go back to wherever he had come from.
He looked up when he saw me burst out of the room. Then, when he saw how furious I looked, a deep frown creased his face. “Olivia?”
He seemed tired... probably because he had been over-exerting himself with someone’s vagina. My imagination was giving me vivid images before I greeted the stud.
“Get out!”
“What? Come on; it’s one in the morning and I’m exhausted,” he complained, trying to reach me before I yanked his hand away.
I growled then stomped towards the room and took his duffel bag, running back to where he stood and shoving it in his face. “I. Said. Get. The. Fuck. Out.”
The tenderness vanished from his countenance before he looked hard at me, jaws locking as he ground his teeth together.
“Are you deaf? I said get out!” I screamed into his stony face. He did not react to my outburst, however, which only drove me more insane. My love for him was ruining me slowly and I couldn’t help how betrayed I felt. Thinking that he’d been with someone and come home and sleep right next to me as if it was no big deal, tore me to shreds. “I don’t need you—you’re a lying bastard and a philanderer!”
“What are you talking about?” he growled out his response.
I wouldn’t know. “It doesn’t matter anymore. You need to leave.”
“It doesn’t matter? Then why throw it at me, huh?”
Because… I was going out of my mind wondering what you’ve been up to. Because I was stuck loving him all the while he didn’t seem to love me anymore than he had a month ago.
The bruises were healing even though my mind was constantly tormented, but there was this eviscerating pain that latched on to me like a disease, sucking me dry because of my broken heart. It was never going to heal. I wasn’t sure how my broken heart kept on breaking, yet it always did every time I knew I was going to leave his side again.
With a shaky breath, it took all my courage to leave him once more. “I appreciate all you’ve done for me, but I’m okay now. I don’t need you to constantly be here. I have to start living again and figure it out on my own. So, thank you… I guess I’ll be seeing you around.” Bracing myself, I strolled towards the bedroom and quietly shut the door.
I was about to get into bed when the door was opened, slamming against the wall as Greyson strode in like a massive thunderstorm ready to break free.
“You don’t get to say thank you,” he growled as he reached me, chest heaving while his eyes danced like fiery orbs. “You don’t get to say all that stupid shit just to push me away. Because guess what? I don’t give a fucking damn if you don’t want me here. I’m staying whether you want me or not. I promised to take care of you, and I’m not backing down on that. Do you hear me? I’M STAYING.”
“Fine. You can sleep on the couch then.”
“No, I’m sleeping here. With you. In the same bed exactly as it’s been for the past seven days,” he persisted while he started taking his clothes off, as if my demands were pointless.
Why was he tormenting me? Didn’t he know how difficult it was for me to love him and be this close to him every day and night without him being mine? It was cruel.
“I don’t want you here.”
“Yes, you do,” he confidently spat back. “You love me; you know you do, Olivia.”
Confident bastard. I wished I could throw crap like that at his face. Sadly, though, I couldn’t. “I don’t love you anymore.”
“You’re lying.”
Of course I was. Hell, he needed a good punching.
“Not that it should matter if I do or don’t. I’m just telling the truth.”
He was instantly crowding me with his eyes, his breath, his lips, pinning me down with that look that made me hot and tingly all over. “Lie to my face again.”
“I don’t love you. How hard is that to understand?”
He growled like a bear with a sore head. “Keep saying it!”
I was on a roll and had no plans of stopping. “I said, I don’t love you.”
“Try again.”
Fine. I’d keep yelling to his face until he understood the meaning. “I don’t love you—I was just confused with Liam—”
“Aw, hell no, you didn’t just say that.” The veins on his neck popped, ready to explode. “Take that back!”
“No!”
His breathing became ragged, looking hurt yet persistent before he looked down then back at my face. “You really want me to leave?”
His tone broke my heart. I wanted him to leave, but… “Yeah,” I murmured with a heavy heart.
His throat bobbed as if he was having a hard time. I felt awful for making him feel that way, however I couldn’t deal with having him come home late every night. I just couldn’t.
“If I leave… I’m really leaving for good. This is it. I’d rather shoot myself than touch you again. So, if this is what you want, I won’t argue with you.”
“Greyson,” I choked out.
He took the jeans from the floor and took out his keys before he pulled mine out and set them aside on the side table. “Here are your keys.”
I watched as he took his shirt, about to put it back on, when common sense kicked in. “Don’t leave—I’m sorry.”
His head dropped for a few seconds before eyeing me with sadness. “Don’t fuck with me, please.”
Shaking my head, I glanced away from him, feeling spent. I had no words to say anymore. I felt so drained. The thought of him leaving for good frightened me, however. I loved him, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him the words any more.
Sliding back in bed, I peaked my ears to listen to him. After five minutes with no sign of him moving, I thought he was getting ready to leave when I heard him walk to my side before sliding in bed next to me.
Intense relief washed over me before I felt his arms tug me against his body, spooning me close. “We’re miserable people, but we’re worse when we’re apart.”
How true his statement was. This cycle wouldn’t end unless we were together.
Kissing the back of my neck, he left a few more before whispering into my ear. “I wasn’t going anywhere…but I had to see if you meant what you said about not loving me anymore.” His hand sought mine before holding it close to my chest. “You don’t know how happy it makes me to know that you still do.”
Chapter 31
Grey
I waited until she was fast asleep, testing her a few times before I concluded she was completely knocked out cold. Her medication guaranteed deep sleep, and she usually took it before bedtime. So after our fight leaving her exhausted, I was sure she’d sleep like a log.
The idea came to me after an hour of holding her in my arms. And when it came, I immediately took action. After what had just happened tonight, I knew we both needed this. She was still fragile, yet she had her amazing courage and an endless fire within her that I admired.
She was merely hurt and insecure. And I hated that it was me who had made her that way. I had to make amends, hoping that, maybe, I could start healing her little by little, one step at a time.
It was ten in the morning when Olivia decided to join the rest of the living, yawning and stretching before reaching out for me. I loved the fact that it was me she always hung onto every morning, murmuring how much she missed me. I wasn’t sure
if she thought I was asleep or not, however I always hid a smile every time she did it. She had it in the very beginning of when we dated and had carried on the habit whenever she and I slept together.
“Shit! GREY!” She immediately sat upright as if someone had buzzed her with electricity. “We’re not home.”
Again, I smiled at her cuteness. If life were this easy every day, things would be so different for sure.
“Hmm?” I pretended to be half asleep, amused at her reaction.
“I said we’re not home in my apartment! I don’t understand—it’s not like we’ve been kidnapped because we’re not tied up...” She trailed off before I felt the stinging slap of her hand on my shoulder. “This is all you!”
I couldn’t help barking out a laugh. “It took you that long to guess? I bet no one wanted you to be on their team during charades.” When she looked taken aback by my joke, I immediately felt bad and pulled her back to bed, kissing her neck. “I think you’re the best at everything.”
She snorted, elbowing me, but she was smiling. “Where are we?”
“Big bear.”
She twisted her face to look at me. “Is this the…? You know.”
My eyes twinkled as I watched her blush. “Is this the what? The place where I took your precious cherry?”
“You’re on a roll, aren’t you?” She smacked me again.
My heart swelled a little, remembering that special night that had been seared into my heart. “Just happy, Liv. Just happy to have you.”
“I’m sorry about last night. I was in such a bad place. It’s been really hard.”
“I’m sorry, too… for everything.” I had held back from kissing her after she got back from the hospital, but at that moment, I just couldn’t control it. It was as if I needed to taste just a little of her to spark the uncontrollable fire in me. Kissing her always made me forget everything. It always reminded me of why she was the only one that mattered. “I know I’ve done you wrong, but I hope it’s not too late to start over again.”
She gave me a shocked, horrified look. “No. Just no. Don’t feel sorry for me. Is that why you brought me here?”
“Not necessarily. But you started this Fuck My Life campaign because of me. I want to fix this with you, Liv. I can’t see you live like this. I won’t forgive myself. This isn’t you. The Olivia I knew wouldn’t give up so easily. She was brave, a spitfire of a woman who wouldn’t let anything stop her from getting anything she wanted…”
“She’s gone…” she whispered.
“I don’t believe you.” I reached out to touch her heart. “She’s in here somewhere, and I want to guide her back home.” I was going about this all wrong, yet I wasn’t sure where to start. Our relationship was not messed up. It was a disaster. Fixing it might not even work. However, I was willing to give it another shot. It was killing me not to have her and tell the world she was mine.
“You used to be my home, Grey.”
“Then let me be your home again.”
“I love you. It hurts to even look at you, though.” She pressed her lips together. “I’m not going to lie that I’m not tempted to say yes. I want nothing more than just to be with you. I’m crazy—so fucking crazy for you that I’d be willing to do anything you asked… but I can’t share you. It would kill me if I said yes and had to share you with Edith.”
“If I divorce her, would you be willing to be with me then?”
She made a struggling, muffled sound. “Don’t joke like that.” Tears formed in her eyes as she gave me a heartfelt look. “Please, don’t joke like that.”
“I’m not. I want to see you happy again.” I wasn’t going to stop until I saw those magnificent blues light up without the clouded darkness. “And I want to be the man who could do that for you.”
“Grey…” She bit her bottom lip, torn.
The thought of her saying no and telling me it was too late to start over again made me feel more than desperate. “Say yes,” I begged. “Please, say yes.”
“I might become obsessive. I won’t be the same girl that won’t question where you’ve been. I’m going to flip if you don’t call or text me once a day. I’m going to be possessive and jealous to every girl who wants you or tries to get your attention. As I said, I’m crazy for you. There’s just no other way to describe it.”
“Good… I wouldn’t expect anything less because God fucking help me if I see another man touch you. It always makes me insane.” Kissing her on the lips, I stared into her eyes as I cupped her face, loving every bit of her. “I need you.” My lips brushed hers, giving her a thorough demonstration of how much I needed her in my life. “I only start living when you’re near. I need you… to breathe… to live.”
Her eyes flashed back and forth, so unsure. “I’m scared. We didn’t work out the last time.”
“If this doesn’t work out, then we’ll try again.” I stared into her eyes, letting her know I meant every word. “We’ll always try again. I think we know there’s no escaping each other. Whether we’re conscious or unconscious, we need one another.”
She grinned, rolling me over onto my back, laughing. “I’m with you. For as long as I live, I’m with you.”
That was all I wanted to hear. “Till death do we part?”
“Until death…” she trailed off, consuming my soul.
I was glad life was restarting and back on track.
Chapter 32
Liv
The next day, I felt like I woke up in a dream. However, the warmth of Greyson’s naked body against mine made me realize I was truly living the dream. We hadn’t had any sex yet—not even close. It was frustrating that he had wanted to kiss me all night last night… my lips alone. The north, not the south.
I felt complete. I truly did. I mean, after all the traumatizing pain I had gone through the past two weeks, this was an amazing present to have in my life again. He wanted to start over and be together; I couldn’t wait to start living that. This time, I would truly do it the right way. Though there was still a humungous question about Edith, I didn’t stress about it because I trusted him. And when the time came, he’d open up to me. As for his love, I was confident to believe he would eventually come around. I thought I had to prove it to him that I wasn’t going anywhere, that I was going to be with him all the way. Until then, I wouldn’t stop trying to prove my love for him.
Before, every time I thought about the future, I always thought it dreary, yet with Greyson injecting more life into me, I felt hopeful and secure about what was to come for us. As long as we were standing side by side, holding each other’s hands, we were going to be fine.
Yesterday, we spent our lunchtime swimming naked in the creek behind the house. I had never felt so free and genuinely happy as I laughed, splashing water into his face, kissing under the sunshine while he and I compared our likes and dislikes. It felt like old times, but new—the old times, yet with a touch of wisdom in us.
Staring down into my face while I had used his thigh as my cushion, he played with my hair. We had been surrounded by serenity, and I had never felt more in tune with my body, my mind and my heart all at once. I had never felt this much peace; it was a refreshing change.
“Liv, promise me there’ll be no more other people. It’s just you and me from now on. Can you promise me that?”
His question had made me frowning as I looked into his eyes. “With my all, I’m always yours. I promise.”
“One more thing.”
“Hmm?”
“I’m moving in with you.”
Already? What would our parents say? Fuck. We needed to figure out how to tell them when they got back in the next week and a half.
“We might have to talk more about that.”
Recalling the events of yesterday made me feel all fuzzy inside.
Stretching my body, I rolled over and gave the love of my life a kiss on the cheek then another on his lips.
“Miss you,” I softly murmured against him before I pulled aw
ay.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he questioned, his hand clamping down on my elbow, pulling me back towards him.
“Bathroom.”
His arms and legs confined me before he left kisses on my face and neck. “Fine, I won’t try to have sex with you, but can you spare five minutes to cuddle with your man?”
“Ohhh, so you’re my man now?” I laughed, teasing him a little.
“You bet your sweet, sexy—” He then cupped my ass, gripping it hard with his fingers. His tone then dropped into that sexy, raspy voice he used when he was horny. “Your ass is so fucking fine. I want it so bad.”
“Ummm… huh?”
“I want it,” he declared without blinking as he tried to tell me what that meant.
Wait. Just. Wait. “In what way?” Exactly…?
Fiery, wicked eyes ignited my body with desire. “The only way I can.”
That… OH, SHIT!
I shivered, smiling. “That holy grail is saved for my husband.”
He was well amused as he tightened his hold, beaming at me. “Well, you’re staring at him, so I don’t see any problem.”
Crazy talk—that’s what it was. Nothing of substance. “Shut up.”
“You know that’s eventually where we’re heading.” His brow rose, looking serious all of a sudden. “You do know that, don’t you?”
God, he was thinking that far ahead? Husband and marriage? But how? He was married already. What the fuck. I hated it when he messed with me this way, but I couldn’t deny that I felt my heart constrict at the thought of him as my husband.
“Maybe… but I don’t want to think that far ahead,” I casually said, needing to brush the subject out of my mind. “I want to live in the now. This—you… I’m completely happy.”
“Are you hundred percent sure? ‘Cause if you run away again, I’m coming after you. I don’t care if you’re in Antarctica. I’m coming.”