~*~
As soon as my eyes opened the next morning, I knew it was Christmas Eve. Why couldn’t I get that exciting feeling like when I was a kid, with the smell of cookies in the air and expectation swirling in my stomach? Yeah, that sure wasn’t happening.
Tonight Mom would be exchanging gifts with her sister’s family, but for the first time in my life, we wouldn’t be together. Andrea would be performing at her concert tonight, and I wouldn’t be there to see it either.
I tried to pray. I hadn’t been able to do it the entire time I’d been here. I lay there for a couple minutes, but I just wasn’t feeling it. Dragging myself from bed, I ambled to the window and looked out at the concrete sidewalks leading around the complex. How different from my bedroom view at Mom’s, with woods surrounding us and neighbors far enough away they couldn’t hear my music in the backyard.
On the desk, I’d stacked Andrea’s journal with my Bible. Together they seemed to be taunting me, but I just didn’t have any desire to crack them open. I picked them both up and stashed them on the top shelf of the closet beside the extra blankets, hiding them out of sight.
My phone beeped.
Hey, you coming tonight? Everyone wants to see you.
It was from my friend Jake, who attended my old church in the OC. He’d already texted me twice since I’d been back in California.
Not sure. Got to see if I can talk Dad into it.
Hope to see you.
I wanted to see my friends, but at the same I didn’t. Honestly, the way I was feeling, I was about to call Mom and see if she could convince Dad to let me come home. This trip was a complete and utter bust. It’s not like Dad was even spending that much time with me or anything. When he had free time, he was off spending it with Heather.
I slouched into the kitchen for breakfast. Dad had already left on some errands. Guess that meant cereal for one. Taking my bowl into the living room, I reclined on the couch and turned on the TV.
The home phone rang a few minutes later.
“Luke, you’ve got to take me shopping.”
I coughed as some of the milk from my breakfast dribbled down my throat. “Good morning to you too.”
“Good morning. So, can you?”
“Take you shopping? Can’t you go with your mom? Isn’t that what mothers and daughters do? Shop.”
“Mom’s at work, but she left her car today.”
Oh boy! Something told me that getting into a car with her would be risking my life. She couldn’t be old enough to drive yet anyway, right?
“Are you sure you’re ready for LA traffic?”
“I’m only fourteen! I don’t even have my permit yet. Mom said if you agree, you could drive me downtown to the mall. I need to get some Christmas shopping done. Actually, I just need a present for Mom, but I really have to get out of this place. I’m bored out of my mind.”
I had to agree. I was bored too. But shopping in downtown LA on Christmas Eve sounded like suicide.
“I’ll buy you lunch,” she offered.
“Fine. Give me half an hour and meet me at the parking garage.”
~*~
After shopping, we made it back to the condo complex and ended up sitting around the pool. There were a couple other residents sunning themselves too. No one was brave enough to get into the murky waters. I probably caught dysentery or typhoid or something after that swim. I lowered sunglasses over my eyes and rested back on my arms in the pool chair.
The sky was bright blue without a cloud in sight. Warm and temperate. Just as I remembered many a Christmas.
“Are you sure this is December?” Charli asked.
I kept my eyes closed, but I could hear the smile in her voice.
“I mean, it seems like we were transported to spring or summer or something. It’s almost eighty degrees today. Eighty! Can you believe it?”
“They’re definitely having a warm December, but don’t forget the drought last summer.”
“Still, I’d be wrapped up inside if I was back home. Snow on the ground, winter sports galore, ya know.”
“Yeah, I know, but don’t you think you’ll miss the snow, especially this time of year?”
“I’ll risk it.”
I glanced at her and smiled.
She’d toned down the makeup and styled her short blonde hair in a neat side part. Although she had most of her earrings back in place and the eyebrow ring was there. Still, you almost wouldn’t know her from her extreme goth look a few days ago.
“But then there’s all the LA traffic…” I joked.
“Yeah, but…”
“And the crowds at the mall…killer.”
“I don’t care. I talked with Mom about moving in with her and Jim after they get married this summer. She said I could come in August after they get settled.”
“Oh, yeah, that’s cool.” I scooted up taller on the chaise-lounge chair. “Did you live with your mom before she moved?”
“I swapped between Mom and Dad every week. They only lived like five minutes apart.”
“Hmm…”
“Why, what’s on your mind, Luke? You’ve been almost pleasant today.”
“I don’t know. I guess I’m ruminating.”
“Reuma-what?”
“I’m thinking something over.”
“What? Is it about your girlfriend? Because I’ve noticed you don’t talk to her much. If I was separated by three thousand miles from the person I loved…”
“Who says I love her?”
6
“So I guess that means I have a chance with you then?” Charli clasped her hands together and smirked. Then she rested back into her chair. “I just assumed, that’s all. You seem pretty in love with her. So what’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“Come on, tell me. I’m going to be your sister soon.”
“Stepsister.”
“Uh, don’t ever call me that again. It makes me sound like some awful character from an animated fairy tale. I’m nice, right? You like me.”
I laughed. “Yeah, sure, you’re nice.”
“So, come on, spill.”
“I don’t know. I guess it’s just that Dad wants me to move back to California. He thinks I’ll have a better shot at a baseball scholarship if I do.”
“So, do it. It would be totally awesome! We’d all be living together like one big, happy family. I don’t even know what that’s like.”
“I can’t do it. For one thing, my mom would be all alone.”
“Maybe she’ll move back if you do. Then you can split your time between the two of them.”
“I doubt it. She’s done with California, and she enjoys being close to her sister again. Forget I said anything. I’m not moving in with you guys.”
“Well, I think you should at least consider it, especially if it will help your odds of getting into the college you want.”
Except I didn’t want to get into UCLA. Six months to graduation, and I still didn’t know where I’d end up. I always figured God would open the right door, and I’d walk on through to my future. But UCLA is a top school when it comes to baseball. Was I just avoiding it because it’s what Dad wanted? Should I be more open to the possibility of a California school?
Ever since Andrea and I got together, I’d become more and more convinced that I wanted to be on the East Coast because I knew that’s where she’d be, but with the way things were going, would it even matter? She hadn’t contacted me since last night’s text. No phone call as she’d promised. And I’d texted her twice today and still no call—nothing.
“So what are your plans for Christmas Eve?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. My dad hasn’t said anything. What about your mom?”
“Nothing much. Usually we stay home and bake cookies and watch Christmas movies.” She paused for a minute, and I could tell the wheels in her head were turning. Dangerous! Maybe I should put up signs like around a demolition site.
“So, don’t Christians g
o to church on Christmas Eve?”
“Yeah, I guess some of them do.” I knew Mom and my aunt and uncle and cousins would all be in church tonight. I would have been too if I’d been back there with them.
“So are you going?”
I huffed. “Why are you asking? Did you want to go to church or something?”
She raised one shoulder with a half smile on her face. “Yeah, I guess. You said you’d take me. Isn’t this whole holiday supposed to be about the birth of Jesus and all that?”
I never thought it would happen, but Charli, of all people, had convicted me. Here I was, the only Christian influence in her life at the time, and I’d been like the worst Christian example in the world. It was as if I’d been in rebellion and allowed Satan to take over.
“Yeah, you’re right, I did. Come to think of it, a couple of my youth-group friends have been asking me if I’d come tonight. I’ll see if my dad will take us. But I wouldn’t be averse to some Christmas cookie making too.”
“Do you bake?”
“Cakes, not cookies, but I’m great at the decorating.”
“Are you sure you want cookies made by me? I might give you E. coli.”
“On second thought, maybe I’ll ask your mom.”
“Good choice.”
~*~
At six o’clock, we drove down to Huntington Beach and arrived for the candlelight service. We slipped into the back of the church sanctuary. Several of my friends were sitting together at the opposite side of the building.
Toward the end of the service, we lit candles and prayed. Charli smiled as she lit hers. I worried for a second. Charli and fire just didn’t seem to be a good match. We sang Christmas songs and prayed again. After we were dismissed, I took Charli to meet some of my California friends.
“Jake,” I called out with Charli just behind me.
“Hey, man.” He shook my hand. “Good to see you. I’d hoped you’d show up tonight.” He eyed Charli. “The new girlfriend.”
Charli grinned at him. “As if I’d ever date this guy.” She elbowed me in the side. “He’s like my brother.”
I gave a playful push back with my shoulder. “She’s not kidding. Most annoying sister ever. And now her mom is marrying my dad, so she’ll really be my sister.” I thought about saying stepsister, but Charli hated it, so I held back.
“You’re kidding!”
“Nope.”
Other kids from youth group surrounded us and introduced themselves to Charli. She seemed to be loving the attention. No surprise there.
I stepped away from the crowd to send a message. It was coming on eight o’clock, which meant it was eleven on the other coast and Andrea should be driving home from Richmond. I sent her a text. I know you did awesome tonight!
After a couple minutes of waiting, I rejoined the group. I kept checking my phone. No response. Maybe she’d already made it home and gone to sleep. Or there might not be signal where she was at.
Maybe.
But that still, small voice deep inside me wondered if she had time for me anymore. What would happen when we were in college, possibly living on different sides of the country? What were the odds we could keep going with distance and impossible schedules keeping us apart?
~*~
On Christmas morning, I called Mom and wished her a merry Christmas. She’d slept over with her sister’s family. At least she wasn’t alone.
Andrea had sent a text early in the morning—8 AM her time and 5 AM local time. MERRY CHRISTMAS! Off to the grandparents today.
I texted her back when I saw it two hours later. No comment on my text last night or anything about how her concert went. What was with her? An entire continent might be physically separating us, but with the distant way she was behaving, it was as if she’d moved to the dark side of the moon. Less than a week and she seemed to be moving farther away from me by the second.
When she’d felt pressure from her parents last October, she ended up dropping me before homecoming without an explanation. What if she did that again? Except back then, I’d just been interested in her. Now I was…what? In love with her? Was she in love with me? She sure wasn’t acting like it.
Kids at school threw that word love around as if they were batting a birdie over a badminton net. When you said something like I love you, it should really mean something. My dad said it to Mom, especially when he’d done something to break her trust in him. Just words, with no actions to back them up. Now he said he was in love with Heather. I didn’t want to say I love you to anyone before I knew it was real.
After breakfast, Dad and I took mugs of coffee into the living room and sat in front of the pitiable plastic Christmas tree. The pre-lits had shorted out, so there weren’t even any lights flashing.
“You should think about getting a new tree next year,” I kidded.
Dad laughed. “Yeah, definitely. Heather likes a real tree.”
“That’ll be nice. It will smell real…well, real.”
“It sure will. You know, Heather and Charli will be over soon.”
“I figured as much.”
“You probably haven’t noticed because you haven’t known Charli all that long, but she’s been improving over the last couple days. Heather thinks it’s because of you.”
“Me?”
“Back in Chicago she was getting into a lot of trouble, hanging with the wrong crowd, skipping school. You’ve been a good influence on her. She never would have actively requested to go to church before this week.”
“Wow, I had no idea. She’s a good kid. We have fun.”
“They had a good time at church last night. Heather and I will try to find a church nearby.”
“That’s great.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My dad hadn’t been in church for like three years.
“Heather is hoping for a church wedding in June too. Anyway, Luke, before they get here, I have a gift for you.”
“O-K.”
He handed me a wrapped present, and I knew exactly what it was from the shape. I ripped the paper, revealing Monica’s guitar. I was perplexed. “What’s this?”
“I want you to have it. She would want you to have it.”
“Thanks.”
“You were right. I kept it from you before you left the state.” He moved closer to me on the sofa. “It seemed as if it was the last part of her, and I wasn’t ready to let it go.” His chest heaved with a deep breath. His eyes were damp.
I wasn’t sure how to act. My dad never showed this kind of emotion. Seeing him this way started to choke me up. I forced it back down my throat.
He touched me on the back. “I’m sorry, Luke.”
“It’s OK, Dad.” My voice cracked. I swallowed. “Thanks for the guitar.”
“No, I’m sorry for everything. I haven’t been as fair as I should have been with you or your mother. I’d like you to come here and finish high school, but I understand if you choose to go back to live with your mother. And as for UCLA, you know how I feel, but this is your decision. It’s your education. Your future.”
I’d fallen into some crazy, mixed-up version of my life. This was not my dad. We had a case of body snatchers or something. “What’s changed?”
“Heather.” He smiled. “She’s made me see what I’ve been doing to you. Our relationship has been strained for a long time. I’d like to try…to try to make it better.”
I didn’t know whether to believe him or not. Words. They were just words. I’d heard nice words from him before. In the end, it didn’t change anything. Time would tell. I nodded to him and I hoped. I hoped the prayers Mom and I had prayed over Dad would make a difference. I was tired of being at odds with my father. I hated the conflict. I just wanted things to be like they were before Monica’s accident. But that would never happen. She was gone. Mom and Dad were divorced. And now Dad had found himself a new wife. Would life ever feel normal again?
~*~
Christmas passed without much of a hitch, and I actually had a good
time. I even broke out the guitar and we belted out a few Christmas carols. It was kind of weird, but maybe I just wasn’t used to being happy around my dad.
Later Charli made me watch like three Christmas movies with her. My brain was calling out for wrestling or something after that.
The sky the morning of December 26 turned orangey as the sun rose into the skyline. I’d been awake since five. I still had some jetlag and hadn’t adjusted to the time-zone change. Just as well. No use adjusting when I was leaving shortly.
Still no word from Andrea. I really had thought she was the one for me. I’d never met someone like her before. She was kind and considerate and funnier than she knew. Creative and musical, with a heart to serve God. Plus the whole superhero fetish that we shared. But it was like homecoming all over again, except back then, she’d had the courtesy to break things off. And in the end, she’d come to her senses and we went to homecoming after all. This silence really had me worried.
What would it be like to go back to Aubrey and for us not to be together? We shared similar friends. It would be awkward and just painful. A hard thump resonated in my chest.
In the late afternoon, I dressed in shorts and a T-shirt and went to the pool. Charli was already waiting for me with an oversized sketchpad balanced over her lap.
“Drawing today, are you?”
She was in the middle of a creation and didn’t look up. “New sketchpad for Christmas. I decided I need to draw you. Ready to be my model?” Now she met my eyes.
“Not on your life. Draw those palm trees. I bet you don’t have any of those in your usual repertoire.”
“Big word there.”
“Yeah, Andrea says it sometimes about her music.” My voice had gone a little quiet as I said her name, all the fun zapped out of it.
“Is she a musician?”
“Pianist. And she’s good. That’s part of the reason I haven’t heard much from her this week. She played an important Christmas Eve charity concert the other night.”
“So maybe now you’ll be in a better mood when she calls and you two make up.”
Luke's Crazy California Christmas Page 5