by Amber Garza
“Is that Cooper Montgomery’s hat you’re wearing?”
Her question stopped me. Didn’t she know Cooper and I were together? I thought everyone at school knew. It’s not like we’d kept it a secret. Then again, we’d only been seeing each other a couple of weeks before I got sick. And it’s not like Madison and her friends paid much attention to me.
“Yeah,” I answered smugly, realizing that I was probably enjoying this a little too much. “He’s my boyfriend.”
She glanced over at Ava and Mia who were practically glued to her side, her lips tugging upward. “Was your boyfriend, you mean?”
I wasn’t sure what reaction I was expecting, but it sure as hell wasn’t that. “I don’t know where you got your facts from, but he is my boyfriend.” A few students peered over curiously, while others blatantly moved toward us. I had no idea why I was even bothering to engage in conversation with Madison. We’d never spoken before, unless you counted the times she laughed at my clothes or bumped into me in the halls or whispered “loser” under her breath when I passed by. Why did I care what she thought of me or my relationship with Cooper anyway?
“It’s sweet that you’re still holding on to his things even after he left you.” She spoke in a fake sweet voice, wrinkling her nose.
“He didn’t leave me,” I said through gritted teeth, irritation bubbling. God, it was only the first day of school and already this girl was spreading rumors about Cooper and me. He was going to be pissed when he heard this. In my mind I fantasized about him coming here and telling off Madison and her stuck-up friends.
“Oh, he didn’t? I thought he was living in Southern California now. Am I wrong?”
I didn’t even bother asking how she knew where Cooper was. It seemed all the girls at school kept tabs on him. That should have made me feel good, but it didn’t. It sickened me. “Yes, he’s away at college, but we are still very much together.”
“Okay.” She tossed me a placating smile, and her friends giggled. Her hand reached up and patted my arm. I flinched and stepped backward. “You keep telling yourself that.”
“I don’t need to tell myself that. It’s the truth.” Anger boiled. “I just spoke with him this morning.”
“I’m sure you did.” She stepped away from me, a smug look on her face. Then she turned to her friends. “We better get to class.”
They both nodded like little robots with no brains of their own. I rolled my eyes.
“It was nice talking to you, Lonnie,” Madison said as she whirled away from me.
“It’s London,” I corrected her harshly.
“What’s London?” She blinked her over-mascaraed lashes, staring at me with confusion.
“My name,” I growled.
“Oops. My mistake.” She giggled.
“And Cooper may be away at college, but he didn’t break up with me”
“Oh, I’m sure he didn’t. He’s too nice of a guy to do that. He won’t break it off with a sick girl. Why do you think he went out with you in the first place, silly?” With that she spun on her heels and swaggered down the hallway, her friends trailing behind her.
My mouth dropped open as I watched her. How could she say something so insensitive? Besides, there was no truth to it. Cooper wasn’t staying with me because of my illness. I wasn’t even sick anymore. But clearly that was one piece of information Madison was unaware of. And my sickness wasn’t why we got together. Cooper started to like me even before I knew about the cancer. Even so, Madison’s words echoed in my head, sunk into my heart and planted a tiny seed of doubt.
CHAPTER 4
Cooper
I slumped into my dorm room after practice and tossed my bag onto the ground. It landed with a loud thump. Blowing out a breath, I took off my hat and flung it onto the bed. Then I sat on the edge of it, running a hand through my sweaty hair. The room was empty, and I was grateful that Justin wasn’t here. Even though classes had started this week I was sure he wasn’t studying. I’d yet to see him crack open a book or spend any time on homework. I had already been busy. Then again, my position on the team was at stake, so I had to take my school work seriously.
My ass started buzzing, and I jumped up. Reaching behind me, I pulled my phone out of my back pocket. When my gaze caught the name on the caller ID, I smiled.
“Hey, Grandpa.”
“Just calling to see how your first practice went.”
“It went okay.” I lowered back down onto my bed, and it creaked beneath my weight.
“Uh-oh. That doesn’t sound good.”
“No, it was good. The coach seemed impressed with me. My bullpen went well. My pitches were moving.” I shrugged. “I was happy with it.”
“Then what’s the problem?” Grandpa sounded perplexed, and I could picture his bushy brows furrowing.
“I got a weird vibe from one of the other pitchers.” I scratched the back of my neck with my free hand. “His was name is Ace.”
“Ace?”
I chuckled. “Yeah. Can you believe it? Ace? I thought it was a nickname at first, but no, I guess that’s his real name.”
Grandpa snorted.
“Anyway, he’s a junior, and he’s the fourth starter.”
“Ah, I see,” Grandpa said. “So, he wasn’t very excited to meet the new freshman who took the third starter spot?”
“Not at all.” I groaned inwardly. In high school I was used to guys being competitive. The other pitchers would razz me a little. And when I moved up to varsity the star pitcher at the time was pretty threatened by me. He caused me some problems, but in the end it worked out. But this felt different. From the minute I met Ace tonight I could tell he hated me. It was more than friendly competition. No, this was like deep-seated resentment. He acted as if I’d taken something he felt belonged to him. When we shook hands, he gripped my hand so hard it cut off my circulation. And the glare he gave me was harsh and almost…evil.
“All that matters is that you played well,” Grandpa encouraged me. “Just keep doing your best. Don’t worry about Ace.”
“Yeah, I know.” Still, worry nagged at the pit of my stomach. My mind flitted back to practice, how Ace had watched me intently, the entire time wearing a grimace on his face. And it was tough because I had been hoping to connect with some of the guys on the team. I did sort of make a connection with the catcher, Parker. He was cool, and I could see us becoming friends at some point. The other two pitchers seemed okay, but I didn’t get a chance to talk to them much. Maybe next time.
“College is a lot different than high school, but you can do this. Your grandma and I believe in you.”
“Thanks. I appreciate that.” His words should have made me feel better, but they didn’t. Instead, I felt overwhelmed. I hoped their faith wasn’t misplaced. I’d only been here a couple of weeks, and already I was wondering how I’d survive here. Everything was different. In high school I was the star pitcher. No one could touch me. Not only that, but everyone loved me. I got along with all the guys on the team, and even with the overall student population I was loved. Here I was one small fish in a huge pond. No one knew who I was, and frankly no one seemed to give a shit. The only friend I’d made so far was Justin, and even he seemed to barely tolerate me. It’s not like we were ever going to be best friends. We were nothing alike. And he didn’t understand my relationship with London at all. In fact, he openly dissed it at every opportunity. Not that I didn’t get it. He liked to hook up with a different girl every time he went out. Hadn’t I been like that before I met London?
But then she came into my life and changed everything.
And now I was miles away from her in a foreign place where I wasn’t sure I fit in. For the first time I understood exactly how London had felt her entire life, and it made me love her even more. If London could survive it, then surely I could too. After hanging up with Grandpa I started dialing her number, but the swift movement of the dorm room door swinging open caught my attention. My hand froze over the screen as I glan
ced up to see Justin moving into the room with a girl attached to his face. He backed into the room, his arms wrapped around her middle. Her fingers were buried in his hair as her lips moved over his. In one fluid movement he reached out his left arm and tossed the door closed. It rattled against the doorframe as it closed, but Justin and the girl never separated. Slobbering, smacking noises filled my ears. As they neared Justin’s bed, his hands moved under her shirt. Feeling like an intruder in my own room, I hopped off my bed and cleared my throat loudly.
Justin’s lips disconnected to the girl’s, his head craning in my direction. “Oh, sorry, man. I didn’t know you were here.”
At least he had the decency to appear embarrassed. The girl didn’t seem fazed, though, as she wiped lipstick from her chin. My gaze rested on her. She looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t figure out why. Justin raised his eyebrows, and I snapped out of it.
“Um…” I scratched the back of my neck. “I was actually just heading out.” Fisting my cell phone in my palm, I headed toward the door. After slipping into the hallway I leaned against the wall and finished dialing London’s number. Disappointment sank into my gut when her voicemail clicked on. I left a message and then shoved the phone into my back pocket. Sweat clung to my skin, the scent wafting in the air, reminding me that I was still wearing my practice uniform. Groaning, I pushed off the wall. A group of guys walked down the hallway talking gruffly. One of them glanced up at me, and I smiled. He flashed me a half-hearted grin before returning his attention to his friends. Sighing, I glanced back at my dorm room door. There was no way I was going back in there now. Biting my lip, I stepped away from it, making my way down the hallway. When I got outside the air was cool against my damp skin, but it didn’t feel bad. In fact, it sort of felt good. The weather in Southern California was similar to what I was used to. It was a little warmer than Northern California, but not much. The sun was going down, and the sky was painted in pinks and purples. The colors bled around the corners, fuzzy like the sky was on fire. My feet thumped down the concrete steps and then thundered over the asphalt as I walked down the pathway. Green grass and trees flanked the path. Students milled about the campus. Some were alone, like me, but many were in groups. A few were lying on the grass, earbud cords extending from their ears, books open on their laps. It made me wish I had grabbed my books or my headphones before leaving my dorm. But all I could think about was getting out of there. Next time I’d be more prepared. At the thought, my stomach tightened. Was this what I had to look forward to this year? Spending time alone, having to find places to run off to when Justin got it on with girls in our dorm?
I’d never felt so alone in my entire life. Yanking out my phone, I checked to see if London had called, but she hadn’t. I wondered where she was. Perhaps she was at the library studying or something. Or maybe her phone was off. But then another scenario hit me like a sucker punch. I pictured her sick, lying on the floor like she’d been the day she’d had her seizure. For a moment I found it difficult to draw breath. My heart picked up speed, and I hurriedly dialed her number again. When she failed to answer this time, panic overtook me. Quickly, I called London’s dad.
“Hey, Cooper,” his tone betrayed his surprise at hearing from me.
“Dexter, are you with London?”
“No. She’s at a newspaper meeting at the school.”
“Oh, that’s right.” I exhaled, the knot in my chest loosening.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah.” Now I felt stupid. “I-I-just couldn’t get a hold of London and--”
“Cooper,” Dexter interrupted me. “She’s fine. I’m taking good care of her. I promise.”
“I know,” I said swiftly, feeling like a jerk.
“It means a lot to me that you care about her so much.” I could hear the gratitude in Dexter’s voice, and it eased a little bit of the shame. “But you don’t need to worry so much.”
Lowering my head, I felt like a petulant child who had just been scolded. “I know. I’ll work on it.”
“How is everything else going for you?”
“Good,” I lied, not wanting to share everything with him. He had enough on his plate.
“Glad to hear it.”
After a few more minutes of small talk, I hung up with Dexter. Man, I hoped he didn’t tell London about our conversation. She didn’t like how concerned I was. I could tell that she wanted to put the cancer behind her. That she wanted to be treated like someone who had never been sick. And I wanted so desperately to treat her that way. It’s what she deserved. But it was also hard. She had no idea how difficult it was to see her at her worst. How helpless I felt when she had the seizure in front of me. How scary it was when the ambulance showed up and wheeled her away from me. And how horrified I was when I found out that she might not make it. I wasn’t sure I could go through that again. But these were thoughts I’d keep to myself. In fact, I felt like a selfish asshole for even having the thoughts. I mean, surely it was worse for her. She was the one who had been sick. As hard as it had been for me, it had to have been even more difficult for her. That’s why I needed to be sensitive to her feelings. Blowing out a breath, I vowed to stop panicking. I made a promise to myself that I would relax and stop jumping to conclusions. I would trust Dexter and Skyler to care for London while I was away. A feeling akin to jealousy coursed through my veins. It should be me there watching out for her. God, being away from her was hell.
I roamed the campus a little longer before deciding to head back to my dorm. As I stepped into the hallway, I hoped that the girl was gone. I had no desire to kill any more time. I was tired and sweaty, and all I wanted to do was change and hit the sack. Nearing the door, my insides coiled. No way was I going to just burst inside, so I reached up my hand to knock. But the door popped open, startling me. I stepped back as the girl slid out, closing the door softly. Her hair was disheveled, a couple of her top buttons were undone, and her lips were red and swollen. When her gaze met mine, she smiled.
“Hey, we have a class together, don’t we?” She snapped her fingers. “History, I think.”
I squinted. That’s why she looked familiar earlier. “Oh, yeah. I think you’re right.”
“Man, that class is brutal, huh? The professor is so boring.” She rolled her eyes, making a dramatic face.
But she wasn’t wrong. I was already having a hard time paying attention to the lectures in that class. “You can say that again.”
“I’m Charlotte.” She stuck out her hand.
I took it in mine. “Cooper.” I flinched as the phone vibrated from my pocket, and I pulled my hand back. “Oh, hang on just a second. I’ve got to grab this.” My heart skipped a beat as I felt around for my phone. I didn’t even bother looking at the caller ID before answering.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” London’s voice filled the line, causing warmth to cascade over my body. “Sorry I missed your calls earlier. I had a Gold Rush Gazette meeting.”
“That’s okay. I’m just glad you called now.”
Charlotte waved her hand in front of me, and I realized that I had completely forgotten she was standing there. At the sound of London’s voice, everything else had faded away. That was typical though. London always overshadowed everything else.
“I’m gonna take off. It was nice meeting you,” Charlotte said.
“Yeah, you too.” I nodded as she spun around.
“What?” London asked, sounding confused.
“Nothing. I was talking to someone else.”
“Oh. Do you need me to call back?”
“No,” I said desperately, not wanting to sever our connection. I’d been waiting all night to talk to London. “She’s gone now.”
“She?” The uncertainty in her tone cut to my heart. “You’re with a girl?”
“No, she was just at my dorm tonight.” Shit. That made it sound bad. “N-not with me. With Justin.”
“Oh.”
“But I wasn’t there. I left. I
went to call you, but when I came back to the dorm she was in the hallway. That’s all. It’s no big deal.”
“Okay.” Her voice sounded small, unsure.
“You believe me, right?”
“Of course.”
It was so difficult to decipher what she was feeling when I couldn’t see her face. “God, I hate this.” I blew out a breath.
“You hate what?”
“I hate being away from you. I hate not being able to touch you and kiss you.” I lowered my voice to a whisper as some guys passed. “I hate not being able to look into your eyes and assure you that you’re the only girl I want. London, you have to know you can trust me.”
“I do know that,” she said firmly. “I hate being away from you too.” Her voice broke a little, and my heart stuttered in my chest.
“God, baby, I’d do anything to come home right now.” Leaning against the wall, I rested my head against it.
“Coop, what’s going on?”
“Just missing you,” I said, and it was half-true. I was missing London, but there were other reasons I wanted to go home too. However, I had no desire to talk about Ace or Justin or my feelings about college. Right now I needed to focus on London, to focus on the things in my life that made me happy.
“That’s not all this is. I can tell. Something else happened.” Man, did she know me or what? “How was practice tonight?”
Damn, she remembered everything. Her mind was a freaking steel trap.
“It went well.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” I hated lying to her, but I didn’t want her to worry. “How is everything back home?” Saying the word home made my heart ache with longing.
“Good. Tonight Mr. Smith asked me to be editor of the school paper.”
“That’s great.” My heart swelled with pride, and a glimmer of hope sparkled in my vision. The thought of London heading up the paper, doing what she loved, made me believe everything would be all right. It was like confirmation that she could flourish without me; that I had done the right thing by coming here after all.