The Art of Falling

by Jenny Kaczorowski

  “Cool.” She pulled her pencil from her hair.

  Jackie settled on the throne to watch, while Matt and Rafael leaned against the wall.

  She closed her eyes for a moment to shut them out, then sketched out a snarling goat in a Viking helmet in a few minutes. “Yes?”

  “He needs to be angrier,” Matt said, leaning in.

  “Maybe curve the horns more,” Jackie added. “And add a nappy beard. Goats have beards, right?”

  She made a few adjustments, and then spun it around for them to see.

  “Keep her,” Jackie said. “’Cause that’s awesome.”

  “I intend to try,” Rafael said, winking at her.

  A skeevy feeling slid down her spine, but she smiled back. “Okay, play something for me so I can get the rest of the details.”

  Her phone vibrated again and she yanked it out with an exasperated sigh. “What?”

  “It’s Abby,” Ben said. “She’s in the hospital.”

  Bria leapt to her feet before she could process what he said. “Hospital? What? How?”

  “I don’t know. She went into anaphylaxis. She didn’t have her EpiPen.”

  “Did she eat something? Is she okay? Which hospital?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on. They wheeled her off and I have no idea what’s happening. They won’t talk to me.”

  “Where are you?” She slipped her arms into Rafael’s jacket and dug around in her pockets for her car keys before remembering she didn’t have them.

  “St. Johns.”

  “Shit. I have to find a ride, but I’ll be there.” She hung up and spun around to see Rafael, Jackie, and Matt staring at her. “Abby had an allergy attack. I gotta go.”

  “You can’t wait?” Rafael said. “You haven’t even heard us play.”

  “It’s Abby.”

  “But what are you going to do? Just sit in a waiting room?”

  Any warmth she’d felt toward Rafael evaporated. “If that’s all I can do, yes.”

  “Wait until you can go see her.” He grabbed her hand. “Let me distract you.”

  She pulled away from him. “Ben called. I’m going.”

  “Because you’d rather be with him?”

  “See, that is why we’re just friends.”

  Jackie glared at Rafael. “I’ll give you a lift, Bria.”

  “Sorry,” Rafael said, reaching for her again.

  She shoved him away, already hurrying down the driveway with Jackie at her heels.

  “Bria!” Rafael called after her “Hold up!”

  Chapter Nineteen

  “Ben!” The automatic doors slid closed behind Bria and she froze, emotions colliding in a way that left her dizzy.

  He jumped up from a waiting room chair and wrapped her in a hug. Snaking her arms around his neck, she pressed her cheek to his chest and they held each other for a long, pregnant pause that grew more awkward with every passing second.

  He loosened his grip and she stepped back, dashing away tears with a knuckle.

  “Is she okay?” she asked.

  He nodded. “Mom and Dad are with her now.”

  “Do they know what triggered it?”

  “Worcestershire sauce.” He kind of half laughed. “She ate a fucking mushroom burger seasoned with Worcestershire sauce.”

  “Shit.”

  “Yeah. She’s always so careful.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t…you weren’t doing anything, where you?”

  “Nothing important.”

  He tugged at the collar of Rafael’s jacket. “Nice leather.”

  Her cheeks flamed and she dropped her eyes. “I forgot to give it back to Raf.”

  Ben forced a smile. “So you guys are swapping clothes?”

  “After today, I don’t even know if we’re talking.”

  “What did he do?”

  “Ben Harris?” a nurse called. He surged forward to meet her at the desk.

  Bria slipped her hand into Ben’s while the nurse rattled off a string of technical explanations and words like “sedated” and “adrenaline” that made her head spin.

  “When can I see her?” Ben asked, tightening his grip on Bria’s fingers.

  “There’s a waiting room on the recovery wing,” the nurse said. “The floor nurse will let you know when she can have visitors.”

  Ben let go of Bria and shoved his hand through his hair again, leaving it standing on end. “You don’t have to stay,” he said. “It’s probably going to be a long night.”

  Bria pulled one corner of her mouth into a lame attempt at a smile. “You know I’m not leaving until I see her.”

  He smiled back. “Then we’d better find that waiting room.”

  Crossing her arms around herself, Bria fell in beside Ben’s long strides. Rafael’s jacket weighed on her, dragging a strange feeling of guilt into the pit of her stomach.

  Betrayal. That’s what it felt like. Like she’d betrayed Ben.

  Betrayal because she felt nothing real for Raf, no matter how hard she tried, and because her heart still ached every time she looked at Ben.

  As soon as they reached the bleak waiting room, she sloughed the jacket off along with her hoodie and pulled her feet onto a chair identical to the ones they’d left in the ER. Ben took the chair across from hers and slouched back, staring at the ceiling.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  He repositioned himself to look at her. “For what?”

  “Ignoring your calls. Generally acting like a bitch.”

  “What? No. I mean, things got weird. It’s fine.”

  “So are you and Alyson…?” She stared at the bits of paint stuck to her fingernails like they were the most interesting things in the world. “I saw you guys talking on Friday night.”

  “Not a chance.” He shook his head. “Although that girl doesn’t really get the meaning of no. We kind of had this thing last year, but it was stupid. It’s been over for a while. At least for me.”

  “It didn’t look over.” She freed a fleck of paint. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I mean, I told you to go. It’s not like I get a say in who you go out with.”

  He sighed. “Rest assured, it won’t be Alyson.”

  Grief and regret rattled around her chest and she hugged herself to keep her feelings tucked inside. “Anyway. I’m sorry I ignored your calls.”

  He shrugged. “You’re here now.”

  “Of course I am.”

  That magnetic thing that happened between them drew them closer, both leaning across the distance between their chairs. She reached out and squeezed his hand. He squeezed back and brushed his thumb across her knuckles.

  Soothing, healing warmth stirred in her, but she couldn’t let him under her guard again. She pulled back onto her chair. “I should call my dad.”

  “I should probably call some other people,” Ben said, clearing his throat. “Family and stuff. Let them know everything is okay.”

  Bria stood and drew out her phone. She pulled up a long chain of texts from Rafael, mostly attempting to apologize. Ignoring them, she tapped the number for Dad’s cell.

  “Hey, Pumpkin Pie,” he said. “Are you still at Raf’s?”

  “No. Abby ate something that set off her allergy. I’m at the hospital with Ben.”

  His office chair squeaked and she could imagine him swinging his feet off his desk to pay attention. “Is Abby all right? Do you need me to bring you food or anything?”

  “They’re keeping her overnight but she’ll be fine. I’m good.”

  “You sure? Hospitals have terrible vegetarian food.”

  Bria stopped pacing and glanced at Ben’s turned back. “I’ll find something.”

  “Then take care. Tell Abby to get well soon. I’ll have Shel send her a fruit basket or something. One of those edible arrangement thingies.”

  “Fruit, Dad? She’s going home in the morning. Don’t bother your assistant with personal stuff. She’s a professional.”

  �
�Just an idea. And isn’t that what hot-shot lawyers like me have assistants for?”

  “’Night, Dad.”

  “’Night, Pumpkin Pie.”

  She ended the call and slipped her phone back into the pocket of her jeans.

  Ben sat down again and leaned his head into his hands.

  “Hey.” She wrapped her fingers around his wrist and tugged. “Let’s go find something to eat. Clear your head.”

  “I don’t want to miss something.”

  “You need to eat. We can tell the floor nurse where we’re going. Plus, you can watch the vegan chick devour a bacon cheeseburger.”

  He laughed and swung his hand around to slide his fingers between hers. “How can I say no to that?”

  The cafeteria wasn’t much of an improvement on the waiting rooms, all bare walls and hard plastic chairs. But the smells drifting through the warm air made her stomach gurgle.

  “I think I forgot to eat today,” she said, pressing a hand against her stomach.

  “That is ridiculous.” Ben grabbed a tray and started down the line. “Dinner – ” He glanced at the clock on the wall. “Late night snack is on me.”

  “Sure. It’s a date.” The words escaped without a thought. “I mean. Not a date. But like…”

  Ben cleared his throat. “Cheeseburger?”

  “Yeah.” She dropped a bag of chips on the tray. The room suddenly felt very small and airless.

  He didn’t look at her while he ordered and paid, focusing instead on the bored, middle-aged woman behind the register. She didn’t seem to notice his prize-winning smile.

  Bria followed him across the cafeteria, clutching two drinks. He passed several open tables closer to the front of the room before setting the tray on one in the farthest corner.

  “Look, Ben,” she said, studying the crosshatched design stamped into the tray. “I shouldn’t have…”

  He looked up and hunched that single broad shoulder like he always did. “No. It’s fine. You don’t feel that same way. It’s nothing.”

  “But that’s the thing.” She unscrewed the cap on her drink and tightened it again. “I do.”

  “So then…” He unwrapped his burger with forced precision.

  “I’ve sort of, kind of had a thing for you since…” Bria rapidly exhaled to center herself. “Since the accident. You were the only person who didn’t look at me differently. You never tried to fix me. You never told me I was strong. You were just there.”

  “That moment shouldn’t define you.”

  “But it does. And that’s what I think of when we’re together. And then there’s Abby, who made me promise I’d never fall for you. And your mom, who’s the only mom I have left. If we try this and it goes wrong, I can’t lose them.”

  “So you’re not mad at me for kissing you?”

  “Mad? Are you kidding? Ben, guys like you don’t date girls like me. I know the things your friends say about Abby and she’s your sister. My friends sit around at lunch and make fun of your tight pants and tiny brains.”

  “But we’re different. You and me. We don’t have to be like that.”

  She pulled a strip of bacon free from the burger. “I don’t know if I’m brave enough to be that different.”

  A deep laugh rumbled up from his chest and he reached across the table to flick a lock of her purple hair. “You?”

  “There’s this weight of expectation.” She popped the cheese-coated bacon into her mouth and a murmur of delight slipped from her lips. “See? I have to sneak the food I like. This right here, this burger, is giving me an identity crisis.”

  “Then let’s just be us.”

  The intensity written on his face drew her closer. Only inches apart, she couldn’t even remember why she shouldn’t say yes, right then and there.

  “Are you Ben Harris?” a nurse asked.

  He pulled away and snapped his head up. “Is my sister up?”

  “Her doctor just finished. She’s asking for you.”

  He nodded, and turned back to Bria. The moment was gone, with just a lingering trace of longing in his eyes. “I guess we should go back upstairs before Abby misses us.”

  “Hey.” She caught his hand to draw his attention. “We can be friends, right? Start there?”

  “Always.” He gave her a crooked smile and rose to gather their trash. “By the way, watching you eat a burger is really hot.”

  “You can never tell anyone about this. Ever.”

  “It’s just a burger.”

  “Swear it.”

  He put one hand over his heart and raised the other like he was reciting an oath. “I swear on a case of Skittles: your secret is safe with me.”

  “I’m watching you, Ben Harris.”

  “Seriously.” He led the way back toward the elevators. “Maybe the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. They should use it as a commercial for some burger place.

  “We will never speak of this.”

  ~

  Abby sat propped up in bed with her hair pulled away from her face and only the remnants of yesterday’s makeup. The pale blue hospital gown, instead of her standard hot pink and black, made her look a whole lot younger than seventeen.

  Across the room, Mr. and Mrs. Harris leaned against each other on a kind of window seat. Their shadowed eyes and drawn faces spoke volumes.

  “Hey,” Ben said, leaning down to hug Abby. “Look who I found.”

  She peeked over his shoulder and rolled her eyes. “Who died? I’m fine. No sad faces, ‘k?” Her stiff voice cracked in places and she fell back against the bed as soon as Ben let go.

  “Near-death experience. No big deal,” Bria said. She sat down on the bed and took Abby’s hand. “You look terrible.”

  “I know. Won’t let me fix my makeup.”

  “The doctor needs to see your skin, Sweet Pea,” Adele said.

  “We’re going to go find some food,” Mr. Harris said, squeezing Ben’s shoulder. “Have the doctor page us if anything happens.

  “Doc said I’m fine,” Abby croaked. “24 hours of observation. Go home.”

  “We’ll be right back,” Adele said, squeezing her foot on her way out the door.

  “What were you doing without your EpiPen?” Ben said as soon as their parents closed the door.

  She shrugged a shoulder, then dropped it down like it was too heavy. “Thought it was in my purse. Musta grabbed the wrong one.”

  “You didn’t check before going to a restaurant?” Bria asked.

  “Been a long time since my last reaction. Got lazy.” Abby closed her eyes and sagged back against the pillows.

  Bria squeezed her hand again, and stood, pacing toward the window.

  Ben came up behind her and rubbed his hands over her arms, working some warmth back into her body. “She’s almost asleep,” he said. “You should go home.”

  Bria turned around. “I’m just going to worry if I go home.”

  “You’re going to miss church,” Abby said, her voice fading away.

  “Church?” Ben raised an eyebrow.

  “Dad and I go every Sunday.”

  “I never would have guessed that.”

  Bria smirked. “Most people don’t.” She stifled a yawn. “Anyway, I’m staying.”

  “I’m never going to figure you out, am I?”

  She shrugged, arms still tight against her chest. “I still haven’t.”

  Chapter Twenty

  “Hey.” Ben paused near Bria’s locker. He filled out his OHS Athletics hoodie perfectly, the hem hitting the right spot on his hips and the green setting off the sparkle in his eyes. “Have you seen my sister?”

  “She’s supposed to meet me here.” She straightened and turned, inadvertently moving closer to him. The rush of his scent made her head spin. She cleared her throat and stepped backwards.

  “Mom thought we should all carry EpiPens from now on. You and me and Abs. So if something happens again…”

  “Yeah. Makes sense.”

  “Anyway, Abby has
them in her backpack.”

  “So.” She leaned against her locker, stalling to keep him near. “Principal Erikson said the mural looks good. So we’re definitely done now.”

  “Cool. What are we going to do with all that free time?”

  “No idea.”

  Ben looked down the hall and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I think I might pick up skeeball.”

  “Skeeball.” She lifted an eyebrow.

  “Yeah. Remember that skeeball game at the arcade on the Pier?”

  “Where Abby had her tenth birthday.”

  “Right. I thought maybe I might go Thursday after practice.”

  Her heart skipped a few beats while her brain struggled to keep up. “Thursday?”

  His shoulder lifted in that familiar shrug. “Yeah. Like maybe around six thirty.”

  “Sure. Around six thirty. My dad finally let me have my keys back. He got all freaked out about Abby needing me and not having a car. Maybe I’ll check it out.”

  He shifted to meet her eyes and smiled. So he was asking her on a date. “So maybe I’ll see you.”

  “There you are,” Abby said, glaring at Ben. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

  “I thought you’d be with Bria.”

  She sighed and pulled two slender cases from her backpack. The red medic alert symbol stood out against the black bags. “Mom is so paranoid, but here are the EpiPens. You guys know how to use them, right?”

  “There are instructions somewhere,” Ben said. “Or I’ll Google it on my phone.”

  “While I’m dying. So glad you have my back.”

  “That’s what brothers are for. I’ll see you around,” Ben said, eyes shifting between Bria and Abby while he tucked the case into his own bag.

  “Ugh,” Abby said after he’d disappeared into the crowded hall. “He’s totally going to be hanging around all the time now.”

  “He’s worried about you. You kind of scared the crap out of all of us.”

  “I’m fine. Just…” Her shoulders slumped. “So damn tired. Bri, I feel like I got hit by a bus.”

  “You look about as healthy as I did after getting hit by a car.”

  “Sorry.” Abby leaned her head against Bria’s shoulder. “Sometimes I say things.”

  “No worries.” She squeezed Abby tight.