by S. M. Soto
His blue eyes pierce me, reeling me into the moment. I’m afraid to even blink and miss a moment of his stare. Myrah clears her throat, effectively snapping me out of the trance I was put under. The Liam-effect, we used to call it.
“Well, we’re going to mingle. See you guys around,” she says tugging on my hand indicating for me to follow.
Liam’s eyes immediately dart to Myrah, and he frowns at her. He shifts his gaze back to mine and the magnetic force that draws me to him is stronger than ever. I fight against it, remembering the events of last night and how he led me on all this time. My face falls at the memory and I turn away from him, determined to focus my attention on Myrah and this party.
LIAM
I felt the shift in the air before my gaze even sought her out. Squaring my shoulders, I tune out Emery and her story, looking for my girl. When I find her, my chest tightens with emotion.
She looks incredible.
When Myrah drags Bea along after her, waltzing toward us, it doesn’t escape my notice how rigid her body goes the closer she gets to me. And Emery. Shit.
Myrah’s talking, saying something, but I’m too focused on Bea and her reactions to give a damn. The second I hear Bea’s name I see Emery’s shocked reaction in my peripheral. The muscles in my back stiffen as the events of last night replay in my mind. This is not how I wanted the two of them to meet.
Bea avoids looking at me at all costs. I silently beg her to spare me one glance, so I can soak in the beautiful colors swirling in her hazel depths. As if she hears my silent plea, she sneaks a glance at me, and her gaze collides with mine, and it’s like a blow to the chest. I see the heat flare in her eyes as we stare at each other, but it quickly dissipates. Her demeanor shifts, and her face falls. That same look of sadness that was displayed last night takes over, making me wheeze in pain.
Fuck. I’ve really fucked this all up.
“Damn. Now I know why you’re so hung up on her, she’s freaking gorgeous in an innocent, delicate flower kind of way. I feel horrible saying this, but I really wanted to hate her, this whole time, but now…it’s impossible. You’ve managed to fall in love with a girl that’s un-hateable.” Emery says, her gaze following Bea around the spacious backyard like a hawk.
I chuckle and heave a tired sigh. “I’m sorry about all this, Em. I really am.”
With a gentle smile, Emery places her hand over mine and squeezes. Her eyes drift toward Bea and Myrah and when she shifts her gaze back to mine, her eyes are glistening.
“Don’t be sorry. The heart wants what the heart wants. And I always knew there would never be an us, Liam. You’ve been in love with same girl for six years, I knew nothing but her could change that. I just want you to be happy. I love you enough to put my feelings aside and continue being your best friend, you know why?”
“Why?”
“Because you, Liam Falcon, are worth more than you know, and our friendship is priceless. I’ll take you in whatever form you’ll allow, and if being your friend is the only way to keep you in my life…then you’re staying my friend forever.” Emery smiles a watery smile and I know she’s fighting back tears. Pulling her into my arms, I place a soft kiss on the top of her head.
“She really is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen,” she says as she pulls away, her gaze focusing back on Bea. I nod my head in agreement watching as my cousin prances her around to everyone at the BBQ. Family friends, people we went to high school with and a few of my baseball buddies all showed up.
Bea looks absolutely stunning tonight. She’s a fucking vision with her wavy caramel hair that sways just above the curve of her backside. Her eyes look sexy and smoky the way her makeup is done; with or without it, she still looks gorgeous. She’s like the grown-up version of the girl I fell in love with.
That strapless dress hugs her tiny curves, and her heels accentuate her long legs. My hands clench into fists, and my temper rises as the other men at the BBQ stare after her with lust. A few of my baseball buddies openly gawk at her, their eyes trail up and down her body in a lascivious manner. Their looks make my blood boil. It makes me want to rip all their fucking heads off and claim her right fucking here, right fucking now.
She’s mine, fuckers. Always has been, always will be.
“I know that look. Calm the storm, Liam. They’re just looking. And if I’m not wrong, I don’t think Bea is the type that’s interested in them.”
I inhale a deep calming breath and knock back a shot for a little liquid strength.
“Was she always so…skittish? She kind of reminds me of frightened animal.”
I shoot her a scathing glare, still mildly angry at her for fucking shit up last night, royally.
Emery apologized this morning for the way she acted last night, but I could tell she didn’t really mean it. And that fucking pisses me off. I hated that I was hurting Emery, but I always made my feelings for her clear. We’d never be anything more than friends who occasionally sleep together. I didn’t have it in me to try out another relationship—being monogamous—not after Bea.
Emery rolls her eyes at the sour look on my face, “I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant she seems scared. Like she’s permanently scared of something.”
I exhale a breath I didn’t realize I was holding and look around the expanse of the yard until my eyes land on her again. She’s laughing with Evan and Myrah. A beautiful, carefree smile tugs at her plump lips and the sight sends warmth shooting throughout my body.
She’s so goddamn beautiful when she smiles.
Evan and I have always been close. Even though we’re cousins, our relationship has always felt closer, like he was my brother. He’s always had my back, and I his, that’s just the way it went between us. But the way he’s looking at Bea right this second, it’s making me want to rip his head clean off his shoulders.
He checks her out covertly, flashing that stupid charming smile whenever he gets the chance. When he pushes a stray lock of hair off her shoulders, I almost lose it. My hands fist at my sides, itching to wrap around Evan’s throat. Remembering Emery’s words, I inhale a deep breath and close my eyes. I grind my teeth together so hard, I swear I feel one of my molars crack.
Images of Bea flicker behind my closed lids just as they always do—centering me, giving me a sense of peace; a sense of hope.
“No. She wasn’t always like that,” I finally say, thinking back to the lively, vivid girl who was ready to take on the world.
“Have you talked to her yet? You know, about last night?”
“What the fuck do you think, Emery?” I say, glaring daggers at her. She raises both hands in the air and whistles between her teeth.
“God, you’re bitchy when you’re in love,” she grumbles, prompting me to grunt in response and down another shot.
She’s fucking right.
The BBQ isn’t as bad as I thought it would be and I have Myrah to thank for that. She truly is the best host and the best friend. Not once has she left me alone with strange groups, and she always seems to know when I start getting anxious. She’ll squeeze my hand, and with a huge grin on her face she’ll move onto the next group.
I’ve shot her a few dirty looks for the outfit she talked me into wearing, though. I’ve gotten so many looks from guys here, it’s made me want to go hide under a rock. This is far beyond my comfort zone. The looks…they remind me of Connor and that no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be rid of him.
Over the course of the night, I’ve found myself searching for Liam and his girlfriend. I was starting to believe I had sadist tendencies—that I liked to inflict pain upon myself. He was so comfortable and at ease with her and his friends. It brought a smile to my face whenever I caught sight of his grin.
A few times our gaze collided with one another, or he caught me staring at him. He didn’t look away like I expected him to each time. No. His gaze slid over me, settling on my face, burning through me. It was so intense, it had a certain wetness pooling between my thighs. Ea
ch time I was caught, I’d turn away, trying to calm my erratic breathing and the sharp aching in my belly that almost hurt.
I didn’t understand the sensation. I remember it, obviously, but I just couldn’t understand how my body could still get aroused at the thought of being intimate with a man. I thought for sure Connor had ruined that. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be intimate, I just knew that when I was around Liam, my body wasn’t my own. I didn’t have control over myself or any of my body’s urges.
I excused myself to use the restroom and told Myrah I’d find her when I was done. I didn’t really need to use the restroom, I just wanted to steal a moment for myself and give my best friend a moment of freedom. She definitely deserved it after everything she’s done for me tonight. I wanted her to be able to talk to her friends freely without having to worry about me and my fucked up anxiety.
Surprisingly, the makeshift bar near the patio doors is empty, giving me a place to sit quietly where I can people watch, just until I’m mentally stable enough to dive back into mingling with others. I sit on one of the bar stools and rest my aching feet. I don’t remember the last time I’ve worn heels, but after tonight, I don’t plan on doing it again.
“He still loves you, you know?”
The voice jolts me out of my quiet sanctuary, and I inwardly groan. Crap. So much for hiding out to find a moment of silence for myself. I turn toward Emery with furrowed brows.
“What?”
“Liam. He still loves you. Always has.”
Her words send my brain into a tailspin and my heart into a frenzy. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.
What can I possibly say to that?
I rub my fingers along the throbbing in my temples, feeling a headache coming on.
This was all just too much, I think as I lick my lips, finally finding my voice. “I don’t understand…why are you telling me this?” I ask her, genuinely confused.
“Because you actually seem sweet, and I thought you should know.” She lifts her shoulders in light shrug.
“But why?” I persist, “He’s your boyfriend, and I’m just…”
“The love of his life?” she says with a gentle grin. “Yeah, I know. And just so you know, we’re not—”
“Emery!” Liam’s shout materializes from thin air, startling us both. We whirl around only to find an enraged Liam. He’s glowering at Emery like she just committed murder.
“Liam, just talk to—”
He cuts Emery off with a scowl that has her rolling her eyes and following after him, away from the oddness that just transpired. I stare after them with wide eyes, not understanding what the hell just happened.
No more than fifteen minutes later, Myrah finds me, sucking me back into the party. I stick around for another two hours before I leave, deciding to call it an early night. My feet are no longer screaming in pain, now there’s just this incessant dull throb that’s driving me crazy. Myrah doesn’t fuss as I say my goodbyes, she knows how difficult today was for me. I’m actually proud of myself for lasting as long as I did.
I push through the fence gate and my body collides with a hard surface, almost knocking me off my feet. Strong arms clasp my elbows to steady me as I teeter on my too high heels. Familiar blue eyes drift into my line of sight, making my knees wobble and causes heat to swirl in my core.
“You okay?” Liam asks, his hands still tingling on my skin. I try to ignore the effect he has on my body, especially when his hands are on me and we’re so close. A beautiful blonde girl flashes in the back of my mind, reminding me of last night’s heartbreak.
“I’m fine,” I shrug his hands off, moving around him. My chest feels heavy as I walk home, away from the love of my life. I tell myself I’m doing the right thing by protecting my heart from him, again. There won’t be any repeats of how I felt last night, or six years ago.
“Wait!” He shouts after my retreating form, stopping me in my tracks. I don’t turn, too scared to face him. Instead, I plant my feet on the ground and inhale a stabling breath.
“It wasn’t what you think. About last night.”
With a resigned sigh, I resume my stride. “You don’t need to explain anything to me, I was stupid to think...”
I shake my head, unable to finish my sentence. I’m too afraid of what I’ll say, and more, I’m afraid of how he’ll answer.
“Too stupid to what?” he growls, stomping in front of me, blocking my escape. His face is contorted in anger. “I may have left Lakeport, Bea. But you were the one who cut all ties.”
His words jab me in the heart repeatedly, making my eyes sting with the onslaught of tears.
“You don’t know anything,” I whisper, fighting to hide the tremble in my bottom lip.
“I don’t? I know that I was in love with a girl who broke my fucking heart and didn’t even have the decency to tell me why. Now…now you act like this victim and I don’t understand it, Bea. I’m trying, I really am but, fuck!” He roughly rakes his hand through his hair, tugging at the roots.
“I didn’t ask for any of this, Liam!” I shout, finally cracking under the pressure and pain of it all. “I didn’t even want to come here tonight! Especially not after last night,” I yell in my bout of anger.
“Then why, Bea? What the fuck has changed with you?” His voice is exasperated, but his eyes are pleading. He needs to know why I’m not like the girl he fell in love with anymore.
“Everything,” I whisper as a tear slips out of the corner of my eye. I want to cave. I want to tell him everything, but I’m so terrified. “Everything has changed.”
“Talk to me, Bea. Please.”
A sob escapes and I frantically shake my head. “I can’t.”
Images of what Connor has done to me over the years, flash behind my eyes like some depraved movie reel that has no end. This time, I don’t even think about the consequences with Connor, instead, all I can focus on is what Liam’s reaction will be when he finds out. He’ll be disgusted with me. He’ll hate me. I’ll no longer be his sweet little Bea, I’ll just be a filthy whore.
Panic swells in my chest and I struggle to breathe. I start to lose focus the more my brain whirs. Connor’s harsh voice whispering threats in my ears is last thing I hear before my vision goes black and my legs suddenly give out.
I’m vaguely aware of the arms wrapped around me and the warmth radiating behind my back. Prying my eyes open, I’m shocked to find Liam holding me in the grass outside of Myrah’s backyard.
“There you are,” Liam whispers down at me, worry etched on his features. “You fucking scared me.”
“I’m sorry,” I choke on the words. He pulls me tighter against his body, and I inhale the scent that’s so familiar and comforting to me. I don’t know how long we sit there in the grass between our houses, with Liam’s arms wrapped tightly around me.
“What are you hiding, Bea?” His question prompts me to shift my gaze to his. He searches my eyes, trying to find the answer, and a small minuscule part of me wants him to figure it out. It’s selfish, because deep down I know, if he ever found out all hell would break loose. I can’t do that to him.
“Please, don’t make me tell you,” I beg him with hot, fat tears running steadily down my cheeks. Those blue eyes penetrate mine, staring intently. He seems to come to some conclusion while staring down at me and nods his head slowly. Liam helps me rise to my feet and we stand there staring at one another, that magnetic pull between us draws me to him, and next thing I know, I’m in his warm arms again. His thumbs brush away my tears so softly, I almost break down again.
The atmosphere shifts, and when his lips capture mine, my body is no longer my own. The saltiness of my tears intermingle with the sweet and intoxicating scent of peppermint and something that is inexplicably Liam. It’s like everything I remembered, only better. My stomach dips, and my thighs clench almost painfully trying to stave off the desire running rampant through me. My hands snake around his neck, gripping him, pulling his body fl
ush with mine. His tongue enticingly tangles with mine and I moan, opening up to him, needing more. We both pull away with heaving chests as we try to catch our breaths.
“See me tomorrow?”
I smile up at him and bite my lip. “Okay,” I whisper.
When the front door shuts behind me, I lean back against it with a huge grin on my face. Lightly, I run my fingers over my lips that are still tingling from Liam’s kiss. Excitement bubbles up my throat, making me want to scream just thinking about seeing him again tomorrow. I walk into my bedroom on cloud nine.
When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did was call Myrah. Without going into too much detail, I told her about last night with Liam and how he wants to spend the day together. Within mere minutes, she was at my door with a duffle bag and a handful of clothes. It was hilarious. Myrah was going to give me a makeover, just like we used to do when we were kids.
I twist this way, and that way, viewing every angle of my outfit in front of the floor length mirror in the bathroom. Smoothing the soft material down my abdomen, I turn back to Myrah with a frown.
“I don’t know…” I trail off, turning back to the mirror.
“Bea, trust me, you look freaking amazing!”
“I feel like I’m wearing a onesie, Myrah.” I deadpan, staring at the silky emerald, long sleeved jumpsuit she recommended I wear.
“Oh stop, it looks amazing on you. Look at those legs!”
I do have to admit my legs look exceptionally good. The emerald color accentuates my skin tone, and the material hugs my thin body almost like it was sewn on, made specifically for me.
“Are the heels really necessary? He just wants to hang out, I think this whole outfit is a bit much.”
Myrah gives me a look that I know all too well. It’s the look that says, “Can you be anymore vapid?”.