Strawberry Wine

by Phillips, Kristy

  Tears pooled in Alli’s eyes, but didn’t spill over. “I’m sorry...” Her voice was barely more than a whisper.

  They stood a moment, angst filled sculptures of broken people. Neither one sure this was really happening.

  “Why are you here, Alli?” Jason’s voice was rough but steady.

  “I had to know... I recognized your style in one of your paintings and I had to know if it was you.”

  “Well now you know.” His voice wasn’t cold - even worse - it was apathetic.

  “Is that it? Do you want me to go?” This was not the reception she had envisioned. Where was the Jason she remembered? Her Jason? This man looked the same, right down to his faded flannel paint shirt and perfectly worn jeans, but his eyes were different. Shielded.

  He stepped toward her, his boots crunching on the ceramic debris. When he spoke, his voice was low and intense. “I waited for you, Alli. I waited for you, and when you never showed I pined for you.” There was great emotion being held in check, visible as a fire in his eyes. “But longing only takes a man so far, and eventually I began to rage at you.” He was only a step away from her by now. “The mere thought of you ate away at me like an acid.” The tears finally spilled over Alli’s eyes, but she made no move to wipe them away. She was too captivated to move even the slightest bit. Jason sighed and looked away. When he turned back he seemed more composed. “Then I mourned you, Alli. I mourned you, and I let you go.”

  Alli nodded her head in what to her felt like large, sweeping movements, but what in fact was a barely noticeable quivering of her jaw. Jason was so close she could feel his hot breath on her face when he spoke. “So you see, Alli, I have nothing left to give you. You are a ghost to me.”

  Having Jason so close was causing a stirring in Alli. It was as if she had spent the last six years with a rubber band attached to her heart, being stretched painfully far away. Now that she was here, she could imagine that rubber band easing and relaxing, and she could see the other end had been with him the whole time.

  “I looked for you, Jason. I tried to find you.” Her voice was wavering with her tightly bound emotions.

  His eyes flashed something she couldn’t read. “I wasn’t hiding.” He shifted his weight, bringing his shoulder a fraction of an inch closer to her. “I stayed, Alli. I stayed in town and bore the looks of disgust - or worse, pity. I bore the pain in my parents’ eyes when they were forced to watch their son walk among old friends like a pariah. I stayed.” His lips pressed into a hard line. “You never showed.”

  “Jason, I couldn’t. Please believe me-” Alli grabbed his arm and he stiffened. He was hard as granite, and equally unwelcoming. He looked down at her left hand clutching tightly at his bicep. Light from the skylight winked against the grey sapphire in her ring, causing a six point star to flare brightly from within the stone. When he looked back at Alli his expression was frightening enough to cause her to release him and jump back.

  “I need you to leave now, Alli.” Jason’s voice was soft, in stark contrast to his lethal glare. “You are unwelcome here.”

  “You’re upset. That’s understandable.” Alli’s mind was racing, trying to come up with the right words. It was of the utmost importance that she find the right combination of words to make him listen. He had to listen to her. It couldn’t end like this. “I’ll go. You need some time to process this. It was unfair of me to show up like this without warning...” She hedged toward the door. “But I’m coming back, Jason. I will say my peace.” She fled before he could argue.

  Alli was acting distant. Jason didn’t know why, but he knew something was definitely up. He watched her out of the corner of his eye as he drove them to the auction yard. He decided to keep the conversation light, and hope she let down her guard a little.

  He had no idea that she was sitting across from him stewing in guilt.

  She had spent the night watching one of those catching a predator shows on t.v. where internet perverts got busted for trying to have sex with thirteen year olds.

  She had watched intently as grown men cried into the camera as they were sentenced for their crimes. The men would all have to register as sex offenders. Some of them lost their jobs. Most of them oozed skeevyness, and Alli thought they belonged in jail.

  Watching a twenty one year old man who had been busted for meeting what he thought to be a fifteen year old girl, made Alli particularly uncomfortable.

  Six years difference. That’s the same age gap between you and Jason.

  Alli hated it when her conscience seemed so smug.

  It’s different with me and Jason. She argued. For one thing, he doesn’t KNOW I’m underage. Besides, who’s going to find out? I’m certainly not going to tell anybody.

  Her conscience wouldn’t give up that easily. Doesn’t he deserve the right to make an informed decision?

  No.

  You’re only saying that because you know he’d make the RIGHT one. You’re selfish.

  “Gathering wool?”

  Alli looked up at Jason’s question. “Sorry. I was just remembering something from t.v.”

  A neutral subject. “Anything good?”

  Alli shrugged. “Nah. Not unless you share my infomercial fetish.”

  The auction yard was loud, and bustling with activity. Chase gave an anticipatory whine from the back of the truck. He was tensed and ready to herd. When Jason pulled into a parking spot, Chase was tap dancing in the truck bed. “Easy boy. Come.” Chase bolted out of the truck, to stand alert at Jason’s side and await further instructions.

  “I’m going to go in and register. Would you mind waiting with Chase?” Jason snapped his fingers and pointed to Alli’s feet. Chase immediately went to Alli and sat at her feet. She could see his haunches quivering with energy. “If you want to check out the livestock pens, I think the goats are over that way.” Jason pointed to a row of pens to the far right of the office building. “I’ll find you.”

  Alli stood with Chase and took it all in. The office was attached to the main building. When she got closer she could make out two large doors on the side of the building. Cowboys on horseback were leading cattle down the aisle and through the first door. Alli could hear the fast bantering of an energetic auctioneer. After a minute or two, the cattle would come out the second door, where another cowboy would herd them into a holding pen.

  There were a few black and white dogs that looked just like Chase helping to move the animals forward.

  “Chase, come.” Said Alli in her most authoritative voice. She headed for the pens Jason had pointed out. Chase padded happily along beside her, eager to follow instructions.

  Jason had been right. As Alli approached the pens she could see goats. Some were bleating nervously, others lie against the wooden pen dividers, chewing their cud. They all had ear tags or bright grease marks on their backs for identification purposes.

  “What do you think, Chase? Do any of these ladies strike you as Gus’s type?”

  Chase sniffed at the pens, looking from Alli to the goats and back again, just waiting for Alli to give the magic command. “Sorry, buddy. I don’t think they need to be herded anywhere just yet.”

  Just then, a cowboy holding a fence panel as a temporary chute opened a gate, and a dozen or so little goat babies came bubbling out of their pen and into another. They sang out high pitched little bleats, and hopped around with boundless energy. They were the cutest things Alli had ever seen.

  One kid managed to squeeze through the space between the makeshift panel and the pen. Before Alli could stop him, Chase had cornered the little guy in the aisle.

  “Good boy. Stay.” Praised the cowboy. Alli ran over to apologize. “Chase! I’m so sorry! He’s been dying to herd something all morning.” Alli reached for Chase’s collar.

  “No worries, miss. He was just doin’ his job. Saves me from chasing the little bugger down.”

  The cowboy stopped short upon settling eyes on Alli. He gave Alli a flirtatious smile, then grabbed the ki
d by the back leg and tossed it into the pen with little regard for its safe landing.

  “‘Chase’ huh? Is that the Taylor dog?”

  Alli was shocked by his nonchalant handling of the baby goat. The kid was already back up and hopping around with the others, so she guessed he was ok. Maybe they were tougher than they looked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Are you kin to the Taylor’s?” He asked. “I don’t believe I’ve seen you around.” He winked at her suggestively. “I would definitely remember.”

  “No, she’s with me.” Came Jason’s voice beside her. Alli was thrilled by the note of possession in Jason’s tone, but at the same time worried at the implication should this cowboy know her grandparents.

  “Uh, I’m his neighbor. We came for a goat.” Great job Alli. That was almost as smooth as Jennifer Grey saying she ‘carried a watermelon’ in Dirty Dancing.

  The cowboy smiled knowingly at her. “Well then, you’ve come to the right place. Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you. The name’s Troy. And you are?”

  “Alli.”

  “Well, Alli, don’t be shy.” With that he winked and tipped his hat to her before turning back to work.

  Jason looked over at her with a half smile. “If you’re finished flirting with the cowhands, we can go in.”

  “What? Who was flirting? I just said we came for a goat.” Off his look of mirth. “What?! We DID come for a goat.”

  “Alright, neighbor. Let’s go in and get a seat.”

  The bidding was a blur to Alli. They sat around a stadium styled arena with the auctioneer in a tall booth in the back of the arena between the two large livestock doors.

  Animals would come stumbling into the arena through the first door, wander around while people bid on them and the auctioneer mumbled faster than a hummingbird flies, then get herded out the other door. It all happened so fast.

  Chase sat patiently by Jason’s side. He would occasionally bark or whine at an animal in the arena if it got too feisty. Chase let out an impatient yelp when the kids came tumbling into the arena.

  Alli was delighted watching the baby goats somersault around the arena, bouncing off of each other and the walls.

  She gasped. “They are the sweetest things ever. Look at them hopping around!”

  Jason smiled at her indulgently. “Should we bring home a baby for Gus?”

  Alli got excited at the thought. “Really? You don’t want a bigger goat?”

  “I guess it doesn’t matter. Gus is castrated, so we weren’t planning to breed them or anything.” Off Alli’s exuberant look, he handed her his bidding number.

  “Go ahead. Bid on a kid.”

  “Me? What do I do? I can’t even understand the guy.” She said, nodding to the auctioneer.

  “You just hold up your number when he looks at you.”

  And that is how Alli ended up buying not one, but two baby goats. She wasn’t sure, but she thought she may have even bid against herself a couple of times.

  They had stopped off at a feed store on the way home to buy bottles and formula for the kids. Then they unloaded the babies into the new hay loft pen and mixed up some bottles.

  The kids drank eagerly from the bottles, butting at Alli and Jason’s hands with enthusiasm. Their little stumpy tails whipped back and forth like turbo speed windshield wipers.

  “I’ve never fed a baby goat before.” Said Alli.

  “Neither have I.” Answered Jason. “I wonder if all kids are this gluttonous.”

  “They certainly don’t need any encouragement, do they.” Alli laughed. Her kid was slowly moving his body around in a circle as he sucked heartily at the bottle.

  “I could go for some grub myself. Wanna grab a bite to eat after this?” Jason asked. He was enjoying this new, effervescent Alli, and was reluctant to let the day end. The goats seemed to help her relax. She was truly enjoying herself.

  “How about a picnic here in the hay loft?” Alli suggested. She used the goats as an excuse to avoid Jason’s parents. She wouldn’t know how to navigate through a conversation with them. How well did they know her grandparents? More importantly, how much did they know about her grandparents’ granddaughters? Did they know her age? Would they pepper her with questions she couldn’t answer?

  Jason didn’t seem in the least suspicious about her motives. He excused himself to go pack a picnic, giving Alli a quick peck on the cheek before leaving her alone with the goats.

  You can’t keep kissing him, you know.

  Ah, I’ve been expecting you. Alli cringed at the intrusion of her conscience.

  You can’t keep kissing him.

  Who says I’m kissing him again?

  You know full well he will continue to kiss you, and you will continue to kiss him back. No good can come of this. You need to put some distance between yourselves.

  I’ve been good today. Practically a nun!

  He doesn’t deserve this.

  Alli heaved a sigh of frustrated resignation.

  Fine. I wont kiss him.

  Nor encourage him?

  FINE. If he kisses me again, I’ll put some distance between us. But there’s no sense in having an awkward conversation if I don’t need to.

  Alli was careful to stop at the back gate. She could see the top floor of her grandparents’ house, a light blazing like a beacon in the upstairs hall. The bottom floor was obscured by bushes, which conveniently obscured them as well, in case anyone might be looking out.

  “Thanks for taking me to the auction. I had no idea kids could be so cute.”

  Jason chuckled, thinking of how the new babies performed acrobatic feats to get to the milk bottles.

  “They do have a certain charm, don’t they.”

  Alli was slow to reach for the gate latch. She didn’t want today to end, but she also didn’t want to risk kissing Jason again. Well, yes she did. She just didn’t want to have to officially put an end to their amazing physical... encounters.

  Jason put his hands on her hips and gently pulled her to him. He rested his forehead against hers, smiling into her eyes. “Good night, Alli.” He softly crooned, then he leaned in to give her the kiss she was so desperately wanting, yet desperately wanting to avoid.

  Alli pulled back before allowing herself to succumb to his kiss. She owed it to him to put a stop to their physical relationship. Well, not a stop, she amended, but a pause. She had every intention of picking up right where they left off when she was legal. eleven months, two weeks, one day and four hours from now.

  “Jason, I’ve gotta be honest with you.” Alli’s stomach was full of butterflies, and her heart seemed to be lodged in her throat. It took all of her resolve to look him in the eyes as she said, “I think you’re great, but I’m really not looking for a serious relationship right now.”

  Jason seemed a bit shell-shocked, but recovered quickly.

  “Oh. I see.”

  Alli hurried to explain. “It’s just that I’m only here for the summer, and anything between us couldn’t really lead anywhere...” Oh God - this is the most cliche´ conversation ever. Is he buying it?

  Jason put a hand to her cheek to settle her down.

  “I get it, Alli. You’re right. The whole long distance thing never seems to work.”

  He turned away for a moment. Alli watched him as he stared into the night sky. What now? Should I say something? No! Give him a minute.

  He took a deep breath and turned back to her.

  She couldn’t tell what he was thinking from his expression. She cleared her throat. “I know I sound like an ass, and I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but can we still be friends?” She raised her brows, and looked up at him with a questioning smile that was more like a cringe.

  Jason gave a sharp bark of laughter. “Dammit Alli, I can’t say that it will be easy to look at you strictly as a friend, but you definitely make it worth the work.”

  Alli grinned and let out the breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding.
He was willing to wait for her! Of course, he didn’t know he was waiting. He thought there was no them.

  What if he moves on to someone else?

  Don’t be ridiculous - he’s clearly interested in me.

  Yeah, but now you’ve taken yourself out of the equation.

  Are you saying I should continue getting physical with him? Because I am more than happy to do so.

  Alli’s conscience was silent.

  That’s what I thought.

  Alli gave herself a mental head shake. These arguments with herself were getting trés annoying.

  Jason was watching her intently. She could so easily get lost in those deep grey eyes of his. Why was he looking at her like that? That was most definitely more than a friendly gaze.

  Before she realized what he was doing, he leaned into her and kissed her ever so softly on the lips. It was a chaste kiss, but far from platonic.

  He ran his thumb over her lips and chucked her gently under the chin.

  “Okay, friend Alli. I guess I’ll see you around.”

  He smiled a beautiful half smile that had Alli pondering how it was this man wasn’t a movie star, and turned away, his boots crunching quietly on the gravel path.

  Alli splashed cold water on her face and took stock of her appearance. It was no use. Her eyes were puffy and red from hours of crying. Today had gone from being the best birthday ever to the worst in a matter of minutes. She hadn’t expected to be able to jump into Jason’s arms, but she certainly hadn’t expected to be met with such anger.

  To be fair, he didn’t understand a few key things. He wasn’t privy to certain circumstances surrounding Alli’s inability to meet up with him when she was eighteen. “I know I can make this right.” She said to her dejected reflection. “I’ve just got to make him hear me out.”

  “Babe?” Greg’s voice called from the front of the apartment. “You in here, Birthday Girl?”

  Shit. He was early. He wasn’t supposed to pick her up for two hours. Alli rifled through the medicine cabinet and grabbed a jar of face cream. She could hear Greg moving through the apartment as she quickly slathered the green goo over her face, praying the mask would distract Greg from her irritated eyes.